L1ght Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I'm not immune of course. The chance for a backwards step is always there. I can be sat relaxing, not really thinking about much when my ex suddenly pops into my head......the difference is that I have been making tremendous efforts to push those thoughts away for a long enough time now that I'm actually very capable of doing it. I put my foot down and sometimes even hear myself say something like "Nope! That ain't happening" and I immediately focus my thoughts on something else. Its all about will power people. If you guys really wanna forget about your ex you all have the ability to do it. Your mind is the most powerful tool you have. So use it.
jalfy Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I think it's more of accepting the fact that the relationship is over, and not fighting the truth. Today I feel so much better and I'm looking forward to the day where I will meet someone better than him. Listened to the song 'I will survive' and the verses gave me strength. "...As long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive. I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give..." It doesn't matter if my ex doesn't appreciate my love because as long as I believe in myself, I know that someday I will meet someone who will appreciate the person that I am. So I sent my ex a last email. I thanked him for this experience and that it was a very good lesson for me because it helped me to learn a lot about myself and gave me the direction to improve on. Not only will I become a better person, but I will live a better life. After all, the best revenge is success!
L1ght Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 (edited) I think it's more of accepting the fact that the relationship is over, and not fighting the truth. Today I feel so much better and I'm looking forward to the day where I will meet someone better than him. Listened to the song 'I will survive' and the verses gave me strength. "...As long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive. I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give..." It doesn't matter if my ex doesn't appreciate my love because as long as I believe in myself, I know that someday I will meet someone who will appreciate the person that I am. So I sent my ex a last email. I thanked him for this experience and that it was a very good lesson for me because it helped me to learn a lot about myself and gave me the direction to improve on. Not only will I become a better person, but I will live a better life. After all, the best revenge is success! I'm not so sure about this. Why reach out if you accept its over? I did exactly the same thing back in the days when I still wanted my ex's attention...like exactly the same. Thanking for the memories, wishing them well and saying that I had learnt from the experience. Its not good. You are basically hoping they contact you back and say something nice. I'm guessing your mood will drop when they don't contact you back or when they don't give you the attention/love you are looking for. If you wanna heal you gotta let go of everything as far as they are concerned...its the only way. To be happy without them first you have to learn how to forget them. Edited May 7, 2014 by L1ght 2
jalfy Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I'm not so sure about this. Why reach out if you accept its over? I did exactly the same thing back in the days when I still wanted my ex's attention...like exactly the same. Thanking for the memories, wishing them well and saying that I had learnt from the experience. Its not good. You are basically hoping they contact you back and say something nice. I'm guessing your mood will drop when they don't contact you back or when they don't give you the attention/love you are looking for. If you wanna heal you gotta let go of everything as far as they are concerned...its the only way. To be happy without them first you have to learn how to forget them. Nope I totally don't have that hope that he'll reach out to me in any way. Even though the breakup wasn't amicable, he's generally still a nice guy and he did consider giving it another shot when I screwed it up. I would say that it was largely my fault that things didn't end well, because I had crossed his boundaries in many ways. I could ignore him and move on with my life like he never existed, but ultimately, I treasure what we had in the past and don't want to end things in bad terms. Basically I have two categories of exes - one who deserve to disappear totally, and another whom I will still care about (in an unromantic way) and he belongs to the second category.
Itspointless Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 And suddenly there you were on LinkedIn, liked by a contact. Kinda weird as you live in another country and do not speak my language. When I looked the second time I saw that it wasn't you, but a younger version that looked so much like you that I had to click the page away. 1
Alcatraz Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 A rollercoaster of emotions today. Times of even feeling almost happy, but then I come crashing down thinking of her with someone else. 2
feelinggood Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 4th day of NC now! The pain of course is still there... I try hard not to think anything that happens to him now, including what is he doing, with who, where, why... I only allow memories to flow back, good ones and bad ones. I'll cry at the good ones, and think how should I handle the bad moments. I read a lot of articles these days, on how to cope with a BU, how to be a better person etc. Talking with friends help, but can't disturb them most of the time so have to really deal it yourself. I talked with my mum too, she's a bit disappointed at how we handled the rship but she still supported me. Exercise a bit! You might feel like lying on the bed all the time but really, go out, get some fresh air, work it out, sweat all over! At least u get some time off the BU. The pain does come back. Take your time to grieve and let it out. Don't avoid the pain, accept it and move on. Just my 2 cents.
FredJones80 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Awful today, emotional wreck. Was fine the first half of the day, second half everything is triggering me to tears. Managed to stop playing over things in my mind the last week and now its back, going over everything, the ending, the reasoning. ARGGGGGGGGGG! When will this stop. 2
feelinggood Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 I feel you FredJones80, woke up with a heartache cos I dreamt of him. Not the loving kind of dream but it's like an extension to the BU, like he's pushing me further away...... :'( 1
realfriends Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 I feel like I have forgiven her. I miss her. I still love her. I feel like I should break the ice of NC (but then realize thats a bad idea). I felt like when I saw her, I should of done more than just waved and smiled and should of responded more to her letter. Idk what to think. Im at 6 months Post BU and the only time I have broken NC is when she came and left a letter on my car and texted me twice for the first time in 5 months (I responded a full day after). I have met some new girls and gained many new friends and picked up so many new hobbies but I'm still lacking the hole that she left when my best friend walked out on me and when my partner of so many years decided I was no longer worth it. What Im scared about most is that she does miss me but is afraid since she cheated on me and thinks the best thing to do is just let me go. That I'm too hurt and would never accept her back "I only miss you late at night when I can't sleep, and get way too honest. I've lost you, so I've got nothing to lose." 2
camelbakx Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 I am coping well today, I saw my ex yesterday at work and you know, I didn't get upset or nervous like I normally do. He smiled at me, I smiled back and that was that. If I'm being honest with myself, I do miss him, hwoever, I miss the guy that I fell in love with. It's obvious that he's changed, I have too, I think I miss what we had more than I actually miss him. It seems like everybody is in a relationship and I don't know. I am going to accept the fact that I miss him and I will always have a soft spot for him, as he was my first love, but that doesn't mean we'd be any good together or that I should keep holding onto the idea "well maybe if we did xyz we'd get back together." Things will get better.
johnson_j Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 I'm doing really badly right now. Was fine this morning, now the feeling of loss is catching up to me. I Just enjoyed getting the "hello" txts, it broke my day up and make me smile. 1
jonsnuh Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I think I'm relapsing. I haven't slept at all tonight, because I know she is seeing other people. Probably a date a week. Sigh. I don't think about her at all for most of the day. Except when it happens at night, or when I'm OLD. 1
freebird31 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 It's a little over a year. Still venting about this. He still comes up from time to time. Not as often anymore. Sometimes I think on it too hard. It's been such a rough year and I'm finally OKAY. I've never been more glad than to just be okay. I mean I want to eventually one day feel as happy as I did . But I'm fine with feeling back to normal. He prob doesn't think about it or me anymore. I prob don't cross his mind anymore. He has probably forgotten me or blocked me out. That's what bugs. But I give it another year before I am finally 100% healed. By this time next year, I will be in a better place. What a long journey . But I guess it has helped shape me. 2
Kansas87 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 I dreamed he was getting married to some blonde girl. I think that's what scares me most- that he will find it really easy to move on, find someone better, and be happy, while I'm left her suffering and alone for months. 2
this2shallpass Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 The exact thought I have been having constantly too the last week, Kansas87. Makes it soo much worse to think about THAT on top of everything else. 2
ThatOneGuyThat Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Second day of NC, I have blocked her from everything. Deleted her number, her texts everything. I keep getting flashbacks of what I last saw last time I looked on facebook, and I know looking again will bring even greater pain. I must remember that. Anyone who causes you pain, does not deserve your time. She has thrown me into the ground by cheating on me and replacing me. Lying to my face. I do not want this person in my life. She want's to be friends to relief the pressures of her own life and not mine. She is being selfish.
this2shallpass Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 here too canuck03. Not alone feeling like that 1
steelgator Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 1st day of NC after I broke it for the first time yesterday 4 days post BU. Yesterday kind of gave me closure. I went to bed OK. But I dreamt about her and woke up sad and angry so I went to the gym for the first time in a couple months. Now I feel pretty numb to everything, almost normal but still kind of surreal
somedude81 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Five and half months post break up I feel like I have no hope and will never be happy again. 1
FredJones80 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Why do I feel like things are getting worse? nearly 6 weeks since BU. Can't stand this
somedude81 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Why do I feel like things are getting worse? nearly 6 weeks since BU. Can't stand this Without trying to sound like a doomsayer, things will feel like they are getting worse everyday. Eventually, at some point, hopefully, they will seem like they stop.
Haydn Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Be patient it will ease. 6 weeks is nothing. Takes as long as it takes but you will get there. Why do I feel like things are getting worse? nearly 6 weeks since BU. Can't stand this
FredJones80 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 I felt like it was getting better, just up and down, up and down, horrible roller coaster. I accept my relationship is over, I just wish I could fast track this horrible utter stinking mess of emotion. 2
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