How are you coping today?

[redbaron005]

I got really angry for the first time yesterday, 7 months post-BU. I think it was healthy. Hope I can cope with the loliness of this new city I quit my job to move too. I will find a better me in this, I must.

[Zing]

I'm not, I don't think I will ever be over her. **** I don't think I even know what that is, I can bury the memories so deep that eventually I stop actively thinking about them, But i don't really think that's moving on. I ****ed up and I hate myself every day for waiting too long to fix it. So what is moving on? All I know is that NC has not really helped me, I've bettered myself, I work more, started working-out, I'm returning to Uni, I've been on dates, I've slept with other girls. It does nothing, I still feel as awful as I did 3 months ago. Actually, if I'm honest, some days I feel worse, when it really hits me how stupid I was.

 

I'm almost a month full NC, and 3 months post BU, and probably about 2 and a half months since she last spoke to me. I feel another NC break coming in a few weeks, I'm going to try and delay it as much as I can, but I think I might try and see her. I can't take the silence, it's deafening and maddening, I have no idea how she will react, but any reaction is better than the silence. I'm gonna drop in on her at work when I go to buy some shoes and try and say a quick casual hello, test the waters for ANY kind of communication.

 

I would prefer to try and send another message, and maybe it would receive some kind of response given that it's been another month, but I can't take the chance. I have to hear SOMETHING. Even if it kills me.

[freebird31]

Last week I looked at some pictures of my first girlfriend as I came across them, pictures of ten years ago. The feelings I had then came back a bit. I still like the girl she was then, I would not want to date the woman she is now. I also remember the problems she had, glad I am rid of that.

 

Isn't that the biggest lesson for us, that we can truly love? The why of things will probably never be really clear, it is something we just have to to live with. It sucks.

 

so do you think that the only way to really get over someone is in time of course, and once you meet someone better...... Well im not putting my ex on a pedestal but he was extremely good looking he was tall 6'1'' gorgeous smile. But none of that is what i even fell for. I fell for his ability to make me laugh and the ability of me being able to be my 100% self around him. We made eachother laugh so much just by being ourselves. I really thought we were a good pair, but i guess not. everyone else after him honestly just feels like a rebound still or a downgrade. idk i guess im just not ready to date.

 

Do you think that they miss us sometimes? Or think of us? /:

Edited June 7, 2014 by freebird31

[Rar0]

Probably not

[Itspointless]

Last week I looked at some pictures of my first girlfriend as I came across them, pictures of ten years ago. The feelings I had then came back a bit. I still like the girl she was then, I would not want to date the woman she is now. I also remember the problems she had, glad I am rid of that.

 

Isn't that the biggest lesson for us, that we can truly love? The why of things will probably never be really clear, it is something we just have to to live with. It sucks.

so do you think that the only way to really get over someone is in time of course, and once you meet someone better...... Well im not putting my ex on a pedestal but he was extremely good looking he was tall 6'1'' gorgeous smile. But none of that is what i even fell for. I fell for his ability to make me laugh and the ability of me being able to be my 100% self around him. We made eachother laugh so much just by being ourselves. I really thought we were a good pair, but i guess not. everyone else after him honestly just feels like a rebound still or a downgrade. idk i guess im just not ready to date.

 

Do you think that they miss us sometimes? Or think of us? /:

Well that, but at the same time people are sometimes good for us at that specific moment in time (even despite all the problems that first ex had). But they and we too change. My ex is not the same person she was ten years ago, she has experienced a lot in those years which basically makes her another person, and the same goes for me. Of-course we have the same basic traits that probably have not changed much, but nevertheless. When I looked at her pictures I saw who she was back then, and sometimes I miss that person with that beautiful smile. The same will going to happen with our recent exes. I do not really like it but it is going to happen.

 

I think (hope) that she sometimes thinks of me but with what I have read about avoidant-dismissive people I have to honest with myself. The last time I saw her I had already the feeling - as described in literature - that she was searching for negatives that she could use to justify her decision for herself. She did blame the circumstances though. It is sad that for this outcome I have to thank her fears and the sudden promises she made to her family. As for changing, the last time I saw her, she was not the person I got to know, she told me she knew herself (and she meant this). She was extremely detached and played a role to the outside world. it was really strange to watch.

[elseaacych]

Today might be a tough day. Lots of alone time to get some work done.

 

That's when the thoughts creep in.

[AnyaNova]

Well.

 

 

After two mini crashes and several times hurting after eating a snack mix I had made with a granola that I thought was safe, I realized it had vanilla in it. Vanilla caused a pretty significant IGG reaction and is on my elimination list.

 

 

Thankfully I realized it soon, but it sucks to have been screwing up from day 1.

 

 

It really is time to just believe my body. Believe what is happening to me. There is laboratory proof. If I don't feel good, it probably boils down to food and nutrition right now.

 

 

Missing the ex much less. Still a little, but as I physically heal, that is getting a lot better. I am able to just shrug my shoulders and know that he made his choice and he has to live with it now.

 

 

If he chooses at some time to re-initiate contact, depending on the circumstances, I might be willing to re-negotiate a friendship.

 

 

My "new" bed rocks. My kitty loves it as much as I do. It is 100 years old, and was in the same family for a very, very long time. There is a beautiful history behind it (even though I only know that much about it).

 

 

Despite the outcome with graduate school, I am doing well. I know that right now, I have no business trying to do anything but take care of my body and mind and heal. And that I needed at least a year off anyway. And my doctor is confident that with her documentation we can definitely get me back in to a different school and successful and much more healthy (though she did qualify that and say she couldn't completely guarantee that I'd be more healthy and any one who tried to was a charlatan selling snake oil, just that she saw a high probability).

[JahnJahn]

Im stuck in this limbo of emotions again. I couldn't even bring myself to going to the Gym.

 

I accepted it is over and that we will never be together again, I just cant get over today. I planned on enjoying the great weather and later going to the Gym, not being confused about how I am feeling.

 

Today sucks.

[Hoosfoos]

Its a beautiful day, and all I can think about is what we would be doing if we were still together. And that just makes me so sad.

[Sunbathe]

I'm having a tough day today. Feeling pretty sad and lonely, can't get him off my mind. Especially that picture I saw of him close to another girl, beaming and as happy as can be. It hurts like hell. Trying to keep busy, even went to the beach today, but could not stop thinking about how he should have been there next to me.

[elseaacych]

Started typing up a post in the "Post here instead of contacting your ex" forum.

 

Couldn't do it. It felt too close to talking to him, and I don't want to even get remotely comfortable with the idea lest I slip back into my old ways.

 

Anyway, I had a long afternoon of digging in my heels avoiding work, and now I'm paying the price. I feel lonely and I miss him, even after all he's done.

 

Pretending to be in love with someone I'm not is deceptively preferable to working on this project. Hopefully I will be done with it soon.

 

This feeling will pass. It always does.

[whatsherface]

I'm feeling like crap and I can't sleep because I got too drunk last night.

 

My friend dragged me out to a party. I saw some of his friends there, it made me feel absolutely awful. I tried to drown the pain with alcohol but that didn't work at all. I couldn't stop thinking about how the cute girls there were definitely his type. None of the guys there seemed that friendly so I didn't try to talk to them. I ended up going home kinda early because I was starting to feel worse and worse.

 

Crawling into bed drunk without his arms around me and his soothing voice in my ear really sucks. I hate this.

[Xemyd]

I just graduated and I should be happy. At the start of this year I had everything, I had the perfect job, the grades, the guy I wanted always, and when he left none of it mattered anymore. It's been 9 months and I would honestly give anything to have him come back. I still don't understand what happened with us, and of course I never will. He has never tried contacting me which leads me to know that he never will.

 

Before him I hated the thought of marriage, but once with him he changed my mind, I wanted to get married, not just with anyone, just him. I'm back to hating marriage. But I don't hate him, I've never been able to hate him. I know most wouldn't believe it, "you broke up, it mustn't have been a good relationship" but it was. We never had any big issues, yes the distance sucked, but I would have stayed long distance than not have him ever again.

 

I think that's why I can't let go. I'm stuck on the thought that he said it was because of the distance we had to end it, but he's not working out of town anymore. Part of me thinks he lied about the reason, the other can't believe he was lying.

 

I hate the fact that the one guy I find who I want to spend the rest of my life with ended up not feeling the same. I wish love was that one thing that couldn't happen unless they feel it too. Save us all a lot of pain.

[Isthereanybodythere]

Better today. Way better. Who wants a cheating, deceitful witch of a girlfriend?

 

It's been a month and already I'm looking ahead and I see the light and the good times!

[Hoosfoos]

She continues to take up way too much real estate in my head. She has moved on and is probably having the time of her life, whatever she is doing.

 

I hate this.

[lime87]

18 days since the break up and no contact (I did it straight away). I feel in control for the first time, although my antidepressants probably have helped too. My friends (even mutual friends of the exes and I) have been on my side and my family have been there. I'm still heartbroken, but feeling loved by those around me. Today I spent most of the day drinking sociably in the sun and chatting with friends. I feel lucky to have good people in my life.

 

I think I'd compare where I am at the moment to a thin layer of scar tissue, it covers a cut or wound well while it heals, but a wrong move or accident will put me right back to where I was before. So I'll be careful. Ha! Corny.

[Nimbus4dt]

After a lovely weekend, a real bummer of a day, well, afternoon anyway! Missing her like crazy, sun, lovely weather, things we'd normally be doing crept into my head, not good! NC 39days.

Still off to bed now and tomorrow will be another day, work and other things to think about!

Chin up all of you, am sure it gets better (they all say it does!!!!!)

xx

[OwMyEyeball]

15 days since break up and really only one day since NC. She posts a daily status update on a website for a lifestyle challenge that I'm also taking part in. 12 days since any direct contact (i.e. interaction)

 

I really, really, really need to avoid scrolling down to see her daily entry, even though it's only <250 characters and pretty benign. Why does the mind feel compelled to do something better judgement knows is foolish?

 

Got some work done today and a significant construction project underway. It's really tough balancing a stressful job and a break up. Sometimes I feel like breaking out into tears - not the best way to win respect on a job site. That being said, I've never really been one to cry. This breakup is bringing that out of me. I'm hoping that's a part of the healing process.

 

Managed to get an hour of hiking in along with a few phone calls to friends and loved ones. Thankful to have the support.

 

Managed to eat something. My appetite has nosedived since the break up, but recovered somewhat.

 

Signed up for another fitness class scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. Going to try to keep that as a mainstay throughout this process and onward. It's a good stress dump and adds a bit of light social interaction to my day.

 

Still struggling with career choices. I gave notice to my employer that after this project I'd be finished. I'm tired of trying to change myself to fit the role. Instead I'm going to try to find a role to fit who I am. Some serious soul searching to do there.

[freebird31]

I wish that I could meet someone that just could understand and relate to my misery. I hate always having to act happy or okay. Sometimes I just want to express my morbid misery to another, but I can't. Because my negative attitude brings other positive happy people down. Just so much sh** has gone down this last year. And this whole ordeal with my best friend (well no longer BFF) but we haven't talked in a month and a half and I'm just so damn tired. I just don't want to be this happy perky person anymore. But none of my friends understand or they will just think that in negative if I tell them how I feel. One of my friends told me that that's jut life that it's about our attitude and what me make of it. I wanted to strangle him and tell him go f*#% himself. Seriously, jut shut up . If anyone could remotely understand, they'd just be there. If you were a friend you'd just be there for me even if I'm negative or miserable. Just be there. And so I can't hang out with any of my happy friends because my negativity will only taint their perfect lives. Because I am so damn sad inside. Maybe I'm depressed. But if anyone knew or could fully understand what it's been like they'd just shut up. I don't need anyone's condescending remarks. I just wish I could meet someone and talk to someone about how horrible life is. Because that's where I'm at in my life right now. That's what I need right now. I'm not saying I will be miserable forever, but I'm just at this stage in my life where I just need to express all the hurt and pain and anger I have been feeling because of everything . I just need to. And there is no one I can talk to about it so I come on here. No one can really understand. So I keep to myself I can't hang out with my "friends" because I can't pretend to be happy anymore. I'm so tired of faking it and hiding it. If they were my friends they'd accept me for all the sad and miserable i am. So that's why I don't hang out with anyone because it's not real or true. I'm just going through so much right now and I think I'm only realizing I have no true friends. I'm just going through a weird time in my life. It ****en hurts . I know it can't be like this forever. But right now grieving over my ex and now my best friend i just need to be alone.

[Jatli]

I wish that I could meet someone that just could understand and relate to my misery. I hate always having to act happy or okay. Sometimes I just want to express my morbid misery to another, but I can't. Because my negative attitude brings other positive happy people down. Just so much sh** has gone down this last year. And this whole ordeal with my best friend (well no longer BFF) but we haven't talked in a month and a half and I'm just so damn tired. I just don't want to be this happy perky person anymore. But none of my friends understand or they will just think that in negative if I tell them how I feel. One of my friends told me that that's jut life that it's about our attitude and what me make of it. I wanted to strangle him and tell him go f*#% himself. Seriously, jut shut up . If anyone could remotely understand, they'd just be there. If you were a friend you'd just be there for me even if I'm negative or miserable. Just be there. And so I can't hang out with any of my happy friends because my negativity will only taint their perfect lives. Because I am so damn sad inside. Maybe I'm depressed. But if anyone knew or could fully understand what it's been like they'd just shut up. I don't need anyone's condescending remarks. I just wish I could meet someone and talk to someone about how horrible life is. Because that's where I'm at in my life right now. That's what I need right now. I'm not saying I will be miserable forever, but I'm just at this stage in my life where I just need to express all the hurt and pain and anger I have been feeling because of everything . I just need to. And there is no one I can talk to about it so I come on here. No one can really understand. So I keep to myself I can't hang out with my "friends" because I can't pretend to be happy anymore. I'm so tired of faking it and hiding it. If they were my friends they'd accept me for all the sad and miserable i am. So that's why I don't hang out with anyone because it's not real or true. I'm just going through so much right now and I think I'm only realizing I have no true friends. I'm just going through a weird time in my life. It ****en hurts . I know it can't be like this forever. But right now grieving over my ex and now my best friend i just need to be alone.

 

I can totally relate to what you are going through. I am now 2 months 8 days into break up and 13 days NC. It is killing me. I know he is with her and my heart is actually aching everyday. I can't talk to anyone either because they just tell me that I have to let him miss me and not think about it. How do I not think about it!!!? He was in my life for 4 years we have known each other for over 30 years. I am so very sad all the time and I am sick of pretending to be happy. Yes I have moments where I smile and laugh but I am so not the happy person I once was. I am trying so hard to not think of him. I have joined clubs. Gone out twice a week. Met another man who says he is alright with the fact that I can't give him anything right now and he tries to be supportive but he also wants to date me so he is also trying to persue me and I keep having to remind him I am not ready to date.

 

So my dear I completely understand where you are and if I could I would give you a big hug right now.

[freebird31]

I can totally relate to what you are going through. I am now 2 months 8 days into break up and 13 days NC. It is killing me. I know he is with her and my heart is actually aching everyday. I can't talk to anyone either because they just tell me that I have to let him miss me and not think about it. How do I not think about it!!!? He was in my life for 4 years we have known each other for over 30 years. I am so very sad all the time and I am sick of pretending to be happy. Yes I have moments where I smile and laugh but I am so not the happy person I once was. I am trying so hard to not think of him. I have joined clubs. Gone out twice a week. Met another man who says he is alright with the fact that I can't give him anything right now and he tries to be supportive but he also wants to date me so he is also trying to persue me and I keep having to remind him I am not ready to date.

 

So my dear I completely understand where you are and if I could I would give you a big hug right now.

 

You mentioned you are not the happy person you once were. I can relate to that because I am not either. I mean on the outside I seem happy. I mean I have to at least make some effort to make the best of things and so I do. But deep, deep inside I'm going through so much. Things are still fresh for you, so it's perfectly normal that you're feeling this way. I've been grieving over my ex/first love for one whole year now, and now issues with me alleged "best friend" have come up. I remember a year and a half ago I was so happy my life was so perfect and I didn't even know it. And now, I'm just really cynical . I cannot stand to watch happy couples be happy together, I get this rise of envy in me... And just ask "why me?" Why are they happy, why did they last, why couldn't me and my ex have lasted? I wish I could say all this out loud to someone , anyone I wish I could cry in someone's arms and just let it all out. That's all we really need sometimes :|

[uku383]

I'm struggling today.

 

It's a long weekend in Australia. My wife took my son interstate to visit her brother and her best friend. I'm at the family home now, preparing dinner for their return. It just feels right here. I miss them both so much.

 

I've spent the weekend in bed. I've not done anything at all. Clearly, this isn't healthy. Thankfully I have some work at the moment, which is keeping me busy during the week. However, this long weekend has highlighted to me that I'm not as recovered as I thought I was.

 

I wish that I could win her heart back. I wish I could. She is so closed off though. If only she would agree to counselling, to the opportunity to see that I'm improving.

 

I guess I didn't realise just how importantly I viewed my marriage until it was over. Coming to the house hurst me. It was our dream. It's the place where we were to grow old together. I pray that it still will be - I can't let go.

 

I love her.

[IrishEyez]

Why do you keep asking me how I am? Why do you keep asking me to "smile"? What is it that you want? Can't you just bow out gracefully and allow me to do the same? Why keep throwing these breadcrumbs? What about the texts? You just want want to feel good about yourself?, you could'nt give two f#$^ks how I feel - so why keep asking? Why are you still so concerned about whats going on in my life? What difference does it make to you now?

 

This depression I wish it would go away. The knots in my stomach have been there for two months now. I want to be myself again. I want to stop obsessing about you. This is important to me. I need to let you go. I want to stop medicating with booze to make myself feel "normal" again. I wish you would would just go away, but I know that you won't. Why are you insisting that I'm still your bestie, that we will be friends forever. Why do you stalk my Facebook, I know that you do. My heart is betraying my head and I wish that it wouldn't. I wish I could talk about it - but I can't or won't. I tired of pretending I'm OK when I'm not. I'm tired of putting my life on hold. I want my zest for life back. I want ME back.

 

"I love you, you grew my heart" - Seriously???? What am I suppose to do with that??? Am so mad at you now - and mad at myself for not being stronger when dealing with you. If its over then fine let it be over and just GO away!!

[OwMyEyeball]

Put an elastic band around my wrist. Each time I'd drift into thoughts of her, be they positively or negatively tinged, I'd snap the band and say with the little voice inside my head "Shut up brain!"

 

I've been told to take the time to "feel the pain" and to then find creative ways of expressing it (positively). What I've found is that these ruminations have a strong impact on my sleep, appetite and mood. Those in turn affect my general well being. It's tougher to get exercise, my work performance suffers and the other relationships in my life are becoming strained. And man is my wrist sore after just one morning (from the elastic band ...)

 

So I'm just doing everything I can to get her out of my thoughts so that I can get my body, mind and life back on track. I've already done quite a lot of grieving and subjected myself to enough self-torture. There are still lessons to be learnt from all of this, and while I have a handle on some there are others I'm sure will surface.

 

I need to take the time to fully heal and pull myself back from seeking out new relationships. Before even getting into this one I felt as though I didn't really even need to be in a relationship - that I was on the path to fulfilling my own happiness. She didn't lead my astray - I allowed myself to diminish and in doing so damaged the relationship.

 

No contact. All reminders have been stowed away. I can't bring myself to throw away her gifts - that just feels petty - but they have been put into a box and stuffed into storage. Hopefully one day soon I can pull them out; they're very beautiful decorations.

 

I've changed my phone's ringtone and notification sounds.

 

There's quite a lot of work to keep me occupied for the next several weeks, but beyond then I'm at a bit of a loss. I need some more time to recover, but pretty soon I'll have to start making new plans.

 

We had been planning to move in together this September. That's obviously not happening anymore. Where there was once certainty there is now doubt. I need to confront those doubts and form actionable plans.

 

I need to go back to becoming a man. Being a man.

[hermitinator]

1 month post break-up.

 

I thought I was over him after the first two weeks. Had two rebounds. Last week, he was in the back of my mind frequently. Realized that I was not over him. That I was procrastinating on the grieving process. Back to randomly tearing up while at work, or anywhere. Can't have sex without thinking about him or crying. Attempting to do casual dating, but I feel like it will take me a long time to find someone else, like him, who I have this incredible connection and chemistry with.