How are you coping today?

[Mary Oak]

I have felt better today. I have felt more normal. I am still sad and still miss you but I am beginning to understand I may have to live with that feeling forever. So I may as well smile and start living. My God, you did so long ago.

 

It sucks we work in the same building. I think I would have moved much quicker through recovery had we not. BUT, we do and I am still standing. So, I know I can do anything.

 

I still wish that you would come home to out family to our home, but wishing is much better than hoping. I no longer have any hope. In fact, sometimes, when I think of you I am just so resentful that I couldn't even take you back.

 

I am a slow healer. Friday it will be two years since you gave up on me. Who knows how long it has been since you chose my best friend over me.

 

Still, everyday I get up, run two miles like clockwork. I go to work and smile to my coworkers, I run two more miles at lunch, continuing to work my butt off at work then go home. Honestly, by then I just need alone time.

 

Do, how am I coping? Better. But not indifferent yet.

 

I WILL get there. You are not worth more than me. I will move past this.

[umirano]

3 months post BU, 1 month NC. I'm pretty good. Today I thought that I'd probably have dumped her (again) by now. She's right ending the RS, she needs to work on herself, we weren't a good couple. We fought a lot and we were both no diplomats. It was very ugly at times.

[Amy74]

Really, really sad earlier but now I'm just angry. I was stalking his Facebook-- just like looking at his foto and saw a comment that made me angry. I finally deleted my account. It was a long time coming and hopefully marks a new stage of healing.

 

 

 

 

Okay-- I'm still really sad too----

[freebird31]

Feeling a little stressed out. When I'm stressed I feel vulnerable:/ and I start missing the ex.

[love1336x]

Day 3 of NC.

Mornings always apparently are the toughest to deal with.

I woke up my chest is all heavy and mind running of thoughts how I miss him, and how I wish I could txt him.

 

I miss you babe.

[Kid_Charlemange]

Six months to the day since our last decent conversation, sandwiched in between two awful, hateful, mean, hurtful fights.

 

I remember it like yesterday. For a few hours, you let your guard down. I saw the woman I once loved so much. She was back, instead of this other person you've become. This person who looks like my ex, and sounds like her, but isn't her.

 

I miss that person. I think the only way to cope with this is to realize that this person is dead, and the one I see every once in a while in town is just a reanimated corpse...

 

I really thought six months would be plenty of time. I was wrong. I still think about her every day, several times a day.

[David87]

Six months to the day since our last decent conversation, sandwiched in between two awful, hateful, mean, hurtful fights.

 

I remember it like yesterday. For a few hours, you let your guard down. I saw the woman I once loved so much. She was back, instead of this other person you've become. This person who looks like my ex, and sounds like her, but isn't her.

 

I miss that person. I think the only way to cope with this is to realize that this person is dead, and the one I see every once in a while in town is just a reanimated corpse...

 

I really thought six months would be plenty of time. I was wrong. I still think about her every day, several times a day.

 

Why dont you try dating, 6 months is a lot of time. My ex dumped me in december last year. I still think about her from time to time, but i have a new gf now and that helps alot.

[VanessaVanessa]

Really, really sad earlier but now I'm just angry. I was stalking his Facebook-- just like looking at his foto and saw a comment that made me angry. I finally deleted my account. It was a long time coming and hopefully marks a new stage of healing.

 

 

 

 

Okay-- I'm still really sad too----

 

About 7 - 8 months ago a similar thing happened to me. I did a few weeks of stalking and one day I saw a photo and especially a comment on his profile which just messed with my mind SO much. I was basically thrown back to day 1, when it had already been about a month post the breakup. A few days later I forced myself to delete my account (since I had already actually blocked him) because as long as I still had my account open I was constantly fighting the urge to check his profile. I set a time frame for keeping the account deactivated (e.g at least one month) in the beginning and then once that time was up I somehow managed to make another, longer time frame each time. I haven't reopened my account since then about 8 months ago and I know I had to do it. Even though my stalking period lasted a few weeks, it did nothing good for me in the long run. My curiosity would win and in the end I would end up feeling completely horrible for days, at best. Once I really made up my mind to delete it I managed to stick to it, but the curiosity doesn't just go away I just had to try to ignore it.

 

...Now, stopping the constant thinking and wondering about him is a different thing, which I still haven't managed to stop since all that time.

[VanessaVanessa]

Day 3 of NC.

Mornings always apparently are the toughest to deal with.

 

Definitely.

[Jewels7]

I am 8 days away from being 2 months since I left. I'm having a hard day. Dreamed about him all last night. Wanted to reach out and tell him that I miss my best friend. But I didn't. I'm sitting at work just crying. I hate this. Why do I have to miss and love someone so much who was so bad for me? Will this pain ever end? Will I ever get over him?! I really don't think I will.

[newenglandkid]

Today would have been our 1.5 anniversary. I had plans of a big celebration for us like last year, but you cut that off 6 weeks ago. I know your with another guy already, so I know I won't be hearing from you any time soon. I wish it wasn't the case, but whatever makes you happy. I'm trying to move on with my life, but days like today make it really hard not to think about you.

[AnyaNova]

Here cleaning the old apartment. Taking g a break. Getting hit with missing him and old memories and stuff. Must get the tram done so I never have to see this place again.

 

Crying. Hard to tell if it is him, the sodium, or both.

[AnyaNova]

Almost done. Have to get cleaning supplies and things down to car.

 

Tired.

 

Sad.

[redbaron005]

I miss what we had.

[AnyaNova]

I miss what we had.

 

realizing that you are not my ex. But. You know what I mean.

 

Tonight, after cleaning out my old apartment and getting it ready for the final inspection and sign off tomorrow afternoon. All of the memories came rushing back in stark relief. When there was a bunch of chaos and cleaning supplies about, it blunted the effect. When the apartment was stark and empty all of the memories there, getting trapped like a rat in a cage with the grief for three days when there was a blizzard right after my friend died. That beautiful night when Tim and I went for a walk and held hands. That not so beautiful afternoon when he broke up with me. All those nights fighting through hell to get another assignment done through whichever vitamin or electrolyte crash.

 

I miss him tonight. Since he doesn't seem to care about me in the slightest at this point, I hope it passes soon!

 

I miss what we (my ex and I) had too.

[Xemyd]

I looked for you today, should have known you wouldn't be there.

 

 

Just call me....

[freebird31]

Feeling stressed and really drained physically. Makes me miss my ex. Wish I could just fall asleep tangled in him, facing one another, our noses touching like we always used to. I could feel each exhale on my face. We always did this , which is weird bc it was so overly intimate. I'm just sleepy. And sad. Don't mind me. Just miss intimacy.

[emotionalMess]

6 months without her in my life.

She ignored my Facebook messages and blocked me the next day in early May. This has had a negative impact on my recovery - I know, my fault for breaking NC.

 

I wondered and wondered how to interpret it. Is she mad that I went NC and this is her way of turning the tables? Is she with another and either does not want to hurt me further or does she not give a rat's **s because she is pre-occupied? Is she recovering from her own rebound and really needs space? Does she despise me? Does she have any feelings at all for me?

Did she give another bf her Facebook password like she always did and he deleted the messages and blocked and therefore she did not know I tried to reach out?

 

A wise poster reminded me that none of that BS matters. If someone really misses and wants someone badly, they would not have let that opportunity pass as she did. At any rate, nothing would stop her from contacting me.

 

I thought about it and this poster was so right on the money.

 

That very day, (after 6 months) I severed the last possible communication method available (phone block). She has no way to ever contact me and I am sad but I know it is the right thing to do. I'm essentially kicking her further off the pedestal if not completely.

 

She is smart enough to know that it hurt me greatly and was not woman enough to just come out and say, "im done, please don't contact me".

In fact it made me feel like a desperate stalker and I will never forget it.

I would have not ignored her like that unless I already made it clear that I wanted NC - she never did this, always wanted to be friends.

 

I feel like I have to grieve a little more as if the last rights have been read.

 

I'll do this tonight and recognize this as another big milestone met. I think soon I will feel a great deal better.

[Xemyd]

I know I would never do it but I just feel like I'm done with everything. I don't want to be here anymore. I just want him out of my life entirely, no more thoughts, no more dreams.

[AnyaNova]

What I want to do after yet another extended over-exertion sodium crash.

 

Stay in bed and read all day (at least one sign that the treatment is working! Reading is wonderful again!!!!) Nothingi heavy, no great literature, or God of Small Things or In Other Rooms, Other Wonders or Les Mis or Foundation and earth.

 

Simple fun stuff. Like the seriously trashy but fun Sookie Stackhouse books. Like the walk down memory lane from my youth of the Anne of Green Gables Series. Or somewhere in the middle with Tad Williams and the Otherland series.

 

But no. I will read for a little longer, and then go get everything completed with the old apartment.

 

I am relieved because I am very much actually over him as long as I don't have to keep steeping myself in the place where I remember the dinner I made for him that one night, and the walk we took, and cuddling while watching, 'The Three Stooges" and all of that and every expression and color and lighting and tactile experience and auditory impression and temperature...all of it burned into my brain.

 

I really love my new apartment and the separation from that, that it brings me.

[turbo-p]

I'm doing crap today. Ex still calls me to chat, (4yr relationship but living apart although we have a son). Today I said I can't do it anymore I need space because after 8 weeks I'm an emotional wreck. She's seeing a new guy.

 

Saw a counsellor yesterday who told me that I was punishing myself by still getting on with her so well and that I'm too generous and a nice guy. She is being cruel by talking to me (she doesn't see it that way).

 

Then had a fone call half hour ago to confirm something unrelated and told her I felt like I was losing my best friend. She got tearful on the fone and we ended the conversation.

 

This is sooooooo hard she's such a beautiful girl and I'm unbearably gutted.

[furby58]

Doing okay today i think .Havent spoken to my ex in a few days..( he pushed my button last we saw each other and i told him i needed space ) ..its been rather peaceful.

[somedude81]

Ugh!!!!!

 

So I get a call from a number I don't recognize at 10 pm. Looking at it, I recognize the area code as one that my ex has, who has since been deleted from my phone.

 

For some reason I get anxious. Then I check my computer for the record of my ex's number and it's not her

 

Then I get get the voicemail notification, check it, and it's my mom who I just saw about an hour ago. Somehow she lost her phone and is borrowing a friends who happens to have the same area code as my ex.

 

Because my mom forget some things at my place, now I'm going to have to drive to her place and drop them off. I hate driving to my moms place because she lives five fu*king minutes from my ex and it's a 50 minute drive for me.

 

If that wasn't bad enough, it's almost exactly one year ago that my ex and I first made love, July 4th, right after the fireworks show. And now here I am having to drive to her fu*king city.

 

I wonder if I should key her car or something. Something to say, happy anniversary you POS.

 

Now she's stuck in my mind and I'm fighting the urge to go through my old pictures.

Edited July 3, 2014 by somedude81

[Amy74]

I want to scream...and cry.

[dudeguy56]

I don't know if any replies are necessary, unless you have advice or words of encouragement.

 

I just feel so... Unsatisfied might be the word. Unsatisfied with my situation, unsatisfied with my life, unsatisfied with my future but most obviously with love. God do I hate liking people. I wish I could look at it optimistically but judging from what love have gotten me so far in life, it's nothing but destructive. And I sound melodramatic right now but that's because I'm honestly so fed up with this and have been for a long time.

 

I'm 17, young so the world is out there, my life has only began, blablabla. I've heard all that before, and I know. But that doesn't change what I went through with, am dealing with and will be enduring in the future.

 

When I was 14 I liked a girl who liked my friend, they got together after a while and I took it really bad. I mean I was young but I took my liking of her very seriously and when a friend gets together with your crush you honestly feel ****. It's even worse than accepting that she doesn't like you.

 

I had to go through with it again. But this time it was worse. I rarely like people but when I do, I REALLY like them. I've had a crush since October. I started noticing I liked her more in December so during the christmas holidays I decided I'd stop talking to her because of what happened last time I liked someone. We go to different programmes, I go to Nature and she goes to Society. There's only one class that is shared between programmes, language. We had spanish together. After the holiday, first lesson back she asks if me and another friend from the Nature programme wanted to do something. That's when I started to really like her. I gradually understood after about three months that she didn't feel the same which hurt but was managable. At this point I had considered a programme swap for next year because of unrelated reasons, I got a spot. I knew she didn't like me but that didn't mean I was over her.

 

I think it should be noted that I've never been in a relationship and have little experience so that's why I didn't make a move. I just thought it'd work itself out for some stupid reason.

 

I got paranoid thinking my friend might like her, even if the probability of that happening was so little. I mean, of all the people that she could like, honestly would it be the only mutual friend she and I have. On top of that, I'd already been through the situation before. It's way too improbable and inconvenient. So I told him I liked her and he said he didn't like her. I then asked him to tell me if he ever did because I just wanted to be aware. He said he would. Two months go by, I have a hard time dealing with the situation and he's comforted me by saying stuff like she and I would be a good couple. After a while however I start to feel like they're getting more intimate. I finally snap and ask sincerely in a message if he likes her. He said he had developed a slight interest one week prior to me asking him. He also said that he didn't like her as much as I did. (As if that was gonna comfort me.) I was really angry. I convinced myself it was because he had not told me even if he had promised to do so but I'm pretty sure I was angry for no other reason than that he liked her. It's so inconvenient for me. But I told him that even if I hate the situation I'm not going to stand in the way or anything.

 

At this point I was just having a mental collapse. So I told her how I felt. (She noticed I had been in a very bad mood.) She told me she understood and that she wants to remain friends and continue to hang out when I feel comfortable doing so. I went to the school counselor just to make sure I was doing the right thing. She told me to be honest with my friend about how I felt. So I told my friend that I hated the situation, I hate that he likes her and that I don't expect him to do anything with this information. Just that I needed to get it said.

 

So now we have summer break. I'm going to summer school to compliment the courses I've missed because I'm changing to the Society programme. I hate summer school. Last weekend I went out to another friends country house, and the mutual friend was there as well. I figured that if he and the girl I liked would've gotten together it would've happened by now. But if that was the case he wouldn't have told me. So I checked his phone. That might've been a bit out of order but I honestly don't regret it. I wouldn't want to find out through an updated facebook status. They are together now. He still hasn't told me though. I just feel so provoked. I'm working my ass off at summer school to get into a programme that I might prefer when it comes to the courses, but I'm going to be in her class. And that is going to make me feel uncomfortable. I don't want to see them together ever either. It's also ****ed up my self-image because I honestly don't "like" myself. As said, I'm unsatisfied. I've been considering starting to go to the gym. Not because I want to look better in front of girls but because it's healthy and I figure it might occupy me. I just don't know how I'm going to deal with this when school starts...