freebird31 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Hello people. My ex has walked back into my life. I have already tried to post about it a couple of times then chickened out because I kinda felt like a hypocrite for telling other people to move on with their lives and forget their ex's while I'm paying attention to mine. I'm ready to talk about it now. The difference is that my ex has came back and given me closure. She has came back and explained her decisions to me and engaged with me when I wanted answers. My respect for her has shot through the roof because she could sense that we left things too much unresolved. She has also clarified to me that it was actually a very wonderful time in her life that she holds as dear to her heart as I do to mine. The only real advice I can give to people after my own experience here is that yes its best to walk away when you aren't getting the love you want back.....its for your own good. However that doesn't mean that your ex wont one day realise they need to set things straight no matter what the circumstance. So the best thing you can do is let go and do what's best for you.....if your ex comes back and puts things right then that's awesome but if not then at least you know you didn't let them hold you back. Good luck people. Hi L1ght, I am very curious about your story...how long were you two broken up for? And how long were you two NC for? That is truly great. What a blessing! Glad you got the closure that you needed. 1
L1ght Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 (edited) Hi L1ght, I am very curious about your story...how long were you two broken up for? And how long were you two NC for? That is truly great. What a blessing! Glad you got the closure that you needed. We broke up close to 2 years ago after one fight too many. I tried to get her back but she wasn't having any of it and completely shut me out of her life....it got messy, lots of things were said that shouldn't have been said but the funny thing is that once I let go for real I guess she sensed it and I guess she realised that we needed to resolve things instead of leaving them in such an unhealthy way. No contact works. I started absolute no contact about 6 months ago, no contact, no checking social media, no looking at pics or reading emails......nothing! Its worked an absolute treat. She has came back into my life and said more to me this past week than she has in 2 years. She has also been nice to me....lol I never thought I would hear from her again but here we are. Its good, we are communicating, the past is the past and we are both now just trying to make things right again. Whatever will be will be. I just want her to be happy now. Thats all that matters. The difference now is that she has made an effort to make things right. Everything I have said about her in the past still stands as far as an ex leaving, abandoning, moving on without any real justifiable explanation. If an ex leaves and shuts the door on you it really is best to walk away and get on with your own life. Maybe you will resolve things in future or maybe you wont. The important thing is knowing when to move on and knowing when to focus on your own well being. Edited May 22, 2014 by L1ght 1
jt27 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 I am crying way too much today. Damn you ****. Damn you. 2
stillfiguringitallou Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Today I feel like I'm not coping with ANYTHING .. at all. Today I feel broken down
STM206 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 I just have to remind myself that everyday is going to be different until one day I'm indifferent. The realization that each day is one day more that were apart is a hard pill to swallow. To go from spending almost every day together to not even knowing what he even does with his free time is an adjustment that I'm trying to accept. Heart vs logic is constantly at play... I just await the day that logic wins the war. 4
Sunbathe Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 I am not coping well at all today. I stumbled upon a Facebook message between the ex and I from way back in 2012. I was being ridiculous and insecure and creating stupid arguments and blaming him for stupid stuff as I often did during that transitional time period in my life (I started college and had a hard time adjusting/making friends). I was very nit picky and harsh and constantly pointed out to him things that I wish were different. And he responds by taking the blame and apologizing and telling me how much he loves me and that he will never let me go and that he will do better. This happened many many times. I have since changed and become more mature and secure in myself, but I am just feeling so very guilty for how I used to be toward him, someone whom I love so much. I question whether me acting like that pushed him away and eventually led to our breakup. That's when problems started arising between us. I just feel so responsible for it and feel like we could have been so happy were it not for my mistakes. I lost such an amazing guy. Sure he made mistakes too, but he is a truly incredible guy at heart. When we broke up he made it clear that it was not my fault in any way and that the breakup and his depression and how he feels is all on him. That he just doesn't know what he wants and needs to find himself. That he didn't think about himself during the relationship and didn't think about what he wanted, he just liked making me happy... (this hurts badly, as it makes me feel so responsible for his unhappiness, like I could have done so much more for him). He said that he has moved past my mistakes and sees that I'm a different person and that he would be feeling this way regardless of my mistakes or not. But I just find it so hard to accept what he is saying. I feel guilty.
somedude81 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 My anger is off the charts today. I actually broke something expensive I'm going to regret for a long time. 1
Itspointless Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Hello people. My ex has walked back into my life. I have already tried to post about it a couple of times then chickened out because I kinda felt like a hypocrite for telling other people to move on with their lives and forget their ex's while I'm paying attention to mine. I'm ready to talk about it now. The difference is that my ex has came back and given me closure. She has came back and explained her decisions to me and engaged with me when I wanted answers. My respect for her has shot through the roof because she could sense that we left things too much unresolved. She has also clarified to me that it was actually a very wonderful time in her life that she holds as dear to her heart as I do to mine. The only real advice I can give to people after my own experience here is that yes its best to walk away when you aren't getting the love you want back.....its for your own good. However that doesn't mean that your ex wont one day realise they need to set things straight no matter what the circumstance. So the best thing you can do is let go and do what's best for you.....if your ex comes back and puts things right then that's awesome but if not then at least you know you didn't let them hold you back. Good luck people. Good for you man. 1
Silver Taurus Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Today is the one year anniversary of BU. He sent me a random email yesterday. I almost expected it. I knew today would be tough....and it is...that email just made it a bit more painful but not in a " missing him" kind of way. It reminded me of how much of my life I have wasted on him. I'm really in the anger phase of late. So obviously I'm not over him yet but getting there. Some days I actually smile when I think of him being someone else's problem. 2
greenbee81 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 I'm going to have my number changed later today. Not that she calls, but i just want a new life. Everything reminds me of the old relationship. 1
RDawg Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Feeling pretty good today. I've been productive at work this week. Looking forward to the weekend. Think I will make a fire tonight and grill some meat. Nothing like a nice juicy lamb chop done on the braai to make one feel content. Life is ok. 1
elseaacych Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 NOT AGAIN. Why do I want to talk to him? I have nothing to say to him! Nothing nice, at least! WHHHHHYYYYYYY... 2
Xemyd Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Anytime I wake up from a dream involving him I want to punch him in the face. 1
Mary Oak Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Don't know why but today just sucks!!! Everything is coming back so forcefully today. I can't concentrate. I am meeting a new "friend" in an hour and a half and I can't stop crying at the moment. WTF? I wasn't like this when I got up. But, I seriously feel like I am losing it right now.... Got to get myself together somehow...quickly...
stillfiguringitallou Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Had a conversation with the ex today. It had been over a month since our loss. And some other things had come to light. Initially - it was very confrontational on both parts. Then I remembered why I wanted to talk to him, and that it wasn't about me being angry because I'm not, it was because I really felt that two people who were just picking out baby names 4 weeks ago - should not be complete strangers - and I found out our relationship had been manipulated from the inside. He told me I wasn't a victim - I said I never said I was - and that neither was he. He said I was no angel - and I said - nope - and neither were you. And somehow with each admittal of wrong from both sides - the conversation got lighter. We tossed around how we wanted to move on - and we tossed around the word goodbye a lot - but neither of us left the conversation Then we got to the heart of the matter. How angry I was for him leaving after our loss. And how hurt he was that I pushed him away when it happened, and that when he let me - I was hurtful instead of just nothing. And I think. Even if we rarely talk in the future ... we're okay. Our child's parents are not strangers. When the test results come back it won't be a cold exchange of what happened to our sweet little via a mailed letter. We will be able to talk about it. And so today I'm coping pretty well.
STM206 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Don't know why but today just sucks!!! Everything is coming back so forcefully today. I can't concentrate. I am meeting a new "friend" in an hour and a half and I can't stop crying at the moment. WTF? I wasn't like this when I got up. But, I seriously feel like I am losing it right now.... Got to get myself together somehow...quickly... Remember, it's a rollercoaster. Some days you'll be progressing and some days you'll fall into a ditch. However, you'll fall and remember how to get out quicker next time. Keep your chin up. <3 1
Hello201 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Badly I typed her out a whole message saying I think I understand that you fell out of love with me the dream did not match the reality no ones perfect but we could have worked at it , then I got angry , saying you double booked and yr friends , xxxx who you go and do stuff with with you messaged him while we were on a date saying yes cos he asked if you were interested in going to see some opera after asking if I wanted to go , I was amazed you asked Then i questioned her timing why didn't you break up with me before yr neice was born of yeah cos who would have looked after yr kids , why didn't you break up with me before we visited yr sister oh yeah cos it would have upset her why did you break up with me before I got youvthat handbag , yeah I know that petty But you did break up with me the day after I buried my uncle I love you but I don't know if I want you anymore
ThatOneGuyThat Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 A month and a few days since the break up and 14 days NC. I am no longer craving an element of contact with her however am still curious about what she's doing. Especially the relationship between the person she cheated me on and whether she misses me or not. Tomorrow is my birthday and I hold no expectations or reservations for a message, however if I did it would be ignored and not replied to. I must reiterate to myself that she is dead to me and the relationship is dead.
slouch Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Long time lurker but I've been moved to join because of how I'm feeling today. She dumped me over a month ago, telling me that she couldn't be in a relationship. I went into NC the very next day. The first fortnight was absolute torture, wild mood swings and a crazy libido. After about three weeks I told myself that I had to make a conscious effort not to dwell on her, and I did start to feel better. I went out more, started going to the gym, started chatting to other girls. I thought I was getting over her. Yesterday and today, however, I've felt myself going back to the way I was immediately after the break-up. Everything reminds me of her. I can't stop thinking about what she might be doing just now, or the idea that she might already be with someone else. I'm also feeling more of an urge to contact her. I had to break NC a few weeks back because she has my old iPhone, and I could see all her contacts on my phone, plus she was accidentally getting texts from my friends. The exchange was business-like and I didn't share any emotions with her. Last Monday she messaged me saying she was worried about me. I replied with 'Yeah I'm fine thanks' and no more was said. I don't want to initiate anymore contact with her. I'm scared that if I do I'll find out something I don't want to. But the feeling is much stronger than it has been of late. Basically, I'm frustrated that after everything I've tried to do to move on from her, I'm still struggling. I didn't expect to get over the break-up quickly, but I never expected the feeling to be as raw now as it was back when it happened. 3
Itspointless Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 (edited) I think I coop well after all this time. I still wish she would change her mind. The last time I saw her after her trip to her parents she was someone else. Something I already feared a bit when she went, she had so much stress going on. But even if she would change her mind after all this time, my trust is gone (and has been gone for a long time). That just sucks. Nobody in my surroundings really understands that I still miss her. I see her dysfunctional traits clearly, but I miss her and the way we connected. I hate that I do not know how she medically is doing and hate that she just cut me again after I told her I coudn't be friends at this moment as I felt to strong: she confused me with her short messages once a month. After I told she did not give me anything expect an I understand. I am happy for her that she understands as I do not and probably never will. Edited May 24, 2014 by Itspointless 1
AnyaNova Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 We're coming up on a year since the day I first met him in person. It is gray outside and dingy looking. And I realize how much of this has been about my friend's death anyway. I know my nutrients are off right now but I still hurt. My friend's dead. He left, and my closest friend that I made since coming here moved away about a month ago. Yup. Bit painful today. But it is high time I looked at the global issues instead of focusing all my attention on my ex. Frankly, he is just a drop in the bucket at the moment, much as I wish that weren't the case. 1
DonutStalker Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 This is my first post....not sure why I am posting here since nobody knows the story.. I am not doing well. I am on day number 8 of just staying in bed.I did take a shower yesterday, so I got that going for me.. Talked to my bff last night (after a week of no phone calls) and I wish I hadn't, we've known each other over 12 yrs. and she still doesn't understand me. I am obsessed and tormented with losing my guy. And all she can say to me is-Geez-2weeks,no shower!! Water is cleansing.Then she reads me a laundry list of all his bad issues,like I don't already know them. FU,best friend,FU.
freebird31 Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 its been a year and one month since the break up. where did the time goo...stil coping with it but just keeping myself busy as much as possible. This past year was so horrible. Esp this last month with drama with my friend (not-so-friend-anymore) But just when I was losing hope and falling into the dark, things have turned around. Just when i was starting to hit my absolute low again, i really think God has shown me light. I was seriously giving up, but small things here and there have shown me that I am being blessed still. I really believe it was God that gave me these things. I think God is trying to show me that he is still here, he is still here for me. I have to keep going. I miss my ex still, but i think i should seriously consider moving on. Its been a year. I want to start dating again, but boy do i still have so much more work to do on myself. it would be nice and interesting to start dating again though, to just KNOW that i can love another person other than my ex would be comforting. maybe someday. If it happens, it happens. Im pretty open with the idea. I still put my ex on this pedestal bc he was my first and only love, it would be nice to finally knock him off of it and finally see clearly and know first hand that i can love someone other than my ex. Hes not my last and only love.
ThatOneGuyThat Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 Today is my birthday and I have not received a message from the ex, an element of relief has come over me. Her decision not to contact me has but me in a clear position of understanding where she is and where I am to her. My emotions towards her have transformed to resentment and relief also, I am almost glad that the relationship has ended. Although said relationship was not toxic in anyway and we made quite a pairing; through this experience I have been able to see another side of her and perhaps the real side of her. And the things shown are not things I'd want in a partner. As for the resentment, I am angry in her actions towards me and her clear sings of disrespect towards me and our relationship. I will continue no contact and look forward to the day I can look back at this experience and be glad it happened.
stillfiguringitallou Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 Coping ... such a strange thing. First I was coping with letting go of what I had lost. Then - coping with the reality of what I've lost ... letting go of both the good and the bad. Now I sit here ... and ... I'm coping with the loss of the GOOD things I'm losing. And how hard it is to give up all the good - to save yourself from the bad. Coping with the knowledge that a month ago - we were picking out baby names ... and now - without the work and growth necessary on his part - I don't want it back. I almost married and had a child with this man. And now - if I never see him again - it will almost be a relief. And that - is the hardest thing I've had to cope with yet.
Recommended Posts