aisuru Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 I've been dating somebody for a year now and he still wears a condom though I'm on birth control (Nuvaring). In fact, I specifically got on birth control when we started dating (after a dry spell). Every now and then I consider asking him about it but I figure he feels like he's responsible for his role in baby making and is making a responsible decision. When we met, he wanted kids more than I did (he's 42 and I'm 40; both never married and no kids). I got pregnant once 5 years ago unintentionally while on BC (I was on a one hormone pill while most pills are two hormones) with a casual friend and ended the pregnancy. While it was the right decision, it was a very difficult one and one I would not want to be faced with that ever again. I haven't even told my boyfriend about it and he would probably be that much more adamant about his condoms. LOL BUT, all that said, every now and then I do think, "doesn't he trust that I'll maintain my BC?" Though most of the time I appreciate that this lets me know where he stands on with his own personal responsibility. And that he believes this is just as much his responsibility as mine. No child should be brought into this world when both parents are not gungho to bring them into this world. And the reality is, that no matter how much we think it rarely happens or that it's terrible, women do, and will continue to, get pregnant without a full endorsement from their partner. I'm curious now for an update if the conversation happened and if so, how it went.
stillafool Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 No child should be brought into this world when both parents are not gungho to bring them into this world. And the reality is, that no matter how much we think it rarely happens or that it's terrible, women do, and will continue to, get pregnant without a full endorsement from their partner. I agree. I never understand why some women do this. It's not just unfair to the man but more unfair to the child.
devilcame Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 I am on the fence, as I have been in both situations (being extremely careful with contraception, being on the fence about having kids, etc.). I do understand you have rights to protect yourself, but in the end that's exactly what you are doing, and she feels it. For sure. It's not the greatest feel to know that someone is protecting themselves from you, right? So yes, you should be very careful with how you approach this. BC is very very effective, but as everyone else says, it depends on the person taking it. I haven't missed one in 10 years, but I have friends who regularly forget 1 or 2. I do appreciate that you want to play on the safe side, so I understand you both! My partner has also been very careful with it because we have many RS problems and are absolutely not ready for this (we don't know even know if we'll be together in a few months). And even if at a higher level I do understand this, I still think in the back of my head "You don't trust me. You are scared. What would you do if it DOES happen?". I suggest you explain it to her exactly as you did with us, as it was pretty good! Let her know that for you is a crucial issue and that you are still to clear this in your head, and until then, you want to be as responsible as her. A 50%-50% responsibility in contraception is very mature, she will appreciate that. But if I may add, also tell her that you will work towards getting to a decision. At some point you will have to face the problem (whether you want kids or not), and it's not fair for her to be left wondering, indefinitely, until you decide to do so. 1
smackie9 Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 Her deciding to go on BC without having a real conversation as to why or even asking how you feel about it, and here you are asking us what to do instead of talking to her, tells me you both don't communicate very well....especially this thing about having kids...over 3 1/2 years into a relationship and you both are still dragging your feet about marriage.....not looking very promising here. Seriously if you both are not confident about any of this....you shouldn't be together.....I believe you two are just kidding yourselves that you have a future together.
SoleMate Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 For a man to take control of his own reproductive health and destiny (whether through condoms or any other method) is smart, responsible, moral, caring and 100% a good thing. No woman should see that as a negative in any way. Every form of birth control has a non-zero failure rate, so given the high stakes of unwanted pregnancy, using at least 2 methods is appropriate. Use of 2 methods doesn't mean that 1 partner doesn't trust the other to be honest reproductively. (It might, but typically wouldn't.) It just is an acknowledgment that methods can fail and mistakes and forgetfulness do happen. I consider it unreasonable for any woman to give any male sex partner a hard time about using protection (just like I'd say the same for men vis-a-via women). So OP, keep it up and I do not mean that in any kind of double entendre way. You are a role model.
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