Dating a guy who keeps cancelling [UPDATE: Ex Contacted Me]

[Wings Of Love]

So it seems my gut instinct was right; he got in touch with me today. I didn't think he knew my email address and I certainly didn't know his so it didn't cross my mind.

 

He was expressing his concern that I'd "gone dark" on Facebook. I blocked him the day we split up on May 10th and blocked his closest friends the day after so I wondered, why the sudden concern now? But I'd forgotten about his family and kept one mutual friend - who I have always been close to - unblocked (though I did unfriend him too). It was only yesterday night that I decided to block all his family and that remaining friend, just so there was no temptation to snoop on my part. I find it funny that he chose to get in touch shortly after this. I get the feeling he might have had them watching my profile? Maybe I'm wrong but it seems like a strange coincidence.

 

He also told me he still considers me a really good friend and that he's worried about me. He said if I ever need to talk then he's there for me. He also let me know that he'll be on a 14 hour flight home soon (he was due to return on Sunday but the flight was delayed) but will reply when he gets home if I respond.

 

I haven't responded and don't plan to. I'm proud of going NC immediately and sticking to it. I probably shouldn't have read his message at all but I would always wonder if I hadn't opened it.

 

I'm not sure why I'm posting this. I know it means very little and doesn't indicate him wanting to reconcile. I don't really have anyone I can talk to about how I'm feeling so I'm really glad I can come here. I feel sad. I just want to get back to normal.

 

It's my birthday on Wednesday, I just hope this doesn't cast a shadow over the day.

[Minneloa]

Happy Birthday!:bunny::bunny:

 

I assume he's now blocked on email?

 

Sending good thoughts!

 

M.

[Wings Of Love]

I'm not sure where to put this so I'll post here. I'll keep it as brief as possible.

 

I ended my "relationship" with my ex a little over 5 weeks ago when I'd had enough of being treated like an option and not a priority. I have been in NC since that same day. The ex has contacted me once via email (which I did not know he had, and I didn't know his either) just to say he was worried that I'd "gone dark" and that he still considered me a really good friend and would always be there for me. This happened a little more than 3 weeks ago, the day after I blocked our last mutual friend on Facebook (who I had already unfriended during the breakup but hadn't blocked). I did wonder at the time if my ex had asked the mutual friend to keep an eye on me and that's why he got in touch so quickly after I cut the friend off.

 

Anyway, today I received a text from the mutual friend. Bear in mind that although I've known this person for many years and we were quite close long before he introduced me to my ex, I hadn't actually spoken to him since May of last year, partly because life got in the way and partly because my ex asked him "not to scare me off". This was a long time before I actually started dating my now ex though so I'm not sure why.

 

The text simply said "Oi, where'd you go?". Might sound a bit abrupt but he was always like that so it doesn't bother me. What does bother me is that he didn't care to check up on me in over a year and I didn't hear from him once in the time I was dating his friend, so why now? I can't help thinking my ex put him up to it after I ignored his email.

 

So far I've ignored the text. I just need advice. Should I continue to ignore him, knowing anything I say will be reported straight back to my ex? Or should I reply? And if so, what is the best thing to say?

[Robert]

moderator bump

[Been]

I wouldn't contact the friend as you know it will open the door to your ex.

[springy]

This person hasn't reached out in over a year and that's how they open the line of communication? I'd ignore. Dunno if it's your ex behind it or not but what's it to the friend who hasn't said a peep in over a year?

[minimariah]

Should I continue to ignore him...

 

YES.

 

it's time to move on - FULLY!

 

2 reasons why your ex keeps coming back, randomly through his friends:

1. he's bored.

2. he just wants to know what's up - in other words, he wants to know that you DIDN'T move on so he could enjoy the thought of you thinking of him and still being in love with him and all that ego boost crap.

 

when the ex contacts you - the one who rejected you so directly - it's NEVER for a good reason. it's because he's bored, straight up.

 

so continue with the NC, do not even wonder why did they contact you because it really doesn't matter - the ex won't suddenly change his mind and start wanting you. repeat that as a mantra until you REALLY accept it.

[Wings Of Love]

Yes I agree, if my ex did put the friend up to this then it's likely only because he wants to know I'm still on the hook. And that's exactly why I haven't replied and have been extremely reluctant to. I'm not over him yet but I know I'm getting there and don't want to set myself back. If for some reason he has changed his mind then he knows where I am, but I don't think I could go back now, even if our issues were resolved. He gave up his right to have an insight into my life when we ended. I even asked him not to contact me.

 

And if he didn't put the friend up to it, well I'm sure he'll still mention it to my ex anyway, as they're close friends.

 

The friend can be persistent (he is the one who kept pushing me to date my ex) so I may hear from him again in future. It might be best to block his number for now.

 

Thank you to those who replied, I appreciate the advice!

[dumbass2]

Ignore. You hadn't heard from him in over a year so he's not a good friend or someone worth having on your life from the sounds of things. Just delete the message and get back to healing and moving forward. Don't think your ex had anything to do with it.