itsallmental Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Not well today. It's been just over a month since she left me. A combination of distance, commitment, and the presence of another guy. The thoughts like, "Where did things go wrong? How could she let go of all that we shared? etc. etc." area really hitting me today. I guess it's that summer is coming up and all I wanted was to spend a summer with the girl I love. But now that's not possible, she hasn't shown any signs of regretting her decision. I feel really lost. It's a bad day for me. My progress towards myself has come to a standstill with finals over my head. I've been struggling constantly not to contact her. What's funny is that even after all that, I knew we wouldn't last forever... I just didn't expect things to end so suddenly. I want to give things another shot for the summer, but how could I when she's just been with someone else. There's nothing left for me to do but move on. And I hate it.
FredJones80 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Not well today. It's been just over a month since she left me. A combination of distance, commitment, and the presence of another guy. The thoughts like, "Where did things go wrong? How could she let go of all that we shared? etc. etc." I wonder if we've hit a month barrier? I'm about the same time stage and feel all this, I'm actually feeling worse now than I did last week.
itsallmental Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 I wonder if we've hit a month barrier? I'm about the same time stage and feel all this, I'm actually feeling worse now than I did last week. I think that has to be what it is. You kinnda hold out hope during the first month that they'll have a change of heart. When that doesn't happen I think it's a subconscious letdown. It's also a sort of reality check. I feel moderately as though I've been living in a dream. I don't know what she's thinking or feeling or doing... but if she wanted me back in her life, she'd have contacted me. And that's what really hurts. After all we've been through, just like that, it's over. What sucks is that she's probably having the time of her life in school, i'm struggling every day. 1
BC1980 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 I wonder if we've hit a month barrier? I'm about the same time stage and feel all this, I'm actually feeling worse now than I did last week. I hit my lowest point at 3 months. It seems to be a common theme among posters here. I think the reality is setting in at that point.
FredJones80 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 I think that has to be what it is. You kinnda hold out hope during the first month that they'll have a change of heart. When that doesn't happen I think it's a subconscious letdown. It's also a sort of reality check. I feel moderately as though I've been living in a dream. I don't know what she's thinking or feeling or doing... but if she wanted me back in her life, she'd have contacted me. And that's what really hurts. After all we've been through, just like that, it's over. What sucks is that she's probably having the time of her life in school, i'm struggling every day. I totally understand what you've wrote here, I'm experiencing the exact same thoughts / feelings - when will this end!
itsallmental Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 I totally understand what you've wrote here, I'm experiencing the exact same thoughts / feelings - when will this end! A member here Jiivy, posted this video. It's helping put a smile on my face and some useful advice in my head!! Relationship Advice on Vimeo Original thread: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/474739-those-who-have-been-left-another-my-gift-empowerment 1
FredJones80 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 I hit my lowest point at 3 months. It seems to be a common theme among posters here. I think the reality is setting in at that point. Great, I'm actually getting ****ing sick of feeling like this now. Its really becoming a drain on me.
STM206 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Great, I'm actually getting ****ing sick of feeling like this now. Its really becoming a drain on me. It's emotionally draining for sure. The only thing that seems to help is trying to find pleasure in the simple things right now. Smelling the flowers, going for a walk, etc. You'll get through this, we all will. When we do, we need to host a party and have a get together to celebrate. 1
AnyaNova Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Having a terrible night! On the one hand, I did find an apartment today (probably, if everything goes through). Same basic rent rate, but more space, and a washer and dryer in unit (farther from campus but not much). Because of that I spent a lot of time in the sun today and walking. I've taken my electrolyte pack and everything, but something's not right. Although right now, its not about the ex, its about supposedly according to my deficient in something brain, being doomed to being single forever. God this sucks. I feel like crap.
AnyaNova Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Hang strong, and try to sneak a break in there. Doing my best. I think I'm going right now, to the local natural store to see if I can find a single or multiple product that would have the single most amount of nutritional stuff that I actually need. If that doesn't work I don't know what I am going to do. The problem too, with this is, is that now that I have these electrolyte packs and all, when I do crash, I crash with more energy than I used to. Which makes it very difficult sometimes to not feel like I have to do something to get everything out. When I was younger, sometimes, when my nutrition was first crashing badly (other than the b's), I used to sometimes self-harm to get the tension out. I haven't had to do that in years, but I'm afraid I may need to again. Even though I'm on the road to getting better. I know it makes no sense. But this combination of slightly increased energy while still crashing is not helping. I'm going to get the ingredients for a high nutrition shake thing with spinach and blueberries and stuff, and then also see what there is in terms of supplements/ liquid etc. I'm so bloody sick of this.
freebird31 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 (edited) Do you guys believe that God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers? I just wonder you know, WHY though. Why me. I remember around this time exactly one year ago, my world had fell apart i was going through so many different things at once. My first boyfriend broke up with me, my best friend was MIA too busy were her relationship to be there for me, at the same time i was having major problems with my boss. So much stress all at once. I look back and wonder how the HELL i got through everything. On top of that it was completely horrible holding it together watching my cousin fall in love with his first love. They started dating around the same time me and my ex were. And to just witness and see their relationship flourish and last was so hard. It was so unfair. It still is unfair, you know. I want my cousin to happy, but how is that him and his love worked out, and me and my love fell apart. Its not fair. And i had to watch them grow in love meantime my heart just got rippd out. Everything was so hard. After everything that has happened, i just keep hoping that it will one day get better. i mean i am at the end of the grieving process of my ex. But the journey to get here was so hard, i dont know how I got through it all. I realized who my real friends were along the way. Realized my best friend of 7 years wasnt my true friend. So much loss all at once. One thing I gained through all of this was learning to not depend on ANYONE but myself. I dont fully trust anyone. To this day, still have to hold it together and watch my cousin and his gf who are crazy over one another. I have to act like im okay, when inside i watch them and wonder why things are the way they are. The only thing I have that keeps me going is school. If I didnt, I dont know where I would be. I would have lost it by now. I made a lot of new friends in school if i didnt have school, id be lost. I dont realy ever have fun though. My life is just school and work. I dont remember the last time I had actual fun. But you have to actually hang out with people you connect with to do that. I dont connect with anyone. How are u supposed to connect with people if you dont trust them. I dont trust anyone. Every time I let my guard down, people show me the true person that they are. And i dont even care if people make mistakes, but the closest people to me didnt just make small forgivable mistakes, they hurt me the most. I will hold these scars forever. I have to find a way to let go of it all...its hard tho like i said to let go when theres no where to even turn. i just have my family and theyre not my age. Theyre 40+. I dont know where my life is going to take me but sometimes I feel lonely and sometimes I feel like my life is so dry. Im only 22 and it feels like im living life like as if I were a 40 year old woman. Not saying you cant have fun when youre older, but I just never get out. idk /: The only person that ever truly cared about me was my uncle, and more like a second father. he did everything for me. loved me like a daughter. and he died when i was 13. I just look at other peoples life, i look at my cousins life, he never had to go through the things that I have had to. Its unfair sometimes. I know others go through worse but doesnt make me feel better. i must be doing something wrong. Bc bad things keep happening to me. Edited May 5, 2014 by freebird31
jalfy Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Today is the day when I'm truly letting go. I'm aware there will be times when I'll falter and be weak again, but there's no more holding on. It's over for good. Gone. I've never felt so depressed before. He took away so much from me- my self esteem, confidence; and yet left a lot of pain and hurt. I don't know how am I going to cope, but there's no turning back anymore. 2
BC1980 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 (edited) Do you guys believe that God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers? I just wonder you know, WHY though. Why me. No, I think it's all random. I believe in God, but I don't think that He interferes much, if at all, in our daily lives. You can make what you want with the hand you are dealt, but I don't think God doles out more hardships to those who can handle it. There are plenty of people who have had more than their fair share of hard times, and they don't cope with it. They wallow in their depression, become addicts, ect.I've been dealt some pretty bad hands over the years, and I've not been able to cope on many occasions. I have an addictive personality, so I've turned to destructive things at times. I don't think some of the things my ex did to me were particularly fair, but it's the hand I was dealt. I can make what I want of it. I can go down a dark path again or work for something better. It's really all up to me. I don't think that good people who do the right things are rewarded based on a sliding scale either. Life is often very unfair to all of us as some point. We can't go around demanding fairness because it's not realistic or helpful. It's a slippery slope that I wouldn't go down. Once you start with that line of thinking, you begin to feel that you are owed a good fortune if you do good things. That's not at all the case. You may live a blameless life and do all the good in the world and still get handed sh*t. The sooner you accept the reality that everything is random, the better off you will be. Edited May 5, 2014 by BC1980 1
freebird31 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 No, I think it's all random. I believe in God, but I don't think that He interferes much, if at all, in our daily lives. You can make what you want with the hand you are dealt, but I don't think God doles out more hardships to those who can handle it. There are plenty of people who have had more than their fair share of hard times, and they don't cope with it. They wallow in their depression, become addicts, ect.I've been dealt some pretty bad hands over the years, and I've not been able to cope on many occasions. I have an addictive personality, so I've turned to destructive things at times. I don't think some of the things my ex did to me were particularly fair, but it's the hand I was dealt. I can make what I want of it. I can go down a dark path again or work for something better. It's really all up to me. I don't think that good people who do the right things are rewarded based on a sliding scale either. Life is often very unfair to all of us as some point. We can't go around demanding fairness because it's not realistic or helpful. It's a slippery slope that I wouldn't go down. Once you start with that line of thinking, you begin to feel that you are owed a good fortune if you do good things. That's not at all the case. You may live a blameless life and do all the good in the world and still get handed sh*t. The sooner you accept the reality that everything is random, the better off you will be. I dont think I can live with just accepting reality. There has to be something much greater than all of this. I do believe that good things happen to good people. If i believe anything other, i might just go crazy.
BC1980 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 I dont think I can live with just accepting reality. There has to be something much greater than all of this. I do believe that good things happen to good people. If i believe anything other, i might just go crazy. It's a nice sentiment, but it isn't always true. Just because you are a good person doesn't mean you have earned good things to happen to you. That's not reality. I'm not saying your life will be complete sh$t, but you can't earn good things. There's not some scale with a dude sitting up there weighing what you have done and deciding what you deserve. More realistically, life is filled with ups and downs, a lot at random. You can only control your actions. Good things do happen to good people, but it's random. It's not something you did to earn it. Sometimes there is no order to what happens, and you have to accept that. I think the majority of your happiness in life depends on how you view situations and how you move forward from bad things. You have too look for the good in your life. You aren't owed a relationship by anyone. None of us are. 1
redbaron005 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Totally random, nostalgic day which made it very hard. Doubt she even thinks about me these days. Sigh.
AnyaNova Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 Well. Had my second bona fide ex dream. In the first one he died horribly and I woke up sobbing. This was months ago now. In the second one, it was very dark, gray, cold, and cloudy. Same building featured and I was looking for him, but I couldn't find him anywhere and knew in my heart that I would never again (real stretch from reality, I know. ) I did wake up missing him from that one. But interestingly enough I had a dream in which after that I almost lost my previous ex, who I'm still friends with and so I started the morning waking up being grateful that not only did the dream manage to save him, but that he was alright and fine in real life as well. But I am back to twice weekly (but low intensity) workouts. Rowing 500 freaking meters twice nearly killed me. The first time I did it, I rowed 500 meters 3 times and it wasn't easy, but it didn't kill me like now. I can tell my body is really struggling to maintain basic electrolytes. Though I do have a few tricks up my sleeve now that are helping me to get them back up quickly, so I'm not crashing now. Have my proficiency tomorrow. Most of it should be fine. Anything involving the ukulele is going to be interesting. And I'm going to wake up in the morning to finish my clinical writing when I actually have my ADD medication. So all in all. It is going. I still suspect that my hard pedaling is not going to be enough to salvage my graduate career. But at least I am getting my health in line so that later on perhaps, I can try again.
Luua Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 (edited) I keep having these awful dreams where I see him dating other people and he doesn't even look at me. Every day, when I wake up, I feel exhausted. It's been two months. I can't let go. Sometimes I do, but mostly not and I do wait for him to come back. Every day, all the time. I can't concentrate. I've just started the masters I always dreamed of, but now I'm in class and I don't get anything 'cause my mind is miles away. I also hate it since he told me I was selfish for starting it when I got accepted instead of moving to his country (we were LD for a period of time, and supposedly had to move together at some point. I would have after the masters. He wanted me to sacrifice my choice 'cause he said he couldn't take the LD for a year more). Now if I could I'd let it go, I don't even enjoy it. I have trouble meeting new people 'cause I feel I'm worth nothing. I try to be kind and friendly but I just don't have anything to talk about with anyone. It seems that my life, as it used to be, vanished. I've always been a pretty happy person so it feels like having an alien inside my body. I hate it. I hate the fact that I have accepted the unhealthy way I'm feeling but not accepted that he's gone. I WANT TO LET HIM GO. I really do but I don't know how to change my mindset. Sometimes I step forward and I think "ok, it's over", but the next day I'm back to square one, thinking that he's going to knock at my door at some point and will tell me we're meant to be together and blabla. Ha. I guess the breadcrumbs don't help at all, neither. Since I didn't respond I overanalyze everything: if he cares, if he doesn't, if it was guilt (oh I hate his word, seriously), if I should reply, what does he think of me, etc. And deep down I know it doesn't even matter. I just hope I will accept it at some point and start healing properly. Being in denial for that long is terrible. Edited May 6, 2014 by Luua
sooshi Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 I dreamed about my ex at least twice today (I think three times, but can't remember the third dream). Feeling down. Feeling hurt and betrayed that my friend did NOTHING to stand up to him for me. Hurt and betrayed that my ex found that his infatuation and pursuit of my friend is more worth having than maintaining our long-term friendship. Worth more than my friendship with my friend. I shouldn't miss my ex. I do, for some reason. I don't know why. Oh, sooshi. I hope you'll be free of all of this someday, and sooner than later. Over two months later, and I still have no apology from my ex. He just doesn't see at all. Maybe he thinks breaking up a relationship (my friend was in one while he pursued her) is okay?! I don't think so. Surely not. Maybe he thinks it's okay to write a love song for her and send it to me and tell me not to assume what it's about because then it'd just be a "whole story" and I'd just be hurting myself. But if I don't assume anything, then it can't hurt me, right? Ugh. I can't believe you would do this. I just can't. If no apology has come by now, and if you don't think I'm worthwhile by now, then you probably never will.
Alcatraz Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 A hard day for me, a lot of different emotions and hard to concentrate on things, forgetting things easily. I want closure but I don't want to lose her. 1
AnyaNova Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Three papers due tomorrow. And unless I totally lose cognitive function, I'm not going to bed until all of them are done!
jonsnuh Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Debating about politics and learning, being productive, and supporting LS has only helped me realized I have no time for her ghost.
L1ght Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I'm fully healed, completely over it and pretty much emotionless when It comes to a certain person who used to be in my life. I'm in the sweet spot and If I was gonna take another backwards step I would have done it by now. I knew this day would come as I have proved to myself in the past that I can shut my emotions off if I really want to. Could I have done this sooner? Yes I could have but I wanted to believe in something....it was nice believing in something, in someone and I'm sure I will again in future. I have grown fond of Loveshack but I don't know if I belong here any more seeing as I don't seek out advice and in fact spend most of my time here giving it. It seems Loveshack is the new lady in my life....I can't quite shake her off and she keeps on drawing me back to her every day.
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