How to reconcile?

[ranaak]

Hey SpecialJ.

 

No, no reply. Funny you asked, its been on my mind alot.That last text I got " "I dont think Im ready yet"" has been messing with me.

 

I should have straight up asked her to clarify.

 

After all this, I really don't know if she is still hurt, still has feelings, but since I instigated the breakup, she needs more from me, or just wants me out of her life.

 

The reply I sent back said that I understood, I apologized for the way I acted, and told her Id work to regain her trust, but I never got the chance to say something specific like "I wanted to reconcile." Thats felt too heavy for a reply text ya know? My intent was to respect her, and not push, but I later realized she may think I had other intentions. She could have thought I was just looking for an ego boost or something, hell I have no idea.

 

Texts are so hard to deal with, cause there are so many interpretations depending on the persons mindset.

 

 

I believe she's dating around, which I would expect. I sure am still stuck on her though. It's a very odd twist of fate for me, in that, in changing for myself, I truly believe we'd be more compatible than ever before. I'm moving forward, but I can't say I won't reach out to her every once in a while to keep in touch.

 

Thanks for asking, I'll post if anything changes, and feel free to add your thoughts as well.

Edited April 11, 2017 by ranaak

[ranaak]

It's really strange and peculiar, it's been what, over 4 months now?

 

I've been in my share of relationships, one that was almost twice as long as this one. I've never, never felt close to this kind of regret, constant heartache and pain. I think what happened, is as I started changing, I really realized that I was to blame for a lot of our problems. It was me who did it, not only did I break her heart, then somehow broke my own too lol. I think she is a very special girl, and I really blew it.

 

Like I said, I'm moving forward, but my gods it is difficult.

[JustJoe]

Move on.....there is no such thing as a one-sided reconciliation. If, in 3 months she hasn't attempted to contact you, and if she didn't respond to your congratulationary message, she is not going to be receptive.

[ranaak]

Justjoe, thanks for the input, but I'm confused by what you mean, what 'congratulationary message'?

 

She's probably Not going to be too receptive, that's a given, I left her.

 

And the one sided reconciliation, I agree that ultimately yea, but as the dumper here, I gotta do some work to let her know I'm interested right? Otherwise Ill be waiting for her to crawl back to me, beggin for me back? I don't see that happenin. I don't think it works that way except with really weak people.

Edited April 11, 2017 by ranaak

[Purepony]

Stop making excuses for her if she wants to she would say yes it's done it's over MoveOn

[Bufo]

All endings are by definition bad because if things weren't bad there would be. I reason to end them. Overstatement? Sure, but I hope you understand what I'm trying to express.

 

I was once in your shoes. And it took awhile to overcome the feeling of loss and my regret for having broken off a relationship. My very first, of course

 

Then I got my Motown on. Too Many Fish in the Sea. My Mama Told Me You Better Shop Around.

 

Us it hurts now. But it won't hurt forever. That which does not kill you makes you stronger.

[SpecialJ]

I'm not too optimistic, and moving on is the prudent thing to do, but if you're still feeling this way in another month or two, you can ask her if she'd like to get some coffee or something. I understand that you said some of what you needed to but that text isn't the right medium for this stuff. I also understand that she said she wasn't ready -- no matter what specifically she meant (friends, more), what is for sure is she wasn't ready to talk. I wouldn't count down the days or have expectations (don't give yourself false hope about time passing), but if you still feel like reaching out in a non-aggressive way after some more time has passed (I don't think it's disrespectful of her space to have given her a month or two as long as she didn't say never talk to me again), you can see if she's any more receptive to meeting up. If she says yes without defining it just as friends, I don't doubt that means she'd be curious to hear what you want. She already knows you have some feelings from the last text even if you didn't state reconciliation. If she says no or doesn't answer, I'd definitely give up romantically at that point. Either she's not interested or dating someone or both. If you ever approached her again after that, it would have to be several months on and only if you really wanted to see if you could be friends. I'm good friends with some of my exes (for real! but definitely not with all of my exes), and I don't believe in forever no contact if you BOTH are over it and are BOTH explicitly open to salvaging the friendship aspect of the relationship.

 

Hope things get better for you one way or another!

 

 

-J

[JustJoe]

Justjoe, thanks for the input, but I'm confused by what you mean, what 'congratulationary message'?

 

She's probably Not going to be too receptive, that's a given, I left her.

 

And the one sided reconciliation, I agree that ultimately yea, but as the dumper here, I gotta do some work to let her know I'm interested right? Otherwise Ill be waiting for her to crawl back to me, beggin for me back? I don't see that happenin. I don't think it works that way except with really weak people.

I was refering to the message of congratulations you sent her for her project...If she didn't return , at least, a thank you, you are probably done.

[ranaak]

Ahh alright JustJoe, that was a bit removed from more recent events, but yes, gotcha.

 

Bufo, that is a fantastic way to look at it, thank you.

 

 

And Special J, Thank you for all your support and words with all this. You and I are on close to same page here with everything we've talked about and any possible future actions on my part.

 

I'll update or try to find you on these forums if anything ever happens, but I wanted you to know you really helped me out, and I really needed it.

 

I'll be sure to look up your words to remind me should anything happen down the road.

 

Thank you.

 

All the best to you Special J

 

[SpecialJ]

Thank you! If things don't work out for you with her, after you take some time to get over it, the next person will be lucky to have you. It does sound like you've gone through some real growth, and maturity in a partner is not always easy to find!