GoldenR Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 Hi Y'all..all comments are appreciated!Just wanted to see what the comments would be posted.I am hurt and tormented by her actions.This event has changed me.I was honest and trusting of her completely and thought she was happy.She has been treated very well in this relationship.Now I find myself untrusting of her,always keeping tabs on her and social media.I always think she is doing things behind my back or lying to me.And I do not like me being like this.However.I do have feelings for her but at the same time do not like being treated like a piece of sh*t.All I want is some kind of closure or acknowldgement from her as to what happen.The truth.But I don't know how to get it from her.I also do not want to be alone again.I don't know how to preceed from here as this has really messed with my head. Simple answer: Polygraph. Link to post Share on other sites
smi11ie Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 Try and look at he facts logically. She has been cheating. That's not OK! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smi11ie Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 Don't rely on her about what has been going on. You will need to do your own invesigation. If your wife is cheating then any information you get from her will be next to worthless. Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 The advice has been given... But let me condense it for you. 1) You have to continue to check her phone bill. 2) You have to hide a VAR (Voice activated recorder) probably under the seat of her car. 3) You have to put a GPS tracker (hidden) in her car. 4) Check all devices, phone, computer, tablet and whatever else she has access to. 5) You need access to her work email somehow. 6) And most importantly, you really need to hire a PI and have her followed. This will probably be the best way to get the complete truth and the easiest. Unless they are screwing at their place of work. I understand that you need conclusive proof to believe what is actually going on. Most do. I can assure you that your wife is and has been cheating on you for a while. Further, at some point soon you need to consult a lawyer and find out where you at financially with everything and what you can expect. Listen, if you are a decent looking, nice guy, if you choose to divorce, you will not be alone. I can promise you that. You need to just trust me on that. I am sorry that you are going through this, but it is better to know than not know... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Darien 76 Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 Mr. Sad Guy, You really think that staying with a cheater is better than being single? Take my word for it, it's not. Also, who says you have to stay single? When you're ready, you'll date and find a woman who wouldn't do this to you. Or you can continue staying in this effed up situation and waste away years of your life. What do you think is the best decision? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrsadguy Posted April 2, 2017 Author Share Posted April 2, 2017 I have no proof anything sexual has happened.none what so ever.My interpretation of the first texts i discovered between them shows me nothing sexual happened at the time(that I can tell).However while i was gone she was texting with someone for hours.But, I have since figured out that she has been attracted to him and there has beensome kind of emotional,flirting thing between them,all of this behind my back.She has had his number for a long time.She has followed him on different social media.He has a business web page that she has liked and posted praising reviews on it(which he hit the like button).She and her friends have been to the businness many times over the years. But yet I have no proof.But from her behaviour and the 2 of them lying to me,my gut has a bad feeling over all this. She was in an abusive relationship for many years prior to me.She did fall head over heels for me when our relationship started.I know this for a fact.And it was a great relationship in the beginning! where did this go wrong and why?I have treated her like gold since the beginning.Alot of this has to do with my travelling away for my work. am I being paranoid because of my anger and emotions over this? I have never been thru anything like this or felt like this before and it angers and bothers me immensely! I just want the truth and some closure from this. I am a stand up,ethical,decent guy.Do you think I should take this next action(and do you think he will confess)?around the time or just after he sent her photos and they were talking dirty,he began a relationship with a woman(which has gotten serious between them now).I recently found the file I have of the texts and photos(which have timestamps) between him and my wife.Should I call him up and threaten to send then to his women? you think that would work? However if this stunt goes bad it will have concequences affecting an innocent womans life which I would not like to do. What should I do to find out the truth? I just cant get what happened out of my head and let it go.I need some sort of closure. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 mrsadguy, Then i found some texts between her and another guy.He had sent photos of his c**k and she was praising them.They were flirting and talking dirty to each other.He propositioned her.She had said if she was single she would.I saw her phone records and saw that there was alot of texting going on with someone for long periods of time.I also found some dating apps on her facebook account. How much more do you need to realise that your wife isn't who you thought she was? She has had his number for a long time. Whaaat? ^^ "The app downloaded on it's own":eek: -she's just taking the Mickey here IMO you have enough to file for divorce but see a solicitor/lawyer and do it now. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 What should I do to find out the truth? I just cant get what happened out of my head and let it go.I need some sort of closure. Blues has already told you what to do to find out the truth. You cannot rely on cheaters to tell you the truth and confess and that includes your wife. She is no longer your best friend, she will not be looking out for your best interests, she will always want to cover her a$$, to minimise, to trickle truth. You have to take direct action to uncover what is really going on here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 I have no proof anything sexual has happened.none what so ever.My interpretation of the first texts i discovered between them shows me nothing sexual happened at the time(that I can tell).However while i was gone she was texting with someone for hours.But, I have since figured out that she has been attracted to him and there has beensome kind of emotional,flirting thing between them,all of this behind my back.She has had his number for a long time.She has followed him on different social media.He has a business web page that she has liked and posted praising reviews on it(which he hit the like button).She and her friends have been to the businness many times over the years. But yet I have no proof.But from her behaviour and the 2 of them lying to me,my gut has a bad feeling over all this. She was in an abusive relationship for many years prior to me.She did fall head over heels for me when our relationship started.I know this for a fact.And it was a great relationship in the beginning! where did this go wrong and why?I have treated her like gold since the beginning.Alot of this has to do with my travelling away for my work. am I being paranoid because of my anger and emotions over this? I have never been thru anything like this or felt like this before and it angers and bothers me immensely! I just want the truth and some closure from this. I am a stand up,ethical,decent guy.Do you think I should take this next action(and do you think he will confess)?around the time or just after he sent her photos and they were talking dirty,he began a relationship with a woman(which has gotten serious between them now).I recently found the file I have of the texts and photos(which have timestamps) between him and my wife.Should I call him up and threaten to send then to his women? you think that would work? However if this stunt goes bad it will have concequences affecting an innocent womans life which I would not like to do. What should I do to find out the truth? I just cant get what happened out of my head and let it go.I need some sort of closure. No, he owes you nothing. He didn't make any marital vows to you. He was only taking what your wayward wife gave him. His wife's life is already affected she just doesn't know it yet. Exposure to his wife or girlfriend may get you more info as well. You are making typical mistakes. Wanting so hard to believe a proven liar (anytime there is an emotional affair with go tact it's most always physical) and helping her and her other man hide their affair. This usually enables it further. Don't be fooled that this'll end because you found out. That rarely happens. Making exuses to believe her and do nothing which is where you are wont get you much. You can't reconcile anything without the truth. Have her take a polygraph or do a deleted text recovery on her phone. I'll bet this doesn't end they'll just figure away to go underground with it. Link to post Share on other sites
WilyWill Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 If you want the option of keeping her, you need to get tough really fast. Shock and awe. File for divorce, inform her parents, your parents about the texts and pics. Infor her friend's husband and parents about her participation. Send the guy back a copy of his dick pic and tell him if you ever see his dick again, it will be spending a night in jail where it may receive a kind of attention that he never expected. Send it to his girlfriend and explain how you got it. Demand a full confession from your wife and arrange a polygraph to find out the extent of her activity. If the acts are something you can live with and she shows sufficient remorse, you can stop the divorce process at any time. Showing any weakness will cause her to lose any love and respect she still might have for you. Be tough and unforgiving. Right now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 Exposure is the only weapon you have. You didn't cause this but you'd better deal with it. His wife or gf should be informed. Do it without any warning. If you say anything to your wife she'll warn him and they conspire to make you out to be a crazy jealous husband. It will probably end the affair. Talking won't get you much. It's your actions that will count. Better wake up to what you're dealing with and where you are. If you want to try R but that takes two and truth which you do not have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 If you want the option of keeping her, you need to get tough really fast. Shock and awe. File for divorce, inform her parents, your parents about the texts and pics. Infor her friend's husband and parents about her participation. Send the guy back a copy of his dick pic and tell him if you ever see his dick again, it will be spending a night in jail where it may receive a kind of attention that he never expected. Send it to his girlfriend and explain how you got it. Demand a full confession from your wife and arrange a polygraph to find out the extent of her activity. If the acts are something you can live with and she shows sufficient remorse, you can stop the divorce process at any time. Showing any weakness will cause her to lose any love and respect she still might have for you. Be tough and unforgiving. Right now. If you can't you'll linger where you are. She put you here but it's you that will keep you there. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenR Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 You've been giving the right advice here. Stop asking what to do, and just do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 Listen, me and the others here have already told you what to do. So do it. If you don't have it in you to do the detective work, hire a PI. In a week or two, maybe less, you will have pictures and possible video of them going to have sex. I hate to say this again and again, but for what ever reason, I personally have not been wrong about and affair yet. I think over a year maybe more. I personally am batting a 1000. Trust me, hire a PI and you will have the proof. What will you do when you have that proof??? Do you still want her if she will come back or will you divorce. This is how you need to start thinking. Your wife is having a physical affair. WAKE UP... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 Nobody is as blind as someone who refuses to see. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 OP you're like must who come here. You don't wsntvyo see the truth because it's to hard to take. I suspect it's also so you don't have to do anything. You're hear for a reason all the advice in the world will do you no good if you can't or don't use it. You'll be in limbo hell a long time and it'll get worse when the other shoe drops. However, it is your life. Link to post Share on other sites
QuietDan Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 Nobody is as blind as someone who refuses to see. He is acting and sounding like he is still in shock mode. He is just now starting to really struggle with it enough where he took the time to register here and putting his story out for review. Which I think is often one of the first steps in trying to start to get into a proactive controlling role. It sounds like he is just now starting to have a tough time the (ignoring the problems hoping for the best route). In the last few months there seems to have been a number of classic "Nice Guy's" finding themselves in this situation. A couple of them seem to really take quite a while before they have that "Ah-Ha" moment. So far, I have seen a couple take a day or two, but, most seem to take at least a week or two before they start to understand the new reality. For that matter, a few seemed to stay stuck in the hope for the best and living in a sort of denial state for a month or two before they start to get around to confronting the situation as an active participant instead of a passive confused victim. Not too surprising to seem him in this phase yet at this time. However, I still find it is painful to watch them when they are struggling and stuck in this sort of fence sitting mode. Many on this site have been were he is at. The steady consistent patient push that some of you have with trying to help is something I am truly starting to really appreciate. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 The truth will fix a lot of things if you let it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrsadguy Posted April 3, 2017 Author Share Posted April 3, 2017 (edited) Hello everyone,Thank you for all your advice.It is greatly appreciated as I have never spoken to anyone about this issue.It is a burden that I have carried all by myself for a long time.Yes I am still in shock,disbelief,anger,and hurt by all this.This is someone I gave my everything to.I need to do some serious soul searching to figure out what I want. What happened and when I found out something was going on,happened in a span of 4 months while I was away working.What happened,I dont know.But she has since acknowledged that she messed up.She knows what I read and know it was her.I can almost say for certain that nothing else has happened between them since then,as I keep tabs on her while Im away.He lives in another town 2 hrs away.She has been doing her best to make amends of this,except talking about what happened. You all think im niave and gullible,but can you all say for certain,from your experiences,that something sexual actually happened,100% ? I have no actually proof.And I have no other way of proving it.I have no access to her social media or phone records or anything.I just cant prove anything else happened.My only last option I have is to confront him again.but alot of time has since passed last time.I plan on doing it when I return home as i am working away again.And I think it will work.But I also have alot to lose and bad effects from this if it doesnt work. My situation is complicated as there are other factors that affect my relationship which I dont want to lose.Also,prior to my current relationship,I had another woman in my life for 10 + years who walked out of my life.That was very hurtfull to me and really messed me up for a long time.I dont know if I can go thru something like that again.But at the same time I cant be in a relationship where I am untrusting and jealous and hurt.This has messed me up also.I feel trapped and nowhere to go.But I have to know the truth as this torments me very much. The only proof that I have is that there was flirting and sexting happening Edited April 4, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge and paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
WilyWill Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 No-one here can prove whether she physically cheated or not. However, if you read the stories in here they seem to always play out the same way: BS finds text evidence. WS says she was just playing along for fun. BS finds more evidence. WS admits to kissing OP once, but that's all. Swears on her children's lives that nothing sexual happened. BS finds more evidence or arranges polygraph. WS confesses sex just one time, but OP was impotent. Finally it's revealed that there were multiple instances of unprotected sex over several months. WS did things for OP that she refused her husband. This is a worst-case scenario. YMMV. But you'll find a hundred stories like this in here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 OP, You don't have proof because you won't look for it. I guess you are deep down so afraid of what you will find that you refuse to look. I feel so deeply sorry for you. You must really just have no self esteem left at all. If you are working out of town, then you must be making enough money to hire a PI at least. If you want to know this is how you will find out. And why don't you have access to any of her devices? Are they all PW protected? Why is that? Why would she need to guard all of that so closely. You think that we are all a bunch of hard core anti women, anti affair people and there is no way we could be right. Just so you know something about me. I have been on both sides of this issue. And I have had other things even worse happen in my marriage if you can believe that. What I and the other posters are telling you is 100% your wife is having a physical affair with this guys for sure while you are away working. If you want to live like this, well that is your right. I hope one day that you will be able to find the strength to stand up for yourself, and be a strong man. Good luck... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 No-one here can prove whether she physically cheated or not. However, if you read the stories in here they seem to always play out the same way: BS finds text evidence. WS says she was just playing along for fun. BS finds more evidence. WS admits to kissing OP once, but that's all. Swears on her children's lives that nothing sexual happened. BS finds more evidence or arranges polygraph. WS confesses sex just one time, but OP was impotent. Finally it's revealed that there were multiple instances of unprotected sex over several months. WS did things for OP that she refused her husband. This is a worst-case scenario. YMMV. But you'll find a hundred stories like this in here. So true. I have seen this played out too many times. Best way to get to the truth is to polygraph WW. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smi11ie Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 Wrack you brain and the internet for a way to get some evidence. A wild confrontation is the very last ditch! Link to post Share on other sites
QuietDan Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 (edited) Hello everyone,Thank you for all your advice.It is greatly appreciated as I have never spoken to anyone about this issue.It is a burden that I have carried all by myself for a long time.Yes I am still in shock,disbelief,anger,and hurt by all this.This is someone I gave my everything to.I need to do some serious soul searching to figure out what I want.<snip> Your wife is the one who cheated in your marriage. Whatever the other man says you will have trouble believing. Unless you plan on physically fighting. All sorts of legal consequences with that. In this day and age confrontations can escalate to become deadly. Not the wisest course of events. If you think he has videos to show you, you can get them through the internet. Edited April 4, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate full quote Link to post Share on other sites
QuietDan Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 (edited) Hello everyone,Thank you for all your advice.It is greatly appreciated as I have never spoken to anyone about this issue.It is a burden that I have carried all by myself for a long time.Yes I am still in shock,disbelief,anger,and hurt by all this.This is someone I gave my everything to.I need to do some serious soul searching to figure out what I want.<snip> Your wife is the one who cheated in your marriage. Whatever the other man says you will have trouble believing. Unless you plan on physically fighting. All sorts of legal consequences with that. In this day and age confrontations can escalate to become deadly. Not the wisest course of events. If you think he has videos to show you, you can get them through the internet. Edited April 4, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate full quote Link to post Share on other sites
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