AnyaNova Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 I've been pushing myself way too hard these last few days to get the move finished. My sodium has been low since Wednesday. Its pretty low tonight. I've slamming down the protein and the salty snacks as fast as humanly possible. In a few I'll make a protein shake with a bunch of crushed pineapple (which should be pretty high in sodium). That really helped last night. I've got all the bedroom boxes unpacked. I'd like to at least get the bathroom completely set up, and all the pictures hung in my room so that at least the back of the house is a nice sanctuary from the HSP killing box chaos in front (I have 17??? boxes of books????When I moved here I had 10. And that was after choosing to store 10 other boxes of books with my parents. Still. With the crash and my mood I'm sitting here bawling to the Talking Heads "Life During Wartime."
edgygirl Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 It's been a hard day. I again woke up from dreaming about him. It happens everyday. Tomorrow it's going to be a month since I last saw him. Since we've been together and kissed etc. It was the best eve in a month. We were supposed to meet 3 days later and I started going crazy as he didn't make plans with me for that Friday/Sat. I was the one starting the breakup but then regretted it. But he was the one who ended up doing it on the day we were supposed to hang out :/ I wish I could be around him now. Hug him. Kiss him. Get drunk with him I don't even feel I'm desperate and I don't feel "rejected". I just really miss being around him. Life sucks right now.
AnyaNova Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Starting to pull out of the crash and thank God for that! I am going to organize my bathroom stuff (since up until the move I only had the basic necessities at the new place) while singing my lungs out to Capercaillie and perhaps some Solas too (and yes, purists, I can sing the Scots-Gaelic too, so there). And then I'm going to sharpen my art quality colored pencils, and work on some mandalas. And even though my apartment is in chaos and will be for a few days until I get all the boxes unpacked, the leaning tower of laundry from the old apartment washed, and all the of the kitchen appliances from the old place cleaned and set up... I'm still going to have a good night.
MonWedFri Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 I woke up today from another dream about her. My tenth one in twelve days, or so? However, this one was the most painful to wake up from, because in the dream we had discussed getting back together and then did within the dream. The part I remember was holding hands and kissing her cheek as we were walking together, a couple again. That was the most happy I have felt for a long time. It was pure, unbridled happiness. I want that to be reality. I have wondered elsewhere on the forum how to make that happen. It's been 3.5 months. I was the dumper. However, my work had an outdoor playdate today, so the day has been wonderful. Still, I will think of this dream and the surge of happiness that I felt in one moment of it for a long time.
elseaacych Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Drunk again, and suddenly missing my ex for some reason. Dude, I really need to get a grip on this sh-t. I shouldn't be missing him, while drunk. They say drunk actions are sober thoughts. I am not contacting him, so maybe that's a good thing? What does that make drunk thoughts, then?
AnyaNova Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Drunk again, and suddenly missing my ex for some reason. Dude, I really need to get a grip on this sh-t. I shouldn't be missing him, while drunk. They say drunk actions are sober thoughts. I am not contacting him, so maybe that's a good thing? What does that make drunk thoughts, then? As much as possible, I'm sure you know this, avoid alcohol. When you're dealing with anything big and emotional, a depressant is the last thing you need. I'm not trying to preach or lecture here, and way to go for keeping no contact while drunk! That is truly progress. Good for you. Celebrate that and continue on.
AnyaNova Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Happy today. Not insanely so. Just a nice, warm contentment. I'm loving this, eating less more times a day thing, I just made a mac and cheese (read here--quinoa, coconut yogurt and Daiya dairy free "cheddar" shreds) fake out and it was really yummy and comforting. I have spent all day doing whatever I wanted. Reading, watching House M.D. episodes, cuddling with my kitty. It really does get better. I'm really starting to see life without my ex and that just maybe perhaps, life without my ex could be just fine indeed. And that there are truly other options. 4
love1336x Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 I'm coping well better than yesterday. I cried so much. But I am in a mood where I don't want to do anything. I cried for like ten seconds today and then keep being lazy and watching TV.
iheartgoodmusic Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 On a scale from 1 to 10. I'd say a 3. I had a nightmare. Dreamed of losing vision in one of my eyes. Didn't make sense. I woke up feeling nauseous with anxiety. Had to talk myself out of the feeling. Facebook stalked him. Came close to texting him. The turn around was when I deleted his photos. Fixed a light lunch. Listened to some music. Then went bike riding with my son. I still have little reminders of him to get rid of.
elseaacych Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 As much as possible, I'm sure you know this, avoid alcohol. When you're dealing with anything big and emotional, a depressant is the last thing you need. I'm not trying to preach or lecture here, and way to go for keeping no contact while drunk! That is truly progress. Good for you. Celebrate that and continue on. What was funny about the whole situation was that I was actually having a pretty good day, and hadn't thought of him at all. I sat down to unwind with a cocktail and some netflix and I'm just like: "I want to talk to him. I miss him." (weeps internally) (goes on internal drunk tangent) Today's much better. I heard from some old friends. It's the second anniversary of the evening we spent stranded in downtown DC during a thunderstorm, trying to make our way back home. We bonded like no other, and I miss them, but I miss them in a good way. 1
freebird31 Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 These last few weeks I have been going to the gym 5-7 days a week. I've really started to take an appreciation in my alone time lately whether it be going to the gym or having a netflix session relaxing at home after work. I do miss my ex. I do grieve over him sometime. But this new life, without him, or even my best girl friend, I've really been content in being alone. I've been enjoying doing my own thing and focusing on myself , and for once just being completely SELFISH. Just being able to do what I want, to tend to my own needs instead of someone else's, feels really nice. I've forgotten to love myself for such a long time. I was about to make my ex my life, I was starting to put him before myself, for a long time I think I have put him before myself. It feels nice to just take a step back and just soak in all the energy I've been putting on myself. It feels so nice, who knew. I've been taking good care of myself and have been spoiling myself. No one can do it better than yourself , right. If I don't take care of myself who else will. 3
AnyaNova Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Very fatigued today. Actually getting energy back after a sodium crash usually takes a least a week-ish. For me, anyway. Remembering why I usually only participate in one or two threads here at a time. I get overloaded. I end up losing my focus, reacting, and I'm so caught up in everything, I lose my softness. I lose one of the fundamental things that makes me most me. Alternating between resting and unpacking boxes today. Realized that I still have Monday to do the cleaning and still be out by the first of the month, so I'm going to clean the last of my old apartment and get the heck out of there completely Monday.
Xemyd Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Missing having him close to me. I miss the cuddles and how it made me feel like that was all I'd ever need. Complete happiness. I no longer know what happiness feels like. 1
love1336x Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 I'm lonely today. Nobody wants to hang out or texting me back. It is a beautiful day outside. I wonder what you are doing.... i miss you.
Oregon_Dude Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 So, I am sitting here at my mom's house, doing laundry, waiting for my best friend to pick me up. Realizing it has only been a week since we broke up. One of the longest weeks of my life. Feeling grateful for Loveshack today and especially grateful to the friends I've seen this past week whom have built me up and shared their advice and company with me. Still got a lot of worries on my mind - if I'm going to find a roommate or move back to mom's, need to get a better job, etc. - but I woke today after sleeping off yesterday's hangover feeling refreshed and optimistic. Worked out on the elliptical, watching sappy chick flicks. (I'm the most female guy I know.) I hope my ex is well out there, wherever she's living. I hope she's not saying bad things about me, though I'll never know what she does, 'cause I don't want to know. Realizing that she drained me financially and emotionally, and that even though some of those things were not her fault directly (she was laid off, for example), I was with someone whom I would have to parent, rather than exist with in a love relationship. Likewise, she mothered me in several ways, as I am immature in regards to my lack of cooking ability, for example. I have a lot of things to take care of. I made a goal to not drink for two weeks, and I'm looking forward to a clearer head and more peaceful body. Two weeks is nothing but anything longer at this point would be overwhelming. Anyway, how am I coping today. I'm coping ok. I have to keep telling myself, IT HAS ONLY BEEN ONE WEEK SINCE THE BREAKUP. A week is nothing, it's barely enough time to process it. Let alone the fact that some of her **** is still in my apartment and I'm going to have to hear from her very soon. One week. It's not enough time to have made much progress, AND THAT'S OK. Women in my life have been telling me I'm good-looking and that I needn't worry about finding someone else, it's inevitable and won't take long. This is exactly the kind of encouragement I need. What I NEED is to be with another woman, soon. Though I alternate between knowing how comfortable and ego-boosting that would be, and knowing that it's best to wait a couple weeks before getting out there; as another poster in this thread recently said, I need to f*cking SPOIL myself and just be my own best friend, get involved with my music and podcast project, exercise, eat well, see friends, not drink, watch comedies, LAUGH. But it's important not to overwhelm oneself. I have so many changes I need to make, it feels like I can't do it. YES, I can do it. One change at a time. Right now? Don't drink today. Today? Buy groceries for the work week. Sometimes living is so mundane but you have to go do the boring stuff because your body and mind needs to feel taken care of. We cannot be there for anyone else in this world if we are ourselves a mess. Being hungover, I'm useless to this world. I owe it to me and you and everyone to be my best self. Are you being your best self? Are you forgiving yourself when you make mistakes? Are you treating yourself as you would your best friend, your infant son, your God? Sleep, work, relaxation, effort, empathy. Right now, let us all just nurture ourselves. We are not alone in this struggle to rebuild our lives. Every post I read... we are all going through some variation of the same thing. Which is to try to get back to our true selves. The self that does not rely on a romantic partner in order to feel whole. It is ok to feel lonely. Just realize, it's an illusion. We are here for each other, in life, on Loveshack, because we all desire happiness, peace, rest.. the glimmer of hope one catches maybe once or twice a day, or an hour, depending where you are. Let us take our time. Allow time. Cry and be sad when it happens. When joy happens, be with that, too, not wondering when it will end. Because it all ends, in some form or another. Life. Grief. May as well feel these feelings now. Because feelings are never wrong. I love you guys. OD
Itspointless Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Given the time we spent I never thought it would take me this long. Well you got me.
turbo-p Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Not so good for me today. Me and the ex still reside in the same house with our son. She has a new man (also with a son) but wants to stay close friends. We are now 6weeks post BU and yesterday we went to a festival in London, got drunk, held hands walking thru the crowd (no romance) and had a laugh. Sadly, as much as I knew it was coming, when we got home she went off to her new guys house. I know what I am putting myself through, but I can't do NC and don't want to lose her as a friend. It simply cannot turn into this awkward situation where we don't talk around each other and have bitterness. We have a child and still get along well. I'm not going to stick my middle finger up to that and become an idiot, but i seriously need help coping with this situation, it kills me seeing her go off out. I am considering booking a counselling session this week. The ironic thing is my last two long term ex's came back after I gave up hope on them. I wouldn't take them back but this time I would because she's my soulmate. Aaaggghhhh fml.
jallajalla08 Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Ex broke up with me in october (for the third time), but since december she has been begging me to take her back. For a month I haven't heard anything from her, but last night she contacted me. She was mad, obviously wanting a fight. Told me that she had talked to a "mutual acquaintance" (would not tell me who), and that this person had told her **** that I allegedly had told him/her. Apparently I had told someone that my ex came crawling back to me, but that I refused to take her back. She told me this was not OK to do, and told me to go to hell, and added that she was 100% over me... So today I'm feeling pretty mad. She ALLWAYS comes back, stirring up drama. Pisses me off, and really slows down my recovery. Even if I did tell this to someone: So f*cking what? It's the truth. I haven't lied about her, and I haven't been badmouthing her in any way to anyone.
AnyaNova Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 1st tornado watch in my new third floor apartment. Feeling a little nervous, but it looks like the worst is going to miss us. Lets pray it stays that way.
love1336x Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Day 2 of no text or called. I'm started to feel like a drug addicted going Thur withdrawal. First two days hard as **** but its getting to me. You don't want me. And why would u? I never really built you up. All I could ever focus on was the negative qualities of yours. Vs focusing how sweet and how much you loved me. But its over now. There no going back in time and fixing mistakes. There just heading forward in time. And if we meant to be we be if not oh well.
VanessaVanessa Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 It's been a lacklustre past few days. Though I have my 'health', which should always be a good thing. Still having the same kinds of questions running through my mind. There was a moment later today where I felt a blunt sadness, as best as I can put it. It was a different type of feeling. I had run out of the lame distractions of the day which I have so I guess I just drifted into detailed questionings of him which caused that. Not long after that I had a fortune cookie which read "A pleasant surprise is in store for you." If only it could be certain. 1
Amy74 Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 One month post BU--a little over two weeks of NC--which doesn't mean that I'm not stalking him on FB. ** He hasn't posted anything except to update his profile foto to him wearing a shirt that I bought for him. I'm one day closer to deactivating my account or blocking him...but not today. I'm not doing well...still crying a lot and feeling really snappy and bitchy today. Workdays are really hard...I just sit here in this room and think and think and think and miss him and think. I did deactivate my dating profile on POF...I have no business trying to date.
Xemyd Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Just bummed out that I can't talk to him anymore. Last night when I drove past his place he had his sprinklers on while it was raining, genius. I wanted to text him, I still do. 1
Xemyd Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 I was thinking last night though, a last effort to finally get my body to click and realize I don't need him. I know I don't need him but I just need everything else to catch up so I can stop hurting. We were together just over a year and he never told me he loved me. After a year, I would think that you would have either said it already or just holding out to see if it could happen. You never loved me, and you had to break it off because it just wasn't happening. Too bad I had to be in love with you.
AnyaNova Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 A bunch of stuff came up. Will have to clean out and completely vacate the old apartment tomorrow. And, in the meantime, I let myself get caught up and hooked into that thread again. I should have stayed out when I had the chance. Feeling kind of disgusted with myself today. But, in good news land.. My one out of state friend is coming to visit Friday, and my other out of state friend is coming to visit a week after that. It will all work out in the end. 1
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