Interpreting male actions - are these positive signs?

[girlinNYC]

I used to freeze up when I was a youngster. I remember one girl who liked me, and she was super attractive, but I couldn't approach because of nerves or whatever. All of my guy friends were amazed that I wasn't on it. I'll never know what might have been because all we ever did was ogle each other wantonly. Don't let your opportunities pass you by. If you're able, just go up to the guy and take the pressure off. Ask him to grab a coffee or whatever. It's also best to do this before it gets totally awkward, which it may be somewhat already, but there is a window of opportunity that only open so long. Set the anxiety aside and just do it. You won't be sorry regardless of how it turns out. I don't regret any mistakes I made, only opportunities missed...

 

Sorry to hear of your regret, however things happen for a reason and you obviously weren't ready to break down that barrier at the time. What's done is done though.

 

Perfectly said, you definitely make a lot of sense. I am not the most forward person, 23 and quite introverted. I get a feeling he is interested at least given the countless times he has looked at me, even walking out of his store to do so, then calling me beautiful and such. However that doesn't signify automatically that he likes me, two relatively different things. I am due to see him again this week, so I will be subtly flirtatious. I was a touch reserved upon our first meeting (nerves). Hopefully a coffee will come. At least I have knocked over my first hurdle being generating the courage to go in.

[girlinNYC]

Tears welling up in my eyes as I write this... I have come across a guy I find myself unable to stop thinking about. In my previous thread you will see most of the back story, but long story short we work nearby each other and for a while before I had actually gone into his store I had caught him looking at me many times, which I am now convinced signifies some level of interest or attraction.

In the two interactions we have now had, the body language has been positive along with him calling me beautiful every time.

 

In essence I should be happy, but I have fears inhibiting that. I find myself thinking about him before I go to bed, as I wake up and any spare time in between. Feeling vulnerable has always been my greatest fear, as my love life thus far has not worked out, so I know of no happy endings. Either guys I am not interested in express interest, or if there is a mutual interest they have walked away after a couple of dates because I am not a sex after one or two dates kind of girl. So I guess I'm assuming things with this guy won't work out given my love life trend so far. I am already liking him so I now can't protect myself from getting hurt, as it was literally an instant attraction.

 

However I just feel in my bones he is different. For one, I haven't fallen for or even spoken to a guy in over a year. Yet the minute I lay eyes on him I'm attracted. There are so many parallels between us, something so genuine about his persona.

 

I am at a point where I feel so confident in my own skin and myself as a woman. I know what I bring to the table and what a quality girlfriend I would be, given I am so secure as a person. Despite this, it has been so frustrating that someone as confident in herself as I, has had a failed love life and I see insecure women around me in relationships. Not throwing hate, just making a clear observation.

 

How do I cope with doing what I hate most, liking someone?

Edited March 21, 2017 by girlinNYC

[act00]

You haven't gone out with him. You have no idea what will happen. You're propping him up in your head, and you fear what you don't know yet. Rejection is part of dating, and he may not be what you have created in your head.

 

There's no magic way to not let this guy infiltrate your every thought. You can try distracting yourself with TV or books, hobby, friends, or just consider these thoughts a happy fairy tale, allow them for brief periods, then stop...until later, a treat for yourself, but you have to get back to reality the rest of the time. It's not healthy to have a guy you only flirt with consuming your life.

 

Are you planning to ask him out? Are you waiting for him to do it? He hasn't yet, and may never. All you can do is crush and try to get over it. You'll self-sabotage every potential relationship (or date) if you fear the end result will be breaking up and you'll get hurt. You can't avoid the hurt, sorry. Eventually Mr. Right will come along.

 

PS: Men flirt, and he probably does well in sales by flirting. It doesn't mean he wants you, so really, you need to try not to put to much meaning in his behavior, and let things play out if they are meant to be.

[girlinNYC]

I am aware hurt is unavoidable, hence bringing up past experiences..

No I have not asked him out, we have spoken for a total of 10 minutes if that, there is such thing as coming off too strong and scaring the guy away.

I am also aware that crushing on someone is unhealthy hence asking advice on where to go from here in light of his attraction, however big or small it may be.

[girlinNYC]

You haven't gone out with him. You have no idea what will happen. You're propping him up in your head, and you fear what you don't know yet. Rejection is part of dating, and he may not be what you have created in your head.

 

There's no magic way to not let this guy infiltrate your every thought. You can try distracting yourself with TV or books, hobby, friends, or just consider these thoughts a happy fairy tale, allow them for brief periods, then stop...until later, a treat for yourself, but you have to get back to reality the rest of the time. It's not healthy to have a guy you only flirt with consuming your life.

 

Are you planning to ask him out? Are you waiting for him to do it? He hasn't yet, and may never. All you can do is crush and try to get over it. You'll self-sabotage every potential relationship (or date) if you fear the end result will be breaking up and you'll get hurt. You can't avoid the hurt, sorry. Eventually Mr. Right will come along.

 

PS: Men flirt, and he probably does well in sales by flirting. It doesn't mean he wants you, so really, you need to try not to put to much meaning in his behavior, and let things play out if they are meant to be.

 

 

 

I am aware hurt is unavoidable, hence bringing up past experiences..

No I have not asked him out, we have spoken for a total of 10 minutes if that, there is such thing as coming off too strong and scaring the guy away.

I am also aware that crushing on someone is unhealthy hence asking advice on where to go from here in light of his attraction, however big or small it may be.

[smackie9]

If you are so afraid of getting hurt, you are in no mental condition to even attempt to date anyone. You obviously have anxiety issues from whatever has happened to you. You crush to feel good. It's no different that sticking needle in your arm...it's dangerous to your mental health. You need to sort yourself out, maybe ask for advice from a close relative, friend or seek out a therapist. If you don't deal with it, you will find yourself in this endless cycle of hopelessness.

[girlinNYC]

If you are so afraid of getting hurt, you are in no mental condition to even attempt to date anyone. You obviously have anxiety issues from whatever has happened to you. You crush to feel good. It's no different that sticking needle in your arm...it's dangerous to your mental health. You need to sort yourself out, maybe ask for advice from a close relative, friend or seek out a therapist. If you don't deal with it, you will find yourself in this endless cycle of hopelessness.

 

If you had told me this a year ago I would agree, but it's not so much anxiety about getting hurt (as ultimately if I did I know it's their loss not mine) I don't have self esteem issues at all because I've dealt with past hurt.

What would 'hurt' me more than something not working out with a guy I like is knowing he hasn't realised what was in front of him and missing out on what could have been as a result. Just trying to figure out which way forward to go with this.

[Imajerk17]

If you had told me this a year ago I would agree, but it's not so much anxiety about getting hurt (as ultimately if I did I know it's their loss not mine) I don't have self esteem issues at all because I've dealt with past hurt.

What would 'hurt' me more than something not working out with a guy I like is knowing he hasn't realised what was in front of him and missing out on what could have been as a result. Just trying to figure out which way forward to go with this.

 

 

All this emotion about *a guy you haven't even gone out with yet*, a guy you talked with for 10 minutes total? This is not normal, sorry to say.

 

Or rather, I agree w smackie. Self-esteem issues and anxiety.

Edited March 21, 2017 by Imajerk17

[girlinNYC]

If you had told me this a year ago I would agree, but it's not so much anxiety about getting hurt (as ultimately if I did I know it's their loss not mine) I don't have self esteem issues at all because I've dealt with past hurt.

What would 'hurt' me more than something not working out with a guy I like is knowing he hasn't realised what was in front of him and missing out on what could have been as a result. Just trying to figure out which way forward to go with this.

 

Also, I don't crush to feel good. If you read what I have written it will tell you that I haven't spoken to a guy in so long, ie out of choice being a very fussy person. Read then type message.