CopingGal Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Every man I've ever met through online dating has been weak and disrespectful. I wanted to believe there were good men out there who would not take advantage of me, who would not consistently lie to me, and who would really, truly have my best interest at heart, instead of screwing me over and lying that their actions were for my own good. I'm done with online dating. There may be some nice men online, but I'm not going to keep hitting my head against a rock. I'm not going to keep this up when every, single, man I meet online is just a complete azzcrack. I'm just done.
sooshi Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Been trying to cope with the breakup of a 10-month relationship for seven years now. It's been really difficult lately. I don't have any hope of ever getting over it or dating again -- gave up on that long ago -- but sometimes it's easier to cope than others. I'm so sorry to hear this, sedgwick. What is keeping you from healing?
KaliLove Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Been trying to cope with the breakup of a 10-month relationship for seven years now. It's been really difficult lately. I don't have any hope of ever getting over it or dating again -- gave up on that long ago -- but sometimes it's easier to cope than others. 7 years?? Why???
elseaacych Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I had the full blown reconciliation dream last night. I was visiting his house. He had her picture on the fridge. He told me he loved me. I told him to break up with her. I then watched him dial her on the phone. Tell her it wasn't working. He took her photo down. Hung up. I left to go outside. He followed me. I told him if he wanted to be with me, he had better want to be with me. He got down on one knee. "Elsea, I do want to be with you. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I am not proposing now, but one day. Hopefully soon, if you'll forgive me, I want to marry you." Then I woke up. God. That was really hard. But, I didn't cry. I just had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me that I wasn't over it yet.
FredJones80 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I had the full blown reconciliation dream last night. I was visiting his house. He had her picture on the fridge. He told me he loved me. I told him to break up with her. I then watched him dial her on the phone. Tell her it wasn't working. He took her photo down. Hung up. I left to go outside. He followed me. I told him if he wanted to be with me, he had better want to be with me. He got down on one knee. "Elsea, I do want to be with you. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I am not proposing now, but one day. Hopefully soon, if you'll forgive me, I want to marry you." Then I woke up. God. That was really hard. But, I didn't cry. I just had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me that I wasn't over it yet. How horrible I feel for you... luckily I'm not having any dreams at all (that I can remember) - I just tend to wake up at stupid hours and the first thing that pops in to my head is her and this situation, like a never ending nightmare. Try controlling your dreams so you tell him where to go and you're not playing second best
LadyM Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Been trying to cope with the breakup of a 10-month relationship for seven years now. It's been really difficult lately. I don't have any hope of ever getting over it or dating again -- gave up on that long ago -- but sometimes it's easier to cope than others. That is my biggest fear. That I will never get over my ex. That this exquisite pain will never ever leave. Why do you think you've never gotten over him? How often do you still think about him? Is there anything you have tried to do to get over him? I'm so sorry you still carry this burden.
redbaron005 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Been trying to cope with the breakup of a 10-month relationship for seven years now. It's been really difficult lately. I don't have any hope of ever getting over it or dating again -- gave up on that long ago -- but sometimes it's easier to cope than others. I recognized my life dream in the form of a book deal with a major publisher, to write a memoir about becoming a tattooed lady How are you coming on the life dream though? This would be a cool read.
AnyaNova Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 It is done. I just deleted all the pictures. Emails. The email that I buried in my inbox with his phone numbers so that I could dig it out far in the future if I was ready. I called my parents and asked them to delete to copy of it I sent to them so that if something happened to mine, I'd still have it. And I blocked him on facebook. It is going to be hard for me to not undo that last one. But I will try. I have shed so many tears and wished so much for so long that I could help him and show him what it is like to be able to truly trust in relationsip that even if you guys disagree or get angry or have a something that you just know that you'll work it out and be ok. But he won't let me and it is fundamentally his choice. And now it is 100 percent completely over with no hope of any resolution or friendship or anything salvageable at all. And the most painful thing for me is I will never be able to see him again or know that he is ok. That he has found trust, security, and stability. That he has found the strength to be who he truly is, even if it is a little different from who his parents are. The last I will ever know of him is him in that dire pain. Oh God. 1
Haydn Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Big hug Anya. It is done. I just deleted all the pictures. Emails. The email that I buried in my inbox with his phone numbers so that I could dig it out far in the future if I was ready. I called my parents and asked them to delete to copy of it I sent to them so that if something happened to mine, I'd still have it. And I blocked him on facebook. It is going to be hard for me to not undo that last one. But I will try. I have shed so many tears and wished so much for so long that I could help him and show him what it is like to be able to truly trust in relationsip that even if you guys disagree or get angry or have a something that you just know that you'll work it out and be ok. But he won't let me and it is fundamentally his choice. And now it is 100 percent completely over with no hope of any resolution or friendship or anything salvageable at all. And the most painful thing for me is I will never be able to see him again or know that he is ok. That he has found trust, security, and stability. That he has found the strength to be who he truly is, even if it is a little different from who his parents are. The last I will ever know of him is him in that dire pain. Oh God. 1
STM206 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Having a rough day today. For 4 years I felt like my life was coming together and now I feel so lost and alone. Where do I go from here? How can I be happy alone? Will I ever find another companion that I will love unconditionally again? All these questions fill my thoughts on a constant. I never knew someone would be able to have this much power over me, never! 1
FredJones80 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Having a rough day today. For 4 years I felt like my life was coming together and now I feel so lost and alone. Where do I go from here? How can I be happy alone? Will I ever find another companion that I will love unconditionally again? All these questions fill my thoughts on a constant. I never knew someone would be able to have this much power over me, never! Snap, today is a bad day too for me, I thought I was getting there, perhaps not.
AnyaNova Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I feel like I just ripped out my own heart. Pretty sure the foods I'm eating for the food allergy test aren't helping my nutrition. Am crashing hard. But right now I just want this horrible stupidity started in September to he over except this drunken insane clown of a universe insists that the stupidity stnd. I want to curl up under a blanket and cry for eternity. God I get crazy when nutritionally deprived.
Haydn Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 It can be a drunk universe Anya, so many people want us to fail. But we won`t. Our ex`s are gone. They have some push, when we feel down but that`s just our comfort zone speaking. You have done the right thing, took me ages as well. More hugs, obviously JDPT is in on them. Take care friend. I feel like I just ripped out my own heart. Pretty sure the foods I'm eating for the food allergy test aren't helping my nutrition. Am crashing hard. But right now I just want this horrible stupidity started in September to he over except this drunken insane clown of a universe insists that the stupidity stnd. I want to curl up under a blanket and cry for eternity. God I get crazy when nutritionally deprived. 1
elseaacych Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 AAAAHHHH. I WANT TO BREAK NC. SO BAD. I'VE WANTED IT FOR DAYS. I know it would be the worst thing to happen to me right now. How am I deluding myself to think that he'd welcome my contact, and take me back? I am not the one who screwed up! It was all on him! And I am suffering!!!
redbaron005 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Well moved all of my stuff down to a new city, quit my job with nothing lined up, planed a short vacation between, all to start with a clean slate. No friends, no family. Just signed a lease so it is happening. I'm scared as hell. But I'm stronger now. After losing my first love. Strong enough, I told myself to check her blog a week ago. I tested my strength to see where I was at, and I am where I though I was, happy if she is happy. I'd be willing to support her in whatever made her life better and by letting her go I'm doing just that. I'd like to say she'll come back one day, but I know that's not going to happen. I'm still hurt. But it's like the burn at the gym of life, it's good because I know the hurt has forced me to learn and grow. So that if I fall in love again, I will know how to promote conditions to foster it, to let it grow instead of go. 1
sooshi Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 So that if I fall in love again, I will know how to promote conditions to foster it, to let it grow instead of go. You'll fall in love again, redbarron. Wow, you've made some major life changes! Very courageous. I haven't been able to look at my ex's blog in a while. I know it's just going to hurt me. I'm glad you're able to do it while still being happy for her because she's happy, though. I want to get to that point. I'm sorry that you're still hurting, and even though you are, it looks like you're making great progress. Keep going strong! 1
redbaron005 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 You'll fall in love again, redbarron. Wow, you've made some major life changes! Very courageous. I haven't been able to look at my ex's blog in a while. I know it's just going to hurt me. I'm glad you're able to do it while still being happy for her because she's happy, though. I want to get to that point. I'm sorry that you're still hurting, and even though you are, it looks like you're making great progress. Keep going strong! Thanks sooshi . You don't know how much your support has meant!! Checked concerned as I heard there was a family medical emergency. She seems okay, so no reason to contact her at this time. If I didn't love her, I would be mad at her (and myself), but love holds no records of wrongs. Keep up the healing, you're doing awesome!
AnyaNova Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 It can be a drunk universe Anya, so many people want us to fail. But we won`t. Our ex`s are gone. They have some push, when we feel down but that`s just our comfort zone speaking. You have done the right thing, took me ages as well. More hugs, obviously JDPT is in on them. Take care friend. I'm doing my best. I decided that whatever work I needed to do, is get up and do in the morning. I'm taking tonight for myself. God I loved him. This hurts. I had so much hope buried that I didn't even know about until now. It is time for that to go.
sedgwick Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I'm so sorry to hear this, sedgwick. What is keeping you from healing? No idea. I've tried everything I can think of. I've tried every suggestion I've read here. I've kept complete NC. Haven't seen him since the day he dumped me. But every day I say to him, out loud, "I'm sorry I wasn't good enough." Sometimes I say, "I love you" before I fall asleep. (Never REALLY to him. Just to the universe.) I'm not sure I'll ever forgive myself for not being good enough for him. There are two positive things to come out of this, though: 1. I will never date again. I will never, ever let myself get hurt like that again. It's not fun being celibate, and it's lonely, but it's much more emotionally stable. 2. I've busted my ass to be someone he could be proud of if he met me now, and it's led to an amazing life. I wish he could see it, but I know he doesn't even give me a thought at this point. It's probaby been years since I've crossed his mind. So I just keep my successes to myself, and hope he'd be proud if he knew about them.
Miggy Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 10th day of NC and feel lost I guess. Keep thinking about them but also keeping myself busy. Started counselling sessions last night. That made me feel lighter I am in a much better place now. No contact helped me greatly. My ex now wants me back.. I have moved on, can never trust them not to do the same thing again. I feel amazed that I can say I no longer want them back. If they had asked me a month ago then I would be with them now but I turned the corner and no longer have the feelings for them. I have fallen out of love from them because they damaged that love beyond repair. I feel for them as I know how low I was when I wanted them back. I wish you well, the experience is part of our history now..how life can change it's amazing 2
iouaname Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 it's true what they say... time does heal. Today I came across his Instagram page. I was jumping from person to person and we have a few mutual friends. I got this huge rush of anxiety... my heart pounded. I was afraid of seeing something that I didn't want to see, but honestly, as soon as I saw the pictures I felt nothing. The anxiety seems almost conditioned. I was just so use to being nervous around him that it's my first reaction, but I don't think I still have those romantic feelings for him. My ego is still a little bruised but, other than that... I feel okay now I just hope that I'll be able to find someone better, because I know I deserve so much better. 1
NomiMalone Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I am in a much better place now. No contact helped me greatly. My ex now wants me back.. I have moved on, can never trust them not to do the same thing again. I feel amazed that I can say I no longer want them back. If they had asked me a month ago then I would be with them now but I turned the corner and no longer have the feelings for them. I have fallen out of love from them because they damaged that love beyond repair. I feel for them as I know how low I was when I wanted them back. I wish you well, the experience is part of our history now..how life can change it's amazing Good on you Miggy, stay strong and stay NC. The best revenge is to live well, and it looks like your ex has already been hit by the karma bus with your rejection of him! I can only hope to be as strong as you were if my coward of an ex ever decided he wanted back into my life. 1
Lostinlife4now Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 How am I coping today? Hmmmmmmmmm....... Anxious...... Nothing but hitting the lottery is going to help!
Recommended Posts