elseaacych Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 I broke down and contacted my ex about three months after he left me. It left me feeling like sh-t, and I knew I cared enough to not let myself go through it again. Today, I realized it has been a little over four months since that day I broke down, and resolved not to let it happen again. It's a strangely liberating feeling.
newenglandkid Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 been a tough past couple of days, been about one month since my gf of a year and a half broke up with me. I just found out the other day that she "met" somebody already, and while in my head I'm telling myself its just a rebound and it won't last, i still can't believe she would meet somebody already after such a long relationship...
freebird31 Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Does everyone cope this way? Do all dumpees still grieve over their ex, even after a YEAR and 2 months? Its been sooo long, and i cannot stop having these feelings for him. i deeply miss him. I dont miss having someone, i miss having HIM. u know? Why do i still grieve even if it has been over a year? I know its not an obsession, although it might be, But its not just thoughts its feelings i still have of longing for his company and his goofy personality. i truly miss him. and i cannot imagine moving on to anyone else in the near future. I want my ex, and no one else. Maybe i should give others a chance, but all i can think of is my ex when i am getting to know other guys. My heart wont let me move on. Its a curse. Maybe me and my ex just need some time. I would seriously wait for him, its not like i have any other option anyway. I cant move on to another because i cant love anyone else when i still have these strong feelings for him. Im focusing on me, which has been lovely. i finally can feel happy and full now and not empty by being alone. And i have set huge goals for myself. I have been going to the gym every single day now for 2 weeks, and also educaitonal goals. I can survive alone. I have to face my fear that i may never get him back and i may always long for him. i miss him too much. I know he must miss me too from time to time.
hermitinator Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 (edited) I feel like I am in twilight zone. Because of the information he told me a few days ago, I feel like I was the fool, I was the victim. I have been feeling guilty because I felt that it was my fault. Why now, why tell me now that you had cheated twice on me? I am not angry, I am mystified. I wonder, how many of his friends knew this? Did they look at me as the fool, the blind one? And when he told me, nervous and hesitated, I laughed. I am past the grieving point. I am ready to move on and because of this, I have been guilty. But now, I am the fool, I am the one who was in delusion. I was determined to believe that this was the one thing that would not happen to me. But now it has, like the poison of a snake - slowly consumes you and paralyzes you. Even then, I am the one with power, that is why I laughed when he told me. No sign of anger except curiosity: "why didn't you break up with me if you cheated on me?" You yourself tied the bricks around your wrists and ankles, and I watched you sink. Edited June 21, 2014 by hermitinator
Itspointless Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Lately I feel better, but I notice that is due to the fact that her existence is sort of becoming unreal to me. I must admit that I hate that this is happening. Every time I start to think about her - still every day - I notice that my brain his become used to this image of rejection that made me for months. If I start to think about it the emotions are still there in a lesser form. It seems that I have to work on both sides to find a balance, being aware of suppressing and being aware of wallowing, it is actually a paradox. I still regret and am amazed that she just threw me away like a used towel. I do see - another paradox - that I can and can't blame her for at the same time. She is attached like that, I really can't blame her for that (and yes I am having a critical look to my attachment as well). I also can't blame her for getting ill, getting stressed and wanting to please her mother. I can blame her though for rejecting the possibility to change. She said she is fine with the way she is, something that sounded like a lie a she had said other things before. I did not ask for this, she actually mentioned this herself, it is only in hindsight that I saw what she was talking about.
echo123 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 I felt awful tonight. The cramps made me want to hug him and get a pat from him which was impossible. I miss him so much. I know he doesn't love me any more. I should not have been haunted with the feeling any more. But I can't control myself. He said I can call him if I want. But I don't want the pity from him. The thought that he might be with someone else while I am calling tortures me. I don't wanna call. I do understand it's for our best interest to break up. LDR never worked out. But my heart my mind couldn't stop thinking about him
Xemyd Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 (edited) With the realization that at the end of the month it'll have been one year since we had gone to a wedding together. A wedding he asked if he could go with me. And then a month later he started distancing himself, while I talked about how excited I was for him to be home more. Then it ended. Now my other cousin might be getting married soon, but it should have been us. I love him, but I hate him too. My emotions and feelings are so messed up because of him, so confused. I feel like completely breaking down, yelling at him, hitting him would help. I course I'd never hurt him physically, mainly because physically I can't. It's more likely I'd hurt myself in the process. There seems to be so many people I know and on here getting back with exes, why not me? Why can't I have that? I've never had any ex boyfriend come back, but this one is the only one I want back. Life is unfair, I know. I wish we could at least talk again. He's such a coward... Edited June 21, 2014 by Xemyd Extra thoughts
LadyM Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 I peeked. After finally going some time with NC, my curiosity got the best of me. I found out enough information about "them" to hate myself and succumb to a flood of tears. They are happy. He wasn't happy with me. He found his match. I wasn't good enough. I am unlovable. It is simply the truth. I feel that he treats her better than he ever treated me, because if he didn't, there is no way she would stay with him. Even though everything I read shows that he has strong narcissistic traits, maybe he just had to find the "right" girl and it was not me.
redbaron005 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 I peeked. After finally going some time with NC, my curiosity got the best of me. I found out enough information about "them" to hate myself and succumb to a flood of tears. They are happy. He wasn't happy with me. He found his match. I wasn't good enough. I am unlovable. It is simply the truth. I feel that he treats her better than he ever treated me, because if he didn't, there is no way she would stay with him. Even though everything I read shows that he has strong narcissistic traits, maybe he just had to find the "right" girl and it was not me. Hey: No More Peaking!! Know how this feels though. What's helped me is finding my worthiness of love...try setting your goals on a different level, instead of wanting love and affection from him want it in general. Love shouldn't be linear, and if it was none of us would ever learn from it. Your ex clearly learned a lot, and you played a large part in teaching him those lessons. That must mean you're lovable! 1
ponchsox Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 (edited) Bad night. Nightmares of ex and little sleep. Going on 9 months post BU. To make matters worse, I checked up on my ex on Facebook and she went out with another guy on her birthday. He took her to the place she wanted me to take her before we broke up To make matters worse, the guy is a complete loser. He's in his 30s and has Batman the Cartoon as his Facebook background. I mean really, I was dumped for this douche bag? What a blow to my ego. Edited June 21, 2014 by ponchsox
stillfiguringitallou Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Today was a slight setback. Anniversary of the day we found out the news that changed us forever, or started the ball rolling. I wonder how many months it will happen. Where I'm doing wonderfully, feeling stronger, and then this day passes, and it sets me back a bit. Only a bit, but enough to make me think about it and miss it. I just want to fully let go. I don't want him back, except in these moments. 1
LadyM Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Hey: No More Peaking!! Know how this feels though. What's helped me is finding my worthiness of love...try setting your goals on a different level, instead of wanting love and affection from him want it in general. Love shouldn't be linear, and if it was none of us would ever learn from it. Your ex clearly learned a lot, and you played a large part in teaching him those lessons. That must mean you're lovable! Thanks for your comments, redbaron. You're so right in that we should concentrate on getting love from many sources. I thought I could handle "taking a look", but apparently not. I had been doing better and all I did was set myself back, once again. I just wonder if these thoughts of him and her will EVER go away. It's been so long.....sigh....... 1
elseaacych Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 (edited) Forgot to take my anti anxiety meds this morning, and thoughts of him started creeping in. Thankfully, I could get them, but I was a few hours late, and suddenly everything's just seemed to slow down, and all I want to do is either sleep or stay still. Not good. Fortunately, thinking of him is rather boring, because I haven't heard anything from him. The strangest urge to check up on him, not to call him. Thankfully I blocked him a while back. Seven(?) Months on and all I want is a f-ckin' breadcrumb to acknowledge that we had something. But no more, I guess. Help? Edited June 21, 2014 by elseaacych
redbaron005 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Thanks for your comments, redbaron. You're so right in that we should concentrate on getting love from many sources. I thought I could handle "taking a look", but apparently not. I had been doing better and all I did was set myself back, once again. I just wonder if these thoughts of him and her will EVER go away. It's been so long.....sigh....... They will not go away. They will fade, become less frequent but never disappear. If he was only meant to be in your life for a season, so be it. We need to learn to have patient acceptance of what has happened and take the most away from it as we can. I've looked before, it's a huge slap to the ego, that's for sure. I felt like I was a training pedestal for her to upgrade to a new, better man. I have accepted that he is only better in her eyes not mine. I'm totally awesome and she goofed big time - I can't be responsible for her mistake. 1
LadyM Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 They will not go away. They will fade, become less frequent but never disappear. If he was only meant to be in your life for a season, so be it. We need to learn to have patient acceptance of what has happened and take the most away from it as we can. I've looked before, it's a huge slap to the ego, that's for sure. I felt like I was a training pedestal for her to upgrade to a new, better man. I have accepted that he is only better in her eyes not mine. I'm totally awesome and she goofed big time - I can't be responsible for her mistake. Redbaron.....I so much appreciate your truly wise words. They have consoled me. Yes, he was not meant to stay in my life. Honestly, had he remained with me, he would have completely crushed my spirit. Still, the good times with him are missed. The friendship is missed. I would gladly welcome the memories to fade and become less frequent. I also feel like I was a training pedestal for him to upgrade to a new, better woman. But in my case, she really is a better woman than me. But I love how healthy you sound and your confidence. She really did goof big time letting you go. 1
redbaron005 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 I also feel like I was a training pedestal for him to upgrade to a new, better woman. But in my case, she really is a better woman than me. But I love how healthy you sound and your confidence. She really did goof big time letting you go. You're better at some things and so is she. The key is to work to eliminate the "lens" of trying to see things through your ex's eyes/expectations. You are judging your qualities in comparison to people that no longer hold a significant role in your life. It's time to reclaim your own identity and set goals to improve yourself for you. And thanks! 1
OwMyEyeball Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 4 weeks to the day since BU. Definitely feeling much better now than I was even two weeks ago. Tight work schedule away from home has me losing sleep and eating a sub-optimal diet. That's starting to have an effect on mood - becoming mildly depressed. I need to realize that I am not my emotions and that with proper care this shall pass fairly soon. Most memories of the ex now feel rather foggy and muted. No strong pangs of emotion whenever thoughts of her cross my mind. Might be the mild depression shielding me a bit, or could be time and distance mending the wound. Probably both. Going to take some actions tonight to get a full night's rest and a healthier dinner into me. No more sugary snacks
Xemyd Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I've never been one to believe the things they say about the first person you sleep with. How you basically end up being in love with them all your life. But I'm starting to wonder that maybe it is affecting me more because he was my first. I never waited so long for any weird reason, waiting for "the right guy", religion, marriage, I just never wanted to when I was in my teens. He did end up being te right guy, meaning I don't regret it. Maybe it doesn't matter how I thought about it, it still may have affected me in a way I couldn't predict. I couldn't prepare myself for this heartbreak because I had never slept with anyone else. I don't know, I'm probably just trying to find a reason for why it's taking me ages to get over him. I don't like not knowing why it still hurts. I'm so quick to say "get over it" and I can't even do it myself.
Always Pondering Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I'm a whole lot better than I was half a year ago but I'd be lying if I said everything was okay. I was out on my balcony today about half an hour ago staring at the stars and found myself thinking about a lot of things. I didn't ask questions, I didn't wonder "what if", but for some reason I felt I missed something. I just sat there staring at the sky and replayed some of the memories in my head. I then thought to myself, "I'm making progress but what if I'm still in denial? How would I even know, now that I think of it?" I did not feel angry, I did not feel sad, but I felt curious about where I stand in all of this. I always know things get better but I feel that I'm stuck on this one thing. I feel that if she sent me a message, I would feel better. I feel that I'd perhaps be better because of how much I embarrassed myself with the last thing I said to her months ago. I don't think I'd care what she said, just if she said anything. Maybe this is just sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy and I don't need this. I don't really know. All I know is I feel I haven't forgiven myself in all honesty, for how stupid and silly I sounded the last time I talked to her. Yet at the same time I know that she has no reason at this point to contact me at all. This is annoying. I wish my brain would shut up sometimes. After an entire year of this, it gets really exhausting just thinking about any of this. Well, I know once I wake up things will be clear again. Thing is though, I'll probably have some thought like this again in a couple of weeks or so.
freebird31 Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Still miss him. I can't believe it's been over a year. Thought i would be over it by now.
Monopoly Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 It's not a good day. I was doing pretty well since the beginning of the year with NC but these last days I have a strong will to contact her. I won't do it but just the thought that I want it makes me feel still vulnerable. As people say, you just learn to live with it...
Itspointless Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I always know things get better but I feel that I'm stuck on this one thing. I feel that if she sent me a message, I would feel better. I feel that I'd perhaps be better because of how much I embarrassed myself with the last thing I said to her months ago. Believe me a message will only confuse you as you will second guess every written word for hidden messages. I read your story and you do not have anything to be embarrassed about. You showed her that you have feelings, well real men have them I guess a break-up is one of those things in life that never ever will get easy and it has to wear off to a point that it doesn't bother us any-more as frequent as it does now. I can tell you that point definitely will come. Sometimes it takes months and sometimes it takes years, but at a sudden moment you realize you haven't thought of them for a quite a time. 1
Js2493 Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Today is the hardest day I've had since the break up. It's been close to 4 months and today I found out that she is seeing someone else. It turns out that the person she is seeing is the same guy that she messed around with at the beginning of our relationship. I was going to end it at the time when I found out, but she pleaded with me and said it was a huge mistake and he doesn't mean anything to her. Now I have all these thoughts of it she was ever truly in to our relationship and what was real and what wasn't. I'm stuck with the feeling that I risked and gave it all to someone who was never truly devoted to the relationship:(
Always Pondering Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Believe me a message will only confuse you as you will second guess every written word for hidden messages. I read your story and you do not have anything to be embarrassed about. You showed her that you have feelings, well real men have them I guess a break-up is one of those things in life that never ever will get easy and it has to wear off to a point that it doesn't bother us any-more as frequent as it does now. I can tell you that point definitely will come. Sometimes it takes months and sometimes it takes years, but at a sudden moment you realize you haven't thought of them for a quite a time. Thank you for reading my story, it means a lot considering how long it was! Yeah, I guess since I'm young and it's normal to make mistakes, it's a little easier. As you said, that point will definitely come. This past year just has felt extremely long because of this, it's really exhausting at some points. It might be that I'm simply impatient for results right now. I have this strange thought that if she sent anything at all to me, more "power" may be shifted towards me and I'd be able to fully forgive myself all-in-all for throwing away my self-respect back in January. That sounds naive though, in all honesty I'm not sure what I'm waiting for. I think I just want something to happen, whether bad or good.
Itspointless Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Thank you for reading my story, it means a lot considering how long it was! Yeah, I guess since I'm young and it's normal to make mistakes, it's a little easier. As you said, that point will definitely come. This past year just has felt extremely long because of this, it's really exhausting at some points. It might be that I'm simply impatient for results right now. I have this strange thought that if she sent anything at all to me, more "power" may be shifted towards me and I'd be able to fully forgive myself all-in-all for throwing away my self-respect back in January. That sounds naive though, in all honesty I'm not sure what I'm waiting for. I think I just want something to happen, whether bad or good. It wasn't that long I understand your impatience, unfortunately some things in life we have to sit out. It could be true that it gives you power, but almost certainly it will weaken you at points you do not expect at this moment. Self-respect is an interesting concept. Perhaps you should reflect on what aspect you did throw away according to you? I have a feeling you acted out of self-respect. The funny thing is that important people to us are also a part of our identity and there you have your paradox. You had to give up a part of yourself - the idea who you were and with who you were you according to you - to choose for yourself and the potential who you can be, if you get my drift.
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