Dumper want my ex back

[Mimmi76]

He doesn't trust me because I left him and I initiated breakup.

We broke up for a day before that last breakup and it was because of me too.

I went through some bad relationship before I met him and through very bad abuse. I walked away from that but didn't get over when I started to date him.

After our breakup almost 4 months ago I didn't date I took this time to work on myself and realized that the problem was me and I finally let those things go and I think I can be different if he gives me a chance. I need to do that either with him or anyone else. I would love to do it with him bc I think this man really loved me and he told me he still loves me and I still love him too and I really screwed up our relationship.

[whatdeww18]

I have some update and I really need some advice bc I have no idea what to do now.

So after he ignored me for couple days I sent him that text and told him I understand he is not interested in starting over and I wish him well.

He responded and said too much time passed, I wish things were different. I said I understand and wish him good bye.

Then out of the blue he started to text me happy pictures of us.

I responded and I told him look, I think you still have feelings for me but you are either scared or don't think it will work out or don't trust me.

He said all of the above.

Then I wrote him that I love him and if he just give me a chance I can show to him that I am serious and I want him for the rest of my life.

He responded and said I do love you.

 

This was last week. After that I sent him good morning and good night texts, I texts him pics about my day. I tell him I miss him and I would like to see him.

He responds but often just ignores my texts for long time. He ignores when I ask to see him.

This morning I texted and no response whatsoever.

 

I feel stupid for pursuing this man and getting nothing back in return and he won't even see me. Some of my friends told me to dissapear and give him space they think I am coming too strong.

Some say keep doing what I have been doing and keep writing him bc he told me he loves me. He discusses his future with me like plans about renting another place and asks what I think. Yet at the same time I haven't seen him in 3 weeks after we started to talk again.

 

What should I do?

 

First and foremost, re-read Sweetfish's post. You have to be willing to show him for a while that you really mean a reconciliation. You made it harder by giving up after a short period of time. If it only took you a couple of days to give up, why would he let himself be vulnerable again to another possible heartbreak?

 

Stop all the texting and just call the man. Meet up with him, lay things out on the table, and show you are sincere.

 

The walls to his heart are probably as high as the Eiffel tower. You're going to have to continuously show that you aren't going to bail again, until you slowly break that wall down. You call him, meet up with him, and get things going. No drinks. If you aren't willing to put in the work, and show your commitment, leave him alone.

 

I can understand that you're confused. It's going to be a lot of work but if you love this man, just go for it. You said you've done the work on yourself and realized your mistakes. Go show him how you've changed and how things will be better.

 

I'll be crossing my fingers for you

 

Good luck!

[Mimmi76]

I already met him and told him everything I felt

I called and did it again

This was 2 weeks ago.

Last week I asked him for a meeting he ignores.

I called him this morning he didn't pick up and didn't call me back.

So I have no idea what to do

[Mimmi76]

I will try to ask him to have lunch with me next week.

Right now I sent 4 messages with no response so far. I called and he ignores.

I am going to wait until he responds and then ask him.

 

I just don't understand this. He said he loves me, but won't even meet me.

[Sweetfish]

I have some update and I really need some advice bc I have no idea what to do now.

So after he ignored me for couple days I sent him that text and told him I understand he is not interested in starting over and I wish him well.

He responded and said too much time passed, I wish things were different. I said I understand and wish him good bye.

Then out of the blue he started to text me happy pictures of us.

I responded and I told him look, I think you still have feelings for me but you are either scared or don't think it will work out or don't trust me.

He said all of the above.

Then I wrote him that I love him and if he just give me a chance I can show to him that I am serious and I want him for the rest of my life.

He responded and said I do love you.

 

This was last week. After that I sent him good morning and good night texts, I texts him pics about my day. I tell him I miss him and I would like to see him.

He responds but often just ignores my texts for long time. He ignores when I ask to see him.

This morning I texted and no response whatsoever.

 

I feel stupid for pursuing this man and getting nothing back in return and he won't even see me. Some of my friends told me to dissapear and give him space they think I am coming too strong.

Some say keep doing what I have been doing and keep writing him bc he told me he loves me. He discusses his future with me like plans about renting another place and asks what I think. Yet at the same time I haven't seen him in 3 weeks after we started to talk again.

 

What should I do?

 

I went hiking today.

No I am not going to take him out and pay for dates or beg for the relationship.

I think it's ridiculous. I don't know of any woman who won a man back by paying for the dates and pursuing him non stop.

I told him how I feel he knows I am serious and want him back.

I am not looking for attention from anyone

 

 

We gave you advice and you decline... you severed the connection you had.. its now your responsibility to prove your self.. You think he is just suppose to trust you now? Since your a woman you think your entitled. You are a person who has hurt another person and you need to prove your trust... Like any other entity. It can take months...

 

I will tell you right now...you break-up with me... it will take you at least a year for me to be FULLY vested back into you.

 

If you do NOT love him leave him alone. If you do...you need to remember the things he likes and take him there... If he loves a certain movie...watch it with him... If he loves a certain anything... SHOW him or sit back and wait for another female to pick-him up..

 

Just because your a girl DO NOT think you can bat your eyes and he will just comes crawling back.

[Sweetfish]

As time passed I have realized that I was an idiot and I was needy. That there was nothing wrong with his hobbies and that adults don't need to spend every minute of their day together.

I took this 3 month off to work on myself. I lost 20 pounds, have been hitting the gym, I did therapy and realized that this man did nothing wrong. I have issues and I need to work on them and I wasn't happy with myself and it wasn't his fault.

 

Again, I think you did the right things and improved your self. But 3 months is a lot of damage and as time progress it worse when men are placed in N.C and it depends on the guy as well. If he is an extrovert he may just go out and have fun and meet other people and just go on with his life. If he is an introvert he will process the break-up in depth and deeply. He may seek to the internet for answers and he may build up a wall.

 

I asked him if he has been dating and he says yes, he has.

So this is what he told me: he told me he still has feelings for me. He said I need to understand he never expected me to come back and tell him all of this. He said he missed me and we were happy together.

 

 

This statement is clear rational thinking on his part and systematically reached indifference and disconnected from you. He loves you, but not in love with you. Within this 3 months he was able to he see his true value and men in a relationship often do not see their true value. He may know he has options and did nothing wrong.

 

I told him that I did it bc I don't want to have regrets about loosing him 10 years from now. He said he felt the same way.

 

You should have clearly told him...along the lines that you should have trust his judgement and your screwed up ****ed up. Not sure if you told him about the therapy or not...but transparency is a good start in relationship build.

 

We ended conversation when I told him well if you fell this way and want to try call me. He said it's fair.

It has been 10 days after we talked.

 

You were gone for 3 months and you expected him to call you right after that? 10 days without you is nothing and he is not going to feel nothing...because he checked out. You need to build the relationship or call it quits. He clearly told you something is there...but at the same time there could be other women in the mix... he will be more interested in them.. specially if he has not had sex with these women yet...

 

When men have not seen a woman naked it drives them crazy... after that its is like a dog chasing a car that eventually stops...its not fun anymore.

 

He responded and said too much time passed, I wish things were different. I said I understand and wish him good bye.

Then out of the blue he started to text me happy pictures of us.

 

Then I wrote him that I love him and if he just give me a chance I can show to him that I am serious and I want him for the rest of my life.

He responded and said I do love you.

 

This was last week. After that I sent him good morning and good night texts, I texts him pics about my day. I tell him I miss him and I would like to see him.

He responds but often just ignores my texts for long time. He ignores when I ask to see him.

This morning I texted and no response whatsoever.

 

He does not trust you. Did you tell him you were in therapy?

 

We broke up for a day before that last breakup and it was because of me too.

 

Why? Did you act the same way your acting now?

 

I went through some bad relationship before I met him and through very bad abuse. I walked away from that but didn't get over when I started to date him.

 

Did you tell him that?

 

I already met him and told him everything I felt

I called and did it again

This was 2 weeks ago.

Last week I asked him for a meeting he ignores.

I called him this morning he didn't pick up and didn't call me back.

So I have no idea what to do

 

I will try to ask him to have lunch with me next week.

Right now I sent 4 messages with no response so far. I called and he ignores.

I am going to wait until he responds and then ask him.

 

I just don't understand this. He said he loves me, but won't even meet me.

 

Alright... Now you've over did it. To the point that now you have to go N.C. Because now effectively every text now has less "strength" to it. If he is ignoring the calls he will disconnect from you more and more.

 

You have now done your part and let him effectively know you do love him...

 

Btw..what hobby did you try to stop?

 

Its very possible there are other women in the mix. You need to let him go and come to a decision on how you will move forward.

[Mimmi76]

I told him everything I could at this point. Told him about my past, therapy, wanting to do different.

To people who tell me to spend time with him and slowly gain his trust- I don't have an option to do that. I would be glad to do that but he won't see me.

The only contact I have with him is via texts.

I know that he may have lost interest by now. But then why when I told him I understands and wish him best he started to pull me back. He told me he loves me, he said he is scared he doesn't trust me. He told me he is not in love with anyone else.

He discusses his future plans about moving to a new are of our city and asked me what I think about it.

Yet I asked him out and he ignores. I called and he didn't answer and didn't call back. I do think I have no choice now.

[Mimmi76]

He is an extrovert likes to be with people

The hobby was a high risk sport with a lot of adrenaline involved.

He has an addictive personality.

[Sweetfish]

He is an extrovert likes to be with people

The hobby was a high risk sport with a lot of adrenaline involved.

He has an addictive personality.

 

Mimmi... at this point of time and the flow of things your only option in N.C.

 

You told him everything and thats all you can do... i suggest you do not get into any serious relationships for at least 4-6 months or maybe longer to work on you. You should still go out and date and meet people and just progress with your improvement.

 

I highly doubt he was perfect him self and maybe he will improve him self and maybe you two will cross in the future.

 

The relationship you had is over... hopefully a new relationship can be created. Give him space.

[Mimmi76]

I went nc. Told him that would like to rebuilt our relationship slowly but if he won't even meet me Or talk to me I have no choice but to put my feelings aside and try to move on. He didn't respond which is an answer.

Yes he wasn't perfect himself and at least I have realized and owned my part. I am going to keep working on myself. I will go on some dates now since I am single and just see what happens.

I have no regrets that I reached out and tried.

[Goodguy05]

I have some update and I really need some advice bc I have no idea what to do now.

So after he ignored me for couple days I sent him that text and told him I understand he is not interested in starting over and I wish him well.

He responded and said too much time passed, I wish things were different. I said I understand and wish him good bye.

Then out of the blue he started to text me happy pictures of us.

I responded and I told him look, I think you still have feelings for me but you are either scared or don't think it will work out or don't trust me.

He said all of the above.

Then I wrote him that I love him and if he just give me a chance I can show to him that I am serious and I want him for the rest of my life.

He responded and said I do love you.

 

This was last week. After that I sent him good morning and good night texts, I texts him pics about my day. I tell him I miss him and I would like to see him.

He responds but often just ignores my texts for long time. He ignores when I ask to see him.

This morning I texted and no response whatsoever.

 

I feel stupid for pursuing this man and getting nothing back in return and he won't even see me. Some of my friends told me to dissapear and give him space they think I am coming too strong.

Some say keep doing what I have been doing and keep writing him bc he told me he loves me. He discusses his future with me like plans about renting another place and asks what I think. Yet at the same time I haven't seen him in 3 weeks after we started to talk again.

 

What should I do?

 

I need to take the heat and take it slow so u dont feel so rejected rather than expect things to just go back the wat they were u need to slowly regain his trust. So one way u can do that rather than focusing on the expectation of an immediate response rather make plans instead to go out rather than rely on back and forth text so text once about planning a catch up and then catch up do this a few times and the momentum shld build then the intimacy can come then he will start responding to ur texts a lot sooner and wth more love. For now ur gonna have to take the heat and feel rejected. However the above mentioned shld curb that somewhat since it's just one txt to go out and catch up i hope this makes sense. The nights out can't be demands it's more about fun for now no focus on the relationship u had it'll just bring up an argument and that's wat u dont want.

[Goodguy05]

Ok oops I've only just read the recent posts ok i tg hinkle u went in wth too high a demand on him and it's probably too much to soon and yes I agree wth the others just go NC good chance I reckon he'l contact u at som point soon to i suspect since u poured everything out. Anyway kudos to u for seeing the log in ur eyes and trying not many people can do that

[Mimmi76]

I don't see where I demanded too much. He wouldn't even respond when I texted something.

My last 2 text messages are shown as not read on WhatsApp and I know he loged in many times for 3 days and just ignores me and didn't even bother to read. There is no way to build anything if you are being ignored.

What he wanted was to string me along while he is either dating someone or just to have me as a backup. i couldn't do that for months as some people say here this is having no self esteem whatsoever. Well being rejected is not a bad thing at least it gives clarity and allows you to heal.

[Mimmi76]

So after I sent him that text where I said that I would love to have a chance to rebuild a relationship with him but can't do that if he won't talk or meet me so I wish him welll, he didn't respond for 3 days.

Then i got a message- you deserve more than a text. Then he texts me and wants to meet me.

I responded and said that if this meeting is to explain to me why he doesn't want me anymore than it wont make anyone feel better. I said I respect his decision and wish him well.

He said ok.

 

I can't believe he wanted to meet me just to tell me he is no longer interested. Who would do they? Or well.

[Altair0770]

So after I sent him that text where I said that I would love to have a chance to rebuild a relationship with him but can't do that if he won't talk or meet me so I wish him welll, he didn't respond for 3 days.

Then i got a message- you deserve more than a text. Then he texts me and wants to meet me.

I responded and said that if this meeting is to explain to me why he doesn't want me anymore than it wont make anyone feel better. I said I respect his decision and wish him well.

He said ok.

 

I can't believe he wanted to meet me just to tell me he is no longer interested. Who would do they? Or well.

 

Take it as a sign of respect, honestly. Those of us dumped over text and become emotionally unstable in the moment want "one last time to meet".

 

Best to go NC. You gave him all the power when you wanted to reconcile. Time to focus on yourself. Hang out with friends and write. Do what you enjoy. Learn from this experience to better yourself for future relationships.

[Sweetfish]

So after I sent him that text where I said that I would love to have a chance to rebuild a relationship with him but can't do that if he won't talk or meet me so I wish him welll, he didn't respond for 3 days.

Then i got a message- you deserve more than a text. Then he texts me and wants to meet me.

I responded and said that if this meeting is to explain to me why he doesn't want me anymore than it wont make anyone feel better. I said I respect his decision and wish him well.

He said ok.

 

I can't believe he wanted to meet me just to tell me he is no longer interested. Who would do they? Or well.

 

You have no idea what was going to transpire.... your assuming. Your the dumper and still trying to maintain control. If you were a dumpee that statement you made would be fair... but you are not

 

You expressed to him... your still that controlling person and to him he probably see he hasn't changed.

 

If I got a text like that...from you I would respond the same way.

[Whodatdog]

You really arent listening to what he is telling you. Yes, he said he still loves you. But that doesnt mean he wants a life with you, or to even date you. He's told you the reasons that it just isnt going to work, not to mention all the ignored texts.

 

Listen to what he's telling you, ALL that he's telling you. And move on.

[Mimmi76]

I left him alone.

I do love him and want him to be happy.