Blocked by ex on everything

[GeekLover]

I've been following this story, and I'm actually very surprised some people are encouraging you to continue to contact her after she has asked for you to stay away.

 

From what you said, she seemed interested in reconciling AFTER her exams. If this was what you wanted, and you truly loved her, you would have waited for her to get through her tough period and supported her as a friend like she asked. This should have been your time to show her what she could potentially have with you in the near future. Instead, you showed her your sexual needs were more important than a future with her. She has very little reason to trust you now. If I had the opportunity to reconcile with my ex, I would be on my BEST behaviour, not trying to sneak in one last F*CK before I settled down again with the person I claimed to love.

 

You dumped her over a year ago. When you did this, you gave up all your power in the relationship. The future of your relationship now lays with her if you are looking to move forward with her.

 

She had spent the past YEAR working on getting over the pain you caused her in the first place. Now you come back and look to reconcile, and then show her this behaviour?? Such a shame. You had your second chance and you blew it. If I were her, I'd be gone so fast.

 

Now you're looking to continue to make it up to her with flowers? Trust me, I've tried this. I've reached this desperation where I bought something and placed it on his porch. And continued to pester with a text or two each day. You know what happened? He sent me an email telling me to stop otherwise he'd block me completely.

 

What did I do? I listened. I realized I was making things worse, so I stopped contacting him completely. I never returned the email. I completely disappeared. It's been almost 5 months now (apart from one small "hi" text maybe 2 months ago to see if I was actually blocked). I realized I had to respect his decision, and I think you need to do the same.

 

Please let this girl go for awhile at least. I think you've done enough damage...

 

(Sorry if this comes across cruel...I'm not normally like that, but I've been in the "anger" stage for a a few weeks now, so I may not be as empathetic as I usually am).

 

Best of luck to you, OP. I hope you make some good choices.

[EmilyJane]

Thank you so much! The only reason why I'm a bit hesitant is because she said in her last communication with me that she wants me to leave her alone because my messages are causing her stress during her exam period. Though those messages were more along the lines of I'm so sorry and please forgive me.

 

Do you think I should go ahead and send her something sweet like you said during these next few weeks?

 

Dear god please stop listening to the previous posters and listen to what she says. Leave her alone. Do not contact her until after exams.

 

They are more important than your guilt.

 

Show you can respect her needs and boundaries.

[coledvids]

"We had some long chats, and she decided she really loved me but had exams coming up so wants to be just friends till after exams and then we can get back together."

 

I’m curious as to why you weren’t satisfied with this answer? It seems as if she gave you quite a positive answer, and doesn’t seem to be any hidden agenda to it.

 

"However a few weeks ago, at a party at which she also was; I ended up taking a girl home. She was understandably not very happy."

 

I don’t like to tell people that they messed up, but this was a mistake. In black and white, you hurt her. She can’t trust you.

 

If you really do want her back, here is what I think the best thing to do is: give her some space - at least a month or two. Then suggest meeting up to talk. If she says no, then you must accept that. If she says yes, you must pace yourself and act decently. Apologise for your behaviour. Tell her how you feel. Don’t act erratic. Don't send the flowers every week or every day, whatever that person suggested - that is annoying af, and she will become infuriated with you. (Honestly, I thought that person was being sarcastic when they suggested that)

 

I wish you the best, man. Try and learn from this, though.

[anna121]

I cannot believe the people encouraging you to contact this poor girl after she has made it pretty clear she can't deal with you right now...and telling you that you are making it harder for her to concentrate on some important exams.

 

It is mind-boggling.

 

Everything you are writing comes across as selfishness and gratification. It honestly sounds like you don't give a flying fig about her or her well-being. You only care about YOU.

[iknownamouse]

Her telling him to NOT contact her, blocking him on everything is a clear sign that the way to respect her is to leave her alone. This isn't a mind game she's playing. She doesn't want to be bothered.

 

I've been following this story, and I'm actually very surprised some people are encouraging you to continue to contact her after she has asked for you to stay away.

 

From what you said, she seemed interested in reconciling AFTER her exams. If this was what you wanted, and you truly loved her, you would have waited for her to get through her tough period and supported her as a friend like she asked. This should have been your time to show her what she could potentially have with you in the near future. Instead, you showed her your sexual needs were more important than a future with her. She has very little reason to trust you now. If I had the opportunity to reconcile with my ex, I would be on my BEST behaviour, not trying to sneak in one last F*CK before I settled down again with the person I claimed to love.

 

You dumped her over a year ago. When you did this, you gave up all your power in the relationship. The future of your relationship now lays with her if you are looking to move forward with her.

 

She had spent the past YEAR working on getting over the pain you caused her in the first place. Now you come back and look to reconcile, and then show her this behaviour?? Such a shame. You had your second chance and you blew it. If I were her, I'd be gone so fast.

 

Now you're looking to continue to make it up to her with flowers? Trust me, I've tried this. I've reached this desperation where I bought something and placed it on his porch. And continued to pester with a text or two each day. You know what happened? He sent me an email telling me to stop otherwise he'd block me completely.

 

What did I do? I listened. I realized I was making things worse, so I stopped contacting him completely. I never returned the email. I completely disappeared. It's been almost 5 months now (apart from one small "hi" text maybe 2 months ago to see if I was actually blocked). I realized I had to respect his decision, and I think you need to do the same.

 

Please let this girl go for awhile at least. I think you've done enough damage...

 

(Sorry if this comes across cruel...I'm not normally like that, but I've been in the "anger" stage for a a few weeks now, so I may not be as empathetic as I usually am).

 

Best of luck to you, OP. I hope you make some good choices.

 

Dear god please stop listening to the previous posters and listen to what she says. Leave her alone. Do not contact her until after exams.

 

They are more important than your guilt.

 

Show you can respect her needs and boundaries.

 

"We had some long chats, and she decided she really loved me but had exams coming up so wants to be just friends till after exams and then we can get back together."

 

I’m curious as to why you weren’t satisfied with this answer? It seems as if she gave you quite a positive answer, and doesn’t seem to be any hidden agenda to it.

 

"However a few weeks ago, at a party at which she also was; I ended up taking a girl home. She was understandably not very happy."

 

I don’t like to tell people that they messed up, but this was a mistake. In black and white, you hurt her. She can’t trust you.

 

If you really do want her back, here is what I think the best thing to do is: give her some space - at least a month or two. Then suggest meeting up to talk. If she says no, then you must accept that. If she says yes, you must pace yourself and act decently. Apologise for your behaviour. Tell her how you feel. Don’t act erratic. Don't send the flowers every week or every day, whatever that person suggested - that is annoying af, and she will become infuriated with you. (Honestly, I thought that person was being sarcastic when they suggested that)

 

I wish you the best, man. Try and learn from this, though.

 

I cannot believe the people encouraging you to contact this poor girl after she has made it pretty clear she can't deal with you right now...and telling you that you are making it harder for her to concentrate on some important exams.

 

It is mind-boggling.

 

Everything you are writing comes across as selfishness and gratification. It honestly sounds like you don't give a flying fig about her or her well-being. You only care about YOU.

 

Thanks guys. I think I will go with leaving her alone, and seeing if she accepts talking in person once her exams are over.

 

She decided for us to be just friends back in November, and I was really happy with it. I love her more than anything in the world, and she knows she's the centre of my universe. Even though we were just friends, the moment we started talking again back in October/November; I deleted every girls number from my phone, no apps like tinder or anything, even though she never asked me to do anything. I knew I wanted her and only her.

 

I tried my best to support her these past few months. She's studying dentistry, and I was in the year above her. So after work I used to give her mini lessons and try and get her to do as amazing as I know she can on them. I wanted to be there the day she graduates. I had been teaching her that day before we went out for our party. I know how badly my actions would have hurt her, and it kills me to even picture how she must be feeling. I don't know why I did what I did, I was very drunk and the girl was being very very forward. I wish I could go back and stop it from happening.

 

I hurt her and myself too. I am suffering too; the pain of knowing that you may have caused the girl you love so much to hate you with your own actions is sickening. I am not usually one to cry about stuff, but I'll be honest; I've been on the cusp of crying 24/7, I've cried at work a few times and it's my favourite hobby these days after work. Getting out of bed is difficult.

 

I'm not looking for sympathy, I don't deserve any. I also know I have got as close to no chance as you can get. I am also aware that I don't deserve a chance. I am just hoping that by some miracle, instead of kicking me in the balls like I deserve, she will believe in me and us. I would never let her regret it; I know my love is real and that I can treat her like she deserves and more. She always used to believe in me, I just hope she can do it once more.

 

Sorry for the essay

[iknownamouse]

So an update guys.

 

I made an exam survival kit as suggested by donnivain. I put a lot of stuff in it that I knew she likes including a voucher for a massage. I put it outside her flat.

 

A day later she emailed me saying that it was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for her and she's very very thankful but that she's really stressed about exams and doesn't want to be thinking about other stuff at the moment. She also said that it doesn't change any of the facts, I'm assuming this refers to me and the other girl.

 

I don't know if this is a good sign or not? There's a show that's happening next week and my friends want me to come along to it, but I know she's going to be there too. I am really hesitant to go, because while I would love to see her and maybe even talk to her; I also really don't want to make things awkward for her or cause her distress or upset her. Do you guys think I should go or leave it?

 

I'm planning on sending her a letter after her exams are over anyway to explain my feelings.