freebird31 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 My ex kept hanging out with me. I think he has friends, I'm not sure, never seen them, only heard about them. Kinda like Big Foot. I feel in order for a couple to thrive, they need to be independent of each other. I think that you are very much right!!! I came across as needy towards the end. And maybe I did have a good reason to be. But it's like, as soon as I felt like he wasn't making enough time for me, I freaked out! Because I made everything about him and scheduled everything around him. I always wanted to be with him all the time. I might have been a little clingy. And he didn't mind it. Until he got really busy and got a job....that's when everything just went down hill. I forgot how to be independent. I think part of it was the time thing. But part of it was my lack of independence. I wish I would have been more comfortable with being alone at the time, but I wasn't. I def think it pressured him and pushed him away.
sugarlove Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Well, we are kinda opposite. He was the clingy one.. I kept asking him to hang out with his mates, almost to the point i was begging him to find his mates. Hanging out too often dulls the relationships.. or perhaps that's why we are not compatible. no longer anyway
freebird31 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Well, we are kinda opposite. He was the clingy one.. I kept asking him to hang out with his mates, almost to the point i was begging him to find his mates. Hanging out too often dulls the relationships.. or perhaps that's why we are not compatible. no longer anyway Hm. Well I was clingy but only towards the end I would say. In the beginning I always told him to hang out with his friends and have "guy time." But I didn't do it because I wanted to. I did it more for him. When he broke up with me, which was over the phone he said admitted that it felt like I wanted to be with him 24/7. Which wasn't even true! I just didn't want to be put AFTER his friends. It didn't feel balanced. idk still don't get it...even after all this time to reflect . I don't know if I was being clingy or if he was taking me for granted. But I guess I can see it from where you are coming from. It's def a turn off when someone is always available or overly clingy. I LIKED that he was independent and found it very attractive that he did his own thing. I don't think I could date a clingy guy. 1
freebird31 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 When I reached outt to me ex two months ago, it had it's good and bad. The good was I was finally relieved of all the false hope I had. The thing that bothers me tho, is that I told him that I forgave him. And I didn't get the response I was looking for I was hoping for him to open up and say be was sorry and he didn't. Sometimes it really bothers me. Because I most likely relieved him of any guilt he feels. It's unfair and sometimes I regret it. I do forgive him, that is the truth. But I'm not sure if it was the right thing to tell him this. I'm still upset that he didn't say he was sorry.:/ I really wish it was a peaceful ending. And it was I guess. But still never got the apology I wanted. Yet he probably feels totally fine now that I told him I forgive him . It's so annoying. 1
emotionalMess Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Went to an outdoor event today. There were maybe a few thousand people there. There was a chance that she would be there today and I secretly hoped one of these things would occur: 1) She got a glimpse of me and thought f**k, he's the best looking guy in this whole place and look at all those muscles, he could easily be a model! Not only is he charming, smart and going places, but he is hotter than s**t now - man I f**ked up big time. Get me the F**k out of here, I'm not worthy.. I'm not worthy 2) I see her first, she see's me but does not approach. I also do not approach and I walk away, indifferent and without emotion. We'll I didn't see her and that is a good thing. Who knows, #1 may have happened without me knowing it, lol. Ive been pretty good of late in avoiding run-ins whereas before, I was not. I had an obligation so I had to go to this event today.
Amy74 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 I hate him and love him at the same time. Makes me angry. Wish I could fast forward through all of this. Yeah--this. We can relate.
Amy74 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 I can't vent to my friends or family anymore because I'll just look stupid or like a raving lunatic.......I have invested so much time in him. And I'm awesome. I'm afraid he has ruined me for meeting someone new. This is the reason that I have failed to finally end things with him and stop letting him do this to me. Get me unglued like this. The thought of starting over is frightening. Delete??? I'm still calling him multiple times a day. 8 years... And nothing. Hell I deserve for him to tell me something... Not just fall off the earth... How can he just stop talking to me after 8 years. I wish I could delete him.. I was in the same boat. This is not the first time I've broken up with him but so help me--it will be the last. I felt much of the same things that I've quoted from you above. I've stopped venting/grieving to my friends and family because they don't take it seriously anymore. And I'm not blaming them...I would have stopped listening to if the situation were reversed. That's how I ended up here. I thought that my guy ruined me for all others...and even said that to him a time or two (gag). It's not true though. You're still awesome...just hurting and grieving. There was a reason that he was attracted to you---many reasons in fact and guess what...they all still exist. Your obviously pretty and probably bright and witty too. You're only a week out...give yourself some time to recover. I've found the fastest way to recovery is NO CONTACT. The truth is that you will never get the closure you want. There is nothing that he's going to say, short of you giving him the script, that will help. The reality is that he does not deserve to be in your life. He disappears for a few days...that's not cool and that is NOT someone that deserves to be with you. I've been exploring this dating coach's blog and one of the things he said that's been helping me is...."That last guy that broke up with you...stop being so sad because he is not THE ONE. Here's the secret...THE ONE is going to adore you, be crazy about you...and not [disappear randomly for days and break your heart.]"
VanessaVanessa Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Something a few days back made me think I should write to him. But I couldn't be 1000% sure or more, so I didn't and I won't unless that's how sure I am that I am being shown somehow that I should. I have put away the very last little thing in my room from him that I had in sight and which I occasionally used. It probably won't make much of a difference but I suppose it's better that it's not a trigger, though it's been a while. It's a blunt sadness again. I'm just tired of thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and all the questions that pass through my head. Technically, my NC has been stable for months, but knowing that I feel much the same, is so horrible.
Xemyd Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 I don't even want to get out of bed today, that's how I'm coping.
Sad26 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 I can only imagine her having sex with the new guys she is adding on her facebook and telling everyone that I was a crazy lunatic and psychopath. That's my situation today. Not able to cope up with the situation. BTW, I am amazed at the abuse of the word psychopath. Wonder how many know the real meaning.
rainy_sun Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 It's been 2 months and I still think about her every day. It's annoying. I still want her to come back but I know that if she wanted to she probably would have by now.
furby58 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Woke up feeling bit flat today .. i dont hate my ex at all despite the hell he put me through but i wish the feelings that i still love him would go away..ffs its been 7 months and i know hes with some one else , if anything that should make me hate him etc etc .
redbaron005 Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Coping okay. Read a quote today that said a woman keeps loving you only as long as she keeps loving who she turns into while with you.
stillfiguringitallou Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Coping okay. Read a quote today that said a woman keeps loving you only as long as she keeps loving who she turns into while with you. To some extent this is right for most people in general. When someone mistreats or devalues you, you will start to feel worse about yourself. But if someone builds you up and supports you, it turns you into a better version of yourself. So yeah I'd say this is pretty accurate, once I stop liking who I am when I am with you or loving you (even after breakup) is when it starts to let go
iheartgoodmusic Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 User! I was so wrapped up and fell in love with a fantasy. Why did you call me today from a unknown number "I need you babe". No apologies.. sorry.. I made a mistake..It has almost been a full month since you up and vanished. I feel like a straight up FOOL. I hope these feelings I have vanish, just like you did. User! So now I'm suppose to be available huh. Im suppose to pretend like nothing happened and give you all of me again. Sad.
freebird31 Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 I've been seeing a lot of happy couples a lot lately. And I notice that they do so much for each other. They go that extra mike for their partner. Like my cousin for example. He always makes sure that his girlfriend feels loved. He's always affectionate and yelling her that she is beautiful . He gets her flowers and is romantic. My ex was never really the romantic type. He would call me pretty and gorgeous. But not often. He was extremely affectionate but he never once gave me flowers. I don't know if he just wasn't this type of guy, or if maybe he just wasn't as crazy about me as I was for him. We never said "I love you" to each other. The furthest we ever got was "I am so crazy for you" and he said it back to me. Sometimes I wonder tnat maybe he just wasn't in love with me. He was protective of me, and very affectionate. But like I said, he seldom called me "beautiful" or let it be known to me. It was weird. Maybe some guys just aren't comfortable doing this. Or maybe he wasn't all that crazy for me like I was for him...
Alcatraz Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Went to a music festival on the weekend with my 4 friends who are both couples. She should have been there with us. Sometimes I imagined that she was. I wish the pain was over now.
freebird31 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 </3 idk why this is bothering me. But when I think back to me ex, I'm starting to remember a lot of bad times now. One of the worst times that affects me to this day is when my ex told me he liked Asian women ( I am Latina). He told me this when we very first started dating. He said he liked Asian girls, then he liked Latinas , and lastly white girls. I joked back and told him I liked another race too. And I can't believe I didn't say anything more. I was too nice. And it bothered me so much. Anyway, a couple months went by and we were watching a movie. It was a Korean movie with subtitles and my ex asked me "do u think she is pretty?" Referring to the Asian girl in the movie I answered "mhm..." I didn't really care at the moment. But looking back, it has extremely effected me. I almost feel like I wasn't good enough for him, I did not meet his desires. I am Latina. I can never be Asian. And I have a lot of Asian friends, but now since the break up I always find myself comparing myself to Asian women. Now that I look back at our relationship, it wasn't all that good. I doubted his love for me a few times:/ and idk. I think I'm starting to see things for what they really were now. I hate that I compare myself. But maybe one day in the future I will find someone to love me for me. It's so stupid that this is bothering me. I think it's because a few weeks ago I looked his social media up and saw that he followed a lot of Asian girls. I'm def not looking him up anymore. It's not worth this agony anymore.
Shields boy Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Having a bad day today. Keep relaying things over and over in my mind. I feel weird that I am like this because she has been out of my life for 6 years. I made a big mistake in contacting her after all this time.
looking forward 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 It's been 4 months since the break up, I decided to give dating another go so i joined a dating site. I put details in and what i was looking for ect and the first match that came up was my ex,I couldn't believe it. I read the profile that she put up and everything she put on there was what we had in the relationship my heart sank,and it said on there when she joined which was the same that we were going through our break up. I didn't make contact or call her on it..
Mary Oak Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I am not coping well today. Actually, I feel worse they I do most days today. I can probably contribute that to two things. One, I forgot to take my meds this morning, and two, I pulled my groin and can't run. Usually about this time of the day, I get teary eyed for some reason, so I run, and it makes me feel better, but can't today. I just booked a vacation with a friend. I wish you were going with me instead. I can't stop missing you, I don't know what I am doing wrong... I can't stop loving you either... today is not good.... 1
freebird31 Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 I really see the bad and the flaws in our relationship now. I just want to remind myself that it wasn't perfect. I let my ex define my happiness. FULLY define my happiness. I let him have so much power of my happiness. Even after we broke up, I let him have this power over me for such a long time. It angers me so much inside. I could recall at least two times during the relationship where I should have challenged my ex and left the relationship. Instead I came running back. I LET him get away with treating me less than what I felt Like I deserved those two times. I let him because I was so madly crazy for him I did not want to lose him I was so afraid to lose him. I look back and I feel like I was so stupid. Stupidly crazy for him. I won't ever in any of my future relationships let my partner fully define my happiness. I will make sure that I have my own life/hobbies/friends separate from my partners. I will make sure to NOT lose myself in a relationship. I will also not be afraid to walk away from the relationship, no matter how much I may love my partner. I must always remember to love ME first. Which is what I did not do in my relationship with my ex. He KNEW I was head over heels for him, he knew I would not leave him and he really took advantage of that. I really wish I set him straight from that very comment about liking Asian women to our very last fight. I wish I had been more courageous. I wish I was the one that walked away from the relationship. Instead I dangled on struggled to hold on. I'm so much better than that. But I let him have so much power over me. I'm just DONE. He does not have this power over me anymore. I hate that I reached out and told him I forgive him. It makes me so mad at myself because he did not deserve it. It did not make me feel better. And I'm just absolutely done. I do not need him anymore . I deserve to feel 100% loved. I should never feel like I doubt the love my partner has for me. And there were a couple times I really did. And I'm starting to really open my eyes now and realiE my relationship was in no way perfect. And I let a lot of things slide. And I'm done. I will never allow myself to go back to being that girl. I'm much better than that. I deserve a hell of a lot more. 2
L1ght Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 (edited) Like a dream that never even happened. Life moves on and the memory fades into nothingness. Mad world. Perhaps everything is a dream that one day becomes forgotten. Edited July 10, 2014 by L1ght
Shields boy Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Omg what a nightmare this is. You go to bed and she is on your mind. She is on your mind when you wake up but I feel very sad with a strange feeling in the chest. Now I bet she will be on my mind all day. Need to snap out of this and get a grip quick.
FoolishMan Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 I am trying not to think a girl I have feelings for but she doesn't for me. During the day, she is on my mind. I can deal with that, have no urge to contact her. The real problem is when I am asleep, she is in my dreams almost everynight and I wake up feeling down. Spend the first hour of the morning battling my emotions! Am I losing my sanity? I have never gone through this with a woman. It is like She has just parked up in my brain!! 1
Recommended Posts