Jupiter1111 Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 Today has been a bad so far.... Was up most of night thinking and barley slept. Facetimed her this morning and we just got into it and nothing clearer I have good days and bad days. Had a date on Thursday and all I did was think abt her on the date and eventually told the girl was on a date with that I wasn't feeling it and to go, since then I have been wanting to talk to her and see her loads but it's not helping at all.
Arient Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 Did not cry yesterday or anything, managed to think about the memories in a very gentle and appreciating ways. But could not keep myself from stalking his FB again. Damn! Now I have to re-start the NC again. How many more times will I break it. Uhgrrr......
love1336x Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 Can't shake off this feeling for hope. Seriously!!!! What the hell!!! 1
JimmyWeezy Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 Right now I'm focused on my big life changing step. For those who didn't read my previous post, I decided to finally follow my dream and get out of this country. Since the breakup, I started feeling like I was wasting my life here. Which I was. I have been jobless for almost a year, I have very few friends and my closest have moved abroad anyway. My friends during the last two years were my bf friends, so once he broke up with me I was left with nothing. I've stayed here mainly for him. I wouldn't have otherwise. So on august 4, one month 2 days after the breakup, I am leaving for good. Moving to London. I have some dear friends there, so hopefully it will be easy to find a job and a house. I'm frightened but excited. The worst thing is I don't want my ex to know about this because I know he will think I'm leaving because of the breakup and I can imagine how he will think of me coming back in like a month. I know I shouldn't care, but it bothers me to think he already got the news. I did block his number and unfriended him on fb, so... And I also made a new fb profile, blocking him and his friends. New life, new country, new facebook. My old profile is still there so they can contact me there if they want. I felt bad about not texting him or his friends about me leaving, but I made up my mind about it. He doesn't deserve anything from me nor do his friends since none of them bothered texting me after the breakup to know how I was. Whatever. 1
dumbass2 Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 I don't want to move on from her. It seems now on 3 weeks no contact since the call I just miss her more and more. I want to talk to her again or see her so much. She was so bad for me, yet so good. I can't want to stay in a bad relationship to be in one do I? I can't figure out if I truly love her or just loved being in a relationship even though it was full of drama. I will not beg and plead for her. I do not want her that bad. I do want to see her and get things off my chest. Maybe I'll write a letter again and not send this one. Today sucks. I hope I don't feel this way weeks from now. I hope she calls me. I hope she doesn't call me. It feels like the 6 months with here were only a dream now (and at times nightmare). Did it really happen?
love1336x Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 He's back home already. I feel empty. I went on his girlfriend twitter She like "oh babe back home!!!" Its like no... I was his woman a month ago. I'm suppose to say this. Not her. I feel replaced, bothered, and sad. But crazy enough I'm not crying. I haven't let not even one tear out. Eventually the tears will come... Why do I miss you? I feel like I'm going insane, and you are happy. This isn't fair. But I inflicted this on myself. I want to break NC badly. I will never go to your house randomly.... If she's there I'm asking for trouble. Ugh.
Shields boy Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 Went on a big bike ride along the coast to try and shake away the pain today. 6 weeks to the day that I walked into a situation with a healed and happy heart, only for it to get broken again. Quite gutted at the ruthlessness of it. Would have thought after all that's happened in the past that she would treat me with a bit more respect. I don't like the idea of instant blocking as I feel it leaves more questions than answers. It's as if that episode is unfinished and will be left till another day. I hope I am in love with someone else by then. I Hate to admit that I must have really hurt the girl I love in the past. I was never a cheater or went with other women. It was all just a case of to much to young with me and her. Went I left for university, she must have been really heartbroken that I could walk away from something special. I did not realise how special it was until it was gone. I really wish I just listened to her side of the story after she got engaged and had a baby to someone else. It was all just to painful for me and I did not want know. Looking back I could tell she was really sorry and still loved me. I ignored her calls to many times. I maybe came across cold to her when last seen her 3 n a half months ago. On reflection she was dropping big hints and I did not take the bait. The cards were to close to my chest. I thought I could not accept what had happened in the past, but I really did still love the girl. I wish I just sat back and thought about it more and maybe talked to someone about it. I'm gutted I was to late in the end. She is pro all pleased she has met a new man that has no baggage from the past. I'm sure she will regret not taking another chance on her true love someday. True love never dies and that was certainly the case with me. Out of my life for 6 years, never developed feelings for anyone else and despite all the heartbreak. I still loved that girl to bits.
edgygirl Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 I'm not good today. Woke up too early, I think I dreamt about him AGAIN. PMSing. I haven't had sex since the breakup two months ago. I feel lonely. Guys I talk with turn me off. I have a ton of laundry to do, a ton of things to organize at home, and have 0 energy. I wish all was well, that I had energy and was doing something fun. But when I think of fun I think about the things we did together. I am so sorry we never got to play laser tag together as we said we'd do. Everyone seems so uninteresting and boring. He was lame in the last month together but I still miss him, him of the first months. 1
edgygirl Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 PLEASE don't do that to yourself!!! Do NOT stalk him online or his new girl or friends. The only thing it'll do is hurt YOU, give you unbearable pain, and make it more difficult for you to move on. Don't do it. I remember doing it in past breakups and there's nothing good you can say about it. I wish I never done it. Why do you need to know? You don't. The images will never leave your mind, like, ever. Don't look at them or at other websites. He's back home already. I feel empty. I went on his girlfriend twitter She like "oh babe back home!!!" Its like no... I was his woman a month ago. I'm suppose to say this. Not her. I feel replaced, bothered, and sad. But crazy enough I'm not crying. I haven't let not even one tear out. Eventually the tears will come... Why do I miss you? I feel like I'm going insane, and you are happy. This isn't fair. But I inflicted this on myself. I want to break NC badly. I will never go to your house randomly.... If she's there I'm asking for trouble. Ugh.
love1336x Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 PLEASE don't do that to yourself!!! Do NOT stalk him online or his new girl or friends. The only thing it'll do is hurt YOU, give you unbearable pain, and make it more difficult for you to move on. Don't do it. I remember doing it in past breakups and there's nothing good you can say about it. I wish I never done it. Why do you need to know? You don't. The images will never leave your mind, like, ever. Don't look at them or at other websites. I know I know. But guess what? We all work together. Eventually I'm going to see it in person. Kissing and holding hands (when they go on break) so I might as well bare it now vs later.
love1336x Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 I wish I could hugged you and simply be with you again.
Jupiter1111 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 Ugggghhhh Up early for work and barley slept again, wondering if she's even bothered about me. Know I need to walk away let her go but a hard. I've accepted that it's over but just want her to realise that it was good and her to miss is, but if she did I wouldn't be here. Life just seems so hard right now it's a constant grind. Other woman have no appeal to me at all.
Xemyd Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 I think it's going away. It's been a bit easier lately, and I don't find him as attractive as I used to. Hopefully this is it, the start of moving on, it's been almost a year now, I'm ready. It's funny how when we were together time went so slow and now this year has flown by for me. I may be moving on but sadly the rest of my life seems to be at a stand still.
Arient Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 Busy busy for the whole weekend, which helped in distracting myself from thinking about him. But the nights are always bad. Miss him so much.... Just want to hear him calling 'babe', laugh, shake his butt jokingly, wanna be in his arm, smell his face, run my hands through his hair.... So sad... In tears now. Wonder if he misses me sometimes....
JDPT Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 Great to hear from you! I'm doing pretty well too! that's awesome! life goes on and waits for no one!
JDPT Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 Indeed! I'm practicing regularly now. And though I had to stop training again due to weeks of low sodium (idiot me, I was actually unknowingly eating a food on my restricted list), I should be back soon, and can already do some belly dancing videos. Its going to be longer because of the weeks of low sodium before I can safely get a job, but I will survive this. I am so much farther along in my healing on the breakup it is not even funny. I'd love to hear more about how you are doing, but understand a reluctance to spend much time in the coping section. I really don't come here to the coping section much at all anymore, and am here right now due to one thread only. Though I definitely want to pay forward all the help I got, right now for my own continued growth and healing I just need to stay away from all the breakup threads right now. I'm very happy to hear that you are making genuine progress. If we knew then what we know now, this whole process would have been much easier. I was starting to feel strong again, with regards to my fractured tibias but wearing a new pair of shoes that killed me for an entire day brought me back to what feels like day one all over again. I'm not allowing the pain to hinder me from engaging in certain activities anymore. Yes, it's seldom that I come to LS. I've been so ridiculously busy with work but I can't complain, it's actually a blessing. At times I feel as if I need to get back to basics and continue to address all my underlying issues in order for me to continue to grow into a better man. It all takes time. 1
edgygirl Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 I don't feel the joy I don't feel the pain you were just a toy I am just insane walking on my own leaving you behind you are crying out that you need to speak your mind so alone in love so alone in love I'm going to haunt you every day haunt you every day [Weezer - Haunt You Every Day]
VanessaVanessa Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 It would be nice to be on the dating or friends to lovers section of this site. Guess it's just not the time. Hopefully, everything in time. 1
music_and_poetry Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 I was doing well today - jumpstarted my new nutrition plan, went to an awesome belly dance class and got my eye brows done. Also feeling productive for getting paperwork done for my new job. When I come home is when the memories come flooding back and I realize he's gone and I haven't heard a word since he left. I get depressed wondering if he ever really cared at all or even thinks about me anymore. Ignorance is bliss but it is also torture not knowing. Wondering if I'll ever hear from him again. I'm not holding my breath, but I do wonder if he misses me.
Chris715 Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 (edited) The more I think about this the more I realize I need to move on. It doesn't matter who's in the right or wrong, for my own health and sanity I need to get past this even if I don't know how yet. One day at at time right? A lot of people in the last thread I made have been saying I should be focusing on finding another job and college this next semester and I agree with them. Hard to do when I've been emotionally distraught this entire month but it's time for me to suck it up and focus on the important things. I don't know how I'm going to do this, how I'm going to build up my confidence and self esteem again from nothing. I think I'm done with this forum, at least for a long time. It's helped me in the past but now I think it's become an outlet for me to sulk and feel sorry for myself and I need to break out of this. Thank you for anyone and everyone who's helped me over the past year I've been on here with what's been the worst period of my life. If I ever make it out of this maybe I'll look back and realize this was a huge catalyst for change in my life. I don't know, a lot of work to be done before that. Edited July 28, 2014 by Chris715
FoolishMan Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 The heart is telling me to call her, the brain is saying absolutely not! Going to be a horrible tug-of-war day!
hedyo Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 I don't know how I'm coping. There are so many emotions, I keep going back and forth between acceptance, depression, anger and emptiness. It's less than a week since the break-up and we've had no contact, so I guess this is to be expected. I checked his Facebook page for the first time today. That felt like a step back. Just seeing photos of him makes me sad. I am at least going through the motions of looking after myself... Today I signed up for a 10k run in six weeks, and got in touch with a volunteering organization. Also, I started to eat properly again. I know I'll get through this, but it is really, really painful.
iheartgoodmusic Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 I have been doing OK. I have 20 day military orders and leaving soon. Getting back into yoga. Staying positive. Had a moment earlier today then snapped out of it after a small cry. So now I want to release the rest of this negative energy and claim all of my power back. I want to have that glow with a contagious smile.
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