Ugly

[TheWoman]

It's quite possible that your profile or photos are the problem. A guy posted his proposed text here recently for a profile and everyone responded that it was terrible, he could not see this for himself.

 

Essentially your profile and pictures are marketing/advertising. And you have do not have any skill in these areas perhaps yours are 'off target'.

 

First figure out who you want to appeal to, what kind of woman you are attracted to. Then gear your written content and pictures to appeal to that kind of woman. You might need help with this.

 

And with regards to the 'ugly' there is really no such thing, everyone is attractive to someone and looks are just a part of the overall package anyway.

 

But there are good and bad photos. I am a huge believer in quality photography, you can say so much about your personality in a photo where light, color and composition have been thoughtfully considered.

 

If you address these issues you should start generating more responses, then you will get dates and some of them will lead somewhere....

[telemakus]

If you're very funny, hopefully you have the funniest profile. If you've got an advanced degree, it can be noted easily in your info. If you're smart, I'm sure you can think of ways to demonstrate it tastefully, can't you? And honestly, if you're that smart, you don't need me to tell you this, or anyone else to assure you that your appeal to women is not solely tied to your looks. Far from it. I'm not sure what gave you that impression, I bet you've seen stunning women with less than stunning looking men. If I was as smart as you, I'd be observing everything, using pattern recognition, deconstructing it all, and applying what I learned elsewhere. You're so much smarter than everyone, you can figure this stuff out pretty easily if you don't simplify it as you have.

 

1. I had the forums on the dating app have a look at my profile sans photos to make sure it read ok. With a few little tweaks they pretty much unanimously said it was an excellent advert for me.

 

 

2. You see this is where I disagree. The received wisdom is that women care less about looks and you see hot women with unattractive men all the time. I've been out about a lot looking at this and it's just not all that true. It's very rare - it's just the examples you do see stick in the mind. In London, if you go around Belgravia and Knightsbridge you'll see it, but those are Billionaire's playgrounds. I find it is FAR more common to see tall, handsome men with average looking women. In fact I have a few friends that combination accurately describes. I have no friends in the reverse position.

 

 

3. It doesn't matter how much I analyse this stuff. As many, many forum posts on this site testify. You can read many threads which ask questions along the lines of: 'What do you find attractive in men?' and the women will list intelligence, humour etc etc, but a few posts later qualify that these are only additional to some physical feature. Or look at their posting history and find them complaining that there are no good looking or hot men in their area. If they're not looks focussed, why should they care? I can analyse this stuff 'til the cows come home but being ugly automatically disqualifies you from being attractive. It just does.

[telemakus]

No, its really not. It might seem that way, but people having nothing to go on. Its simply shopping for bright shiny things.

 

If you put a colour page in front of me, with head or body shots of say 20 women and was asked to choose who to 'waste' the next 10 minutes of my life with then my eye will rapidly scan across all 20 photos and will rest upon the one which, in the absence of any other useful data, 'appeals' to my eye the most.

 

This is the problem. The top few percentiles of currently accepted 'beautiful' people, or those lucky enough to get a few good photos, will garner 95% of the interest ... this happens for both men and women. I mean, its no-ones fault, observers have literally nothing else to go on.

 

People have to be attracted to you, obviously. But OLD profiles is not the way, imho, to let potential mates get a view of the whole you. I'm not even talking about 'beauty is skin deep' here - its just that we can't form any realistic sort of connection based upon the 'luck' of a good photo.

 

So what you're saying is that how good looking you find someone in a few photos has very little correlation with how good a match you will be with them? Yet you say that this is how people behave in OLD? So essentially people are stupid?

 

 

It's like me continually ordering pizzas based on the colour of the toppings in the photos and continually hating my pizza rather than actually reading what is on the pizza and matching that up to what I know I like.

 

 

Presumably everyone who agrees with your post either is not on OLD or uses it differently? Or they're pretty stupid themselves.

[telemakus]

Wouldn't it be better for this person, who believes he's 'ugly' (but perhaps is just not photogenic or a good writer), meet people in ways he could first connect with on the 'inside' , show off his better qualities to generate attraction? Take up a new hobby, join a class, attend a hiking meetup?

 

Yes, which is exactly what I have done, as I said. I do a lot of activities and am in several meet up groups. Funnily enough I don't become better looking when in person.

[telemakus]

It's quite possible that your profile or photos are the problem. A guy posted his proposed text here recently for a profile and everyone responded that it was terrible, he could not see this for himself.

 

Essentially your profile and pictures are marketing/advertising. And you have do not have any skill in these areas perhaps yours are 'off target'.

 

First figure out who you want to appeal to, what kind of woman you are attracted to. Then gear your written content and pictures to appeal to that kind of woman. You might need help with this.

 

And with regards to the 'ugly' there is really no such thing, everyone is attractive to someone and looks are just a part of the overall package anyway.

 

But there are good and bad photos. I am a huge believer in quality photography, you can say so much about your personality in a photo where light, color and composition have been thoughtfully considered.

 

If you address these issues you should start generating more responses, then you will get dates and some of them will lead somewhere....

 

A rubbish photo of a hot guy is always going to trump the most professional photo of an ugly one. If you think differently, you're deluded.

[telemakus]

anyway, there seems to be some kind of terrorist incident going on here in London so maybe this just isn't that important.

[Fair]

I did that but as I say I just feel so ugly and unattractive now it's totally ruining my confidence. I got talking to this great woman in a bar a few months back and I'm certain she was flirting with me but I have so convinced myself that I'm hideously ugly that I rationalised it as her being friendly.

 

I genuinely don't get it. I know the cliché that women only go for tall, hot guys in OLD but they ALWAYS deny it. But if they don't only go for that, I MUST be seriously ugly. its such a head f#$k and no one is ever honest with you so how are you supposed to know?

 

I doubt you're 'hideously' ugly. I don't know anyone that bad. Your self esteem really is in the toilet.

 

And OLD presents tough competition for ANYONE. All they have to judge you on initially is a picture, when there's so much more to people that make them attractive... Meeting people in real life is the only way to go especially if you're looking for substance. It may not be easy but it's no mre difficult than trying to find someone online.

[Mumbles]

So what you're saying is that how good looking you find someone in a few photos has very little correlation with how good a match you will be with them? Yet you say that this is how people behave in OLD? So essentially people are stupid?

 

Well I'd basically agree with you up to the stupid bit.

 

People aren't stupid, but they are slaves to biology and social conditioning.

 

We're all hyper visually focused at this time in our history. Think about it, advertising everywhere you look, big screens, tiny screens, in our faces 24x7. We are heightening and narrowing our lives into the visual.

 

 

It's like me continually ordering pizzas based on the colour of the toppings in the photos and continually hating my pizza rather than actually reading what is on the pizza and matching that up to what I know I like.

 

Yep, thats about it. Because your attention span is too short to even seriously contemplate reading the menu. You know its there, you know you'll enjoy the pizza more ... but who can be bothered right?

 

This is OLD. If it works for you then great. I've nothing against it per se, just like I don't against bars or swingers parties, or any other activity or venue that potentially gets people together.

 

But if it isn't working and giving the rewards that an individual desires then surely they'd be foolish to keep banging their head against the wall and ordering the same pizza?

 

...

 

Right?

 

Presumably everyone who agrees with your post either is not on OLD or uses it differently? Or they're pretty stupid themselves.

 

I don't know what your asking of me with this comment? Are you simply being argumentative? Are you really really _really_ intent on forcing a square peg into a round hole by intently focusing on OLD?

[TheWoman]

A rubbish photo of a hot guy is always going to trump the most professional photo of an ugly one. If you think differently, you're deluded.

 

I pass over rubbish photos of 'hot' guys for stylish artistic interesting photos of normal guys every single time. So no delusions.

 

Although just like true beauty come from within, I expect ugly does too.

 

Maybe that's your problem.

[TheTraveler]

Let's just sayfor the sake of argument that there exists a person who is physically 'ugly' to everyone he's attracted to ( which I don't believe can be true).

 

I've seen some real ugly guys out there. And to top it off, a good amount of them the vibe they give off tend to be creepy and weird.

[Cookiesandough]

I think we're seeing the problem reveal itself now as so often happens with threads like these...

 

I don't mean go up to a girl in your jewelry making class and say "ayo girl" but use the advantages you have like your amazing sense of humor or knowledge to build rapport and go from there??

 

People are often attracted to/want to be around people just that

[Cookiesandough]

I've seen some real ugly guys out there. And to top it off, a good amount of them the vibe they give off tend to be creepy and weird.

 

Yeah but I' bet somewhere out there there's a girl who's just dying for him to breathe down her neck

[BlueIvy]

Ok, well I've been trying OLD for over a year now and I cannot get anything like a response from any woman. I send good messages (according to the advice on the site's forums) and my photos are as good as I can make them. But because I'm clearly ugly and not tall I get ignored every time. The trouble now is that it's totally destroyed my confidence away from OLD and I cannot see myself ever being attractive to any woman. I don't know how to get out of this hole.

 

There is someone for everyone, sounds cliche but it's true. I use to work at this job and the supervisor brought his girlfriend. Everyone was shocked, she was very overweight, short, stubby features, red skin. Just not attractive at all. Some of my co-workers even said she looked like a farm animal. But her bf, the supervisor, talked about her highly and presented her like a trophy.

 

My point is to someone you're attractive, you are a trophy. You need to be more confident because women love confidence. How many times have we seen a pretty woman with an ok or homely man? Confidence goes a long way. Instead of waiting for women to pursue you, which most women don't do anyway. Why not approach various women? Even if you get rejected, eventually someone will be interested in you. You have to put in some work too!

[curiouslysearching]

Yeah but I' bet somewhere out there there's a girl who's just dying for him to breathe down her neck

 

Cookie you do say some very thought provoking things....

[TheTraveler]

Yeah but I' bet somewhere out there there's a girl who's just dying for him to breathe down her neck

 

Someone is always willing too hookup/date/marry Mama June.

 

Well the smart ones, as the OP is considering, who are in this situation head to 2nd and 3rd world countries and bring one back home. The ones who cannot fathom this due to a lack of resources, unwillingness to change, or an understanding of the world...will be forever alone

[todreaminblue]

i have begun to develop a routine...of writing every day ....i am beautiful inside...i am beautiful outside and writing something i feel ...beautiful about....and you know what im eating less.....i have completely ..well almost ...cut out junk food.....even though when family eat it around me..i say no....proud of my self control....

 

i dotn beleive peoplewhen they tell em im beautiful.....im overweight....and i have int he past not even felt pretty on the inside....i doubt my own attractive inner traits as soon as i read or hear something negative that has nothing to do with me.....like ont he weekend i answered a question on what the women in the group are like ...adn i sadi non judgmental..because thats what i believe...one lovely woman answered its something i need to work on i have to stop myself from judging others...and i felt a sinking feeling in my heart....thinking mayb e she was inspired to say that because i am kidding mysefl that i am non judgmental and accepting.......i must be more judgmental too if this lovely woman can say that.......i am a bad judge of character...my own.......i am beautiful adn i am mostly good or try to be.....i mess up but i always say sorry.....an dmean it....

 

as far as old goes....on my photos...i have never had a problem with guys asking me out.since i was fifteen/...never......i have had more than my fair share of men......there are many...many more women much more attractive than me.....in fact i would say nearly all......the amount of replies i get make me panic and i stop olding...i cant handle it dont like it....the volume of replies ...makes me anxious and i feel sorry for lonely men ...obligated to answer...so i dont do old.....

 

the ugliness you say you feel ......what you consider ugly...will nto eb the same as others......there will always be somebody who will fidn you attractive.....no rfeplies is probably as soul destroying as too many....so dont do old...find something you love to do and join groups...be in the world...go for drives...frequent different places....take photos of where you go ....and if you see a pretty woman you like and you are taking a photo ask her does she know the are and any any sights of interest that might be good to take photos of...be in the moment...and enjoy your surroundings..happiness and interest is attractive......in men and women.....be happy ...be you just learn new things too ..do new things..me ...i am going to learn to drive and do ...camping trips ...with my son...or by myself ...or with my girls...i am going to broaden my horizons....find and document the beautiful in the world i actually love to be in......and find that way ...the beauty in me.........its the only way to have a new outlook on you...and the people around you..otherwise....why is life important?.......good luck ...deb

[preraph]

I have several social circles. None of the women in them or who I've met through them have shown the slightest interest. I think looks are just as big a deal offline as on to be honest.

 

Then you need a social circle with less attractive women but who have some of the same interests.

[elpatron]

I'm going to agree with the OP here to a certain extent. I have had many a women basically laugh in my face or most common I happen to notice it behind me back. I've been on OLD since December with zero responses. But I much prefer going out and meeting people in person, never know who will introduce you to who.

 

Comparing OLD to real life though might not be accurate. I do attract women, but only after they've gotten to know me, in real life, friends of friends etc., and 9 times out of 10 they are single mothers.

 

I have good-looking friends, one of whom has much success on OLD, but as I've told her, it's not as easy for someone who has little physical attractive qualities. It seems I simply do not fit the physical definition for what a man should look like.

 

I understand it though, I mean everyone is different but I believe there has to be some type of physical attraction in place on both sides for something to work. Which is why I cannot possibly blame anyone for not being attracted to another person based on looks.

 

I think perhaps OP you are not projecting a positive vibe in situations where you might catch someone's attention. I mean eff it, I know I'm not the best looking guy at the bar or anywhere but we still have fun, and those are the times people (women) notice. Still single though..lol

[Menomena]

You have 2 eyes, nostrils, ears, right? Do you want to be at the mercy of a superficial world, or do you want to base your confidence on something other than what your face looks like?

 

BTW ... a lot of guys get no, or virtually no females thinking they're hot or handsome, etc. It's pretty common.

 

I mean, are these supposed to be soothing thoughts for the guy? I'm a pretty ugly dude myself although I'm outgoing, and it's never lead to anything happening 'naturally'.. If you're ugly, you're just never going to be seen in that way.

 

Your person will be subconsciously filed under "friend" - nice personality but not attractive. Try to "flirt" with someone who sees you as a good guy and they handle you with kid's gloves until they're backed into a corner with no way out.

 

So we're all at this world's mercy. Not allowing yourself to be, is basically just removing yourself from the game that everyone's playing. I don't think that the OP wants that?

[SunnySide0418]

Just curious .. How tall are you?

[Chilli]

I think I do. It's not very symmetrical but it's nothing clinical. I used to think I looked ok, a 5/10 only but just somewhere in the middle. but that can't be the case as I just get nothing.

 

 

Sound like an average person to me.

All this hot hot hot bull**** , biggest load of garbage,

Like l say 100 times but no one seems to get it,

look down any shopping mall or center , street, hell anywhere. look at all the couples, look at all the people.Most people are only 5/10, that's average, that's what most people are, look around. And it's certainly what most women on date sites are themselves anyway, was on mine that is for sure don't be fooled by the bull****.

 

 

There's someone for everyone.