How are you coping today?

[ponchsox]

Much better. I saw a video on Facebook of my ex with her new friend and she hasn't changed one bit. I realized how much happier I am without her and the feelings I get when I miss her are nothing but manifestations of my brain and not reality.

[Always Pondering]

It wasn't that long I understand your impatience, unfortunately some things in life we have to sit out. It could be true that it gives you power, but almost certainly it will weaken you at points you do not expect at this moment.

 

Self-respect is an interesting concept. Perhaps you should reflect on what aspect you did throw away according to you? I have a feeling you acted out of self-respect. The funny thing is that important people to us are also a part of our identity and there you have your paradox. You had to give up a part of yourself - the idea who you were and with who you were you according to you - to choose for yourself and the potential who you can be, if you get my drift.

 

I've seen a lot that you never feel "the same" anymore after going through something like this and I guess it must be true. I wish there was such a thing as a crystal ball that would tell me whether or not I'd hear from her ever again. It'd make life a whole lot easier if it worked that way since my stubborn self refuses to let go completely.

 

I'm sure I've said this before but I wish I came to LS right after the relationship ended. I wouldn't have begged, I wouldn't have appeared desperate, I would've started NC a lot earlier and stuck to it. I hate thinking about how stupid I must have sounded to her but I know I made a mistake and I just have to learn from it. It's really hard to accept but I need to. I guess I also need to stop caring about what she thinks of me as well. If we left on a good and mature note, I probably wouldn't be in this entire mess *sigh*.

[Haynes]

Tonight, I'm not coping well. He ended our relationship in February, and I've been getting on with things, but I still miss him terribly and I am curious about how he's doing. We've had no contact at all since March. I have his sister on my facebook and I feel tempted to message her and ask how he's been getting on. I know it's a bad idea, because she will probably pass the information onto him, which in turn will make me look weak and like I'm still pining over him (which I probably am to some extent.)

 

Sigh. I know that I probably shouldn't contact her but I just want to hear that he's ok.

[Haynes]

On second thoughts, he probably doesn't give a sh*t about me, which is why he dumped me in the first. So I probably shouldn't be concerned with how he's doing.

 

[Mary Oak]

I am not coping well at all today. I saw you twice in the office. We just smiled and kept moving, but that smile is all it took to break my heart again. I broke down and emailed you that I missed you today. No response, of course. I feel like such an idiot.

 

Well, back to day one for the 100th time. I guess I deserve to feel this bad, since I keep putting myself in these situations. Just sucks, I feel like everyone else can do it, and I am still here, two years later... sad as I was the day you left.

 

So, coping today??? I guess I am not.

[Itspointless]

I've seen a lot that you never feel "the same" anymore after going through something like this and I guess it must be true. I wish there was such a thing as a crystal ball that would tell me whether or not I'd hear from her ever again. It'd make life a whole lot easier if it worked that way since my stubborn self refuses to let go completely.

What is the same? You will feel good again, change is life's only constant. In our lives we encounter various moments that will shake us up. In the end it makes us tell other stories about ourselves. But never feeling the same I don't know. The older you get the better you know that you will get back on your feet as you have encountered worse. When one of my parents died after some years of illness when I was a year younger than you I thought I would never feel good again, but I was wrong. Do I fee the same yes, do I feel different that is also a yes, but I think that is because I have seen more and are a bit harder to surprise.

[Always Pondering]

What is the same? You will feel good again, change is life's only constant. In our lives we encounter various moments that will shake us up. In the end it makes us tell other stories about ourselves. But never feeling the same I don't know. The older you get the better you know that you will get back on your feet as you have encountered worse. When one of my parents died after some years of illness when I was a year younger than you I thought I would never feel good again, but I was wrong. Do I fee the same yes, do I feel different that is also a yes, but I think that is because I have seen more and are a bit harder to surprise.

 

Yes you are right, I didn't mean to sound pessimistic if that's what I came off as. I know I'll find my new significant other later and I'll be able to love her just as much if not even more. As expected, I feel normal again today. I hear that a serious break-up is sort of like a death but I suppose I won't know until time has passed as both of my parents are still alive. I'd imagine it feels worse though, I'm quite grateful that they're still both in my life.

[OwMyEyeball]

Just about rounding the corner of 4 weeks NC.

 

Feeling much better today that I was yesterday, though that really had far more to do with sleep deprivation from current work conditions than anything else. Fatigued body, fatigue mind. Prone to depression. Depressed mind ruminate, and a recent breakup is something a tired brain can chew on for a while.

 

Much bigger concern is that I'll be out of a job by September. Yikes!

[newenglandkid]

Hasn't been a good day (or two). A mutual friend of ours passed away last week and his wake was yesterday. I went to pay my respects to his family and gf (which who we would go on double dates when we were together). I did not see my ex there, but from LC I knew she has been a wreck since this happened. So late last night I asked her how she was doing and if she went to the wake. I then told her if she needed someone to talk to, I'll be here for you.

 

I know this was probably the worst thing I could do, but I hate to see her sad and upset (especially over a death). I just feel such a strong urge to see her again, ugh I wish she didn't break up with me. It's been 5 weeks and I miss her just as much as the day she ended it :-(

[freebird31]

I was talking to my mom. And she told me that she thought that she never really thought my ex was that into me and basically said u know when someone really loves u and it didn't seems that way with him. It broke my heart to hear these words. I know she was trying help but it really hurt. I don't know if that's true:( I just know that after this break up, even after over a year of trying to heal from this, I'm not the same person. I just feel a huge scar. I'm no where near being the same:/ I can't even move on to other people for so many different reasons. Number 1 being that I still think of my ex, my heart is still for him. Number 2 being that it don't think I want anyone to get close to me like I let him get close to me. Damn it. It makes me so mad looking back. We moved too fast. I didn't even want him to meet my family yet but he wanted to. Damn it. I don't even know if love is really worth all of this pain. I just still feel so heart broken. My heart is still broken even though it's been a year. I should be over this by now:/ I'm so broken inside. I've just learned to live with it.

[todreaminblue]

I am tired...... i looked in the mirror today and around my temples the hair has gone white so yeah thats not good......i just want to go to sleep.....deb

[Xemyd]

Still missing him. I wish he'd send me some breadcrumbs, at least I'd know that I cross his mind.

[freebird31]

Idk if it's the same thing. But I haven't talked to my once best friend in 2 and a half months. And I feel fine without her. I don't miss her. I miss the memories of our friendship before she neglected my friendship. I don't really miss it all. I'm feel perfectly fine without her. Yeah, I miss when she was my support system and I miss having a friend. But her, not really. I don't think I really miss her. I know this is completely different than a break up. But I wonder if this is how dumpers feel when they break up with someone....I feel totally indifferent. I wonder if this is how my ex feels about me. Maybe I'm pushing the pain , or compartmentalism my feelings somehow but I'm fine without her. We used to talk every single day, and somehow in fine without her in my life at all anymore. A friendship of 7 years, just gone. It's weird. How things change.... How u just move on. I miss my ex more than it miss her. Idk what's wrong with me. I think I'm really screwed up. After all this crap that has happened ..now my dad in the hospital. I just feel really gone. That's the word. Gone. I don't even feel a part of this world anymore. I feel like I'm living this dream...this nightmare. And I haven't woken up in such a long time. I'm just gone now.

[elseaacych]

Looked at my "Future Life" Pinterest board last night for the first time in awhile. Cried a little bit, and realized I wasn't really crying over him, but a future that just seems so far away.

 

I've slowly come to terms of what a blessing it was for him to dump me now, rather than later, because he was slowly turning my life into an emotional trainwreck.

[redbaron005]

At some point here I'm going to have to make the decision to move on emotionally. When the time comes I need to be strong. I can feel it needs to happen, owh I hate feelings like this one.

[Xemyd]

My dreams of him are so vivid, I hate waking up from them. After dreaming of him I have a physical pain, a need to just have him hold me again. Why hasn't my secon chance come? We should be together.

[redbaron005]

A German guy walked into the bar today and sat next to me, and started crying during the world cup game (even though they were winning). Apparently he just got dumped by his long time girlfriend. Gave him a huge hug. Its amazing how far I feel I've come. Having a hard breakup really gives you perspective into other peoples' emotions.

[Itspointless]

I was talking to my mom. And she told me that she thought that she never really thought my ex was that into me and basically said u know when someone really loves u and it didn't seems that way with him. It broke my heart to hear these words. I know she was trying help but it really hurt. I don't know if that's true:( I just know that after this break up, even after over a year of trying to heal from this, I'm not the same person. I just feel a huge scar. I'm no where near being the same:/ I can't even move on to other people for so many different reasons. Number 1 being that I still think of my ex, my heart is still for him. Number 2 being that it don't think I want anyone to get close to me like I let him get close to me. Damn it. It makes me so mad looking back. We moved too fast. I didn't even want him to meet my family yet but he wanted to. Damn it. I don't even know if love is really worth all of this pain. I just still feel so heart broken. My heart is still broken even though it's been a year. I should be over this by now:/ I'm so broken inside. I've just learned to live with it.

Why do you push yourself so much? When my first girlfriend broke up it took me at least 1.5 years. And the feelings when I saw happy pictures of her, well that lasted way way longer (if I remember right). All that does not mean that you can not find happiness with other people. Accept you as you are, don't wallow, but also do not fight it. You are like this and that is ok.

[Itspointless]

Lately when I think of her - and that is still too often too my taste - I just feel tired. It really serves no purpose, she pushed me away, she broke the chain, she ... It was also she who convinced me that I could trust her. It should have lasted longer, but in a way I am happy that I discovered so soon that she was emotionally unavailable. Just blah.

[elseaacych]

I feel hollow.

[edgygirl]

I wonder how it happens that he is always in my dreams and they are so vivid when I try so hard not to think about him during the day.

 

And why I always wake up (kind of terrified) by these dreams/nightmares at 4-5am. It really sucks

 

I am wishing for an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind lobotomy right now.

 

Haven't written him in 5 days, haven't responded to his jerky email from 4 days ago or the one from yesterday. I'm going NC I think, although I know it's not what you should do if you want someone back. But I'm tired of it all.

[edgygirl]

I thought so too... but... no you didn't. Mine gave me some yesterday and I've been feeling like shyte for two days. Truth is if they are not willing to try anymore, why be happy for breadcrumbs? I think I'm going NC as breadcrumbs are too hurtful. I think they do it to have a comfy exit and still feel liked while they don't have a new relationship :/

 

Still missing him. I wish he'd send me some breadcrumbs, at least I'd know that I cross his mind.

[edgygirl]

Joel: I can't see anything that I don't like about you.

Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.

Joel: Okay.

Clementine: [pauses] Okay.

[freebird31]

Why do you push yourself so much? When my first girlfriend broke up it took me at least 1.5 years. And the feelings when I saw happy pictures of her, well that lasted way way longer (if I remember right). All that does not mean that you can not find happiness with other people. Accept you as you are, don't wallow, but also do not fight it. You are like this and that is ok.

 

The fact that you have to recall how long u had feelings when looking at pics of your first gf is a good sign for me. Makes me feel a lot better. I do push myself. I shouldn't. It's just all ...new to me. Never had a break up before. I don't know what to expect or when all of these...emotions will go away. The fact that it's all just so unfamiliar ..just makes it so annoying. I want to KNOW that I will be better in time, not just assume. It drives me crazy that I don't know how long this is going to take. Or if I'll ever get over him. I need some kind of control. And I don't have it

[freebird31]

I guess I need to be more pAtient. I just started to freak out because it's been a year. A year is not much time i guess. It may take a lot longer to get over this. I need to accept that and suck it up. And you're also right , I may find happiness with another person one day. It's not like it's impossible . It's definitely possible. Just right now feels like it's going to take a lot

Of time, patience and fighting to ever get to that point. Ah. It sucks. But I guess nothing worth fighting for comes easy. Just have to keep pushing and fighting through. Eventually , even if it may be another 2-3 years from now, actually I shouldn't even count. Theres no set time on when people get over someone/something. It just sucks I hate grieving so much. I hate doing it alone too. I guess I was just assuming there would be an easier way out of this. But I'm realizing there is no easy way to get over this. No ones going to hand me a magic pill that can cure me from the grieving. U just have to push through. I understand that, well starting too. It takes time I hate suffering like this, but everything has an end. Even pain. I just get so caught up in my emotions, I don't think to look at things from a rational standpoint.

Edited June 27, 2014 by freebird31