Hello201 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 well apart from the message you sent monday night and i ignored ive not made contact with you my love for you is not in question if you said "please can we try again" i would say yes i miss my friend as well i think you need your best friend at a time like this but you treated him (me) badly over this break up , you didnt respect me enough to talk to me you made your mind up and that was it , i dont know who you were talking to but they did not advise you well , we were meant to be together you said it not me , all those things those times i close my eyes and remember the 3 day break we had not that long ago it was the happiest id ever been and i beleive it was for you too , every date we had every night we spent together all amounted to nothing once you had a shaky moment and you still havent expalined that to me and i dont suppose you ever will please think about us please call me please i wont say anything about the break up we can start again hopefully sooner rather than never i love you baby x
Gr4veyard Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Doing better than yesterday. I forced myself to go out to the gym and it did help some. I got myself out of that numb state for a while and even managed to cook a proper meal for myself for the first time in 2 weeks. Weird to realise how little I have been eating lately. Still thinking about him tho. Every day. He is not worth it.
AnyaNova Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Doing great this morning. Actually had some energy. My electrolytes were all good etc. Went to go work over at the old apartment to get more stuff packed up. Totally crashing again. The electrolyte drink literally never tasted so good.. I feel really bad right now. My brain can't breathe. Just one trip to go work and a quick trip to the store and my brain. And Tim. And I'm even less coherent than usual. My hands are tingling. This is not good. I know I won't. that I will make myself wait until I am better. But this is not a life. This is not a ****ing life. And it is getting harder and harder to push back thoughts. Breakups and all that aside, having one's brain and body go out at the drop of a hat and never knowing when it will be back and feeling like this so much of the time. Its exhausting.
freebird31 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Came across a picture of my ex on social media. He was smiling so big and dancing or something. It gave me major butterflies i haven't felt that way for anyone since . Haven't felt that butterfly feeling in forever! Gosh, stupid picture. He just looked so cute. -____- ah. Oh well gotta live with how my life is now. Gotta keep pushing . I'll see the light soon enough.
jalfy Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Called him yesterday using a different number (he blocked my mobile number), wanting to ask him a question. He picked up, I said it was me, he said he was in a meeting and I hung up. An hour later, he emailed me asking what do I want this time, and that he doesn't like me calling him using unknown numbers. Well I wanted to reply him saying it's because he blocked me. But I deleted my message and ended up not replying his email at all. I don't know what am I doing.
Omei Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Its a year later and im okay But waking up from a realistic dream where I remember every touch and being happy together. Still can twist my insides :-/ 1
JahnJahn Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Weird feeling today. We finally broke up yesterday and even though it hurts me, I dont know how to describe this feeling. I am here waiting for you to come back home but at the same time I know this is not a good idea. Maybe im a little confused. Contemplating going full NC with no explanation, telling you Goodbye or being friends. It hurts that the only way I will be happy is NC. It feels like things will get better, but It also feels that I will never be whole again. You were the woman I felt truly connected and In love with. I hope I feel like I did before. 2
me85 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Proud to say I'm not "coping" anymore. I've reached the point of acceptance and it's absolutely freeing. YAY 5
JahnJahn Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Hugs, Jahn Jahn. I hope you feel better! I realised she hasn't come home yet and what Im feeling now is pure sadness and betrayed. Ive speculated enough and even though I know its now non of my business, It still pains me to think she wanted to speak today and has not turned up. Still confused even though Im kinda sad. Thanks for the hugs, I really needed them :3
Alcatraz Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Today has been a tough one, thinking about her a lot. Scared that I'll never get over her but trying to keep positive. Just want to forget and move on, but also want to talk to her and work it all out. Very confusing, but staying NC. 2
JahnJahn Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Today has been a tough one, thinking about her a lot. Scared that I'll never get over her but trying to keep positive. Just want to forget and move on, but also want to talk to her and work it all out. Very confusing, but staying NC. Trying to go NC. She is home now and I feel a little better. I actually feel the exact same way you feel (I think) and I hope our journey to healing is not a rough one. I guess the main difference is that I want her back and I want her to want me back
elseaacych Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 I want to live damn it. My ex has been a large part of my recent life: College + 1 Semester of Law School. What have I done since breaking up with him? One more semester of law school. It doesn't seem like much has been accomplished since he broke up with me. I don't want to feel like I'm spinning my wheels, and not doing awesome things l used to. I was used to feeling like I was in motion. And I feel like my life has stalled. I know it's not the case, but I just don't feel alive.
me85 Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I want to live damn it. My ex has been a large part of my recent life: College + 1 Semester of Law School. What have I done since breaking up with him? One more semester of law school. It doesn't seem like much has been accomplished since he broke up with me. I don't want to feel like I'm spinning my wheels, and not doing awesome things l used to. I was used to feeling like I was in motion. And I feel like my life has stalled. I know it's not the case, but I just don't feel alive. Boy, do I know how you feel. I've gone down a path of self righteousness, self destruction, self reflection & am ever still working on self improvement. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are making progress everyday in ways you just cannot see right now. In time, you will.
handymelnz Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 My Lady and I were together 33 years. We have been apart now 12 months. Some days I'm good. Some days I'm terrible. We have to learn to be patient in our grieving. We have to learn that we will get through it. It's been one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn in my 54 years. But ,in the end ,I'll move on. Give yourself time to grieve, to hurt and to recover. Best wishes to you all. 3
freebird31 Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 (edited) getting used to my new life. its been a year and one month post-breakup. Its been a month since talking to my once-best-friend. Ive put all my focus on school and my future goals. And actually have decided after all this time, that i want to make the committment of going through with medical school. Of course i have a long way to go. But all of these things that happened to me this last year almost have influenced my decision. I have ALWAYS wanted to work in the medical field. And for a long time, but inititally wanted to be a physician assistant. But, after everything that has happened to me lately...people i loved walking out of my life just made me realize that I dont want to put my time and focus on my social relationships. Maybe I am meant to put my focus on my career. And becoming a physician is accepting huge responsibility. I feel like this is really what im MEANT TO DO. i love medicine, i like socializing with patients. Why not put my 100% into something I love? My main focus growing up was having a family first. I always thought that, that would make me happy and fulfill my life, not a career. But after everything that has happened, im just so tired of always putting my energy into relationships and friendships. Why not at least put my energy and full focus into my goals first while i am young, and maybe one day when the time is right, i can have the family I always wanted. Sometimes, i push my goals aside. But at this point, my career dreams are the ONLY thing i have, that will NEVER leave me. I have neveer been so sure of what I want to do with my life/career. This past year has taught me that friendships and boyfriends and bonds sometimes NEVER last...no matter how strong or how much love there once was. I WANT TO GO TO MED SCHOOL. and i have never been so sure! THIS is where i will put my energy and focus at, into my patients. NOT boyfriends, NOT fake friends or one sided friendships. I have been hurt and stabbed by two people i loved soo much this year. One who i believe i may have been in love with, the other was my best friend of seven years. I lost my foundation. But have only come to realize that THIS is my foundation and my calling Edited May 30, 2014 by freebird31 2
JahnJahn Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I don't know how I'm feeling today, I can't really explain it. U started thinking of all the good times and bad times, I started asking myself questions like 'why am I the one trying so hard?'. I woke up, sat in my bed and felt I needed to go for a run. Felt refreshed but the silence after that run brought me back to this limbo... I still do not know how I feel. I'm sad but not depressed, I'm not happy but I'm also happy because this BU happened before we fully committed our lives to each other. I don't know... Arghhhh. I love her and maybe I haven't accepted that it has completely ended? I haven't contacted her, I had a dream that I was dialing her number and when I woke up I was filled with regret until the realisation that it was only a dream.
AnyaNova Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I figured out too late how to deal and do better work for my program despite the health issues. I'm out. I thinkt perhaps God is using my life to test to see how far you can drive someone without them committing suicide. I wish I wasn't so stubborn. Because it would be so much easier to do it and have done with it but I can't.
elseaacych Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 My ex's little sister was kind of like a sister to me. I sent her a message the other day regarding some info for a program she's taking. And she wants to know how law school is. I give her a long, honest answer, but not taking a stance either way. She responds back telling me that everyone's telling her not to go. It sounds like the end of a conversation. I don't know whether I should tell her that I'm not pushing her in any particular direction, but if she asks me, I will give her what she needs to make an informed decision Ultimately, she needs to follow her heart and make the best decision for her. And I suddenly miss my ex.
JahnJahn Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 (edited) I read a couple of guides on LC and talked to some people. I sat down to formulate my own opinion but not sure if it's good or not. Just came out of the gym and tonight has been much easier. What I'm thinking is whether or not to ask for a talk with her. The way things ended has left me with a limboish feeling. I just want to thank her for the amazing time we had together and I wanted to apologize for not giving her time or understanding her feelings. I have to accept my art in the breakup, it might not be apparent but from reading, talking and reflection I feel I was responsible too. On the issue of coping, after I realised this I felt a little bit better but slightly confused on whether to stay NC and forget about the whole thing or ask her to talk and after that it's gone. I'm hoping one day we will get back together but I'm not gonna cling onto that anymore. Your thoughts guys? Edited May 30, 2014 by JahnJahn
AnyaNova Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 I know that I don't want to die. But right now living doesn't seem to hold much promise or appeal either.
JahnJahn Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 After talking with some other posters and getting some advice, I began to realise that I was not 100% accepting the reality. It will not happen overnight but I will take this advice. I will change things such as my FB status etc when Im ready, right now I realise Ive been holding onto a hope that does not exist. I will continue to go to the gym, meet new groups and overall love myself. I know I am saying this now as if its going to be easy, and I will post again asking for advice when I hit a bump in the road, but thank you LS for helping me start to truly accept that its over. I was confused in the past about how I felt. Today, I have to say I feel very sad. I am very teary. It is actually over and has been for a while I guess if its meant to be it will be, nothing I do or say now will change what has happened. 1
Itspointless Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 I know that I don't want to die. But right now living doesn't seem to hold much promise or appeal either. Sometimes in life we go deep and in some periods of our lives it happens so often that it seems the norm. The thing is that we try to make sense of life, as we want to. But to be honest often things just do not make sense and are pretty senseless. The good thing about all this is that it makes us also vulnerable for enjoying little moments that most people seem to miss. Life will get better for you I am sure. I just hope that you also are able to notice the little beautiful moments and enjoy them for what they are. 3
True Gent Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 I know that I don't want to die. But right now living doesn't seem to hold much promise or appeal either. Never give up on yourself. From what I've read of your posts during my time here you seem a great person, do not lose sight of that. Sometimes life just throws all of the crap at us at once. It doesn't stay that way forever, you will and you can rise above this. 4
AnyaNova Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Sometimes in life we go deep and in some periods of our lives it happens so often that it seems the norm. The thing is that we try to make sense of life, as we want to. But to be honest often things just do not make sense and are pretty senseless. The good thing about all this is that it makes us also vulnerable for enjoying little moments that most people seem to miss. Life will get better for you I am sure. I just hope that you also are able to notice the little beautiful moments and enjoy them for what they are. I am. And am trying to. And I can look on the bright side. Though I will see about getting reinstated as a non-degree graduate student so I can take a couple classes, probably in the psych department, I am looking forward to the idea of getting a job, taking one, two at most classes, and just having a nice, easy, and regular schedule with low stress as I begin treating the health issue that cost me my graduate career. I've created a beautiful sanctuary of my new apartment (some of it still in progress, but I have a beautiful porch) and I plan on taking plenty of time this year for rest, rejuvenation, and ME. I will probably seek re-entry into a program for next year, but not this fall. Also. I don't want to appeal or try and get back into this program. I did not get into grad school by being a bad evaluator of my work. And I can tell you that work of much higher quality than I turned in my first semester (where my grades were all A's) got much lower grades once the health issues hit and I became labeled a "problem" student. Life is worth living. It is just highly painful right now.
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