elseaacych Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I am having a better day today. There's a word for that feeling when they move on, aren't coming back, and you just acknowledge it peacefully. Acceptance. I accept it. Hopefully this benign, peaceful feeling will last. I think if I think about him I will always have a little twinge. Ah, nostalgia: it's delicate, but potent. In Greek, nostalgia literally means pain from an old wound. It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. A quote from my buddy, Don Draper, relationship-master-extroardinaire. 2
love1336x Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I was doing pretty well until I got into this site, so now i am feeling sad. :[
FredJones80 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Real tough day last night and today, nearly 4 weeks in and one and half weeks NC, thought I was on the way up, now I feel like I'm on the way down....
STM206 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Dwelling on how I reacted after the breakup. I called him a narcassist, self centered ******* and eventually a cheater. I wish I hadn't don't that. I guess the would shoulda coulda's doesn't get you anywhere - it still doesn't change the fact that he left me for someone else.
nutcheesy Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I'm having a sudden urge to check out her new date social media and my ex social media!! HELP. We have been NC 8 days and broke up 1.5 months ago. We made out the last time we met up which was 10 days ago. I'm trying so hard to get her off my life..
L1ght Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I think a lot about the people I care about these days. Maybe its to do with my age but I don't know. I just feel so grateful that I have family who care about me but I am also thinking too much about what it would be like if they weren't here anymore Any kind of loss is a reminder to all of us that we need to cherish the things we still have and never take them for granted because one day they too will be gone as nobody lives forever. The people who really care will be there for us when we need them....hold on and keep them close. 2
freebird31 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 ive been pretty okay, happy actually lately. All the sadness, sorrow has gone. Unless i really think about it, and even then it doesnt bring my mood down like it used to. Its just bittersweet to think about. I am at a different place now. I have made new friends in college now. On my drive home, I rememer I used to cry my eyes out because thats when the thoughts were triggered. Now, I can happily bump my music and feel happy. I have gotten rid of a lot of toxic relationships in my life since and i think thats what had also been weighing down on for a long time too. I am alone but not lonely. I feel independent and i truly feel 95% whole, im still working on filling that 5%. Maybe that 5% will always be empty. Idk. But overall, I feel happy. And i cant wait for what else the future holds for me. I dont think about my ex often anymore. Everything chnaged once I reached out to him. I feel like I have done a total 180 since then. It has relieved so much leftover pain and sorrow and even false hope. I am moving on, I have moved on. I dont linger on thoughts of my ex any more i dont go in that place in my mind anymore bc i know it will lead to pain that i dont want to feel. I had a dream of my ex last night, but it is probably my subconscious just trying to hold on to him. I woke up and didnt let the dream even phase me. I see the dream as a brief encounter with my ex, like a short encounter with an old friend. I will always have the scar on my heart. But i can live happily despite that scar. I did mean it when I said that i wish my ex nothing but the best, so if I were to see him with another girl I would be strong enough to accept it. Afterall thats what truly loving someone is, right. Wanting them to be happy. Unconditional love. I try not to think much of the pain i went through anymore, i am just moving forward now. I dont think of my loss. Of course, there will always be something to remind me of him. Like that one song that will pop up from time to time. Or that soda pop we both liked. But i just smile to myself of his memory, dont linger on it, and just go on about my day. I have trained myself not to linger anymore. I will always be fond of him, and he knows where I stand and knows how much he meant to me. Theres nothing I left unsaid so i can never regret not speaking my mind. I am a good place in my life. And it can only go up from here. ~God Bless 1
hea Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 It's been a bad one today. He added me on snapchat the other day, and liked a fb status and suddenly I can't get out of my head that he's coming back. ITS PATHETIC!! How can something so small just throw you off track. Not only that I had a nosey at who was his favs on snap chat and they're all girls and one is his ex that he originally left me for. Kick in the teeth, I don't know why I do it to myself. When will I ever move on. Meeting someone new would help, but I'm never going to find anyone.
FredJones80 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I don't know why I do it to myself. When will I ever move on. Your answer is here. When you stop doing that to yourself.
STM206 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Meeting someone new would help, but I'm never going to find anyone. Not with that mentality you're not. I personally think you need to remove him from your life for a while.
freebird31 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 It's been a bad one today. He added me on snapchat the other day, and liked a fb status and suddenly I can't get out of my head that he's coming back. ITS PATHETIC!! How can something so small just throw you off track. Not only that I had a nosey at who was his favs on snap chat and they're all girls and one is his ex that he originally left me for. Kick in the teeth, I don't know why I do it to myself. When will I ever move on. Meeting someone new would help, but I'm never going to find anyone. Life in the long run will become so much easier when you give yourself the time and space to heal. I believe in FIRM 100% No contact, and thats one thing that this website has taught me. That means, deleting his number, deleting him as a friend on fb or even blocking him. Youre doing what you have to do for you in the long run, and many on here can tell you the same. Let me tell you, it will HURT i mean it will HURT BAD. Horrible pain that you might not have ever felt before. It will be rough. You will miss him once hes completey out of your life. But the days get less worse, and eventually there comes a day when you find peace. Trust me. The longer you hold on, the longer it will take you to heal.
SpiritualAlchemy Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Yes, that's true. I've been in NC for 23 days, and of course I've thought about him constantly, just about every hour at least once. But every day I'm a little better, and already I am beginning to forget the sound of his voice. I'm getting past this if it's the last thing I do!
hea Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I don't want to let go so its all the more harder! Even if we got back together again I know it wouldn't work, but my head and my heart are polar opposites. Head says no way, get rid and my hearts screaming hold on!! My birthdays coming up and I know he's going to contact me. Dreading it. 1
Jatli Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Yes, that's true. I've been in NC for 23 days, and of course I've thought about him constantly, just about every hour at least once. But every day I'm a little better, and already I am beginning to forget the sound of his voice. I'm getting past this if it's the last thing I do! I am so not ready yet to forget the sound of his voice. I think that is what I miss the most. BU was 1 month ago (well official BU was Feb 8th but we were still living together until March 28). I miss having him around just to talk to. I miss touching his face when I give him a kiss goodbye in the morning. I miss when he holds me at night and holds my head to his chest. I miss him playing footsie with me in bed. I miss him reaching out to hug me when he gets home from work. I miss him grabbing my hand when we cross the street. I miss seeing his arm wrap around me in bed and holding me tight to him. God I miss him so much 1
FredJones80 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I miss having him around just to talk to. I miss touching his face when I give him a kiss goodbye in the morning. I miss when he holds me at night and holds my head to his chest. I miss him playing footsie with me in bed. I miss him reaching out to hug me when he gets home from work. I miss him grabbing my hand when we cross the street. I miss seeing his arm wrap around me in bed and holding me tight to him. Amazing post.. its these tiniest of things I miss the most too I could remove all the big gestures, the big statements, when it boils down to it, it is these every day actions that don't seem much at the time that are what made the relationship.
realfriends Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Pretty proud of myself for deleting all my old voicemails without listening to any of hers. Oh how I desired to hear her voice
freebird31 Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Sometimes I feel like my ex is the biggest idiot ever letting me go. I Mean maybe this is better for both of us in the long run. Maybe I can find someone better suited for me and maybe he needs to find someone better suited for him as well. I don't know? But I do know is that my love is one of a kind. And I would have always stayed true to him. I gave him my affection and love I would always try to communicate and try to understand his perspective if we ever disagreed. I never was a B word to him ever. Ever. I remained sweet and loyal. I mean there were times when he got under my skin but I never would disrespect him. I let him meet my family and they love each other. Aside from that I know what I want in life and I'm 22. And even after everything all the pain he caused because of the WAY HE ended things, I still was the one that reached out to him and forgave him. I think he's an idiot for letting not only me go so easy, but for letting something as good as what we had go. In the end maybe it wasn't that goo maybe I'm meant to find something better and I just don't know it yet. I seriously think he made such a mistake. And I hope he doesn't come back into my life later when it's too late when he realizes it. Because once I move on that's it, there's no turning back once I move on or realize there's better. 1
freebird31 Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Sometimes I feel like my ex is the biggest idiot ever letting me go. I Mean maybe this is better for both of us in the long run. Maybe I can find someone better suited for me and maybe he needs to find someone better suited for him as well. I don't know? But I do know is that my love is one of a kind. And I would have always stayed true to him. I gave him my affection and love I would always try to communicate and try to understand his perspective if we ever disagreed. I never was a B word to him ever. Ever. I remained sweet and loyal. I mean there were times when he got under my skin but I never would disrespect him. I let him meet my family and they love each other. Aside from that I know what I want in life and I'm 22. And even after everything all the pain he caused because of the WAY HE ended things, I still was the one that reached out to him and forgave him. I think he's an idiot for letting not only me go so easy, but for letting something as good as what we had go. In the end maybe it wasn't that goo maybe I'm meant to find something better and I just don't know it yet. I seriously think he made such a mistake. And I hope he doesn't come back into my life later when it's too late when he realizes it. Because once I move on that's it, there's no turning back once I move on or realize there's better. I'm just kind of tired of always being the person that gives second chances, that gives endless forgiveness. It would be nice for once of someone could give that to me. If someone stayed in my life and I'd never have to worry about them leaving me. It would be nice for once to find someone who loves the way I do. It's tiring always being the one that cares too much. For once id like to be taken care of, loved unconditionally. I feel like I deserve that. 5
VanessaVanessa Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 I woke up thinking of him (again). Had a dream related to him some nights ago. I think I'm just backpedalling for some reason. I wish someone new would come into my life but I feel as though I am in limbo. I don't want to break this no contact we have had going for over 3 months and low contact before then. I am just hanging onto nothing though. I can't trust him again, but I want to be able to trust someone new. I want to remove him from influencing so many of my day's emotions. I feel so unwanted and I can't cope thinking he may not even give half as much a damn about all this. Not to mention a family matter has just aggravated the feeling of why I wanted him to be different than what he turned out to be.
JDPT Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 It's a wonderful day today, great weather as we continue on our journey to healing.
freebird31 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 When I forgave my ex I felt good I felt a lot better than I did when I had those bitter feelings. But when I actually told him that I forgave him, sometimes it makes me annoyed. Because he didn't say sorry for what he did. Maybe his response was a way for him to be sorry. Anyway I shouldn't have reached out to him telling him I forgive him with intentions that he would apologize for the way he acted. I guess forgiveness should be unconditional. You either forgive someone or you don't. I'm sure I lessened a lot of his guilt, if he even felt any. All in all, I just hope that he learned his lesson that he was cruel. And maybe because I told him I forgave him a year later after the Break up, maybe this enables him to continue to think this behavior is ok. Maybe this will enable him to think that people will always forgive you. In a way, it's not right. But I didn't reach out to forgive him for anyone but myself. Because I felt it would help. And on top of that reaching out pointed me in what direction I needed to go and made me let go of the false hope I had been feeling. I just hope he learns his lesson but the sad part is that he probably didn't and probably won't. In the end I guess that's not my problem. Why does everything seem to always make sense when after a certain amount of time. I'm definitely worth more than what he he put me through and I'm starting to realize that I deserved more than what he have me during the relationship. I think I keep thinking it was such a good relationship bc he was my first love. I do appreciate the nice things he did for me during the relationship, but maybe I deserve someone who goes above and beyond. He never went above and beyond for me. Like I would have for him. 1
freebird31 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 When I forgave my ex I felt good I felt a lot better than I did when I had those bitter feelings. But when I actually told him that I forgave him, sometimes it makes me annoyed. Because he didn't say sorry for what he did. Maybe his response was a way for him to be sorry. Anyway I shouldn't have reached out to him telling him I forgive him with intentions that he would apologize for the way he acted. I guess forgiveness should be unconditional. You either forgive someone or you don't. I'm sure I lessened a lot of his guilt, if he even felt any. All in all, I just hope that he learned his lesson that he was cruel. And maybe because I told him I forgave him a year later after the Break up, maybe this enables him to continue to think this behavior is ok. Maybe this will enable him to think that people will always forgive you. In a way, it's not right. But I didn't reach out to forgive him for anyone but myself. Because I felt it would help. And on top of that reaching out pointed me in what direction I needed to go and made me let go of the false hope I had been feeling. I just hope he learns his lesson but the sad part is that he probably didn't and probably won't. In the end I guess that's not my problem. Why does everything seem to always make sense when after a certain amount of time. I'm definitely worth more than what he he put me through and I'm starting to realize that I deserved more than what he have me during the relationship. I think I keep thinking it was such a good relationship bc he was my first love. I do appreciate the nice things he did for me during the relationship, but maybe I deserve someone who goes above and beyond. He never went above and beyond for me. Like I would have for him. I guess there are some pros and cons to my reaching out to him. I feel like the pros def outweigh the cons. Yes, I probably lessened his guilt. Yes, he probably didn't learn his lesson. Yes , he probably now believes that you can hurt people and they'll forgive you for it all. It's not fair. But like I said, I did for ME. Idc anymore if he learned his lesson or not. I do forgive him and I don't take that back. And if it wasn't for that response I wouldn't be at this level of Moving-On. I'm at a whole another level now bc of that message I sent. I feel FREE. Completely free now after all those months a YEAR of holding on. One whole year. Yes, he's still probably a jerk maybe he didn't learn his lesson I can't say, but I can say it was worth it. It was risky but I don't regret it because had I not reach out I wouldn't be at this level of peace.
NomiMalone Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Tonight I listened to my favorite piece of classical music. I'm no longer with him, so I can listen to whatever I want. In fact, I can do whatever the hell I want. And best of all, I never have to endure another episode of crap TV ever again!
sooshi Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 I'm feeling depressed, lethargic, betrayed, hurt, and angry today. Thankfully, this will pass. 1
STM206 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Went out last night and for the first time in a while, I found myself actually having fun. Then this morning for the first time I see you liked a photo with me from last night on facebook and it brings me down.
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