Itspointless Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Your perseverance deserves an A. It can be pretty unfair when people do not see the energy you put into something, or when people ignore you. I think you are doing a great job and you deserve that rest. 5
cenz Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Sunday have always been hard for me after we broke up. We used to spend the whole day together. Feels like crying but for some reason i can't, i really want to stop feeling so miserable. Always on the lookout when i'm out in case i saw him with another girl, it's driving me insane. I want my life back.
Xemyd Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 I know I don't love him anymore, but why does it still have to effect me. We've been almost 9 months, it's over, but I still feel like I'm holding out for him. It's not love anymore, I just wish I could stop missing him and all the memories.
Alcatraz Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Wanting to become a better person, not a bitter person. 1
elseaacych Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 The thing I miss the most about our relationship is the hope of a shared future. Well, I still have the future, at least. I will have it regardless of if I am alone if I have a partner.
AnyaNova Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Feeling hopeless romantically. Who'd want to date someone whose life is in such flux. Just dismissed from grad program and the job search will not be easy and will take a long time and I can't even begin until my treatment kicks in enough for me to be healthy and reliable. My undergrad is in music, therefore, not an intensely salable skill. Which of course, translates into, Missing him. Even though he's long gone and doesn't care.
Haydn Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 I am a big fan being a hopeless romantic. Means Anya that you leave post its on the fridge. X Feeling hopeless romantically. Who'd want to date someone whose life is in such flux. Just dismissed from grad program and the job search will not be easy and will take a long time and I can't even begin until my treatment kicks in enough for me to be healthy and reliable. My undergrad is in music, therefore, not an intensely salable skill. Which of course, translates into, Missing him. Even though he's long gone and doesn't care.
Itspointless Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Feeling hopeless romantically. Who'd want to date someone whose life is in such flux. Just dismissed from grad program and the job search will not be easy and will take a long time and I can't even begin until my treatment kicks in enough for me to be healthy and reliable. My undergrad is in music, therefore, not an intensely salable skill. Which of course, translates into, Missing him. Even though he's long gone and doesn't care. What someone does or is going through does not matter. My ex broke up with me because she had medical problems that returned and as I found out her being avoidantly attached. She suddenly did not want me around. She explained the break-up with arguments that perplexed me. What the hell did I know, we were just together and I wanted to be there for her. Anyway, I think there are enough men who want to date you not because of your situation right now but because who you are. 2
AnyaNova Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 What someone does or is going through does not matter. My ex broke up with me because she had medical problems that returned and as I found out her being avoidantly attached. She suddenly did not want me around. She explained the break-up with arguments that perplexed me. What the hell did I know, we were just together and I wanted to be there for her. Anyway, I think there are enough men who want to date you not because of your situation right now but because who you are. It doesn't help that I'm shy enough that I tend to need to rely on online (and I am quite pretty thank you and have been told I look 10 years younger than I am, but shy and pretty is a lethal combination that translates into guys thinking you're snooty). But the point is, I caanot lie in my profile, but yet know that most me. Probably would click away when it became clear that I'm currently unemployed and will be for the near future.
AnyaNova Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 What someone does or is going through does not matter. My ex broke up with me because she had medical problems that returned and as I found out her being avoidantly attached. She suddenly did not want me around. She explained the break-up with arguments that perplexed me. What the hell did I know, we were just together and I wanted to be there for her. Anyway, I think there are enough men who want to date you not because of your situation right now but because who you are. p.s. --good on you! My ex broke up with me because he decided that his own medical issues meant he was "losing attraction for me." And probably under the table didnt want to have to deal with my medical issues. Instill remember what he kept saying that day, "I won't pretend." By that, I assumed, since he offered no direct clarification, that he meant he wouldn't wait to see if what happened and what he felt one night were a pattern or just transitory. But that was July, not the big thing in September. I'm sorry. My ex was probably fearful avoidant. Sounds like your ex may have been too? They do kind of put your heart through the ringer, don't they? Thank you for your kind words. They do give me hope.
Itspointless Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 p.s. --good on you! My ex broke up with me because he decided that his own medical issues meant he was "losing attraction for me." And probably under the table didnt want to have to deal with my medical issues. Instill remember what he kept saying that day, "I won't pretend." By that, I assumed, since he offered no direct clarification, that he meant he wouldn't wait to see if what happened and what he felt one night were a pattern or just transitory. But that was July, not the big thing in September. I'm sorry. My ex was probably fearful avoidant. Sounds like your ex may have been too? They do kind of put your heart through the ringer, don't they? Thank you for your kind words. They do give me hope. Well in a way I have to be careful to not confuse care with caring for. When I was an adolescent my mother has been ill for a couple of years and died because of that. The fact that my ex got ill and dismissed me really got me. With things she told me earlier I think she is dismissive-avoidant but in the spectrum somewhat near fearful. She did not really lack in confidence though. Told me a couple of times that she was just as happy alone and being really surprised that she wanted to be with me. Yeah I really felt wringed, My username describes perfectly what I felt when I came here. I still miss her, but it is useless as she just had repressed everything (she admitted she probably did that when I asked about it). She made me realize that I still have a lot to work on myself, yay I am happy to hear that I am able to help you a bit that way.
Itspointless Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 It doesn't help that I'm shy enough that I tend to need to rely on online (and I am quite pretty thank you and have been told I look 10 years younger than I am, but shy and pretty is a lethal combination that translates into guys thinking you're snooty). But the point is, I caanot lie in my profile, but yet know that most me. Probably would click away when it became clear that I'm currently unemployed and will be for the near future. There are many shallow people. The people that dismiss you because of unemployment are not worth it anyway. Luckily not everyone is like that. Perhaps not now, but someone will blow your mind in a good way some time.
AnyaNova Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 There are many shallow people. The people that dismiss you because of unemployment are not worth it anyway. Luckily not everyone is like that. Perhaps not now, but someone will blow your mind in a good way some time. Thank you, I hope so. :-) I don't know though, because it can be tricky and people can have different attachment styles did different relationships. I said the same thing to my ex, that I was more confident single than in a relationship because my attachment style for all other relationships is highly secure, but probably leans more towards anxious for romantic relationships. So the question is, why did we fall for such avoidant people (my ex was 32 years old at the time and hasn't dated anyone since he was in high school, and didnt have enough trust to put a photo up on his dating profile, as well as having low trust in others and low self-esteem himself)? What does that say about us and the work we still need to do?
Itspointless Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Thank you, I hope so. :-) I don't know though, because it can be tricky and people can have different attachment styles did different relationships. I said the same thing to my ex, that I was more confident single than in a relationship because my attachment style for all other relationships is highly secure, but probably leans more towards anxious for romantic relationships. So the question is, why did we fall for such avoidant people (my ex was 32 years old at the time and hasn't dated anyone since he was in high school, and didnt have enough trust to put a photo up on his dating profile, as well as having low trust in others and low self-esteem himself)? What does that say about us and the work we still need to do? Well I know I am a bit anxious myself. I fell for her confidence, independence and strong character. And I felt we both understood each-other as we both have been trough things, that was what she said too. If I must believe all the literature I still have to find more happiness and confidence within me. It is discomforting as I have been working on that for a long time. And hadn't been with someone for a long time. That is in some ways I guess also my own fault. I guess we live and learn.
AnyaNova Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Well I know I am a bit anxious myself. I fell for her confidence, independence and strong character. And I felt we both understood each-other as we both have been trough things, that was what she said too. If I must believe all the literature I still have to find more happiness and confidence within me. It is discomforting as I have been working on that for a long time. And hadn't been with someone for a long time. That is in some ways I guess also my own fault. I guess we live and learn. It is odd, but it seems in some ways our exes are really similar, and in some ways, very different. I could probably use more myself since this thing happened. I didn't realize how much of a fluke it was. I met him for the first time a month and a half or so after I started looking. Finding someone I really click with is taking much longer this time!
Alcatraz Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 I find myself questioning how and why she changed so quickly. From being so in love to leaving me in such a short period of time. Still I feel I am healing more and more everyday.
Itspointless Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 I could probably use more myself since this thing happened. I didn't realize how much of a fluke it was. I met him for the first time a month and a half or so after I started looking. Finding someone I really click with is taking much longer this time! Not sure if I read your sentences right, English is not my first language. But, I can say that I always have trouble with moving on, I think it has to do with my history. It also does not happen to me often that I am swept of my feet. She (now 36) literally blew me away. To be honest I saw and knew that she only was human and also had her things, who hasn't. But with her age I thought I found, well you get the picture ... Her 180 was like crashing into a wall without any warning. I found all the answers in scientific literature, but accepting it has taken me a lot of time. She still enters my mind far to often but I already feel a lot better.
freebird31 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) well, i have become quite comfortable in my safety zone. as in, im fine by myself. Im fine if i see my friends occasionally. Im fine spending most of my time at home or sitting at home watching netflix after an 8 hour shift as opposed to going out on friday night. im coompletely comfortable. I like my overly busy life with school and work and my comfortable nights off just laying in bed at home. i REALLY ENJOY this lifestyle. So what, i may not go out as often as i used to. I dont do many exciting things really. Only ever so often. I dont drink. I guess im pretty boring at this stage of my life. and SO WHAT i DONT CARE. If someone asks what I am going to do on my saturday night, i will say proudly, I AM going to go home and watch NETFLIX. HA! i really just dont care. My free time goes to relaxing, or spending time with my family, or if i have the energy i will go to the gym. im 22, and no i dont go out to bars with my friends every weekend. What friends? I have friends, but i make SURE to alwasy keep that wall up. always. im happy being this boring version of myself. Im really content. im comfortable. I dont need to have crazy drunken nights just becuase im 22. I dont need to live spintaneously. Im just at a stage in my life where i like wine. Wine and netflix. If i had my own apartment, my life would consist of the three: wine, movies and baking. Thats it. im comfortable. I may be really, really boring. But IDC. im content and i dont want to ruin that. It took me TOO long to get here. And I shouldnt feel ashamed of being this version of myself. i have met the wild, crazy and fun version of myself. But im just happy with my netflix and grey's anatomy reruns ha. I dont need close friends that i hang out with regularly, and i defintely dont need a boyfriend. Im perfectly fine. Edited June 2, 2014 by freebird31
ThatOneGuyThat Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I have lost track of exactly how many days NC, I could find out but I think this is for the best. I plan on going NC indefinitely so why track it, however if I do feel a level of weakness I will find out how long I have been NC and use that to show me how far I have come. I feel as if I am no longer missing her, instead I am just angry at her weakness and her ability to give up on what we had. What I do miss however is the intimacy with another person. I am growing leaps and bounds, my confidence is certainly going up and I am working out a lot. Keeping my mind and body busy. I have also certainly been using LS a lot less than I used to, perhaps I deemed it as a crutch and me stepping away from it has certainly made me more independent. I still have those low moments but thankfully there is a lot of great stuff here. I also understand that if ever I feel entirely week I can post on LS and be boosted immensely.
lime87 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I honestly thought I was doing better - ironically over the past few days I've done more to better myself than I have in a long time, I've been swimming every day and used the gym spa, made plans for a trip abroad and even finally got angry about the situation. But today I feel like I'm slipping back into the terrible sadness I felt when the break up first happened. I don't feel as strong today as I did yesterday or the day before .
hvdahc Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 well this is day 2 of my wife leaving with the kids and wanting a trial separation. I go from emptiness to sadness to anger... She doesn't want to leave but needs things to change, which we both agree on that. our kids run our lives and are tearing us apart. Had little contact with her today on FB. She wanted to know if I wanted my youngest, 7, for the weekend. Of course I said yes but that hurt me even more. I feel that she has no intention of trying to get together and talk or go see the councilor. She said "Right now I am emotionally and mentally exhausted and I need you to give me time" Just don't know what to feel I guess, I keep looking down the road hoping she will be coming home. Then when the school buses just drove bye it hurt even worse. I just am empty and lost..... I just hope that I am wrong
elseaacych Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Bad coping day. Had to look at his facebook. I feel ashamed.
JahnJahn Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Today I woke up feeling empty, I cried because I know you are never coming back. I remembered started remembering some of the things you said, maybe I forgot them. I asked you if you ever wanted to try again and you said No. Maybe I forgot that because you said "I have to say these things" and later "Please dont think its over". I dont know why it hurts so much today, I feel quite powerless.
hvdahc Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Today I feel more empty then yesterday. I just want to crawl in a corner and wither away. I get my son tonight, that is good but it is going to hurt knowing that this may be the way things are going to be. She just needs time... I prey that we can still be a family.
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