Kansas87 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Why do I feel like things are getting worse? nearly 6 weeks since BU. Can't stand this Do you ever just let it out? I mean, this morning I was a wreck. Tearing up every half an hour at work and trying to hide it. I couldn't concentrate on anything, and I was in a foul mood. Then I went home for lunch and cried my eyes out, prayed, begged and pleaded with God, etc. for about 5 minutes. It's amazing how much better I felt afterwards. I think sometimes if you hold stuff in too much, try too hard to "be strong," without ever letting it out, it's harder. I have no idea if this is what you do or not, but just thought I'd share in case you need that. If you haven't "let it all out" for a while, give it a shot. 2
elseaacych Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 6 months tomorrow, everyone. My life is better off without him. It truly is. I still feel so damn lost, though.
freebird31 Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 i miss the company of others. but i dont miss the pain, i dont miss feeling like my friendship with my supposed best friend was one-sided, i dont miss feeling like i cared more in the relationship than my ex. I dont miss the troubled times. being alone, i have no drama. i do miss doing things with someone, even just little things like going to the movies or making a quick run to starbucks. I do miss those things sometimes. But Ive learned to be alone to deal with being alone. I feel OKAY. i dont feel pain . I have time and energy now to put all my focus into myself. id rather be alone than be in pain if thats what it really comes to. maybe one day when the time is right, when i meet someone true, i can open myself up to that happy side of myself i once was. But i think those things should only come ever so often in your life. im fine with being alone. id rather be alone than have untrue people in my life. or people who dont appreciate my friendship. or me. so done with that. 2
Xemyd Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 Haven't posted in a long time, but I'm doing pretty good. I do still miss him though, but it's bearable.
somedude81 Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 Ugh, I keep writing about my ex. This has to stop. Some guy made a thread about asking if a full size is big enough. Then I like an idiot I wrote about what it was like to sleep with my ex and how much room she needed, or didn't need. I still can remember exactly what it was like to fall asleep spooning her 1
Erlaad Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 Today I packed away my graduation watch. It was the last gift I carried with me from her and / or her family. Now it sits in a cupboard in my room. Don't know how I feel about it. Just like the other times, it feels like ripping away a part of my soul. It's for the best tough, for I cannot be reminded of what happened if I want to heal. I will not look back to those times anymore. Altough something, hidden somewhere inside me, still misses her. - Erl 1
redbaron005 Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I feel: A bit lonely A bit humbled A bit jealous A bit nostalgic A bit confused A bit hopeful A bit hopeless; and, A tad tired. 3
Jewels7 Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 Doing awful. Day 4 after BU, first day of NC. I've already lost a bunch of weight because I can't eat. I ignored stuff that now makes me wonder if he was unfaithful to me and it hurts so bad. He lashes out because I left him, but he caused me so much pain I had to. I don't know why I want him to love me and miss me but I do. I want to quit loving him. I want to quit feeling dead inside. 2
ThatOneGuyThat Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I'm taking each day as it comes. Each day is a battle with myself, fighting the urge to creep and pine. I am winning this battle and hope to continue. I'm occupying myself through reading and writing. This morning I woke up relieved and enlightened however throughout the day I have felt a pain drag me down. Perhaps the hurt and fear of replacement. I'm trying to occupy my mind. Good luck to all of those out there suffering. We are not alone.
namastemeow Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 day 2. after we broke up he kept saying he still want me in his life even were just friends. we still live in the same apartment sleeping in different room. now he changed his mind and kick me out. he wont see me until my stuff in the apartment is gone. so mean... he is the one who made mistakes im the one who took him back after that few days later he wanted break up but didnt watn me to leave. i try to be strong but what did i get? he kick me out. he did it over the text its crazy he said if he did it in person he would want me back.... I really need someone to talk right now. 1
Always Pondering Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 It's been about a year and probably a little bit more, I'll be honest and say I can't even remember what day we broke up. My life's a little rocky career-wise but aside from that things are picking up and returning to normal just like it was yesterday. I know I'm not 100% there, maybe about 80-90% but the amount of relief so far is just amazing. It feels great to not cry when I'm alone. It feels amazing to not wonder anymore what she's doing. It just feels all-around fantastic to have this "mental freedom" that I've withheld myself from for so long. I feel for those in the early stages of post-BU because I understand your pain that you have right now. It just feels like it's tearing your heart apart and moving on may be the most difficult thing you ever do but I promise you, if you stay strong then things will work out for you. I once thought this pain would literally never end for the rest of my life but as months pass by, I come closer to freedom and complete happiness once again. 4
freebird31 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 i think i was really crazy over my ex. a while back maybe 2-3 months ago i hung out with this guy I had been crushing on. We didnt really have much in common. We didnt have much chemistry. There was no SPARK. This last week a guy I had been dating a really long time got in touch with me. We hung out and actually studied together, but there was no spark again. Not even the feelings i once felt about this guy, were there. We hung out and it was cool, like a cool friend. But we dont have much in common. There were a few things we really bonded over. Like our shared memories from way back in the past and our taste in music. But the conversation would go quiet and i didnt feel like i could be myself. I didnt feel a spark, a connection. I felt physically attracted to him, but there was no connection to make me want to continue with seeing this guy or make me want to open up. When i think of my ex, we had such amazing chemistry. It seems like those things are so hard to find, those kind of connections. Then again, im a different person than who i was when i started dating my ex. I just miss having that special connection with another person. Being able to be your 100% self, bad and good, and being accpeted for it. Not only accepted, but someone actually being crazy over the real you. I guess those kinds of relationships are once in a lifetime. Or maybe I dont give these flings enough time to develop into more. I dont know. I just have no interest, like no strong attraction to want to continue seeing any of those guys. I was looking back at old pictures of me and my ex, and we look so happy, we were so happy. not just me, he was too. And i just feel like so many things have changed now, i dont even think my ex could be able to connect with the new me if there were ever the possibility. I have changed alot . It makes me feel a tad bit lonely. Maybe i dont connect with any of these guys because i keeps my guards so high. i dont know. I just honestly dont feel interested or that attracted to anyone. i miss feeling completely crazy over someone. loving everything about them, i mean everything. I miss someone loving the real me, my 100% self. i miss being my self in fron of another. Thats how i felt about with ex, i dont even know if i still feel that way for him. havent seen him in months, almost a year. i just really miss that feeling. maybe its the feeling of falling in love that I miss. i dont know. 1
ThatOneGuyThat Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Had a busy day, that's helped keep my mind off her. Been a month since the break up, I'm finding it hard not to check up on her through facebook. But I will not give in to these urges. I know right now she is with that guy and that hurts because it makes me feel dispensable and forgettable. I am neither of those things and must enforce that in my own mind. She is the one losing out, not me.
AnyaNova Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Stupid. Nutritionally crashing from the whole long paper due the day of a final and other things stress. So instead of happily living my life. I'm crashing which means missing him and apparently this time, googling him. And if I've understood correctly, he no longer lives, according to MyLife (couldnt' see the whole thing cause I wouldn't pay for it) in the town anymore. He moved back to his parents town hours away. Hurting. Hurting for him because he loved that job and condo and I have no idea what happened. And I know I should just be callous and not give a damn, but that has never been my nature. My head is killing me. That is one of the worst of the physical symptoms of these nutritional crashes. The damn headaches. Here I am sitting here caring that he might be hurting about losing his job and his condo. Knowing full well that he's probably not thinking about me hurting with my nutritional crashes over him hurting. My fully nutritrionally fueled self is highly offended by the utter lack of self-dignity my nutrition starved brain has. Not that, that stops it apparently!
Haydn Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Does not matter what he is losing now. He lost you. He lost you Anya. Lost you. X Stupid. Nutritionally crashing from the whole long paper due the day of a final and other things stress. So instead of happily living my life. I'm crashing which means missing him and apparently this time, googling him. And if I've understood correctly, he no longer lives, according to MyLife (couldnt' see the whole thing cause I wouldn't pay for it) in the town anymore. He moved back to his parents town hours away. Hurting. Hurting for him because he loved that job and condo and I have no idea what happened. And I know I should just be callous and not give a damn, but that has never been my nature. My head is killing me. That is one of the worst of the physical symptoms of these nutritional crashes. The damn headaches. Here I am sitting here caring that he might be hurting about losing his job and his condo. Knowing full well that he's probably not thinking about me hurting with my nutritional crashes over him hurting. My fully nutritrionally fueled self is highly offended by the utter lack of self-dignity my nutrition starved brain has. Not that, that stops it apparently! 2
AnyaNova Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Does not matter what he is losing now. He lost you. He lost you Anya. Lost you. X Thank you. I think I needed that! *sniffs* *watery smile* 3
Alcatraz Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 The mood swings I'm having are scary. I feel angry and then calm, then utterly miserable. Every time I think of not being with her again I feel crushed. This is going to be difficult to get over. 2
Hardlifexperience Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Today I have been coping very well. I dedicated time to grieve and journal about my inward journey that began 6 months ago when my wife decided to leave. I gave myself the opportunity to reflect about the reasons why the situation occured, own my mistakes and more importantly learn from them to become a person only a fool would leave. I learned to love myself by not suffering because I learned that by suffering I do not change my situation, I'm in charge of my own happiness, no one else is responsible for my own self esteem, respect and love. I' m learning to love myself everyday by going to men's group to talk about my personal issues, going back to church, hit up the gym, finish my career in college and work all at the same time. I have learned that this is golden opportunity for personal growth, instead of having a pity party, I give myself love and as time passes by the pain diminishes everyday. Life is awesome!!
Haydn Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Very logical few weeks. Missed your chaos S. (Just for a moment)
Erlaad Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Could use a "Let Go Coach" these days. That's the last things I need to do, methinks. - Erl 2
John manning Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Felt extremely down this morning as usual. Then stumbled upon this beauty, so funny and has really lifted my mood, its worth a watch. 1
this2shallpass Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Feeling worse then I did yesterday this morning.. Way worse. Today will be hard. I am really trying to fight the urge to see if he has written me, and to contact him.. ugh..torture.. 1
AnyaNova Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Felt extremely down this morning as usual. Then stumbled upon this beauty, so funny and has really lifted my mood, its worth a watch. Thank you! That was a great laugh, I really needed that!
dontgiveuponme Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 this2shallpass ur not alone...fight it its really hard but we will gonna be ok big hugs to both of us 1
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