freebird31 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Came across something I wasn't supposed to be looking at. I looked at his IG again and I saw a girl post hearts on one of his pictures. It was a picture of his baby brother, which is the weird part. Like maybe she got personal with him and they talked about his little bro so she like knew of him. Hm. Anyway. Yeah I cried. Which I've been doing a lot of lately. But I'm fine now. Going to hit the gym hard. Even with this broken heart that's still trying to mend. I just know that no one will ever care for him like ME. I'm glad he's dating other people he should it's been a longtime now. But it's just not possible that any one will care for him like I do/did. It's not possible at all.
Kid_Charlemange Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Yesterday was her birthday. No, I didn't send her a card or or a text. I let it slip by. I still think about her every day. But... after six months, it's no longer every waking hour. In fact, I shocked myself a couple days ago, as I got up, got ready for work, and drove all the way in before she entered my mind. That's almost three hours. A new record for me. I wish it had been cleaner. Yeah, there was NC for almost two months. But we only live a mile or so apart, and have an absolute ton of mutual friends. I saw her at a pool party last weekend. She looked... fantastic. They say it takes half the time you were together to get over someone. So I guess I have another six months to go. *Sigh*
whatsherface Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I no longer know how to cope. I've been thinking about committing suicide for three days straight now. Is this normal? I'm pretty sure I'm not going to do it, but I really, really want to.
AnyaNova Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I no longer know how to cope. I've been thinking about committing suicide for three days straight now. Is this normal? I'm pretty sure I'm not going to do it, but I really, really want to. Please don't. No one is worth it. Look at it this way. If she didn't love you, do NOT give her the chance to feel satisfaction that she destroyed you. If she did love you, if like me and my ex, if she still loves you at all, please honor the love that she gave you and stay alive. If right now, not for you, than for her, until you can live again for you. I know it is hard, but right now is the exact time that you most need to restart doing things that you enjoy. You will eventually enjoy them soon. And until then, go to a good clinical psychologist, who can help you sort through this, and also refer you if need be to someone who can prescribe medication if it is needed in the short term to carry you through this. You deserve love. You deserve laughter, sunshine, light, whatever things you enjoy most that make you the most alive. Please do not allow her to steal you from yourself, even if she never intended that. Please.
Kid_Charlemange Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 It's an awful, horrible feeling. But you're not alone -- others have felt that, and made it through. Why not listen to some of their stories? 1-800-273-8255 Please call them. They don't judge. They just listen. Can't hurt, right? 1
Mary Oak Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I am really sad. That's all. Just want you and miss you and am sad.
CopingGal Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 I no longer know how to cope. I've been thinking about committing suicide for three days straight now. Is this normal? I'm pretty sure I'm not going to do it, but I really, really want to. My ex did a lot of horrible things to me. He mentally and emotionally tortured me, lied to me for three years, cheated on me, threw the other woman in my face over and over again, and did more. The pain was so bad I thought I wasn't going to survive it. You can read my old posts and feel the pain I was in. It was hopeless. I felt like I was going to die. But I did not. I lived through the pain and so can you. You CAN live through the pain. Start by reading some self help books. Call the hotline number that was given. Two years ago I felt like my life was over. Today, although I'm not dating, I have a great life. Things can change. Just hold on. 1
Xemyd Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 I've been crying again. It's been just a couple days over 9 months and I still miss him. I still cling to my phone just in case, I look for him when I'm out of the house. I still dream about him every single night, and wish for him to show up at my door. And yet I know he will never come back. He didn't love me.
stillfiguringitallou Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Pretty good. I'm feeling stronger again. Actions speak louder than words right. And when the actions completely contradict the words. Believe the actions. 1
redbaron005 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Went on a serious date with a girl this weekend and had conflicting emotions. This is still tough 7 months out. I think the saddest thing is I'm coming to terms with the fact that my ex could never have a second chance with me 1
AnyaNova Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Went on a serious date with a girl this weekend and had conflicting emotions. This is still tough 7 months out. I think the saddest thing is I'm coming to terms with the fact that my ex could never have a second chance with me Why couldn't your ex have a second chance with you? What made you come to that realization?
redbaron005 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Why couldn't your ex have a second chance with you? What made you come to that realization? A hard question. I'm not sure if this has been more of a realization process or a way of convincing myself to cover up the emotional scaring. I'm not sure of a lot of things. However what I'm thinking: (A) On her end: I honestly believe she would not be happy in a new relationship with me. And I love her and want her to be happy, with or without me. She changed what she wants (marriage to fun) and even if she grows out of that as she matures the social influences here in the southern US make it unlikely that she would sacrifice relationships with her family and friends to come back to me. She doesn't know what real love is, and that's a shame. I hope she finds it and learns that it requires sacrificing for. Plus, I honestly believe the guy she's with now has a good chance of marring her one day. At least she's with a good man, not someone abusive etc. (B) On my end: I was attracted to her because she was really down to earth and honest with me. She clearly was emotionally cheating on me, and that is far from those traits, so the foundation is gone. I loved her for who she was, but she kept trying to change that person because of her own insecurities/desires/needs. I don't do hints, blackmail, and do stick to boundaries. That won't change, I can't give people what they don't ask for. I have forgiven her, however the irony is that in order to do so I had to accept that what I did might not be forgivable. The whole situation made me insecure about myself and that's not acceptable. It will require changing who I am to address my issues. Lots of people say on here that people don't change. I disagree- people always change, and that's what makes reconnecting so hard. I think we both have strong regrets. I'm still working through this, whatever this is. And whatever the outcome.
AnyaNova Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Missing him a little more now, but he is most likely with someone else right now. I must respect his decision and his wants. He wants a life without me in it. I'm so tired. I am so physically exhausted right now. Just a few weeks ago I was pushing myself to the limit to try and save my graduate career. Now it is all I can do to push myself to the grocery store. I know that I need the rest, that I put my body through way more than I ever should have. BUt it just feels so confining. And in my confinement I want comfort. Since I have no idea who I'll be with next and can't imagine him, I think part of it is that I fall back on the thoughts of the ex, since the past comfort he gave eons ago is actually something tangible that I can hold on to. I am very sad right now, though my mood right now is probably modulated heavily by the sodium crash I'm pulling out of. I've been contemplating things that I really really shouldn't have been. But I'm talking with someone about it and I am doing my level best to put aside those thoughts. I feel empty and drained.
freebird31 Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I really miss you so much. Its not just the physical i miss like the touch, the hand holding, i miss all the small details that showed me how much you showed your affection and love;the way you rubbed the back of my head while i was driving or when we would kiss at red lights "okay its a red light! really quick!" laughing, or all the other millions of small details. The way you called me gorgeous that night and that look you would always give me, like i was all yours. I miss being able to ALWAYS think out loud with you, you always laughing. i miss your laugh. such a dorky laugh. When you surprised me with that book i had been looking at in the book store a week later. My christmas gift wrapped in birthday paper. and My birthday present wrapped in easter paper Lol. i miss all of those things that made you, you i miss you so much. I wish that we could be a part of each others life. even if it was just friends, but that wouldnt be possible for me because I could never handle being just your friend. I never told you I loved you. And you either. Its been a year without you,, and i still think of you often. I still wish you nothing but the best. i just miss u too much. 1
Kid_Charlemange Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I guess I'm getting better. For months, when I would think of my ex, or have something remind me of her, the first thought that popped into my head was her with the other man, the one she cheated on me with. The stranger 25 years her junior. Now, that seems to be secondary. When I think of her, it's a resigned sadness that she won't talk to me, even today. That she still has anger towards me for not handling the split well. Sadness that this woman that I once loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with, is now a complete stranger. I guess that's progress.
JahnJahn Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Sucks that half the things i see on tv are couples...
Alcatraz Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I've respectfully asked friends not to ask if she has been in touch or anything. I don't want to talk about her. She's not worth my time.
stillfiguringitallou Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Today I feel amazing - going to the gym has improved my physical confidence in amazing ways (as well as my physique ) But I'm also having a really hard day. I can feel myself letting go. And it's like I'm fighting myself if that makes any sense. I don't WANT to - I just am ... Each time more time passes when I don't think about him. I'm already to the place I don't WANT a relationship with him any longer - just miss the friendship. I can feel myself letting go and that makes me sad. To think that LESS than 2 months ago we were getting on a plane for vacation - bantering about baby names - and looking at homes for our soon to be family through wifi connection. And today - I'm really letting go of the illusion. And it is sadder than hanging onto it was. So while I feel stronger than I have in a long time. I also feel sad.
Died2000Deaths Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I'm not coping at all. I HATE this!!!!! It hurts. It physically hurts.
Xemyd Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Hopefully this feeling lasts, but I'm starting to think I was blind to the faults in the relationship. I never felt like I was part of his life, he never really let me in. It took almost a year to meet his close group of friends, he never introduced me to his dad or brother. We did not spend nearly enough time together, and with it being long distance I should have spoken up about it. Once during the week he was home was not enough. We rarely went out on dates or even just out in public really. As much as I love sitting around watching movies it would have been nice to get out, show each other off. Of course I had my faults too. I know I'm complete crap at communication, I find it very hard to talk about feelings especially to the one person I am (was?) in love with. My one regret is not telling him how I felt, not that it would have changed anything. I just never felt like we were a proper couple, it was like I was just there when it was convenient for him, or when he wanted to get laid. And I was always willing, I would jump at any chance to be with you. That's a great quality for you but for me it sets me up for huge pain. All I wanted was for him to come back home and work here so we could have had a healthier relationship. (Not saying LD isn't healthy, just not for us) I was so excited about the possibility of him being back. Too bad we never got to experience that, I really believed we could have been great, that you were my end game. But maybe that was just my imagination too...
Justaguy30 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Today I saw my ex's new boyfriend driving her car in an army uniform... Funny because she used to tell me how she would never date a military guy. Nothing against military men and women. This comes after her cheating on me with pretty much anyone that would **** her, not sure how many people but assuming around 50 or so maybe more and I gather sometimes multiple men a day. I was sort of happier thinking she was still just screwing everyone in town and wasn't happy but it turns out she has a new guy. That brought up a bunch of feelings I thought I was over. I really loved her more than anyone I had ever met and her two amazing children. We were engaged and were making plans to have a child of our own. Perhaps the most upsetting part is seeing her happy with someone else while I am still miserable. I mean I should be happy that I am no longer around a person that clearly just wanted to hurt me and use me to take care of her children so she could go screw people. I think the worst thing she ever did which she admitted to me was she had a guy sneak into her children's room through the window to have sex on the floor while her kids were sleeping and I was in the room next to them while she did that. Why would I miss someone so horrible? Sometimes I get off work and get really sad and miss coming home to the kids and seeing her face and it makes me cry. This coming from a person that has never really cried unless someone died. Today was really tough for me and I just don't feel like ill ever be the same happy loving caring person after being tortured emotionally and physically by her. I mean will I ever be able to be in a relationship again?
redbaron005 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Cried today, thought this s*** would have gotten easier after 7 months.
Xemyd Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 I do still wish he'd contact me. It's been just over 9 months and I still feel just as bad. I'm back in a crying phase. I genuinely do miss him. I used to have a mini candle from bath and body works that smelled like him, and since he's been gone I've gone through 2 of the large candles. For some reason that scent, his scent has always comforted me. I don't even know if I'm coping. I'm just so confuse about it all the time.
Recommended Posts