Snow101 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I'm doing really bad today. I don't know what to do. I can't stop hurting over this. I wish I was someone else. 1
iouaname Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 So I broke a little bit tonight and ended up checking my ex's social media after two months of solid no contact. It was instigated by some friends having a conversation about him and how they don't like him and an incident that happened involving something that was said about me. Long story, not really relevant... but I cracked and checked his social media. Nothing interesting, really. He moved back to his old city and has a new job, but that was over a month ago. It's weird... I wasn't that affected by it. There were the typical emotions of sadness and anger, but nothing strong and nothing that really changed my day at all. So I was glad about that, but I'd like to get to the point where I don't feel ANYTHING, and I'm a little bummed that it feels like that's kind of far off, still. I'm also still mad at myself for cracking. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 So I broke a little bit tonight and ended up checking my ex's social media after two months of solid no contact. It was instigated by some friends having a conversation about him and how they don't like him and an incident that happened involving something that was said about me. Long story, not really relevant... but I cracked and checked his social media. Nothing interesting, really. He moved back to his old city and has a new job, but that was over a month ago. It's weird... I wasn't that affected by it. There were the typical emotions of sadness and anger, but nothing strong and nothing that really changed my day at all. So I was glad about that, but I'd like to get to the point where I don't feel ANYTHING, and I'm a little bummed that it feels like that's kind of far off, still. I'm also still mad at myself for cracking. I think as we get further along, we are more negatively affected by the outcome of these sorts of things. Like we should be less upset or not upset at all. Like it's taking too long. I know I'm bummed that I still am not over this thing yet and approaching 13 months post BU / NC 3
Afailure Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 (edited) Her facebook appeared in suggested friends,i tried to control the urges to look but i couldn't contain myself she never posts anything on facebook,like NOTHING,no songs,no pictures with dramatic texts like so many girls do,no check ins,no statuses,no music/books/movies liked,she doesn't even have her hometown written there. But,as i accessed her profile,she posted the "in a relationship" status,something i didn't think she would do because she's not a "facebooker". I felt like someone took a hot knife stabbed me in the chest. When she was in a relationship with me she didn't do this and we were each other's first relationship,and now she did it with this guy? Truth be told they are together for a way longer time than we were,think it's 6-7 months for them and we were 2 months and 2 weeks.She's head over heels about this guy! I know,she's free to do anything especially after we broke up,i don't blame her,she's an extraordinary girl and he's extremely lucky to have her. I know I know,it's my fault for checking her profile but still,i feel like a worthless human being.It's like being spat in the face and laughed at,as if i meant nothing to her though i know that is not true as she showed me she cared about me,but still... Edited March 26, 2014 by Afailure
reardon Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 All of us have different ways to cope. I just pray, read and go out with my friends. 1
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Focusing all my energy on the bad traits that my ex had. She said I moved to fast and a couple of her reasons for that were that I invited her to amy best friend's daughter's 4th birthday party and and I also invited her to another readlly good friend's xmas party. Basically I wanted her to meet my friends...the people I am closest to besides my mom and dad. Somehow she viewed that as a bad thing. Now that I have had time to think about it, if she thought me introducing her to my closest friends was a bad thing; then she was bad to me. At the end of the day, I will choose my friends who I have known for over 25 years over some crazy girl that I had known for 2 months. That's not even debatable in my mind. The fact that she even brought this up in our BU conversation still gets under my skin. The new girl that I am talking to/seeing is already eager to meet my friends which makes her 100x better than the ex. 1
guyed21 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Her facebook appeared in suggested friends,i tried to control the urges to look but i couldn't contain myself she never posts anything on facebook,like NOTHING,no songs,no pictures with dramatic texts like so many girls do,no check ins,no statuses,no music/books/movies liked,she doesn't even have her hometown written there. But,as i accessed her profile,she posted the "in a relationship" status,something i didn't think she would do because she's not a "facebooker". I felt like someone took a hot knife stabbed me in the chest. When she was in a relationship with me she didn't do this and we were each other's first relationship,and now she did it with this guy? Truth be told they are together for a way longer time than we were,think it's 6-7 months for them and we were 2 months and 2 weeks.She's head over heels about this guy! I know,she's free to do anything especially after we broke up,i don't blame her,she's an extraordinary girl and he's extremely lucky to have her. I know I know,it's my fault for checking her profile but still,i feel like a worthless human being.It's like being spat in the face and laughed at,as if i meant nothing to her though i know that is not true as she showed me she cared about me,but still... I know exactly how you feel. I could have written this post. Similar thing happened to me recently. I had been with this girl not that long, about 6 months, and the relationship wasn't going anywhere so we broke up (in Jan 2014). I got 'curious' on facebook and went and had a look: "In a relationship with..." - some guy who (upon further social media stalking) appears to be quite the catch (cool job, nice car, has his own website, has 1000s of friends etc). I felt jealous, worthless, ashamed of myself and lied awake at night imagining the two of them laughing about me, making fun of all the intimate things I'd told her when we were together. I am not a naturally confident person, and can be quite insecure, which hasn't helped. I know how much it hurts. All I can say is that, given this is my second time having the experience, things will get better. It may take time, which is very annoying because when you do feel like this it's difficult to see how it could ever end. But it will. I eventually got through it by slowly getting myself back out there, by catching up with old friends and doing things that I enjoyed before I had a girlfriend. Then one day I met another girl through a friend (my current ex) and suddenly my previous relationship didn't matter that much. I'm hoping that this will happen again soon. It's much easier to forget someone when there's someone else to think about.
Afailure Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I know exactly how you feel. I could have written this post. Similar thing happened to me recently. I had been with this girl not that long, about 6 months, and the relationship wasn't going anywhere so we broke up (in Jan 2014). I got 'curious' on facebook and went and had a look: "In a relationship with..." - some guy who (upon further social media stalking) appears to be quite the catch (cool job, nice car, has his own website, has 1000s of friends etc). I felt jealous, worthless, ashamed of myself and lied awake at night imagining the two of them laughing about me, making fun of all the intimate things I'd told her when we were together. I am not a naturally confident person, and can be quite insecure, which hasn't helped. I know how much it hurts. All I can say is that, given this is my second time having the experience, things will get better. It may take time, which is very annoying because when you do feel like this it's difficult to see how it could ever end. But it will. I eventually got through it by slowly getting myself back out there, by catching up with old friends and doing things that I enjoyed before I had a girlfriend. Then one day I met another girl through a friend (my current ex) and suddenly my previous relationship didn't matter that much. I'm hoping that this will happen again soon. It's much easier to forget someone when there's someone else to think about. I hear you buddy,my ex has demonized me,she probably described me to her new boyfriend as a monster when i tried my best to show her i really cared for her,i did some mistakes but there was no cheating or abuse involved,but i tried my best to prove it to her that she can trust me and that i truly loved her,in the end i was thrown away... 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I hear you buddy,my ex has demonized me,she probably described me to her new boyfriend as a monster when i tried my best to show her i really cared for her,i did some mistakes but there was no cheating or abuse involved,but i tried my best to prove it to her that she can trust me and that i truly loved her,in the end i was thrown away... Very common. This happened to me too I think they do this to allow themselves to feel good about breaking up and ease any guilt. After all, why wouldn't they break up with a total jerkwad? But why would they let go of an awesome dude? So, you become the jerkwad no matter what... 3
JoelBarish Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 After more than six months, I'm still coping. She gave me so many breadcrumbs and I have often had setbacks. It's been close to a month and a half with NC for either of us and that is a record. I think I am starting to be at peace with it. For instance I don't check my phone anymore hoping for a text. However, I do see cars driving around that look like hers and I often wonder if it might be her. I guess you could call this behavior "spotting ghosts". All in all, I am doing okay. Not great, just okay. I do really miss the relationship though. I am often flooded with memories of what she and I were doing this time last year...or the year before. I'm certain that it was for the best that it ended but I do miss the relationship. 2
JDPT Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Good luck with the new job! And I hope you are ready to begin some physical therapy, that would be really cool for you. It is tricky though, finding the balance. Too much self-protection doesn't work either. 'We are the only ones who remain' I like this. I do want to live, I've had enough, and I definitely want to breathe. Ya know, maybe when I feel bad I should do an active search for other things to feel badly about, maybe pick up "The Resignation of Eve" or something. I really think I am making the litany against fear my new resolution. "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me I will turn to see fears path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing......Only I will remain." [sIZE=2]‡[/sIZE] Thank you! As I continue to move forward with my life. I will be boarding a plane in a few hours. I hope to clear my head and soul so that I can come back and continue to pave a better future. How are you doing?
FortunateSon Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 It's been over 10 months, almost 4 months NC from a BU of a 6 year relationship/engagement. I was doing really well, even started seeing a really cool girl in the last month. In the last 2 weeks my ex has suddenly been on my mind a lot, including in my dreams. What's this all about? I go from feeling like I am close being over everything, to feeling like I regressed? Is this normal?! Frustrated...
NomiMalone Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Spent an awesome evening yesterday with my girl friends. When I went home, it occurred to me that not once did I think about him the entire evening. It made me happy and sad.
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 It's been over 10 months, almost 4 months NC from a BU of a 6 year relationship/engagement. I was doing really well, even started seeing a really cool girl in the last month. In the last 2 weeks my ex has suddenly been on my mind a lot, including in my dreams. What's this all about? I go from feeling like I am close being over everything, to feeling like I regressed? Is this normal?! Frustrated... It seems never ending. Up then down. Forward then back. I know it can be quite frustrating
Afailure Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 (edited) Isn't it funny?How one moment you wish to spend your lives together,you declare to each other that you are the ones for one another but then something happens and it all crumbles,all those plans you made for the future,all those future moments you imagined that were going to come but they never did,you realise they were just dreams,you teased yourself into believing,that finally,the chase is over,that you won the race.... Then it happens,the moment we all fear,the words "i don't love you anymore","i don't think we're compatible" that stab your soul. The person you cherished becomes a stranger,then they start to hate you,they promised they will stick by your side no matter what happens but in the end they run away,they find someone else,then they completely forget about you and when they see you,they either turn their heads or look at you in disgust as if you were a demon,as if you were their biggest enemy when at one time you tried to be their shield and protect them during hard times. And you try,and try and try again to fix it,to get them back,you ask them to let you prove to them that changes have been made a while after the break up when you realize what went wrong,that you learned your lessons,you don't care about your dignity because love requires sacrifices right?So you beg,you cry,you would go to hell and back just for that one last attempt to get back,to make the dream you so imagined come true but to no avail. It makes you question your self worth,am i not worthy?of course maybe you made mistakes,maybe sometimes you didn't know how to handle the situation,maybe sometimes you acted out of fear of being hurt and used because of so many betrayals you witnessed,you try your best,you try to show that despite your flaws you're a loving human being and will always stick by their side but then they throw you away,and choose to hate you,rather than understand you and stick with you. Now you're just somebody that they used to know... Edited March 27, 2014 by Afailure 2
redbaron005 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Coping o.k. I guess. This week I: Resigned from my job, effective May 15. My boss hugged me and her boss made me feel guilty, but I need to do things for me. Enough is enough, time to move cities. Nervous though, don't have anything really lined up yet. Spent the money I had begun to set aside for a ring to pay off my car repair, a head gasket crack (3k fix) that I noticed after my 5 hour drive up from trying to save it in november. Sometimes we’re hurt and it cuts deep; good old acceptance stings, but its the stinging that helps clean the wound. Got genuinely angry at her, not me, for the first time since the BU. For maybe five minutes. And then I thought, what's the point. I wanted her to be happy and it seemed like she was in Nov, so good for her. The focus should be on me. And anger is not something I feel I need right now in my healing process.
toungeofcolicab Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I've been just terrible, i simply can't do it. I'm trying my hardest not to get in any contact and i won't, but man oh man is this hard. I just miss her, and i know she misses me, that's the worst part. She is trying to push me away but said herself it won't work. For the first time in my life i almost had a panic attack, cause i was swarmed under a case today and she wasn't there to help me out.
martaldn Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I am still counting the days of NC and thinking of him still feel lot of anger and pain. I know I am not over him and I hope he wont break the silent now. I have not intention to break the NC even if I miss him I know I am going to the right direction and I am proud of myself 1
Itspointless Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I feel sad. Sometimes life presents us with things that are so sense and meaningless. All we can do is learn to live with it and try to give it some sense and purpose ourselves. Unfortunately really accepting facts as they are without holding any anger, resentment or sadness to times gone by is in my experience hard. Some people have the ability to just press emotions and thoughts away. Surprisingly these people seem to better off. I also never imagined that this can result in people who are sensitive but unempathetic, apparently the first does not lead to empathy. I find it a discomforting lesson, not a lesson I expected to learn when I met her last summer.
lamis Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Kind of crappy right now. Been about two weeks since my break up, and I've had my ups and downs, and for the most part feel like I am on the right track. For the first time in two weeks though sexual thoughts came to my mind today and they really depressed me. My ex was the only woman I was ever with, after years of the idea of sex not really feeling right to me with other women I dated. I wanted to love the person, really love them. With her it finally felt right. And we ended up getting engaged so I thought she would be the only one ever. Thinking about sex is just depressing, because she is my every reference point. It is hard knowing I'll never be with her again. But I know it is for the best, and that is pretty much my mantra. At the same time though, I think I need to grieve this particular point until I can get past it. I have been doing well (as well as can be, anyway) with pretty much every other aspect of dealing with the break-up, but my psyche had yet to confront this particular aspect. Blah.
NomiMalone Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 My hotel room feels so empty without him. But you know what? Enough is enough. No more wallowing and pining, for he does not deserve it... and neither do I. This is the last post I will ever make about him. 1
somedude81 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Four months since she dumped me and I'm still crying. It's annoying how people keep trying to correct me when I say that she was the right one. Yes she was my perfect girl! Everything about her was amazing. I would do absolutely anything she wanted to get her back. But I know that will never happen, and she will never talk to me again. My life has been complete sh*t since she left. Every day whenever I get a new text or email I think it's her. When is my hope going to die?
Xemyd Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I'm pretty down today. I feel like I need to write this down a million times to reinforce it, but just to start; I don't love you anymore, I just miss how you made me feel.
3j15 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Woke up from a dream thinking about you. Wow I really want to break NC today. I had my whole day planned out, where I was going golfing and spending time with friends, but now that plans got canceled all I can do it think about you.!! I need to keep my mind off things, stay busy...... It's crazy how one day your fine, and then the next your back to square one..... but from reading countless posts here on LS I know this is normal. Need to stay strong today.
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