Girlfromcali Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 It's not difficult to find a fbuddy, why won't he do it. There are many other woman like me, he should try his luck elsewhere. Actually, there are not that many women like you (or me), that's why they will do anything in their power to keep us where they want. Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 So you Are with a new man and still thinking and writing about the xman i wouldnt want to Be the new man:( unless He is doing the same:cool: What a confusing time we live in:o Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 Just understand that if he is getting a divorce his next partner will be a rebound. Think about that one. Keep no NC and stay strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FoundMyStrength Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 Exactly, that's what I mean. They will tell everything to get us back and after that everything is back to normal. if he really wants it, he will do it no matter what. Like I said, I don't want him to leave his wife for me. Sounds like you have a great perspective on all of this. Until he shows up with divorce papers in hand and a good year or so of being single and figuring out what he wants behind him, just keep ignoring him. Even if he's divorcing, all he wants now is an ego boost to remind him that someone, anyone still loves him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
laverdad Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 I'm joining your journey. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lbj1998 Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 I was in a relationship kind of with my ex boyfriend. I've been with married guys actually often especially when I was an underage teen but this time I actually loved him. I think that was the biggest deal because I kept having ideas of him leaving her and us living together and wag back I even thought about marriage with him. I learned my lesson never to fall in love with a married man. Its unrealistic and illogical to think a man who's committed to another person will ever be with you. Because they've already been committed anything that could come of being in love with a married man is just heartbreak IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
csad Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 If you really want him to stop contacting you, maybe do what I did. Forward the next correspondence to his wife. That FINALLY ended all communication! His little breadcrumbs are cruel and he's only thinking of his own ego here. He'll continue to try to get a response from you so be prepared for even more mind f*ckery. It will only prevent your heart from healing and being able to move on completely. Good luck! You deserve better. OP, I don't mean to offense you, but you'll be back with him if you don't do harder. Like someone else said, you don't contact him but whenever he text you, it goes to your heart. Follow this advice and reveal to his wife. That's the final test to see what he really wants to do. I mean it's much easier for you because you are not married, thus not afraid of losing your family. Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 (edited) Just understand that if he is getting a divorce his next partner will be a rebound. Think about that one. Keep no NC and stay strong. I had to comment to emphasize BuddyX's comment here... Two of my close friends are currently divorcing after 25 years marriage.My friends separated in Oct 2016 when H caught his W for second time walking around town with OM arm around her. H moved out. W filed divorce in Jan 2017. I keep in touch with each of them individually. I've known the details of their relationship from each side from months before their breakup through present. I observed that one of the things H did after deciding he had given up on his M (and moved out) was head to the casino, binge drink, and torridly use women in his path (perhaps to exact revenge on his wife via proxy? These women definitely got the brunt of his anger even though it was in the form of sex). In talking with the H this past week, I really got further clarity on my xMM. One of H's new lady friends has been treating him like gold--driving him all over every day and all kinds of girlfriend perks. I asked H what he thought about his new lady friend. He said she's nice and has been a good friend, he appreciates her help, he told her he'd help her however he could after his divorce, he told her he didn't want anything serious and then complained to me that seems she wants more. He also said she is ONE OF A FEW new lady friends he has since he left his W. My H friend told me flat out in this conversation that my xMM was "making a fool of me and I deserve so much more." He said it twice in same conversation even though I responded that I'm almost healed and have't communicated with xMM for several months. When I said he shouldn't use the woman who is bending over backwards for him, he said he didn't want to talk about it and he had to go. The conversation with my friend drove it home for me...even if xMM loved me, even if he would leave his M out of his own choice to end it, he would still use me afterwards as a rebound and lose further respect for me in the process--he wouldn't respect me enough to have a "real" relationship with me after all is said and done. The only hope I have of xMM ever having ANY respect for me is that I went NC and keep it indefinitely...very soon it won't matter anyhow. This is what I wish for OP. Truly not meant to be a thread jump, but to support BuddyX's comment to OP with an actual example illustrating his point. OP, BuddyX is so right! You would go from OW to rebound girl to who knows where from there. Just a crutch as OW; just a crutch as rebound girl; when MM no longer needs a crutch, he no longer needs you! Edited March 12, 2017 by HadMeOverABarrel 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacxie Posted March 14, 2017 Author Share Posted March 14, 2017 Just keep ignoring it. My xMM does the same. It's been a year now since I ended it (HOORAY!) and I'm in another relationship that is wonderful. (This is totally possible, if you open yourself to it.) Occasionally the xMM will try to text or email me, and see how I'm doing. Whatever. Delete. He's looking to re-engage with me and maybe get his needs met again. He is the same person he always was and learned nothing from the A. I am not the same person and learned a lot. If you feel the contact is slowing your healing or growth, then block him. Otherwise, just keep ignoring it. Congratulations Maybe it will be me one day Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacxie Posted March 14, 2017 Author Share Posted March 14, 2017 OP, I don't mean to offense you, but you'll be back with him if you don't do harder. Like someone else said, you don't contact him but whenever he text you, it goes to your heart. Follow this advice and reveal to his wife. That's the final test to see what he really wants to do. I mean it's much easier for you because you are not married, thus not afraid of losing your family. After that I would have to move out of the city, that's for sure as we live close by. And I don't want to do it because I have bought an appartement here + here's my job and friends and everything. Link to post Share on other sites
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