JoelBarish Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Glad you are doing well Anya. I suspect things are looking up for you in your quest for companionship. 1
NomiMalone Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 So, I've just come to realise that subconsciously, I'm still harbouring hope that he'll contact me. That one day out of the blue, a message from his number will pop up on the screen of my phone, saying "can we talk?" I know that my heart will hold onto the hope as long as it will, and that my mind has little control over it, no matter how hard I try. And thus, there's no real point bargaining with myself, or making resolutions such as "I'll allow myself one more day to mope, and tomorrow I'll get back to being productive." I have to accept that really only time will truly allow this whole thing to fade away, and allow me to truly let go. Such is the nature of healing.
lakerman34 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Guys and gals, I cannot stress the importance of NOT trying to gather information on your exes. Last night, I came across the girl I've chased for 14 months' Tumblr account. She posted a screenshot of a text message and labeled it 'I don't usually post things like this, but my boyfriend is too hilarious.' I know EXACTLY who the guy is, and wonder why she'd take him over me. I went from 99% over her to 90% over her, then I realized, the sex he gives her is VERY likely not as good as what I can offer her, they probably won't last (happened too fast, a relationship based on sex), AND the girl didn't "understand" me as well as I thought she did. I really overestimated and overvalued her, and put her on an undeserving pedestal. Back up to 95%, but still, that's a 4% loss. As a consequence, I just deleted my Facebook and Twitter accounts. F it. Moral of the story is, don't go digging, but drop all the pieces on the floor, don't try and pick them up and put them together, and just move on and F it.
iouaname Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 having a little bit of a moment this afternoon. I was watching something that ended up bringing on a flood of emotions about my ex. Not necessarily missing him, but some anger/sadness over some of the things that had happened. I also noticed that I'm scared. The idea of falling in love again, of dating again... it's terrifying to me. I know that I'm stronger now than I ever have been, but on the inside... I'm terrified. I just feel sort of stuck when it comes to my romantic life, and I'm not sure how to move past it or if I even want to. My ex has definitely left some damage that I still haven't quite figured out how to deal with 1
NomiMalone Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 With each passing day, the possibility of hearing from him fades a little more, and so does my hope. It absolutely breaks my heart.
AnyaNova Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Finding out that I like lifting was weird enough. Finding out that I love sprinting was definitely getting out there. I knew that I liked boxing (though ultimately kickboxing is where I am sure that I will be at)...but finding out after an hour one on one session to get the technique that I really love boxing (and assumedly because of the fun graceful kicky stuff, will love kickboxing even more!!!)??? I am in the twilight zone. I am actually starting to wonder if had I been born without gluten intolerance, or if it had been diagnosed when it should have been when I had major failure to thrive when I was between two and four-ish, and had adequate nutrition... If I would have been an athlete. I mean, yes, as it stands now I struggle with coordination (though not nearly as much as I thought I would with coordinating the punches and the footwork--as long as I can keep my left elbow down) but how much of that stems from the years of inactivity due to the illness and the demylenization from the nutritional deficiencies. And if I was building up those skills and patterns from an early age... I guess I am discovering that being able to just move and exercise and move quickly and purposefully and effortlessly. It is truly a beautiful thing that I have been missing out on for 35 years! 2
AnyaNova Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Hey JPDT, how are you? How's the other half of team TBD? I'm just out here living the dream. :-)
freebird31 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 (edited) well. i guess I will never understand why my ex gave me those mixed signals towards the end. why did he say all those things, that he still had love for me. if that was really true, that he has love for me, then why arent we together. is love not enough? it just makes me question it all sometimes. And there are times when im still haunted by it. Like this week I was with my cousin and his gf who started dating aroung the same time me and my ex did, except theyre still together. It pains me to see them. Im happy for my cousin and im glad he is happy, but watching them be affectionate is painful. Becuase its just a reminder that they lasted and we couldnt. Every time I see them, i wonder why did this happen to ME? i look back at that girl that would cry every day, sometimes multiple times a day. I remember that pain that i first felt, the pain of a broken heart. I just really think what me and him shared was special. I just dont understand how someone can just throw it away and just go on with their life. Espiecially after he admitted to me he is still attracted to me. NONE if it makes any sense to this day, 10 months later. How is he OK with all of this? How could you truly be OKAY with letting something special go, letting someone you care about go? Not being apart of their life anymore? Is it because maybe he stubbornly doesnt want to admit to himself that what we had was special? Im jus done with the "maybe he wasnt ready to get serious" concept. BS. No one is ever really ready to do anything, but are you seriously READY to deal with letting something good go too? IT JUST MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL. i still think of him all the time. Im fine now, pain is gone. But i miss him still. But i have NO control over whether we are together or not, HE DOES. so i just dont get how someone can be okay with all of this? /: I STILL DONT. maybe he really is stubborn and doesnt want to admit to himself he cared about me. idk I guess I will never have the answers. He sent me so many mixed signals. Told me he wanted me to be a part of his life, that he was still attracted to me. But just didnt want a relationship. You would think that after 6 months of NC, that he would figure it out what he wants. is 6 months not long enough to realize u had something really good? Maybe he did figure it out. Maybe he figured out he wants to be single, idk guess ill never know. for all i know, he is probably dating a bunch of girls. Probably having the time of his life now with his new friends and his new life. he prbably doesnt get that lonely feeling that i live with. at least he had something to fall back on. my best friend has been the worst most unspportive friend through all of this. but i have to keep reminding myselg that major set back makes way for major come back. and i have to keep persevering. Becuase i am a fighter and i know that it will get better. and ill get what i have been waiting for and fighting for. Edited March 11, 2014 by freebird31
iouaname Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 It's annoying to still have thoughts of him. I've kept strong with NC. Haven't spoken to him, haven't checked his social media... haven't even talked to friends about him. Still, there are nights where I have thoughts about him. I still hate that he gets to walk away from the entire situation with no damage done while it's been over a year for me and there are still several moments through each day where I'm hurting. I want to just tell him off. Let him know that he hurt me... but I've learned, and I know that's not the way to handle the situation. It just sucks.
Jiivy Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Started out by blocking him on facebook. I hope I don't hear from him as a result. (but of course a tiny part of me hopes I do.) Been feeling the need to document our relationship lately. It meant so much to me and I am struggling with the fact that it's just gone. Up in smoke, like it never happened, and no one cares. So many memories. So I've been trying to write what it was like, month by month. The songs we played. The events we went to. The disagreements. How hopeful I was, and the moments that chipped away at my hope. I don't want to forget. I started documenting my relationship too. The road. | A record of coping for lost relationships DO it. Right it down, spell it out. I'm not able to cope with the fact that it's gone too. 7 years and an engagement vanished like dust. 2 days on NC after so many years in horrible. I'm taking it one step at a time and trying not to let my life in front of me derail. I just want her back.
JDPT Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Hey JPDT, how are you? How's the other half of team TBD? I'm just out here living the dream. :-) I met someone earlier last week. I took her out on Sunday, we clicked, great time, we kissed (a lot....) I needed that. She is all in, BUT I for the first time in my life am afraid and cautious. Yep this sucks. Additionally, earlier last week I got another number, and was actually given a number without asking this week. So women are after 10months involved in my life again. And surprisingly I'm open to the idea. But sadly my heart nowadays is too cold. 2
love1336x Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 I am doing pretty well today! I did break NC because of the explosion in harlem. He lives LITERALLY a block away from where it happened, plus he has lots of friends and family who also live there. I couldn't help myself. Maybe I wanting a reason to talk to him, but he didn't give me that. lol, instead he was like, "I'm fine. Thanks" And that was all. :]
Mondmellonw Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 (edited) Today is a concert that we planned to go together. Ex bought the tickets, it was my birthday gift. I shall admit that I wonder if the thought of me being with him there has crossed his mind today... He only knows. I really wish he has a great time, cause it’s going to be an awesome concert. That's my good side. My "bitter" side says: It’s funny how he is in contact again with the girl that cheated on him. This logical side screams at me all the time: how the heck you can/could still love that guy? He lied to you, blamed you for all, insulted you, treated you like dirt, got angry for nothing all the time, hooked up with a friend of yours, started contact with a girl that cheated on him, slept with her, bla, enormous bla. I had many beautiful things for him and I felt like he had them for me too. I might be fantasizing... It hurts to see them (the beautiful things I just mentioned) on my hands, broken. I am anyways doing better, playing music and studying (college). Edited March 13, 2014 by Mondmellonw
BradJacobs Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Mixed emotions. Mostly good but still feel lost here and there. 1
Xemyd Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I haven't posted in a while, but I'm doing really great, finally. I know some on here would slap me for it, but I texted my ex a week or so ago, for his birthday. It didn't hurt, it didn't blow up in my face and I don't regret it. I don't feel anything except for relief. I'm finally starting to move on from him, I don't think about him anywhere near as much as I used to. I don't cry over him anymore. I was NC for 5 months (I think?), and though I do think NC is a good thing, I don't swear by it. Breaking NC is not the end of the world.* *There are some exceptions 1
STM206 Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 (edited) Today is a mixture of emotions. I found out more information about my ex. I was left thinking that he was going on this grand road of "self discovery" yet found out yesterday that he moved to another state to be with his ex. So basically he left me to question everything for 2 months and had the nerve to make me feel as if I was the cause of our demise... When in reality he was chatting up his ex before he left and basically already had him on the sidelines. This whole "I need to figure things out" act was already figured out from the jump. It all makes sense, who with a conscience could look someone in the eye and say "I'm leaving you for my ex". I seriously think he's a lost soul who is chasing the next fix in life, the next thing that makes everything feel new and young. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if I hear from him down the road when he's in a slump wanting to "apologize" for his actions... But then again I found out so many things about him that I never thought existed, so if he doesn't I wouldn't be surprised. I do hope he does, not for us to be together, but so I can say to him... "Are you ****ing serious?" I don't think he is aware of how his actions hurt people, but he's aware that he's been caught red handed because I sent him this text. "Congratulations! You've finally "figured" out what you've been trying to figure out. on a serious note, way to keep it classy. Since you won't pick up your phone guess a text will have to do. Hope your ex is everything you could want and more. Have fun "discovering" yourself. Take care. - your "psycho" ex." Did I break no contact? Obviously yes, but did it feel good to let him know that not only I, but my whole family figured out his true agenda? Without a doubt. You were playing up this "I am a victim, this was the hardest thing I ever had to do but I am search for happiness" role well, but my gut told me there was more, I just couldn't figure it out and now I have. Enjoy your newfound "happiness" but I give it a year before everything comes crumbling down again and you'll be in pursuit of your next source of supply. Edited March 13, 2014 by STM206
STM206 Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 It's annoying to still have thoughts of him. I've kept strong with NC. Haven't spoken to him, haven't checked his social media... haven't even talked to friends about him. Still, there are nights where I have thoughts about him. I still hate that he gets to walk away from the entire situation with no damage done while it's been over a year for me and there are still several moments through each day where I'm hurting. I want to just tell him off. Let him know that he hurt me... but I've learned, and I know that's not the way to handle the situation. It just sucks. That's the hardest part right? You're left with the baggage, the ****, the closed off heart because you went through a form of trauma. It's like surviving a tornado. You lived through it, but any signs of wind has you on edge... You're on guard, you want to automatically run into your cellar and not come out until you know it's safe. I'm convinced people leave not because of this "I'm unhappy" motive, but because there is always something that they see more fitting out there. They claim it's because of things you needed to work on, but low and behold they're already in the next relationship because they get to experience that new "high". Those kind of people will probably never maintain something for life, as soon as times get rough, they panic and run... Because they don't have the courage to deal with real life. 1
AnyaNova Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Really not wonderful right now. How to say without saying too much. We ended up staying up all night last night talking (the guy I had the new crush on). There is one thing that I could not ever give that he would need (nothing weird or kinky or anything). But the amount of pain he's had in his life. The things he has gone through and goes through everyday. I hurt for him right now. Am I a little disappointed, yeah, but frankly it is absolutely nothing in comparison. I tried to get in a tiny little "sleep" before class (which isn't really sleep or terribly restful without my melatonin etc that I take before bed), but when my alarm went off it was absolutely clear that I was not safe to drive so I missed class. I always feel so damn terrible when I miss class. And though I've been as careful as possible, between the virus that one day, needing to get the shot asap that one day, and this, I am absolutely at my limit for class attendance. And I had to reschedule my PT. I've done it with very little sleep before, but I suspect no sleep at all is quite likely to wind me up very badly injured. I know I will feel better with some sleep and some time over spring break etc. But right now I kind of hurt. I hurt for the world, that such a world would allow such a damn beautiful soul to suffer so much, and make it so impossible for him to find that one thing that he most needs and wants in this world. I can tell the sleep loss and whatnot has affected my nutritional balance. I should go get some b12. I was hoping to hang with a friend of mine tonight, but he has other plans. So I will just be hanging alone in my apartment since driving is way out right now.
Snow101 Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I gotta vent today. I'm hungover and feel like ****. RANT. I'm done with love. It's never going to happen for me, I'm giving up. And this whole fantasy of romance that books and movies have instilled in me doesn't exist in reality. I never want to feel like I have the past 8 months. It's been hell on earth and she doesn't even give a damn about me. So much torment and she doesn't even care, and the person I thought was my best friend and "ONE TRUE LOVE" (UGH) bailed on me like I'm a ****ing stranger. Never again. I'm tired of feeling hurt and not sleeping, questioning the universe and feeling like blowing my brains out is the only sensible option. I'm going to just shut down my heart and forget about love or sex or finding my woman. Theres nobody out there that wants to love me as much as I want to love them. Nobody has the loyalty or deep love that I do. I'll live for other things try to find happiness in other things, and somehow survive. /rant
BC1980 Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I met someone earlier last week. I took her out on Sunday, we clicked, great time, we kissed (a lot....) I needed that. She is all in, BUT I for the first time in my life am afraid and cautious. Yep this sucks. Additionally, earlier last week I got another number, and was actually given a number without asking this week. So women are after 10months involved in my life again. And surprisingly I'm open to the idea. But sadly my heart nowadays is too cold. I've never been so cold and cynical of love and relationships in all my life. If the perfect man dropped from the sky, I feel that I would have no interest. I just can't muster up any interest. I've been on 2 dates in the past 3 months, and I'm so apathetic. I think a lot of it has to do with me and not the guys. I thought they were both attractive and had a lot to talk about with them. I really don't want to give someone the power to break my heart again. It sounds like such a terrible idea right now.
AnyaNova Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I met someone earlier last week. I took her out on Sunday, we clicked, great time, we kissed (a lot....) I needed that. She is all in, BUT I for the first time in my life am afraid and cautious. Yep this sucks. Additionally, earlier last week I got another number, and was actually given a number without asking this week. So women are after 10months involved in my life again. And surprisingly I'm open to the idea. But sadly my heart nowadays is too cold. You being afraid and cautious suggests to me that you are anything but cold. Perhaps be truthful with her about where you are at and that you are somewhat afraid and cautious, but I think you should take her out again. Definitely. :-) I know it doesn't seem like it now probably, but it really sounds like things are looking up for you. I am glad!
AnyaNova Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Just got the news that my closest friend here (I am really shy and take a long time to get to know people in most circumstances, the oddly strange exception seems to be other really shy people who take a long time to get to know people) is very close to getting a better job in a new state and moving. ****. I mean, it is great for him. He would be also living in the same town and working together with his best friend since high school. But for me it really isn't so great. I don't know how many more friends I can lose geographically, to death, or whatever the heck that was with Tim. I do not know what it is, but damn, since I started grad school I seem to be getting a blackbelt in crying.
uku383 Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I woke up this morning with dreams of weddings and love. I feel so very alone right now, so hurt and rejected. I want to get better so much. I want my wife to recognise my progress and agree to one last attempt to repair our marriage, but she won’t.
STM206 Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Found out my ex already changed his relationship status on facebook to being with the suspected person that I 90% knew. Mutual friends texted asking in confusion... Of course saying "wtf? I didn't even know you were broken up and how the hell did he move on so soon?!" Well I'll tell tou why, because he was already planning this ahead of time and had everyone fooled that he was just "figuring" things out. Why can't people just be honest? They rather leave you hanging with questions of your self worth instead of coming forward with their infidelity. Sad yet relieved. Sad because it's a new type of hurt and questioning if his ex was ever out of the picture as a romance (even in the 4 years we were together) but relieved because at least he left due to his lack of being honest as opposed "different goals" as he had me believing.
Mondmellonw Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Homesick - I got the flu - Having a cup of coffe. Doing some homework. Helping mom with her dreams. Improving myself. Helping myself with my own dreams. Doubting he ever loved me... Not caring as much. Who gives a **** about the flu. I am really better now.
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