jah526 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Bittersweetie, I love your signature! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 The therapist prescribed me to take it. She diagnosed me with severe anxiety. Mild depression but mostly anxiety. I'm not sure about all of this still. I'm not comfortable with taking pills. What a mess I've made. What an absolute, total mess. There's no fixing this. I feel permanently damaged by this. Trying to keep my cool but I'm drowning in this mess. I never could have imagined this making me physically, mentally, and emotionally sick. It's way too much. I know my limit, and this is too much. I need this to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
cloche Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Wellbutrin? Go for it ... Look at it this way: you've engaged a professional to get the help you need while tackling what I think most here will agree is the hardest thing you will ever have to do in your life - walk away from someone you deeply love. Let her do her job now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cloche Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 "What a mess I've made. What an absolute, total mess. There's no fixing this. I feel permanently damaged by this. " No, you *are* fixing this. That's why it hurts so. So proud of you, Jen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted January 27, 2017 Author Share Posted January 27, 2017 It's really embarrassing. I'm so ashamed at how I'm handling this whole thing. I never thought of myself as this type of person. I'm usually very stable and independent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cloche Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 It's really embarrassing. I'm so ashamed at how I'm handling this whole thing. I never thought of myself as this type of person. I'm usually very stable and independent. Well, you've never been tested in quite this way before, have you? Suggestion: how about deferring these 'meta' thoughts - observations about how you are bearing up and handling yourself under such difficult and unfamiliar circumstances - until another day, when you are well past it all. Say, 3 years from now? :-) Until then, ease up on yourself and just do what you gotta do to take care of yourself and get through it... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jemima1234 Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 The therapist prescribed me to take it. She diagnosed me with severe anxiety. Mild depression but mostly anxiety. I'm not sure about all of this still. I'm not comfortable with taking pills. What a mess I've made. What an absolute, total mess. There's no fixing this. I feel permanently damaged by this. Trying to keep my cool but I'm drowning in this mess. I never could have imagined this making me physically, mentally, and emotionally sick. It's way too much. I know my limit, and this is too much. I need this to stop. My doctor prescribed me medications few months ago- best thing I could ever have done. No side effects, still go through all the emotions, have terrible days etc but no doubt the meds help me cope a little better and stabilise me. Never wanted them but so thankful I did. Go for it Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted January 27, 2017 Author Share Posted January 27, 2017 Going through a 100% relapse. My instinct to talk to him has never been higher. An email would take too long. I need to hear his voice right now. I don't need a pill, I need him. I keep thinking how he's in one place and I'm in another. One of us are in the wrong place. He's alone and so am I. Why am I toturing myself? I broke it off at the end of November and everyday since then has been pure torture. What am I holding off for? The longer I'm without him the worse it's getting. I'm getting physically sick without him. My body and mind can't handle this. Oh I am in need of help right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 Going through a 100% relapse. My instinct to talk to him has never been higher. An email would take too long. I need to hear his voice right now. I don't need a pill, I need him. I keep thinking how he's in one place and I'm in another. One of us are in the wrong place. He's alone and so am I. Why am I toturing myself? I broke it off at the end of November and everyday since then has been pure torture. What am I holding off for? The longer I'm without him the worse it's getting. I'm getting physically sick without him. My body and mind can't handle this. Oh I am in need of help right now. Think of the agony and the pain you have been going through for the last 2 months. While I know you feel worse and that it isn't getting any better, if you talk to him, you start all over. You will have to go through this very rough patch that you are going through right at this moment... you will have to go through it again. It's hard and it hurts. But you deserve to be loved the right way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cloche Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 Going through a 100% relapse. My instinct to talk to him has never been higher. An email would take too long. I need to hear his voice right now. I don't need a pill, I need him. I keep thinking how he's in one place and I'm in another. One of us are in the wrong place. He's alone and so am I. Why am I toturing myself? I broke it off at the end of November and everyday since then has been pure torture. What am I holding off for? The longer I'm without him the worse it's getting. I'm getting physically sick without him. My body and mind can't handle this. Oh I am in need of help right now. I hear you. It's agony. I've been there. But Jen, there's nothing real there for you, and you know it. He's toxic for you. Now suck up the pain - do this for me now please, Jen - get angry at him - do whatever it takes - but please, love, stay nc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jah526 Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 The therapist prescribed me to take it. She diagnosed me with severe anxiety. Mild depression but mostly anxiety. I'm not sure about all of this still. I'm not comfortable with taking pills. What a mess I've made. What an absolute, total mess. There's no fixing this. I feel permanently damaged by this. Trying to keep my cool but I'm drowning in this mess. I never could have imagined this making me physically, mentally, and emotionally sick. It's way too much. I know my limit, and this is too much. I need this to stop. If it makes you feel any better, mine recommended a psychiatrist so I could get on meds too. I went ahead and made an appointment. It's much better if you treat this when you are younger. Going a long time (as I have) with anxiety and depression really messes you up. Have you considered that your affair drug may be an attempt to self-treat your anxiety? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted January 27, 2017 Author Share Posted January 27, 2017 It took everything I had not to call him tonight. I don't know what came over me so strongly. I guess it had to do with the therapist telling me I needed meds and it freaked me out. I took a hot bath and read a book until the feeling passed. I'm not feeling so overwhelmed with emotion anymore. I haven't filled the prescription yet. I may ask my primary doctor first. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted January 27, 2017 Author Share Posted January 27, 2017 Wish me luck! I'm really worried about myself. Link to post Share on other sites
jah526 Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 Wish me luck! I'm really worried about myself. You'll be fine. Millions of other people take these drugs. I've taken Wellbutrin myself and found it to be one of the easier ones to tolerate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted January 28, 2017 Author Share Posted January 28, 2017 First day of meds. Feeling ok physically. Mentally.. better than last night but still feeling.. I don't know. Not myself. Missing him still, and feeling lonely. Girls are heading out tonight. Not sure if I'm up to it though. Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 What's the benefit of staying in? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted January 28, 2017 Author Share Posted January 28, 2017 What's the benefit of staying in? No benefit at all, but they'll be drinking and I'm not feeling up to that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted January 28, 2017 Author Share Posted January 28, 2017 So with his promotion, he has a new position, which he starts on Monday, he decided to get an apartment in the city to be closer to his office. There must be thousands of available apartments in NYC, right? So why the f*** did he pick MY apartment building? He did this on purpose. I know he did. I can't believe he would do this. He purposely picked this particular building to look for apartments in. When I saw him this afternoon I felt like my stomach was going to fall out of my butt. I asked him he was doing here and he told me why. I didn't say a word but there were a few running through my head. Now what? I know he's doing it to be close to me though. Or am I just flattering myself? Either way I don't want him here. He said he's just looking at places so far so maybe he won't actually end up living here. Am I giving this too much thought? Still, I'm uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 ack, that's kind of scary really, at the very least he wanted to mess with your head Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Oh no. Of course he's picked your apartment building deliberately. I can't believe he did that. With him being that close, I'm afraid it's just a matter of time before something happens between the two of you, unless you are really able to be strong enough to resist him. That's going to be really hard him being there. Don't go back into it, because it will only set you back. Why did he have to go and do that. It's so unfair of him. Be strong and don't cave. Remember everything he put you through. I Remember the call he made about dropping you like a bad habit. Whenever you see him, replay that call in your head. His stern voice to you, without a care in the world. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Think about this rationally. Even if you do everything by the book the dots will be connected by his wife and or family. This is no bueno. He is some kind of a special scum. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted January 29, 2017 Author Share Posted January 29, 2017 So what should I do? Should I make some kind of complaint to the building or something? Obviously, I don't want to have to move out, but I can't be in the same building as him. Link to post Share on other sites
drypuddle Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 Get a restraining order. That should stop him in his tracks real quick 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FoundMyStrength Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 There's also the distinct possibility that he is trying to set up an eventual have his cake forever situation. Make nice with the wife, get an apartment in the city to be closer to you, and make his cake-eating a more permanent arrangement. Whatever his motives, I agree with BuddyX, this one is a special kind of scumbag. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bewell Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 Lovely, I know it's hard! I have been there myself with exMM. Going back and forth, back and forth. I am waiting to go full NC from him after he reconciles a few transactions for me that was previously arranged and is currently pending. I really don't want him in my life much longer than he has been. He keeps cropping up after some time even after I've blocked and deleted stuff. Hang in there. Come here for support. Link to post Share on other sites
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