How are you coping today?

March 3, 2014

Dammit I see what you mean!
The ex is 9 years older than me. We met when I was 26 she was 35. Last NYE, we spent it at an affluent Italian attorney friend of mine. I still recall the first thing she did as the ball dropped, she grabbed my face with both her hands and kissed my lips. Sometimes I wish she wasn't as talented as she was lol. So now I'm 32 and I feel as if I'm in the receiving end. I don't feel so young anymore. I still like the company from older women but I'm at a very odd age. Where I can/can't still say that I love the company from older women but hey, am I considered old already? I don't know. I wasn't afraid to be alone but as one gets older your options are very limited and this is what I'm currently experiencing.

I hope this makes sense and hope the drink of my choice isn't getting the best of me. Weird feelings tonight. I don't think of the ex anymore but mostly preoccupied with my future. What am I going to with myself? I can't subscribe to the picket fence ending? that isn't me. I can't do the whole family and grocery shopping thing. I like my freedom and my convertible and my time alone. So where do I stand in life. I suppose I still need to sort that portion of my life out.

The early 30s are weird if you are single. Most of your friends are married with kids, and you're not really old enough to have a lot of divorced friends. I met the ex at 29, so it seemed to fit in perfectly with the usual time-frame of getting married and having kids.

March 3, 2014

The Disney movie "Frozen" won the Oscar for Best Animated Feature and I haven't seen it yet. I want to see it but my ex and I were going to see it together but she dumped me right after it came out. So there is no way I can see it by myself. I'd just feel absolutely horrible watching it alone.

Hopefully someday soon I'll be able to watch it with a girl. Maybe at least then I won't be constantly thinking of my ex.

I can't believe I've been single for three months

Edited March 3, 2014 by somedude81

March 3, 2014

its been 10 months. soon a year. this is ridiculous and frustrating that im still not over him. Last night, i was lying in bed and I started to feel this dull ache in my chest. it was a sad feeling. i miss him. i miss who i was when i was with him. I miss that person i used to be, the happy go lucky person. I miss being able to give something to someone else. to show someone how much i care about them in deep and affectionate ways. it really sucks bc at this point i am sooo beyond frustrated that i have to live with this dull ache. Its always there, its always been there. and im just sooooo tired. when will it go away:( seriously, 10 months??? thats so long to be dealing with this! i am just so frustrated. i never imagined in a million years that I would still be coping with this 10 MONTHS LATER. like for real? What is God trying to tell me/teach me here?! To be patient. ? IDK. im just so frustrated i just am so DONE with this darn feeling. Can i please just go back in time . I am just sooooo beyond tired. its FRUSTRATING. I SERIOUSLY HATE THIS. ive never been so frustrated before. this year has been one of the WORST years ive ever had. With all the stuff i had to put up with this year, i am surprised i got through it all. /= when i was with him those last 8 months, i never felt HAPPIER. NOW, NOW all i feel is frustration that i m still not over him, i feel sad, i feel like a part of me is missing. i hate how things ended the way they did. I just feel like it was a huge HUGE TEASE. Like, heres 8 great months of your life, the best months you have ever expereienced, and then .....heres 10 months of misery to pine over how happy your life once was. what a huge TEASE if you ask me. i wish i could go back to the person i was sometimes, before this breakup. but then again, what i really and truly want is to just go back to how happy i was during the relationship. blah. lord help me get through these tough days. give me strength please.

March 3, 2014

I find this to be a crude attitude.

One point that seems clear throughout these threads is that it takes time to recover from what for many is a very traumatic experience. In some cases people have been together a month or so before a break-up, in others many years. In all cases people are suffering great pain.

If it was as simple as deciding to leave the past behind I'm sure that many would be falling over each other to take the magic pill.

To say that people "like to linger in the sadness for eternity" is particularly insensitive. People are moving forwards at their own pace. If you're dissatisfied with the rate of individuals' recovery, if they don't meet your standards, then I suggest that you read other threads or hold your tongue.

Personally, I've been doing everything that I can to get over my problems, and I'm just starting to see some progress. I don't need someone to take whatever is already the most horrible experience of my life and then belittle my efforts and my feelings.

Your comments, even if intended as 'rough love' are unhelpful at best.

Worthy of response? Idk. I guess.

Look buddy I'm entitled to my own opinion and telling me to hold my tongue and read other threads is gonna get you nowhere thank you very much.

What do you really want? Sympathy? a shoulder to cry on?

I don't have any time for it, been there, done that, been a sorry little sad sack like everybody else here but the time has come for many people here(myself included) to grow a pair of balls, move on and stop whining about the failures and loss of the past.

Its so over and staying stuck in the memory is unhealthy.

My point remains and I'm not changing it no matter how butthurt people like you get because of it.

Grow a pair and move on.

That's it ladies and gentleman.

Thank you and goodnight.

March 3, 2014

Today was a little easier. I can see that one day, he'll no longer be the first thing I think about when I wake up, and then soon, I'll stop checking my phone for his messages altogether. For a fleeting moment today, I even hoped he was happy and doing well. I'm grateful for the lessons I learnt from having known him. But all the same, I don't understand how he could not miss me even just a bit after what we'd had. And most of all, I don't understand how he could've disappeared from my life in such a horrible manner.

March 3, 2014

I suppose I needed to go through last night to wake up with a clearer perspective.

March 3, 2014

This sunny morning, first time in a long time, my mood is bright and I don't feel that heaviness hanging over my head like a broken-hearted cloud. I wish this feeling could stay. I wish I could bottle this feeling and open when needed. But for the minutes or longer that I have with this optimistic feeling, I will cherish them and hold them dear. It is such a relief to feel some moments of clarity and a semblance of happiness.

March 3, 2014

Almost four months after she told me her decision and 3.5 months after I have seen her for the last time, and still I have trouble finding pleasure in all the things that I used to like But I have to be honest, she touched older things that magnify everything that happened. Always a blast when old chambers you lost the keys off suddenly open (at the wrong moment).

March 3, 2014

Got to my test this morning in my first class. Finished it in like 10 minutes it was so easy ,but felt so physically crappy I went straight home. I always hate missing classes, but there are times when you need to take care of yourself. And really, nobody wants to see you puke all over.

Still trying to find meaning in this last bit. Not succeeding.

Yes, it does hurt, but as always, I will cope.

March 3, 2014

Just feeling cynical, sick, and crappy/crabby today. Particularly with myself.

Maybe I just need to grow the heck up and accept the fact that life isn't fair. it's not as if it was true love forever. It looked like something might maybe happen and it didn't and it couldn't and its time to move on and stop being such a stupid sap. :bunny:

March 3, 2014

I suppose I needed to go through last night to wake up with a clearer perspective.

Any insights you could share with the rest of us?

Edit: Why I shouldn't type when I am tired and not feeling well. I meant to say, I am glad. And then ask if there was anything that might be generalizable.

Edited March 3, 2014 by AnyaNova

March 3, 2014

Just feeling cynical, sick, and crappy/crabby today. Particularly with myself.

That's my everyday!

March 3, 2014

That's my everyday!

Not how you come across.

March 3, 2014

Just feeling cynical, sick, and crappy/crabby today. Particularly with myself.

Maybe I just need to grow the heck up and accept the fact that life isn't fair. it's not as if it was true love forever. It looked like something might maybe happen and it didn't and it couldn't and its time to move on and stop being such a stupid sap. :bunny:

You're talking about the recent dude (the crush I think you said)? I've had to learn to be really careful with how much I invest in people. I've looked back at past relationships and realized that I over-invest when it's not warranted. It was always clear that I had invested more than my ex, and I had more to loose. Don't come at a relationship from a point of weakness like that.

Recently, I talked to a guy for about a month. We were introduced by mutual friends. This guy was so eager to talk everyday, and he really did all the initiating. This went on for a month, and we had some really good conversations. After our first date, I never heard from this guy again and just found out he has a new girlfriend. Like, 3 weeks after our date, dude has a girlfriend.

Now, I don't care because I never emotionally invested in this guy whatsoever. I've learned. This guy was even talking about me meeting his kid. I kept this in perspective the entire time, and I made sure to be real about it. The end result is that I wasn't hurt at all really. I've learned to focus on myself completely.

March 3, 2014

Not how you come across.

Internalizing and hiding such feelings has been a specialty of mine for quite some time.

March 3, 2014

You're talking about the recent dude (the crush I think you said)? I've had to learn to be really careful with how much I invest in people. I've looked back at past relationships and realized that I over-invest when it's not warranted. It was always clear that I had invested more than my ex, and I had more to loose. Don't come at a relationship from a point of weakness like that.

Recently, I talked to a guy for about a month. We were introduced by mutual friends. This guy was so eager to talk everyday, and he really did all the initiating. This went on for a month, and we had some really good conversations. After our first date, I never heard from this guy again and just found out he has a new girlfriend. Like, 3 weeks after our date, dude has a girlfriend.

Now, I don't care because I never emotionally invested in this guy whatsoever. I've learned. This guy was even talking about me meeting his kid. I kept this in perspective the entire time, and I made sure to be real about it. The end result is that I wasn't hurt at all really. I've learned to focus on myself completely.

Several things here, I will admit that the one particular shared interest caused me to lose my head. A little bit.

But

I had wrestled this thing down to be completely okay when I thought maybe he just wanted a younger thinner blonde after all the cues he'd given me.

I had wrestled this thing down to be completely okay on the chance that he just *poof* decided he didn't want me at all for no bloody reason. That is easy.

I have this tendency to emotionally prepare myself for every situation, so that I will be okay with every situation that I can predict, and then that one little variable that I forgot to take into account comes along and I am steamrolled.

This was one of those cases. And a big part of it, wasn't so much overinvesting, but rather under preparation for the true nature of the thing in its entirety.

March 3, 2014

Internalizing and hiding such feelings has been a specialty of mine for quite some time.

Make you a deal. How about since I am having a bitter/cynical/blah day, how about you help restore the balance of the universe, so that the force doesn't implode, and how about you try an optimistic and hopeful viewpoint.

Just for a day.

March 3, 2014

Make you a deal. How about since I am having a bitter/cynical/blah day, how about you help restore the balance of the universe, so that the force doesn't implode, and how about you try an optimistic and hopeful viewpoint.

Just for a day.

Be an Optimist Prime and not a Negatron?

Not my specialty, but I'll give it a whirl.

March 3, 2014

Any insights you could share with the rest of us?

Edit: Why I shouldn't type when I am tired and not feeling well. I meant to say, I am glad. And then ask if there was anything that might be generalizable.

We need to experience something fundamental, something of substance and perhaps pain as well in order to achieve greatness. Last night I was in pain emotionally, however, I'm starting to understand that we start with A then comes B, and then C. In other words, what do I need to change? what must I stay away from in order to break the vicious pattern?

What I got out of last night was that I AM human and it's ok to feel, and that even after 10 months (I think, stopped counting) it's ok to let a few roll down my cheeks. Yes, life is not ideal, but what is? If it wasn't for failure, if it wasn't for pain, if it wasn't for being shoved against the rope then all would come easy in life. Propelling ourselves forward is all we have, we win some and then we lose some, so what! our failures do not define us, it only shows that we are brave enough to give it a shot, something others can't say.

Interestingly, I'm currently listening to cry me a river, and I just said to myself, "am I going to cry a river, or am I going to do something about it?" Now, I'm no motivational speaker but I once heard, "if you want to succeed, you have to be your own hero my friend be a wolf not a sheep!!!!!!"

Let's hang in there Anya, that's all we can do for now. As stated previously, we can't win them all and that's perfectly fine.

OH-if you care to watch this movie, that's if you haven't already seen it, take a look at Static, it resonate with part of this post.

March 3, 2014

I really miss my ex today. F*ck. I don't know what's happening. The dream I had last week (where he was cheating on me), spoke to my deepest fear that he left me for someone else. I know that isn't true, but it hurts deeply that he wants to be with someone else eventually. He wants to find someone else to take to all the places we went, to travel to the places we traveled, to be a mother to his child, to spend his life with.

He makes me sick. He strung me along and allowed me to get close to his son. I honestly hope this idiot has a miserable life. Right now, I feel like that's the only thing that will make me feel decent. I hate that piece of sh*t, which just makes me sad because I was so devoted and loved him so much. How did I not realize how awful he was? I mean, he actually told me we were going to start marriage counseling required by our church, but he broke up with me the day before. He told me that he wanted to spend some time together the night before, so we could talk about it. F*ck, it was so plotted and cold. He let me think about that all weekend and even kept up pretenses by sending me sweet text messages at work. Grade A piece of sh*t.

March 3, 2014

I recall the very last emails my ex an I exchanged she wrote something along the lines of, "although I wanted you to be my knight in shinning armor, our story did not have a happy ending and I still want to find life long love...."

I said to myself, "well that was quick..." lol

Hey we live and learn, that's all we can do at this point. I'm past the point of formulating fictitious scenarios in my head. And even if those fictitious scenarios were true, what can I honestly do about them? NOTHING but move forward with my life and make this experience work in my favor.

I really miss my ex today. F*ck. I don't know what's happening. The dream I had last week (where he was cheating on me), spoke to my deepest fear that he left me for someone else. I know that isn't true, but it hurts deeply that he wants to be with someone else eventually. He wants to find someone else to take to all the places we went, to travel to the places we traveled, to be a mother to his child, to spend his life with.

He makes me sick. He strung me along and allowed me to get close to his son. I honestly hope this idiot has a miserable life. Right now, I feel like that's the only thing that will make me feel decent. I hate that piece of sh*t, which just makes me sad because I was so devoted and loved him so much. How did I not realize how awful he was? I mean, he actually told me we were going to start marriage counseling required by our church, but he broke up with me the day before. He told me that he wanted to spend some time together the night before, so we could talk about it. F*ck, it was so plotted and cold. He let me think about that all weekend and even kept up pretenses by sending me sweet text messages at work. Grade A piece of sh*t.

March 3, 2014

We need to experience something fundamental, something of substance and perhaps pain as well in order to achieve greatness. Last night I was in pain emotionally, however, I'm starting to understand that we start with A then comes B, and then C. In other words, what do I need to change? what must I stay away from in order to break the vicious pattern?

What I got out of last night was that I AM human and it's ok to feel, and that even after 10 months (I think, stopped counting) it's ok to let a few roll down my cheeks. Yes, life is not ideal, but what is? If it wasn't for failure, if it wasn't for pain, if it wasn't for being shoved against the rope then all would come easy in life. Propelling ourselves forward is all we have, we win some and then we lose some, so what! our failures do not define us, it only shows that we are brave enough to give it a shot, something others can't say.

Interestingly, I'm currently listening to cry me a river, and I just said to myself, "am I going to cry a river, or am I going to do something about it?" Now, I'm no motivational speaker but I once heard, "if you want to succeed, you have to be your own hero my friend be a wolf not a sheep!!!!!!"

Let's hang in there Anya, that's all we can do for now. As stated previously, we can't win them all and that's perfectly fine.

OH-if you care to watch this movie, that's if you haven't already seen it, take a look at Static, it resonate with part of this post.

Static? The horror film? On the one hand, the reviews are mixed, but I notice that several of the ones that rated it highly mentioned the film having good quality sound, visuals, and over aesthetics, so I think it is worth a shot. And I'm always open to new experiences. I wanted to watch something fun anyway, after I'm doing watching the assignment videos for class.

March 3, 2014

This song makes me smile for some reason, with no correlation to the ex of course.

Fly me to the moon let me play among the stars, let me see what spring is like on, Jupiter and mars. In other words, hold my hand, in others, baby kiss me. Fill my heart with song and let me sing forever more, you are all I long for all I worship and adore. In other words, please be true, in other words, I l*** you!

March 3, 2014

Static? The horror film? On the one hand, the reviews are mixed, but I notice that several of the ones that rated it highly mentioned the film having good quality sound, visuals, and over aesthetics, so I think it is worth a shot. And I'm always open to new experiences. I wanted to watch something fun anyway, after I'm doing watching the assignment videos for class.

Yes I think you'll like it, specially the ending. As an avid horror film viewer, I wouldn't label this movie anywhere near horror, possibly a bit of suspense here and there, but pretty decent movie nonetheless.

March 4, 2014

Tonight is all about me.

I just had dinner, hooked to the bone growth stimulator device for tibias, and ready to rent a nice movie.

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