Professor/Student Situation....What are we?

[Kamille]

He assigns the assignments... (formatting quizzes, labs, exams.) As far as actually grading and submitting the final grades? That is the TA's business. At least, that is how it worked last semester and my TA this semester sits with her laptop during class time, calculating our assignments and handing them back. I believe he simply guides/watches over her, and does his usually lecturing for the lab. As far as the area he is teaching in, you're right.. he could be moved. However, his degree is for Geology and whatever he gets placed under will be Sciences. I am an English major and only needed his two courses for my requirements. I'll not longer have anything to do with that department in particular, if that makes sense.

 

I'm a professor. Even though TAs grade the papers, I'm the one who has final say on grades. As such, yes your professor oversees your grades. Don't try to rationalize this away.

 

Think of it this way, if you wanted to contest the grade the TA gave you, the professor would weigh in.

[avamarie]

I'm a professor. Even though TAs grade the papers, I'm the one who has final say on grades. As such, yes your professor oversees your grades. Don't try to rationalize this away.

 

Think of it this way, if you wanted to contest the grade the TA gave you, the professor would weigh in.

 

That makes sense. I assumed that he probably had final say. Truthfully, anything beyond what has gone on so far while I am still his student hasn't been my goal. If it was, I would have made further advances and been more pushy when he indirectly told me where he was at (multiple times.) However, I see now where the riskiness over the emails comes in and I'll be more careful. I don't, however, see the problem in trying to make something out of all of this flirty banter once I'm not longer his student... considering I won't be taking anymore classes in that department, therefore will have no student ties to him. And, of course, I'm of age while he is fairly young for his job.

 

Just something simple, like telling him to let me know if he ever wanted to grab lunch, etc. If it led nowhere, then that would be that. I guess the focal point of this post was more so to find out what others thought about the way he acted towards me (pursued me in some sense?) and what I should make of that..rather, If it'd go my way if I were to pursue anything once the semester ends in three weeks. Hell, he might even do something. But I'm not banking on that and I understand he has obligations.

[Birdies]

Honestly the fact that this guy is flirting so heavily with a CURRENT student really makes me doubt his character. I taught undergrads while in grad school, and it is a huge huge no-no. He could get fired.

 

Also, he's almost ten years older than you....it's kinda skeevy to be interested in a 20-year-old! No offense or anything, but that is a huge life experience gap right there.

 

But anyway, since you're interested in him....Next time he mentions where he's drinking or whatever, I'd just say something like "It'd be fun to meet up there for a drink when the semester's over and you're not my prof anymore!" or something like that. Then you really should stop flirting with him over email until the semester is over. It's not in your best interests to have that all documented in writing.

[avamarie]

So, if you read my previous post/commented on it, you have an idea of what's been going on. After reading the comments and talking with some of you about your thoughts, I decided that most of you were right. He seemed unsure when he bailed a few times, maybe he came to his senses, maybe I should wait and ask him out for a drink once the semester was over. With only 4 week left, I had full intentions of doing so. Didn't email him. Kept the flirting to normal, nothing out of the ordinary, in class. It was killing me, though. I didn't want him to lose interest in me before the end of the semester rolled around. I guess you can say I'm insecure in that aspect.

 

Last night we had our night lab, as usual. We flirted as usual and as I said, I was making a more conscious effort to keep it minimal and to not give anything away. As mentioned in the comments, the TA could be watching more than I initially thought. As I mentioned in the last post, I had no more school prints left and do not own a printer myself. So before heading out, I thought I'd give it one last try.. (I do realize that I probably shouldn't have done this. But class was still in session, so I figured no harm done, right?) and asked him if he had a sec to print me out a paper that was do in the morning (I genuinely did need the paper.) He seemed a tad flustered and before answering, the TA had joined near us and he declined and offered me some other suggestions, saying he didn't have access to one right now. I shrugged and told him goodnight and my lab partners and I were done for the night. We left.

 

Shortly after returning to my room, he emails me saying that he can print me something, I just had caught him off guard. I'm assuming he was concerned about how it'd look, so he waited until everyone had left; fair enough. I tell him sure, and email him the paper. Eventually he lets me know he got it done for me and I tell him I'll come meet him, (he's on his way out of the building.) After we meet up and I thank him for the paper, we talk. For hours on hours; literally, began at nearly 9 and was done around 10:50. It was easy conversation, not awkward tension. He was venting about work and I school. It ended up getting really deep and I could probably recite the man's life story now; which was pretty epic, if I should say so. Not something you'd declare to just anyone. He even made a note that he had no idea why he was being so open with me. But nonetheless, he did, and we were still out side of the school building. No boundaries were being crossed. Just talking, and we were both enjoying ourselves.

 

Eventually I mention that I should let him go; I didn't want to be that girl that kept him around and became annoying. He just nodded and we started walking, he told me he was grabbing some beers and I just said okay. Didn't make any effort to join and he didn't directly ask. It's not my place, I can wait a few weeks for that (I also had a paper due in merely hours, so there was that.) The bar being near my apartment, we walk together on our way. The conversation started to become slower and I realized I should probably mention something about the situation. I was about to say something when I see my lab partner walking in her building, and I come to a halt. He notices and asks me what's up, and what was wrong. I tell him and he asks me, "Does she not know you were seeing me tonight?" I tell him no, and he asks me why I didn't tell her; that we were friends. I tell him, "Didn't think she needed to know." He took that into consideration and then flat out asks, "So you're saying you're trustworthy?" and I say, "Do you think I am?" He just watches me for a bit before I tell him thank you again, and that I'd see him soon. We both walk away and I got back to my room. It wasn't long before he shot me an email, apologizing for talking so much and that If I ever wanted to cut him off, to feel free. I kept it simple and told him that I liked listening. He responds, "Can I trust you?" I tell him "You can." He emails me on my personal, (which he had because I had to send him a file once on that email to print) and sends me his number. We texted about how his night was briefly, and that was that. Nothing else was said and I went to sleep.

 

So, what now? about 2 weeks left. One class, one class with our final exam. Then I'm done. I feel like I understand so much about him from our long talk; a lot of strings were tied together for me. I also think that by him seeing for himself that I didn't tell my closest friend on campus that I was even getting something printed from him, it showed him that I keep to myself. And I believe that is probably the only reason he did what he did. He knew where I was and the bar was close; he could have easily asked me to get drinks then and there, or even texted later on asking to meet up. He didn't yet, so maybe he's waiting it out. And if so, I can handle that. I'd be more comfortable with that, too. I'd sleep with the guy no doubt, but I also enjoyed just chatting about life. Thoughts?

[GorillaTheater]

A couple more weeks and both you and he don't have worry about dilemmas regarding ethics and university rules and his career. You can do that standing on your head.

[No_Go]

I agree. I guess I'm just concerned with losing his interest, considering his indirectly told me where's he's drinking at night, etc.. possibly implying that I should come. Each of those times I didn't make a move to join, wanting to be sure that was his intention. I guess my thought process was, "If he's willing.. maybe I should be too." Thoughts?

 

Thoughts: been there, for him you are a cute young thing and he'll be glad to hook up with you but will never initiate of course because it can cost him his job. Gross...

 

A man like this screwed me up so much mentally that I am literally still recovering, a decade later. There was no sex, just mental games, and still that. This guy is unethical to play with your emotions.

[No_Go]

Girl this dude is playing you so badly I want to virtually slap him.

 

He's subtle and that's why you're not seeing it. Stay away from this creep, I'm sure you can do much better.

 

So, if you read my previous post/commented on it, you have an idea of what's been going on. After reading the comments and talking with some of you about your thoughts, I decided that most of you were right. He seemed unsure when he bailed a few times, maybe he came to his senses, maybe I should wait and ask him out for a drink once the semester was over. With only 4 week left, I had full intentions of doing so. Didn't email him. Kept the flirting to normal, nothing out of the ordinary, in class. It was killing me, though. I didn't want him to lose interest in me before the end of the semester rolled around. I guess you can say I'm insecure in that aspect.

 

Last night we had our night lab, as usual. We flirted as usual and as I said, I was making a more conscious effort to keep it minimal and to not give anything away. As mentioned in the comments, the TA could be watching more than I initially thought. As I mentioned in the last post, I had no more school prints left and do not own a printer myself. So before heading out, I thought I'd give it one last try.. (I do realize that I probably shouldn't have done this. But class was still in session, so I figured no harm done, right?) and asked him if he had a sec to print me out a paper that was do in the morning (I genuinely did need the paper.) He seemed a tad flustered and before answering, the TA had joined near us and he declined and offered me some other suggestions, saying he didn't have access to one right now. I shrugged and told him goodnight and my lab partners and I were done for the night. We left.

 

Shortly after returning to my room, he emails me saying that he can print me something, I just had caught him off guard. I'm assuming he was concerned about how it'd look, so he waited until everyone had left; fair enough. I tell him sure, and email him the paper. Eventually he lets me know he got it done for me and I tell him I'll come meet him, (he's on his way out of the building.) After we meet up and I thank him for the paper, we talk. For hours on hours; literally, began at nearly 9 and was done around 10:50. It was easy conversation, not awkward tension. He was venting about work and I school. It ended up getting really deep and I could probably recite the man's life story now; which was pretty epic, if I should say so. Not something you'd declare to just anyone. He even made a note that he had no idea why he was being so open with me. But nonetheless, he did, and we were still out side of the school building. No boundaries were being crossed. Just talking, and we were both enjoying ourselves.

 

Eventually I mention that I should let him go; I didn't want to be that girl that kept him around and became annoying. He just nodded and we started walking, he told me he was grabbing some beers and I just said okay. Didn't make any effort to join and he didn't directly ask. It's not my place, I can wait a few weeks for that (I also had a paper due in merely hours, so there was that.) The bar being near my apartment, we walk together on our way. The conversation started to become slower and I realized I should probably mention something about the situation. I was about to say something when I see my lab partner walking in her building, and I come to a halt. He notices and asks me what's up, and what was wrong. I tell him and he asks me, "Does she not know you were seeing me tonight?" I tell him no, and he asks me why I didn't tell her; that we were friends. I tell him, "Didn't think she needed to know." He took that into consideration and then flat out asks, "So you're saying you're trustworthy?" and I say, "Do you think I am?" He just watches me for a bit before I tell him thank you again, and that I'd see him soon. We both walk away and I got back to my room. It wasn't long before he shot me an email, apologizing for talking so much and that If I ever wanted to cut him off, to feel free. I kept it simple and told him that I liked listening. He responds, "Can I trust you?" I tell him "You can." He emails me on my personal, (which he had because I had to send him a file once on that email to print) and sends me his number. We texted about how his night was briefly, and that was that. Nothing else was said and I went to sleep.

 

So, what now? about 2 weeks left. One class, one class with our final exam. Then I'm done. I feel like I understand so much about him from our long talk; a lot of strings were tied together for me. I also think that by him seeing for himself that I didn't tell my closest friend on campus that I was even getting something printed from him, it showed him that I keep to myself. And I believe that is probably the only reason he did what he did. He knew where I was and the bar was close; he could have easily asked me to get drinks then and there, or even texted later on asking to meet up. He didn't yet, so maybe he's waiting it out. And if so, I can handle that. I'd be more comfortable with that, too. I'd sleep with the guy no doubt, but I also enjoyed just chatting about life. Thoughts?

[No_Go]

It sounds to me like this guy is enjoying and sometimes encouraging the flattering flirtatiousness from a very young student, but does not wish to actually date you. Things a m to have fallen off the instant you two were actually going to meet up that one time. To me that says a lot.

 

He's flattered and has no clue how to keep boundaries but he isn't interested in pursuing n anything.

 

The short responses aren't him acting tough, they are his attempts at distance any time you get too intense.

 

By the way, the TA could be his type. You don't know what his type is.

 

Honestly this whole thing is kind of inappropriate, IMO. He may have finally realized that too. He thought he was just having fun but then attempted plans started being made and all of a sudden he realized that duh, this is his job, his paycheck. I believe there are rules about this sort of thing.

 

^^ The whole opinion is very much to the point!

 

In my case the flirtatious professor dropped me like a hot potato in the second that he met a woman that he wanted to date, but was obsessing my time and energy night and day before then... He was just flattered, and I was just an easy victim. So gross

[JuneL]

What's wrong with these people?? By these people, I meant these teachers/professors/dentists/doctors who have acted inappropriately.

 

Every now and then, we would see a thread from a woman or girl telling us that she's having a hopeless crush on someone in a position with authority, and this someone is acting like he is very attracted. I can't count the number of times I've responded to such threads during my short lifespan on here.

 

OP: All these after school friendly/personal emails are very inappropriate, not to mention the extremely personal conversation about his personal life story, epic or not. Some of these professors appear attractive only in the class settings. They probably have a boing or miserable life outside of the class; or else they wouldn't be preying on a young and naive student of his!

[No_Go]

It is just SO easy to mislead people from a position of authority and let's face it - young girls (and boys) are easy to impress and gullible.

 

My professor went heavily overboard - I knew about all his health issues, siblings break ups, he'd keep me 'doing fun assignments' till 3 am at night. Thinking back - it was a miracle that he didn't rape me or worse (I was young, virgin, naive and extremely easy target with zero support system).

 

That's why I'm so pissed when I read this thread...

[JuneL]

It is just SO easy to mislead people from a position of authority and let's face it - young girls (and boys) are easy to impress and gullible.

 

My professor went heavily overboard - I knew about all his health issues, siblings break ups, he'd keep me 'doing fun assignments' till 3 am at night. Thinking back - it was a miracle that he didn't rape me or worse (I was young, virgin, naive and extremely easy target with zero support system).

 

That's why I'm so pissed when I read this thread...

 

The young and naive girl probably feels so special and so flattered that he trusts her so much to share his personal life with her.

[No_Go]

Yeah... Happy over the top... Because you know, the Professor is raised to God's position in some places, here he is, young and successful, paying attention to the mortals... yuck.

 

With this strategy besides getting my attention he also managed to delegate me tons of tasks that were HIS responsibility (but I was overly thrilled to do them, you know, he trusted me, and I was playing being a professor as well), and hide some fraud on his end...

[anika99]

So, if you read my previous post/commented on it, you have an idea of what's been going on. After reading the comments and talking with some of you about your thoughts, I decided that most of you were right. He seemed unsure when he bailed a few times, maybe he came to his senses, maybe I should wait and ask him out for a drink once the semester was over. With only 4 week left, I had full intentions of doing so. Didn't email him. Kept the flirting to normal, nothing out of the ordinary, in class. It was killing me, though. I didn't want him to lose interest in me before the end of the semester rolled around. I guess you can say I'm insecure in that aspect.

 

Last night we had our night lab, as usual. We flirted as usual and as I said, I was making a more conscious effort to keep it minimal and to not give anything away. As mentioned in the comments, the TA could be watching more than I initially thought. As I mentioned in the last post, I had no more school prints left and do not own a printer myself. So before heading out, I thought I'd give it one last try.. (I do realize that I probably shouldn't have done this. But class was still in session, so I figured no harm done, right?) and asked him if he had a sec to print me out a paper that was do in the morning (I genuinely did need the paper.) He seemed a tad flustered and before answering, the TA had joined near us and he declined and offered me some other suggestions, saying he didn't have access to one right now. I shrugged and told him goodnight and my lab partners and I were done for the night. We left.

 

Shortly after returning to my room, he emails me saying that he can print me something, I just had caught him off guard. I'm assuming he was concerned about how it'd look, so he waited until everyone had left; fair enough. I tell him sure, and email him the paper. Eventually he lets me know he got it done for me and I tell him I'll come meet him, (he's on his way out of the building.) After we meet up and I thank him for the paper, we talk. For hours on hours; literally, began at nearly 9 and was done around 10:50. It was easy conversation, not awkward tension. He was venting about work and I school. It ended up getting really deep and I could probably recite the man's life story now; which was pretty epic, if I should say so. Not something you'd declare to just anyone. He even made a note that he had no idea why he was being so open with me. But nonetheless, he did, and we were still out side of the school building. No boundaries were being crossed. Just talking, and we were both enjoying ourselves.

 

Eventually I mention that I should let him go; I didn't want to be that girl that kept him around and became annoying. He just nodded and we started walking, he told me he was grabbing some beers and I just said okay. Didn't make any effort to join and he didn't directly ask. It's not my place, I can wait a few weeks for that (I also had a paper due in merely hours, so there was that.) The bar being near my apartment, we walk together on our way. The conversation started to become slower and I realized I should probably mention something about the situation. I was about to say something when I see my lab partner walking in her building, and I come to a halt. He notices and asks me what's up, and what was wrong. I tell him and he asks me, "Does she not know you were seeing me tonight?" I tell him no, and he asks me why I didn't tell her; that we were friends. I tell him, "Didn't think she needed to know." He took that into consideration and then flat out asks, "So you're saying you're trustworthy?" and I say, "Do you think I am?" He just watches me for a bit before I tell him thank you again, and that I'd see him soon. We both walk away and I got back to my room. It wasn't long before he shot me an email, apologizing for talking so much and that If I ever wanted to cut him off, to feel free. I kept it simple and told him that I liked listening. He responds, "Can I trust you?" I tell him "You can." He emails me on my personal, (which he had because I had to send him a file once on that email to print) and sends me his number. We texted about how his night was briefly, and that was that. Nothing else was said and I went to sleep.

 

So, what now? about 2 weeks left. One class, one class with our final exam. Then I'm done. I feel like I understand so much about him from our long talk; a lot of strings were tied together for me. I also think that by him seeing for himself that I didn't tell my closest friend on campus that I was even getting something printed from him, it showed him that I keep to myself. And I believe that is probably the only reason he did what he did. He knew where I was and the bar was close; he could have easily asked me to get drinks then and there, or even texted later on asking to meet up. He didn't yet, so maybe he's waiting it out. And if so, I can handle that. I'd be more comfortable with that, too. I'd sleep with the guy no doubt, but I also enjoyed just chatting about life. Thoughts?

 

Well that's a creepy turn of events. Seems to me that if this guy was considering you as girlfriend material he would have just said something along the lines of "let's keep it professional until class is finished and then I'd like to take you out on a real proper date." All this "your trustworthy? " and "can I trust you?" stuff is creepy because he is essentially telling you that he wants you to be his dirty secret. He is not planning to have an open dating relationship with you, he wants to enjoy you in secret and he needs to know that he can trust you to keep your mouth shut. It's gross.

[avamarie]

Well that's a creepy turn of events. Seems to me that if this guy was considering you as girlfriend material he would have just said something along the lines of "let's keep it professional until class is finished and then I'd like to take you out on a real proper date." All this "your trustworthy? " and "can I trust you?" stuff is creepy because he is essentially telling you that he wants you to be his dirty secret. He is not planning to have an open dating relationship with you, he wants to enjoy you in secret and he needs to know that he can trust you to keep your mouth shut. It's gross.

 

 

To everyone responding, thanks for the input; good or bad. I completely understand why you would think the situation is gross, odd, misleading. Even more so if some of you have experienced something similar. I guess I just find this particular situation different, considering I have initiated just as much as he has; a push and pull kind of thing. To be honest, besides very subtle boundaries, he hasn't said anything too risky unless I've said something at him first. I won't go into details about his life story or his personal interests, but we did have a lot in common. Nothing about the after class meet up was un-professonal. We stayed at the building, outdoors, and just talked. It stayed that way until we left and the mentioned things happened. Even when he offered me my number, it was nothing but normal conversation. He had every opportunity to advance it further; he knew where I was, how close I was, and he was still out drinking. Of course he would ask if I'm trustworthy. Him being young and attractive, any slightly odd encounter can be turned upside down; especially if someone were out to get him. I don't blame him for asking. I'm also not saying he is genuinely interested, but I do think, in his defense on this aspect, that he was just doing what anyone would do if they wanted to give their number out. I'm in no way declaring that this man does have some sort of feelings. I've always just thought he was interested, in some way or another, and this is the first time that things have really picked up personally. I don't know where it will lead. I know I seem naive, but if things began to get creep, (regardless of differing opinions, in my position thus far, they most certainly have not been because I have been initiating just as much) then I would stop things respectively.

[avamarie]

Yeah... Happy over the top... Because you know, the Professor is raised to God's position in some places, here he is, young and successful, paying attention to the mortals... yuck.

 

With this strategy besides getting my attention he also managed to delegate me tons of tasks that were HIS responsibility (but I was overly thrilled to do them, you know, he trusted me, and I was playing being a professor as well), and hide some fraud on his end...

 

I'm sorry for how your situation turned out. In this case, yet, he has never once asked me to do any favors for him. If anything, he has done anything that I've asked him to; given me way more chances that he should have from day one because I was so straightforward and respectful to him via email and in person before we fully got to know each other better through both semesters. Like I said in my last comment, this is not just him. He is not running after me. He has spoken respectively, just simply been a tad flirty. I'm the one who was so attracted and felt the chemistry and decided to email him as much as I did. Not too much, but enough to let him know I was comfortable/interestsed in him. Where as it started with school work, it ended with random banter. Whatever he has emailed that has seemed off or risky, I have probably began or opened the door to. I understand the situation is off, risky, not professional. Also that his morals are probably elsewhere considering the situation in its entirety. But all things aside, regardless of how it looks, we have good conversation. I've always been attracted to older men, I know how to talk to them in a way that isn't the usual for a younger under-grad, and we get each other. We have very similar interests and when he began to tell me his life story, it was because I asked and was intrigued. Of course I was flattered that he spilled so much; hell, who wouldn't be? Not many people open up nowadays, especially someone you clicked with; age/professional differences or not. If he hasn't tried anything by now, and he most certainly had his opportunity in this past situation, then he's waiting until after the semester. And that's fine with me.

[Kamille]

Beware the relationship you have to keep hidden. I'm with Anika99, all this talk of "trustworthiness" is worrisome. It sounds like he wants to 1. keep what you're doing hidden and/or 2. isolate you from your support network.

 

There are many issues with keeping a relationship hidden, the first being that it erodes trust.

 

Once semester is over, you're free to date this guy. Just make sure you don't have to keep it hidden from everyone. He wants to date a student? He needs to man up and be upfront about it. He wants to date you? He needs to show you he is proud to be with you.

 

Have a relationship you can be proud of, not one you have to keep hidden from your friends.

[avamarie]

Beware the relationship you have to keep hidden. I'm with Anika99, all this talk of "trustworthiness" is worrisome. It sounds like he wants to 1. keep what you're doing hidden and/or 2. isolate you from your support network.

 

There are many issues with keeping a relationship hidden, the first being that it erodes trust.

 

Once semester is over, you're free to date this guy. Just make sure you don't have to keep it hidden from everyone. He wants to date a student? He needs to man up and be upfront about it. He wants to date you? He needs to show you he is proud to be with you.

 

Have a relationship you can be proud of, not one you have to keep hidden from your friends.

 

 

Hey Kamille, thanks for reading/commenting again. I agree wholeheartedly. I guess-and I don't mean for this to sound de-grading or trashy- I'm not even sure if I myself want to be exclusively "dating." In other words, no, maybe I wouldn't want to bang behind closed doors and never speak again. But rather just get drinks a few times, let out some sexual tension, talk about life as we usually do, and then eventually go about my way. This just isn't something I can bring up to a friend on campus over coffee and get an opinion about, you know? I haven't told a soul. And where as my friends are aware I'm interested in older guys/men, actually being in a situation to start seeing one is a tad different especially given the power dilemma here. I'd never in a million years tell someone on this campus. I don't have a problem keeping it a secret, though. That doesn't bother me and it is something that I want to be kept hidden as much has he does, in he sense that it might look bad on my part too; whether we're dating or just screwing, it would all look the same. I can see where that might get sticky if I became attached, but if I'm going into it knowing what I do/don't want, then I think I'd be okay; I know myself well enough to figure that bit out.

[avamarie]

Hi guys. Thanks for the feedback, to both the original post and the follow up.

 

I feel as though whenever a situation like this arises, the initially reaction is always to look at the man (or woman, in some cases) with a skeptical eye. "Why does he have to stoop this low?" "Can he not find someone his age?" etc. And, well, fair enough. I agree to a certain extent. But could it not be possible that you just click with someone as much as you're attracted to him? I mean, there is an age difference; but not a large enough one that would separate us from being able to form such a connection. I've stated before that I've always been so UN-attracted to those my age for the simple fact that I feel as though holding the kind of conversation and intimacy that I want in life just isn't attainable with them. I could be proven wrong eventually. Haven't for now, though.

 

As for as being naive and raising the man to a pedestal just because he's in a position of authority, I will have to disagree. (In my position, at least.) I see firsthand girls that walk into this man's class with a full on nipple showing from their shirt just to start a conversation up. And that's cool; no slut shaming here. They have every right. But, that just isn't my thing. I'll stick to converse and a plain tee. The point I'm trying to make is that girls like that see him in such a way, so they feel as that they have to lower themselves in order to gain some sort of attention from him? I've never seen him that way. He's cute, but not drop-dead gorgeous. He doesn't come dressed in snazzy suits. Always something basic. He's very sarcastic and to the point. Nothing that would make him appear like some sort of god-ly figure to me. I've never once not been average, normal, or myself when displaying myself around him. Truthfully, I have no god forsaken reason why this man "likes" me. I can be funny, I guess. (lol). And after chatting over the course of these two semesters, I've found out enough to know that he's had a pretty rough start in life and he's content to be where he's at right now. I don't think he was wanting my pity, he's the type that doesn't really need it. And I didn't give him any. I think I'm interested, not because I've raised him to some standards of excellence, but because he really isn't. He's normal, raw, can talk about things that I wouldn't sit and have a chat with anyone my age about. He's been through his things and I don't like feeling like I have to create some sort of very bland, systematic conversation. I like that he's older (older enough), experienced, intelligent, but still is just...normal; average. I respect it. I'm not blinded by it.

[Kamille]

Hey Kamille, thanks for reading/commenting again. I agree wholeheartedly. I guess-and I don't mean for this to sound de-grading or trashy- I'm not even sure if I myself want to be exclusively "dating." In other words, no, maybe I wouldn't want to bang behind closed doors and never speak again. But rather just get drinks a few times, let out some sexual tension, talk about life as we usually do, and then eventually go about my way. This just isn't something I can bring up to a friend on campus over coffee and get an opinion about, you know? I haven't told a soul. And where as my friends are aware I'm interested in older guys/men, actually being in a situation to start seeing one is a tad different especially given the power dilemma here. I'd never in a million years tell someone on this campus. I don't have a problem keeping it a secret, though. That doesn't bother me and it is something that I want to be kept hidden as much has he does, in he sense that it might look bad on my part too; whether we're dating or just screwing, it would all look the same. I can see where that might get sticky if I became attached, but if I'm going into it knowing what I do/don't want, then I think I'd be okay; I know myself well enough to figure that bit out.

 

Are you sure this is not just justification on your part? We often tell ourselves lies when we're attracted to someone. The one where we say "I'm ok with just casual" is the most often told.

 

Again, if you proceed and proceed with secrecy, be very honest with yourself. Be honest and prioritize your well-being. At any point if this gets too complicated, you bail.

[avamarie]

Are you sure this is not just justification on your part? We often tell ourselves lies when we're attracted to someone. The one where we say "I'm ok with just casual" is the most often told.

 

Again, if you proceed and proceed with secrecy, be very honest with yourself. Be honest and prioritize your well-being. At any point if this gets too complicated, you bail.

 

I think a part of it is justification, but the larger part of it is truthful. If I ask myself if I seriously, truly would be okay with being open and serious with someone that much older than me... and him having been my teacher in the past... I know deep down that I couldn't do it. I'd rather having something short, secret, but still exciting in a sense. That being said, I think you're right about having protect my well-being. I've definitely used that justification, as you said, before. I've said it and I've wound up attached and hurt in the long run without even knowing that I would be. Once the semester ends and I see what he says, does, or acts on... well, then I'll probably have a few decisions to make. I'll have to see where his head is at before I really make up mine. A part of me is worried what will happen if I do drag it out longer and for some reason, whatever it may be, I decide I want to bail. Could I even bail at this point? Without it being just messy and awkward? Granted, once all is done, I really don't have to see him if I don't want to. I won't be in his class or anywhere in that building from there on out. (I'm not worried about any harm coming to me, or any backlash from him. I am confident that he's a decent guy. I just meant generally-this has built up for two semesters. So, like, now what? I didn't really think it'd get to this point.)

[anna121]

I can't say for sure whether this man is a creep or predator.

 

But, jeez, he sure is an idiot.

 

OP, you're too close to the sitch to see it, but your postings are pretty inconsistent. You were close to obsessing about him, but now that he's reciprocated you're trying to downplay your interest (you don't want anything exclusive etc) as well as argue that, well, maybe this could be different from your run of the mill prof/student encounter.

 

As I said, I don't know the first thing about this guy's character, but he has shown exceptionally poor judgment in his interactions with you.

 

I am not sure how open you are to the various cautions being thrown at you in these replies. So how about this. Now that you know that he's interested, so there's no harm in waiting until you're done with his class to pursue things.

 

Right?

[avamarie]

I can't say for sure whether this man is a creep or predator.

 

But, jeez, he sure is an idiot.

 

OP, you're too close to the sitch to see it, but your postings are pretty inconsistent. You were close to obsessing about him, but now that he's reciprocated you're trying to downplay your interest (you don't want anything exclusive etc) as well as argue that, well, maybe this could be different from your run of the mill prof/student encounter.

 

As I said, I don't know the first thing about this guy's character, but he has shown exceptionally poor judgment in his interactions with you.

 

I am not sure how open you are to the various cautions being thrown at you in these replies. So how about this. Now that you know that he's interested, so there's no harm in waiting until you're done with his class to pursue things.

 

Right?

 

Right. And I plan on it.

 

As far as downplaying, being initially obsessed, etc... Well, these things just don't happen everyday; contrary to popular belief. Obsessing over a professor in secret? Sure. Having him actually be interested in return? Not so much. I was doubting it; I didn't want to misread things, say something slightly off, and him immediately reject it. That'd ruin the class or me, maybe even my grade. I was more so obsessing over the details and what everyone took from his actions, so that I could then decide if I was actually seeing things for what they were, if he was as interested as I thought. So basically, "Was I going nuts or did this dude actually flirt back?" kind of thing. Secondly, I've spent so much time trying to downplay it and explain the details to avoid the typical "He's a creep comments." I might be a tad naive, but not enough to be unable to recognize that this guy was a total pedo. Likewise, he's only about 7 or so years older. Now that he's for sure made some sort of bold move that I don't have to constantly decipher and wonder what the meant from it, I've found myself just... well, downplaying. So that I can truly figure out where this going, where I want it to go, where he wants it go...Not really sure what else to say regarding that. I didn't think anything would actually go down and now I'm here.

[No_Go]

Well, these things just don't happen everyday; contrary to popular belief. Take my word for it, the popular belief in this case is very real. I'm saying it from a position of someone that spent 12+ years doing various degrees, so I've seen A LOT of flirting between students and professors. Yes, more times the students are in love, professors are teasing (aka reciprocating) but the interest and activity is from both ends.

 

I've seen a plethora of scenarios, including the prof. marrying the student or cheating on his wife with her, but honestly, in the majority of scenarios the heartbroken and hurt one is the student.

 

Age difference: it is not drastic. It is the position. Why don't you date older guys online? There are so many single men in 25-28 years range that you're attracted to... I feel like here you're getting a bit excited from the forbidenness of the situation.

 

In any case... Since you're waiting for the end of the semester anyway, you can try seeing if he'll take action and date him if so. But with all honesty, I think it is unlikely to work out.

[avamarie]

Well, these things just don't happen everyday; contrary to popular belief. Take my word for it, the popular belief in this case is very real. I'm saying it from a position of someone that spent 12+ years doing various degrees, so I've seen A LOT of flirting between students and professors. Yes, more times the students are in love, professors are teasing (aka reciprocating) but the interest and activity is from both ends.

 

I've seen a plethora of scenarios, including the prof. marrying the student or cheating on his wife with her, but honestly, in the majority of scenarios the heartbroken and hurt one is the student.

 

Age difference: it is not drastic. It is the position. Why don't you date older guys online? There are so many single men in 25-28 years range that you're attracted to... I feel like here you're getting a bit excited from the forbidenness of the situation.

 

In any case... Since you're waiting for the end of the semester anyway, you can try seeing if he'll take action and date him if so. But with all honesty, I think it is unlikely to work out.

 

 

Just a quick update for anybody who is still browsing this thread... (and not completely annoyed with me yet, lol)

 

The last class of the semester is this coming Monday, so only days away. I had his class a few nights ago.. and I didn't know what to expect, considering he gave me his number the last time we spoke. And as I said, the text conversation was very short and nothing out of the ordinary. He stopped answering after one of my replies. (it was normal, I didn't say anything to sway him away, I think he's just conflicted and realized we still had two more weeks and he'd given his number out, lol). But, anyways, he acted completely normal in class. If anything, more reserved than usual and was simply observing me and waiting for me to chat or say anything. I did a few times, just some normal small talk/banter. I keep overthinking things and wondering why he hasn't texted since he offered his number, asked if he could trust me, and then haven't heard a thing. I don't want anything to happen until the semester is over, I guess it's just difficult when things can't really be expressed between the two of us right now and I'm left wondering where is head is at. I'm excited, and nervous, to see what happens after the last class Monday.

 

Additionally, I looked of my school's policy, and it reads "All sexual relationships between students and faculty/staff are strongly discouraged. Further, no faculty or staff member shall have an amorous relationship (consensual or otherwise) with a student who is enrolled in a course being taught by the faculty member or whose work is being supervised, evaluated, or otherwise similarly impacted by the faculty or staff member."

 

I won't have him anymore, nor will I be taking any courses in his department after Monday.

[avamarie]

Just a quick update for anybody who is still browsing this thread... (and not completely annoyed with me yet, lol)

 

The last class of the semester is this coming Monday, so only days away. I had his class a few nights ago.. and I didn't know what to expect, considering he gave me his number the last time we spoke. And as I said, the text conversation was very short and nothing out of the ordinary. He stopped answering after one of my replies. (it was normal, I didn't say anything to sway him away, I think he's just conflicted and realized we still had two more weeks and he'd given his number out, lol). But, anyways, he acted completely normal in class. If anything, more reserved than usual and was simply observing me and waiting for me to chat or say anything. I did a few times, just some normal small talk/banter. I keep overthinking things and wondering why he hasn't texted since he offered his number, asked if he could trust me, and then haven't heard a thing. I don't want anything to happen until the semester is over, I guess it's just difficult when things can't really be expressed between the two of us right now and I'm left wondering where is head is at. I'm excited, and nervous, to see what happens after the last class Monday.

 

Additionally, I looked of my school's policy, and it reads "All sexual relationships between students and faculty/staff are strongly discouraged. Further, no faculty or staff member shall have an amorous relationship (consensual or otherwise) with a student who is enrolled in a course being taught by the faculty member or whose work is being supervised, evaluated, or otherwise similarly impacted by the faculty or staff member."

 

I won't have him anymore, nor will I be taking any courses in his department after Monday.

 

 

SO, update on the situation:

 

Finished up my last class with him (and all of my classes, with the exception of two exams un-related to him at the end of this coming week). I kept my word as the past few weeks and remaining classes played out; minimal flirting, didn't bother texting him even though I had his number. He has mine, as well, now, and did not bother either. I think he saw an opportunity to give it, then realized we still had two weeks, and was probably like "****, bad call." Luckily, I picked up on it and agreed and that was that. Anyways, once my final exam was in his TA's hand and all was said and done, I figured there was no harm in shooting him a text that night just to let him know I was in fact interested. I haven't really given him any indication that I am, if I'm honest. Been very around the bush about it when he's made hints. So, i say "Am I gonna hear from you after tonight?" he answers a little later in the night, saying "Did you want to?" I tell him I did, as long as it was something he wanted. He doesn't answer for a few days. I'm busy finishing up finals work, so I let it be. He knows how I feel now, so I didn't want to stress myself over a grown man not replying immediately. Later in the week, Thursday, I'm winding down from a long night out and he texts in the middle of the night, responding to my last response. He says, "I do. Just have to wait until final grades are in. Conflict of interest situation." I'm shocked, because that is the first time he has even acknowledged that. With that being said, I liked hearing it. He has some sense after all, everyone!I tell him understandable, and to just let me know when that final date is, because I wasn't clear on it. We shoot a few more texts back and forth about possible dates before he checks the calendar to find it's this coming Friday. I tell him right before he gives me that info that Friday is my dorm move out day. However, I didn't tell him that I can push it to the next saturday around lunch time. I tell him once again to just let me know, that I wouldn't do anything to get him in trouble. He makes a joke about how he appreciates that, but he has a feeling I'm trouble regardless. I make a joke back and that was that; no more texts. It was about 1am, and this was quite a few days ago. So, now my situation is this: I want to see him before I leave for the summer. I will no doubt be back in my college city throughout the summer, but no definite dates, and if I do, I'd be staying with friends.. and excuses will run dry after a while. HIS grades, individually, are already in. Friday is just the overall due date. If we did anything, it probably wouldn't even be downtown. I wanted to shoot him a text tonight, like he did the other night at a late hour, something along the lines of "so, I can't see you before Friday, then?" to kind of make it more clear that I want to see him before I head out. Opinions?