freebird31 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Is it sad to say, that after losing both my first love who broke up with me a YEAR ago and I only dated for 8 months, and also losing my best friend of seven years who I haven't spoke with in a month, I still grieve more over my ex? This feeling I have for him just won't go away. If I watch a sad love scene in a movie I automatically think back to my ex. Even though it's over, I just hate think it's so stupid that 2 people who have feelings for one another aren't together. It sucks. I don't even know what "love" is . If someone asks me if I was in love with my ex I wouldn't know the answer. I don't even know if I loved him. Or maybe I am scared to admit it. I just know that never in my 22 years of living have I had another experience like that. And I accept that it's over. I just hate to think I'll never get over my lost love :/
Luua Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Three months after the breakup. I thought I was doing fine, I even kinda fell for a guy. Well, not really, but liked him enough to forget, enough to be able to think about someone else, to be with someone else. And I've felt happy since now. I guess once I've seen things are not working with this new guy (two broken hearts together is a bad combination) everything comes back to me. I'm having these vivid, horrible dreams again. I felt sad again yesterday and today. I feel miserable tonight. I avoid thinking of him and I try to modify my thoughts and fins a new distraction. But there it is, buried underground, waiting to come out when I feel weak. 3 months since the breakup and 3 months NC. Had my breadcrumbs and lost all hope for a comeback –I know it's over, no more denial. And God, it hurts! It hurts so much to think about it. What are 3 months in the end? Nothing. But I hate time. I do hate it. I hate to have loved so much and I hate the loss. I hate the fact that I don't know what to do with all this love now. I hate feeling so lost sometimes. I hate lying to myself and my people saying that I'm fine and kissing people I'm not interested in. I hate the fact that the only person I've been interested in feels just as ****ed up as I do feel. I hate feeling so much hate at the same time. This rage (and often apathy) towards the world. And the fact that my mind HAS to find reasons not to love him because, deep inside, this heart of mine won't find any and would go back in a minute. I don't want to portect myself anymore, I don't want to be afraid anymore, I want to let go and feel peace.
Itspointless Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I just hate think it's so stupid that 2 people who have feelings for one another aren't together. My thoughts exactly, but apparently real life does not work that way. You will get there somewhere in the future, a moment that you suddenly realize that you haven't thought about him for a long time.
JahnJahn Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I had one of those days. I woke up again and cried. I thought about you all day, the empty feeling was so consuming I couldn't even bring myself to going to the Gym. The only thing that kept me going was the fact I haven't checked up on you in a while. I'm thinking of deleting my facebook. I hope you are happy, maybe I want you to contact me and tell me how sorry you are... But I know you won't and deep down it will only hurt me more. When will this feeling pass
Sunbathe Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 I've been doing okay the past few days actually. It's been exactly a month since we officially broke up, and nearly a month since we had any contact. It still feels surreal sometimes, but I'm starting to accept the fact that it was for the best. My ex has changed a lot, and I don't entirely recognize the man he has become. He is certainly not the man I fell for 4 years ago. I came across a couples massage gift card he had given me quite a few years ago, but we never ended up going. It feels wrong to save it to use for a future relationship and I don't want to throw it away as it is worth $120. I decided I'm going to bring one of my friends and we're going to pretend to be lesbians. I can't wait to have this story to tell to my future children. 1
lovehurtsme91 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 It has been a tough road having to know that you broke up with me to be with someone you knew less that 2 days. I invested 4 years of my life into this relationship but in a glimpse of an eye, you ended it and on my birthday. The same day you asked me to be your girlfriend 2 years back is the same day you broke up with me. It hurts so much that you had to do it on my birthday. And from now on, I will always remember the day you broke up with me. You never cared about how I felt when you left me hanging and lied about everything you did. You promised never to cheat on me and you did the very thing I told you to never to do. It feels so unfair that I invested so much time and money into our relationship and I am left behind. You are having the time of your life when you are the one who cheated on me, and I'm left with a big hole in my heart. Just when will this feeling pass? How did you become this guy I was afraid of? How did my life came crushing down when the day before I was top of the world? When will I date someone else again and not think about you? When will this pain and panic attacks stop? :'( 1
freebird31 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 My thoughts exactly, but apparently real life does not work that way. You will get there somewhere in the future, a moment that you suddenly realize that you haven't thought about him for a long time. Thanks. It's just been a year already...and I mean I no longer hold out the false hope. But the facts are I'm 22 and yeah maybe i didn't "love" him maybe I don't know what love is or being "in love" is but he was the first and only person I have cared about to that extent. I practically kissed the floor he walked on. Although I don't know if I was "in love" with him , I do know I was MAD crazy for him. I was the happiest I had EVER been when I was with him. That just doesn't go away.....It's been a year and I'm over the pain. I no longer wake up in the morning to an empty feeling in my chest. But I miss him all the time. I don't know how to stop have feelings like that for him. And the fact is I probably won't for a long long time . It just doesn't go away that easy. Maybe it may never go away. It just sucks but I have to live with it. There's no other way. I accept that I'm going to continue to miss him. I can make myself as "whole" as I can without depending on others to make me happy. But still , it will never change how much I miss him. So I'm just accepting it as it is I guess. /: u know....there's no other way. 1
VanessaVanessa Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 (edited) On the bus today heading home there were no free seats and I had to stand close to a young couple hugging each other throughout a lot of the ride. It felt like that scene on 500 Days of Summer where the guy is on the bus and the song comes on and he yells out that he hates that song. It was like that except no song and I'm a girl. I don't even know what I could yell out either. But the point is minutes like those can drag you 5 steps back for days. If only a magical warning would come up in front of you so you could avoid those ******* triggers! I just wish I could turn back time more and more lately. Wish I could go delete memories of anything concerning you and me and us. Closing in on 8 months since separating and I can't bare the thought of reaching the year mark and having so little to show for it. I wasted so little, and so much time. Edited June 4, 2014 by VanessaVanessa 1
VanessaVanessa Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 It has been a tough road having to know that you broke up with me to be with someone you knew less that 2 days. I invested 4 years of my life into this relationship but in a glimpse of an eye, you ended it and on my birthday. The same day you asked me to be your girlfriend 2 years back is the same day you broke up with me. It hurts so much that you had to do it on my birthday. And from now on, I will always remember the day you broke up with me. You never cared about how I felt when you left me hanging and lied about everything you did. You promised never to cheat on me and you did the very thing I told you to never to do. It feels so unfair that I invested so much time and money into our relationship and I am left behind. You are having the time of your life when you are the one who cheated on me, and I'm left with a big hole in my heart. Just when will this feeling pass? How did you become this guy I was afraid of? How did my life came crushing down when the day before I was top of the world? When will I date someone else again and not think about you? When will this pain and panic attacks stop? :'( Just read this quickly and wanted to say sorry to hear this. It just stuck out to me for some reason. Hope you can find a more valuing and suitable person someday soon. 2
freebird31 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 (edited) Hmm. Just thinking....and I really shouldn't be..I mean right ? It's been a year. I shouldn't really be still thinking . I just wonder still sometimes. Maybe it's the rejection. No, definitely not the rejection. It's just these feelings that don't want to go away. They make me think. About him. About why. Why were REALLY not together. Maybe it's true , were 22 who the heck knows what they want at this age. But if he really cared the way I did, he wouldn't have broke it off. We would still be together somehow. Someway. Right? That means he just didn't feel the same for me:| why am I analyzing this again? Idk. I haven't analyzed this in a while . I just wish I had ANSWERS. Concrete answers. Like, what is he feeling? What did he feel? Did he even know what he felt when he broke it off? Omg. I'm going crazy.....I haven't analyzed this since the beginning of the break up when the pain was fresh. I just really wonder. Last year I told myself that around this time (a year from the breakup) I would be past it. It's just sort of scary that all the feelings are still there.....like are they ever going to go away? Will I feel this way forever? Because that's a long time:/ I just wish I could KNOW the truth. The real reason why we aren't together why we didn't make it. Because he didn't care for me the same I did for him? Because he didn't know what he wanted? Because a he's 22 and he was scared of the commitment? Did he even like me..? I need to stop. I am stopping. I just had too much time to think today and I wasted it on this. This post is embarrassing by the way. And I was going to edit it and delete it because of the shame. But I know I can't be the only one feeling like this. I know I sound crazy. Maybe obsessed . But I'm not. I don't think of him every day. I hardly do. But when I'm reminded of him, it awakens feelings I have for him that won't go away. Like when I Saw his picture on my feed I clicked on it yes. Because I was curious and there he was with his big smile dancing. And ALL my feelings / butterflies came back . I hate it. I'm going to move on right? One day? :/ I'll fall in love one day ? I'll forget my ex too one day right? :/ it's just been a year.......I have broke NC but to make peace but haven't carried a conversation with him in 8 months. Haven't seen him in almost a year. I just hope I can get over feeling this way for him:/ I'm sure he feels no where near the same. Its unfair. Edited June 5, 2014 by freebird31
lovehurtsme91 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Just read this quickly and wanted to say sorry to hear this. It just stuck out to me for some reason. Hope you can find a more valuing and suitable person someday soon. I'm hoping for that too. Just wish it was possible to cheat the grieving process and straight to acceptance 6 weeks has passed, still feeling ups and downs Only thing I can only hold on to now is hoping that I will meet someone who is deserving :') 1
redbaron005 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Not coping well today...really miss her and am jealous of her current bf.
elseaacych Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Bored. My non-existent relationship with my ex bores me. 5
redbaron005 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Bored. My non-existent relationship with my ex bores me. Haha well put, this made me smile. 2
stillfiguringitallou Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 not too great. I thought having the answers would help. Now I'm just damn sad ... er One of those situations where life is just not fair - to anyone involved. 2
JahnJahn Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Ive been out the past 2 days, It was hard. Meeting new people, new girls and conversating was hard. Most of them were in relationships and they appeared happy, it just made me thinking of you and my heart ached. It became easier as the nights went on, I never talked about you, I saw you in most of the girls and really wished you were with me. Today Im going out again, I hope its much easier. I know Im not ready to date or even attempt to. When Im alone I feel empty, when Im with others I feel empty. I just dont know anymore
Hello201 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 im not i feel so alone , so sad , and love her and at the same time hate her for destroying what i thought was the rest of my life i have nothing to look forward to , ive lost 5kg since the 12th of may ive had a couple of messages which ive ignored or batted back , i really dont know how much longer i can keep going on for the crying has started again and i hate how she has done this to me , i finish work dont see or speak to anybody , all my friends well no one asks me out anymore , on the outside i appear ok but thats just a shield , a couple of them know how i am but they dont really make the effort to help me i have nothing , i have nothing left
ponchsox Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Picked my balls up and feel much better. I really don't give a **** about women any more. If I find one great, if not no biggie. I see too many guys sacrifice their own happiness to please a woman and in inflate their egos incredibly high.
Itspointless Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 I Saw his picture on my feed I clicked on it yes. Because I was curious and there he was with his big smile dancing. And ALL my feelings / butterflies came back . I hate it. I'm going to move on right? One day? :/ I'll fall in love one day ? I'll forget my ex too one day right? :/ it's just been a year....... Last week I looked at some pictures of my first girlfriend as I came across them, pictures of ten years ago. The feelings I had then came back a bit. I still like the girl she was then, I would not want to date the woman she is now. I also remember the problems she had, glad I am rid of that. Isn't that the biggest lesson for us, that we can truly love? The why of things will probably never be really clear, it is something we just have to to live with. It sucks.
whatsherface Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Same crap, different day. Thought I was getting better but these past two weeks have been so horrible I feel like I've regressed more than I've progressed. Looked at old photos of us. Felt like I was staring into the smiling faces of two strangers. It was a weird feeling. It's been five months. When will this get easier?
ponchsox Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Same crap, different day. Thought I was getting better but these past two weeks have been so horrible I feel like I've regressed more than I've progressed. Looked at old photos of us. Felt like I was staring into the smiling faces of two strangers. It was a weird feeling. It's been five months. When will this get easier? Only if you have an "aha" moment, say F*&% this, and move on. Alpha males don't cry over women. And you certainly won't attract another being depressed.
whatsherface Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 (edited) Only if you have an "aha" moment, say F*&% this, and move on. Alpha males don't cry over women. And you certainly won't attract another being depressed. First of all, this alpha male concept is dumb. Having emotions isn't anything to be ashamed of, it's human nature. We're all just trying to cope in different ways, this includes expressing our thoughts through writing. Secondly, I'm female LOL. Edited June 6, 2014 by whatsherface 3
Always Pondering Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 I feel furious. So. Furious. My best friend for some reason told me that he ran into her (ex), her boyfriend, and her parents having a good time today. I mean, WHY would he tell me that? What on earth benefit does he get from telling me this? I'm unbelievably angry right now. I'm angry because I told him not to do this type of stuff (unless it was for some weird reason extremely important or threatening to me) but I'm also angry because I'm angry. I'm angry at the fact that I feel this way from hearing such news. I am much more emotionally healthy than I was a long time ago so for me to react to hearing about her this way just makes me irritated at myself. It feels like this anger I feel means I'm not over her at all. I already know I'm not but I didn't think that if I ever heard about her that I would feel this way. I must have been in denial this entire time or something. I'm so angry right now at the fact that I feel angry. I really want to ask my friend why the heck did he say that to me. I don't know why I feel this way. I wish I did.
lovehurtsme91 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Today hasn't been a good day. I cried in the morning, I cried in the afternoon and I cried even more at night. As much as I know life is never fair. I still hate the fact that while I'm here hurting with a big hole in my heart, you are enjoying the time of your life with another girl. It's been 6 weeks now and I still don't understand how you managed to just push everything aside, the 4 years aside for a girl you only met less than 24 hours? Why?? I don't understand what have I been doing wrong. I did whatever I could to make you happy. And instead of keeping to your words of never cheating on me, you did and you had to do it on my birthday. What kind of guy are you to do that?? I've been coping better these days and I haven't been crying a lot anymore but these questions are still there and it hurts. And not only that, you blocked me off whatsapp. You are at the wrong but you're blocking me?? What is with you?? I can't seem to figure you out!! How did you become this guy overnight just cos you fell for someone else? How did you push aside everything we have gone through? How did you be this person I was afraid off? I just don't know if I regret being with you ( 1
JahnJahn Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 I came back home quite early from the night out. I wasn't having fun. I could hear Polish people talking, saw a girl dance similar to you... Reminders everywhere. I feel sad. Im sitting in my room just thinking about you. I feel so angry, looking at the message you just sent me... But I still miss you...
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