Itspointless Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 Saw my ex out in public for the first time in six months last night. We both just smiled and said hello to each other. It looked like she maybe wanted to stop and chat, but I just kept on walking. A couple of months ago she started a fight with me over some rumours she had heard, and a few weeks ago I sent her a text on her birthday, but I did not get any response. So I figured that if she does not want to take the time to thank me for wishing her a happy birthday I'm not going to bother chatting with her when I meet her on the street. Do you guys agree...? Yes, I agree. Otherwise you would just be exchanging pleasantries. Apparently she is not that interested, she could do some afford to reach you. You have already shown human interest. I doubt that she is to shy to reach out, so yeah let her be.
Gr4veyard Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 Work on your self confidence first, after a BU, often, our self esteem got damaged after getting dumped, but just remember to yourself, it doesn't mean you're worthless just because someone no longer wants you in their life. It seems that what you should focus on now is building your confidence and loving yourself more, there's no one that is not good enough for anyone If someone rejected you, fine, it saved both people time and emotions, instead of being down and unconfident, get excited about the possible chances in the future instead Thank you so much for you kind words. Doing better today. Still have a bad feeling in my stomach when I see his face or even his name but I wont cry.
TrappedWanderer Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 A year ago I was in the cute B&B we picked out, hardly able to sleep in anticipation of our wedding the next day. Such an insane time, and, in-spite of the fact that our wedding was only 15 people...well, maybe because of that, I worked SO hard to make the details nice and meaningful. I was so excited to be marrying my very best friend. And now, a few hours short of a year ago that we got married, here I sit alone. Wondering how this all came to be. Still doesn't feel real. You put me through hell and back with your lies and violence, something in a thousand years I would have never thought possible. Still hurts tremendously that you cared so little about me as a friend, much less a spouse, to have lied to me and abused me that way. I've worked so.damn.hard at moving on. But how can I trust someone ever again without feeling stupid and unworthy? I never knew I so very much wanted the life we had planned until you ripped it away from me. I'm a good person. I've always treated others with honesty and kindness. I'm SO private and I let you in. How could you destroy me so? I'm working very hard not to let you take even more than you already have. But I look back at our wedding photos and think-man, we really WERE happy. I came alive within your love and support. I felt like the person I was always meant to be. Why did you have to destroy it so quickly?!? I overlooked all those things that were "wrong" about you, because I loved you. Really, I did. A part of me still does and I suppose always will. I know you don't care about me. Probably never did. The best con job ever. I just hope that, on what should have been such a happy anniversary, looking back on our beautiful heartfelt day, I can instead choose to recognize I gave it my all, more than my fair share. And that I'm also glad that I am not in the violent, deceitful situation you left me in. I put in the work and when it was more than clear that you would not, I got out of that dangerous dark place. I will not be destroyed by you anymore. You've taken more than your share of my life away from me. I take tonight to mourn you and what should have been our life together. Then, I want to move on. I want to be happy. I deserve that. So much. I'm fighting to believe that. I must. I can't say that I wish you well. But I do wish peace for myself, and I know that means forgiveness. Not forgetfulness, but forgiving you for your cruelty and treachery. Here's to hoping for an even better life than I ever could have imagined, filled with people that deserve to be a part of it. PS, I do hate you for ruining Frank Sinatra for me. Really, that's mean.
Missy0724 Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 Crappy today. About two months. Was doing OK, felt like making progress. No contact. But I know he's dating already. I know he's out there having fun, laughing, moving onto his next victim. Two months ago, into a 10 month deep, involved relationship, met his kids, mother, went on two amazing vacations together, talk every day, end every conversation with, "I love you", he ends it. "I can't love you the way you want or need me to." wtf Turn it around on ME. Nice. Yeah, your damn baggage hurting us - your inability to get over your ex wife, talk about her all the time, still angry with her, upset she dating someone new, unable to stand up to her, make new boundaries with her, make ME feel like a priority. All this, and the fool I was, still loved you, understood, was patient, kind, was a best friend to you. Wanted to give US time to work thru these issues. But nope, going got tough, so you walked. Then offer me "close friendship" three days after you break up with me. OH, OK. I'm no fool. No, feel the pain. Just like I am. Miss me. Or not. I can't care anymore. I need to stop caring. You are not worth it. It ran it's course. I don't know if you truly loved me or not. I'll never know. I'm not quite sure you are capable of that - given you cheated on your wife, also had an affair with her best friend. And I choose to be with you??? I have to forgive myself as well...Not easy. I was blinded by your charm, and all you offered me in material things. You just couldn't offer me or give me the one thing I wanted. Your heart, your attention, your commitment to US, a future for US. You never saw that. You drew me in, got what you needed, I was a rebound, then all done. Now on to the next person. Amazing how you can just move right on, so soon. Tells me all I need to know. Little boy - not a man. So unhealthy. Codependent. And fooled me, making it seem like you'd "changed", living your life in such a healthy way... Just a cover. Probably to try to impress your ex wife, show her how you've "changed". Who the hell knows... Just sick all around. Sorry - but I hope someday after you are done "stuffing" or ignoring your pain and what you did to me, you feel it 10x more than I am. Or maybe you won't, as you showed so many signs of narcissism. Selfishness. Well, you are a sex addict. A love addict. Some things never change... A chameleon can only hide his spots for so long... Good luck to you and your next victim...
whatsherface Posted August 22, 2014 Posted August 22, 2014 How is it that you still manage to unravel me, after all the progress I've made in these past 7 months, just by seeing your name on my Facebook chat list? Well, at least I figured out how to block you from my Facebook chat list. This sucks. I don't want to move on from you. I still miss you. I'll never love again. I hate this. I hate this so much.
Requiem4Dreams Posted August 22, 2014 Posted August 22, 2014 One month since the BU. One month since having a letter delivered to my mailbox while her new relationship waited in the vehicle. At this moment in time, I'm raising a glass to my ceiling the contents of which are a healthy splash of crown, and some vestiges of coke. I'm not drinking to remember, but rather forget. Perhaps to the point where I can no longer feel my face. This isn't a moment of weakness, I rarely if ever drink at all. This is a celebration. A celebration in the hope that the alcohol will purge the pain from my mind. While I do have some semblance of pain lingering within the hollowness of my heart, it's more of the memory that replays in my mind that I can't seem to forget. I think at the precise moment in which she walked to my mailbox, standing there in front of it and raising her head to notice me. Taking a brief look to memorize my face before bolting to her vehicle. It's actually pretty amusing, and I say that with just a hint of irony. I used to be a Christian, and while not strong in my faith I held a small seed of belief. I had not 5 minutes prior prostrated myself on my knee's asking God for guidance and a sign. I decided after my little heart to heart to immediately have a cigarette, and it was in that moment she started walking towards my mailbox. I question whether this was divine providence, or simply a matter of circumstance. In any case, no matter where I am in the moment of the day, regardless of which day or hour has passed, it is this memory that seems to plague each moment of it.
hedyo Posted August 22, 2014 Posted August 22, 2014 Day 29 since BU/NC. Yesterday and today have been tough. Despite everything, I'm sad that he hasn't contacted me at all. Still, I'm trying to accept my powerlessness when it comes to him. The only thing I can control is my own actions. If I could get through the first days after the break-up, I can get through this. I've been through too much to weaken now.
Mary Oak Posted August 22, 2014 Posted August 22, 2014 Today sucks so far. Already cried. Well, got teary eyed anyway. I had to have a lot of conversation with you yesterday (work related), and that always effects me. I am able to look at it now, and say, well, this always happens after contact, so you will get over it soon. Made me have dreams of you last night... hate that... Yet, all of this seems almost normal to me now. I feel sad that we are not together. I am used to feeling sad. Hell, I have felt this way for two years. At least I don't feel panicked anymore. That was an awful road to travel. I don't want to meet anyone new. I don't want to see friends. I go to work, workout, visit my mom, and the rest of the time I am alone. That doesn't even really bother me. I always liked being alone anyway. Sometimes I think that I HAVE to get out unless I will be single forever. But, why should i do something I really don't want to? I miss you terribly. I am sorry I wasn't the person I could have been while we were together those last couple of years. I was in deep and you could not have pulled me out. I think I have come a long way from that person, but you don't know that. I am sure you don't even care... I want to write you really bad today. I actually want to come into your office and see how you would react. We have not had a face to face conversation since DEC 6 2013. And that was awful. That was our one fight since the breakup. Anyways, I am thinking of you...as always. I wish things were different. Damn, I am sad.
Arient Posted August 22, 2014 Posted August 22, 2014 For the last few days, I'm stuck with the feelings that I'm actually going backward. I missed him more, felt more desperate, and really really want to travel back in time. But at the same time, I'm angry over what happened, dissappointed about how he can end it with a person who he claimed to be "the best thing happened to him". So despair and anger have accompanied me for the last few days. Guess that I should start to forget this BU, and cut down on the time visiting loveshack It's so good hearing that I'm not alone and hearing all the advice, but it also reminds me too much about my state.
edgygirl Posted August 22, 2014 Posted August 22, 2014 Had a horrible day because I dreamed (had nightmares) about him the whole night, and it made me wake up twice. I can't remember the dreams but I know they were horrible. It didn't help to stumble upon our pics yesterday totally by accident. The truth is I should archive all our emails and pics from last year, and if I had the guts (which I don't, yet) also unfriend him in my social media. I can't keep stumbling upon our stuff or being reminded of him like this. It hurts so much to remember. It doesn't help that I haven't met anyone who interests me yet in the last 3 months. Maybe the guy I met today but who knows. I hate it that things went downhill and that I was aware but unable to fix it
redbaron005 Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 The pain has finally gone so deep into my soul that I've come to realize I have no choice now but to heal. And it's going to be a long path ahead.
Cupid's Puppet Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 I think everyone in my complex must have heard my weeping and moaning and gnashing of teeth. My cries were just that damn loud. I'm taking off from work tomorrow. I don't have the energy to pull myself out of bed. Thank goodness I recorded Golden Girls. I can always depend on old sitcoms to give me a smile And kudos to myself for making it 2 weeks no contact. My ex is going strong with nc. I love him. I hope he's alive and well.
Amy74 Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Almost three months NC--minus his 5.30AM phone call that I was too sleepy to avoid. I find myself thinking of him...not missing him exactly--just thinking of him. I've moved on. I'm with E now and happy--really and truly happy. E is a great man and a great match for me. E is my future so I really need to shake off my past. I almost texted him recently which would be wrong and awful on so many levels. I keep telling myself it's for closure but I think really I just want to know that he's thinking about me too.
hedyo Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Going through a tough period at the moment. I reached my 30 day NC goal, which I'm proud of, but it's like... now what? Just keep going, I guess. Part of me is really disappointed that he hasn't reached out to me, but I suppose it's better not to be given false hope. I don't think I'll contact him. I wouldn't know what to say, and besides, I'm too proud to chase someone who can't decide how he feels about me. I've always stayed friends with my exes in the past, but I don't think it will happen this time.
Mary Oak Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 So.... Once again, I am sad. I am tired of being sad. All day, I try to fake it. And I do a good job. But under it all I am sad. I miss you. But I am also becoming pretty apathetic to the whole ordeal. I only focus on me now and how I am feeling. I no longer try figure out how you may feel. Because I can't change it, so why deal with it. I am jaded and feel like love is over for me. I am not being melodramatic. I just know what I want.. I can't have it... So why settle for something else. Plus, I don't put myself in any situations to meet someone. I still need to work on my self esteem. It is such an odd realization that when you get dumped is when you need to have the most self esteem. Doesn't quite work that way. You wrote me some sort of very short email ( one sentence) every day last week. I don't let things like that drop me to my knees anymore. It means nothing. I honestly think you are trying to lay the groundwork for friendship. Even though I have told you I can't be your friend. You said to me that you never thought I would fight for you. You said you thought that once you left I would just forget about you and shut you off from my life. I understand that because I have done that to others. But you were different. You always were different to me. Guess I should have made that kore clear while we were together. But the thing that I think about a lot is the fact that you thought I would vanish from your life and you were okay with that. You must have really been unhappy. It is what it is. You are with my ex friend now. Doesn't that always seem to happen? I introduced you two maybe 18 months before we split up. At least you waited a year to date her..... Although I know she was just biding her time. She is one shady character. Anyway... How am I coping? Ok. I hurt. I am sad. I do have things in life that bring me joy. I am doing well at work and got a nice raise. So I am coping one day at a time the best way I know how.
JDPT Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Powering through, powering through making every single day count!
Justaguy30 Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 The deep pain is back and I can't seem to get my **** together. I am just so lost and I feel totally insane. I miss her more than anything but hate her at the same time. Its really confusing and I am just lost.
isurvivedyoucantoo Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 I see her tomorrow. Or maybe I wont haven't decided yet. Im going to avoid her for a bit. Ive been going to gym and its really showing. My arms have gotten larger and abs are slowly but surely getting toned. I hate you for what you did. I probably will for a long time.
DSP Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 I see her tomorrow. Or maybe I wont. I am not coping well at all today. It's been close to 5 weeks now and my attempt at NC has been met with disdain and anger. I've had to watch the mania induced panic set in and affect our oldest as she tried to talk to you about her feelings. I'm finally able to look at this Hurricane from the outside and see what a mess this has all been. 15 years and you want to be my friend? Really. So you are going out of state for some training and I should be happy for you? Hope the guy you're having an emotional affair with is there with you. I cried in my office after I told you I was proud of you for advancing your career. Every time I hear your voice my heart rips completely in half. To see the anxiety on our children's faces. The sadness in their eyes. It breaks my soul. Your emails with exclamation points showing your excitement away from me is like a shovel in my head. It felt good today to finally tell you how I felt. How much I have been through. You say I beat you down verbally? You never initiated sexual contact with me unless you were drunk. You never wore the perfume I loved to smell and had to smell it on other women for 15 years. You never wore your hair in braids when I asked. You would never wear the clothing I loved to see you in. You are so depressed and it kills me. You talked in circles and then you stopped talking to me. You stopped being my friend. You never loved me. You always resented me. It felt good to tell you all these things even if you never responded. I bought new furniture today with my feeling of new found victory over this destroyed life. You can have yours back. You can have all of this back. I bought new furniture. I contacted someone on OKCupid. I lifted heavy again. I ran two miles. I tore out the wall in the bathroom. I bought groceries. I vacuumed the floor and mopped the hallway. I folded the clothes. This is how I coped today. I am crying now. I don't feel happy. I am broken. I am a warrior. I will heal. I will be better for my children. They will know. See you tomorrow or maybe I won't just drop our kids and leave. NC - day 1 starts now.
hedyo Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 I was not doing too great anyway, and today things got worse when I received the first breadcrumb after 32 days of NC. If you can even call it that - it'd have to be the smallest breadcrumb visible to the human eye. He "liked" something I posted on a forum. To add insult to injury, it was something I posted about a dating app, so it's like he's going "Hey! Great to see you're dating other people!". Or maybe he does miss me and wants to remind me that he exists. In any case, it infuriates me that I have spent the whole day thinking about what this one pathetic click of the mouse meant. It meant nothing. I am obviously in no fit state to have any kind of contact with this man.
Satori Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 I was doing okay but yesterday night something hit me and I've been feeling awful ever since, unable to sleep and no appetite. I've come to terms that I'm unhappy in life, which in a sad way gave me back some control.
Arient Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 I'm doing quite okay today, good mood good food Not thinking about him that extremely much anymore. But sometimes still miss him. Can't help. I really want to try going out and meeting new people, but it feels like a tasteless pizza for me right now. Damn you dove!
Cupid's Puppet Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 Awe that's a cute pet name "dove" Well today wasn't too bad for me. I was wondering why I've been crying 5 times a day and forgot Aunt Flo was coming to town. So the pattern is 2-3 cries on a regular day, 5 cries a day when Aunt Flo arrives. Grreeeaatt. Other than that, my mom made me laugh at my breakup. Loves you mom. She talked about how the doctor said she would never have kids with half a uterus. Then she had all of us. That made me feel special and gave me someone to live for - my mom. 2
lacey2187 Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 Told him to pack all of his stuff last Friday morning, I thought he would want to get back together. he sent me a message Saturday saying he was done with me. all of his stuff is still packed waiting for him to collect. He walked out almost a week ago with nothing but the clothes on his back. I want to know where he is, who has he been staying with? Im very scared the answer will be with a female friend who I think he will move straight onto. I need him to get his stuff so I can move on. I sent him drunk texts last night that I am regretting. I said I wanted him to die. I have since sent an apology text for my rant. im all over the place. he has been firmly NC and im over here being all crazy.. FML
Missy0724 Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 Two months post break up; almost three weeks NC. Getting stronger every day, although he is still first thing on my mind still, each morning I wake up. Tough wake up this morning - today would have been a very important Anniversary. It will be a difficult, sad day, but I'll get thru it. Have a busy day, so that is good. And it's just another day now; it will come and go... Just hard. And wondering if he remembers and if he even gives a ****. Shouldn't care; he broke up with me. He decided to walk, give up, not give us, me, more time...Too wrapped up in his own issues, drama. So I'll survive. I always do. Life moves on. I will ride it's tides and ebbs... It's just another day, and I will try to be grateful for it. And tomorrow is a new one... Wishing everyone else a good day, too. Hope we can all be strong!!!
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