GF of 6 years says she needs to find herself!

[hunk]

I have a master's in psychology, Lion.:D

 

Psychological explanations don't shed any light on the root cause of the termination of human sexual relations. We wish they did because that gives us some sort of logical, rational explanation for things that we can hold onto, and we like to diagnose and shift responsibility onto the other person for when a relationship collapses. But the truth is, relationships just fall apart when the attraction that brought to people together weakens and disappears because a man is not fulfilling his biological and natural role as a male, i.e, a leader, in control, desirable and strong, and a woman simply sees him as a non-viable long term partner and looks for a stronger man.

 

I've dated women 10 years younger than me, in COMPLETELY different stages of life and this made no difference because at a core level our sexual energies and personalities meshed perfectly because our dynamic was where it needed to be to keep them invested in me. I've also had great relationships with professional women while I was unemployed and broke working on a business, technically they were the ones who grew and I stagnated, but we had fun and good sex, they were loyal and doting and I was a MAN throughout the entire relationship and lead her and it kept us going.

 

Again in your quote, this article says (as an example) it's because the man is stagnating and the woman is progressing that is fundamentally why the relationship ends, when the article should but won't address the non-pc reality that the woman was just turned off her man and detached herself sexually and emotionally from him because he wasn't being a man and therefore in her eyes was a genetic dead-end. It's that simple.

Edited March 15, 2017 by hunk

[Chi townD]

Hmmm....Well, my spidey senses are telling me that there isn't another guy. I'm not getting that vibe. (I could be wrong, but no bells are going off).

 

So, it might be that she has a lot going on in her life right now and not having you is one less problem (I'm not saying YOU are a problem. But; in her mind, trying to keep you happy and trying to be a girlfriend to you is something she is finding difficult at the moment).

 

Therefore, you give her what she is asking for. You out of her life. This is her choice, not yours. So, you need to do a hard NO CONTACT (NC) on her. She needs to see what life is going to be like without you in it. That if her old car stops working, you're not going to go running to save her. That if she's having a bad day, you're not around to make her feel better.

 

So, give her what she's asking for. For you to be gone. NC dude.

[Sweetfish]

Listen to me.

 

If she hasn't ended things yet, YOU END IT TODAY. DUMP HER TODAY.

 

This relationship for the moment is over, it's irrecoverable. Her feelings are gone, her attraction is gone, she doesn't want to sleep with you anymore and is just dragging out the inevitable because she's scared of the consequences of ending it. But she will end it. Within the next few weeks at most.

 

There's no fixing this. Dump her. I'm begging you through my computer screen. Once those feelings start creeping in, it's over. They just get worse. They never improve. Doubts about her attraction to you and investment in your relationship grow exponentially, they never diminish.

 

The longer you stay passive and indecisive she will resent you even more. Right now you look pathetic staying with her knowing she doesn't want to be with you. If you dump her, it's the hail mary recollection of your testicles and you can salvage your dignity and self respect. It will increase your value in her eyes and restore some attraction. You dump her and say "This isn't working, I don't want this I'm sorry". There's a bit of mind-gaming going on here but that's fine.

 

Walk away and start No Contact immediately. Please listen to me. I know this goes against every fiber in your body but please just dump her and walk away. If you don't, you'll regret it more than anything when you've lost her for good after she dumps you and your dignity is gone at the same time.

 

This was absolutely dead on

[Sweetfish]

OP there doesnt need to be another man... but she can look for one that can bring her out of her rut. This is what society has constructed.. a prince to save the princess.

[keiji]

We have very little information other than the fact that she asked for some space, so instead of bluntly telling the OP to dump her and never speak to her again, perhaps it's more sensible to advice him to give her that space she needs.

 

I also think the prospects aren't good, though. When you have a problem, the normal thing to do, imo, is to resort to your SO for comfort instead of pushing them away. But maybe the whole situation is just too much for her, particularly considering that she's suffering from anxiety, which is something you need to add to the equation. Is she on meds? Is she on therapy? Are we talking about stress or diagnosed anxiety?

 

In any event, I think you must leave her alone. If these are all excuses to dump you, it will transpire sooner than later. If not, you'll have respected her space and that will give you time to think if you want to be with someone who pushes you away every time things go sour in her life. Don't try to help people who don't want to be helped. She wants to face adversity all alone? Good, let her do it. Don't wait for her, either. Pretend it's over for good. Hope can be extremely counterproductive for your healing process.

[HereWeGo_001]

We have very little information other than the fact that she asked for some space, so instead of bluntly telling the OP to dump her and never speak to her again, perhaps it's more sensible to advice him to give her that space she needs.

 

I also think the prospects aren't good, though. When you have a problem, the normal thing to do, imo, is to resort to your SO for comfort instead of pushing them away. But maybe the whole situation is just too much for her, particularly considering that she's suffering from anxiety, which is something you need to add to the equation. Is she on meds? Is she on therapy? Are we talking about stress or diagnosed anxiety?

 

In any event, I think you must leave her alone. If these are all excuses to dump you, it will transpire sooner than later. If not, you'll have respected her space and that will give you time to think if you want to be with someone who pushes you away every time things go sour in her life. Don't try to help people who don't want to be helped. She wants to face adversity all alone? Good, let her do it. Don't wait for her, either. Pretend it's over for good. Hope can be extremely counterproductive for your healing process.

 

Thanks. I think the best thing I've gotten out of all this is to give her space. Concentrate on things in my life.

[HereWeGo_001]

Hmmm....Well, my spidey senses are telling me that there isn't another guy. I'm not getting that vibe. (I could be wrong, but no bells are going off).

 

So, it might be that she has a lot going on in her life right now and not having you is one less problem (I'm not saying YOU are a problem. But; in her mind, trying to keep you happy and trying to be a girlfriend to you is something she is finding difficult at the moment).

 

Therefore, you give her what she is asking for. You out of her life. This is her choice, not yours. So, you need to do a hard NO CONTACT (NC) on her. She needs to see what life is going to be like without you in it. That if her old car stops working, you're not going to go running to save her. That if she's having a bad day, you're not around to make her feel better.

 

So, give her what she's asking for. For you to be gone. NC dude.

 

 

 

Thanks a lot

[preraph]

This is simply what happens to people who were young when they got together. At some point, it's only natural for one or both to want to explore but also just see who they are when they are not under the influence of a parent or partner. You really don't know yourself until you are on your own for some time. All you can do is let her go. Or she will just resent it.

[SevenCity]

Seven, yes I've seen that happen before. Couples who keep sleeping with each other, however the woman has emotionally checked out. She will keep sleeping with you because obviously she likes sex and is horny and enjoys the feeling of being desired by you, and this actually allows her to emotionally detach even further because it reinforces her lack of investment in you (she's able to compartmentalize sex and you as two different entities rather than the natural state of things which should be her associating sex with her emotional feelings for you)

 

So on one hand you've got men who are dumped because their woman is comfortable with their emotional/personality compatibility but just not interested in sleeping with them anymore due to his behavior, and on the other hand you've got guys who are dumped because the woman has realized the man is fundamentally incompatible with her personality, she's still horny and attracted to him but she's comfortable in knowing he still desires her but that's not enough to trump the lack of deep personal investment/character bonding she didn't feel with you. So she's able to sleep with you with almost zero feelings because in her mind she doesn't equate your relationship with exclusive sex anymore, it's just sex for what it is.

 

Why did she dump you?

 

I have no idea. None of my family or friends can figure it out.

 

I don't want to hijack the thread with non relevant info but I can PM you my story - maybe you can figure it out. Let me know.

 

My commonality with the OP is my RL lasted 7 years and she walked. We are both older though and as mentioned sexual attraction was still very much alive.

 

I can relate to a woman seemingly flipping an emotional switch at the end of a RL as it's happened to me before. But that was not my case as she pretty much had a nervous breakdown when she moved out.

 

My only explanation is she went bonkers.

[hunk]

Yeah shoot me a message. As much detail as you can. Very interesting, message me and I'll get back to you.

[HereWeGo_001]

This is simply what happens to people who were young when they got together. At some point, it's only natural for one or both to want to explore but also just see who they are when they are not under the influence of a parent or partner. You really don't know yourself until you are on your own for some time. All you can do is let her go. Or she will just resent it.

 

Thanks for the feedback

[preraph]

I think once you accept this change, you will find what follows to be a very exciting time in your life.

[HereWeGo_001]

I think once you accept this change, you will find what follows to be a very exciting time in your life.

 

It's difficult though. Some articles online explain how space is actually good for a relationship, especially when going through difficulties in life. But others say, ifs the beginning of a break up. So how do you truly understand and know which one is it