lovebirds Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Really struggling at the moment. It's been 5 months and I really thought I was getting better but I'm back to feeling how I did in the first few weeks. Not sure what to do, I've followed all the advice I've been given. Just have to hope things improve. Do you know what caused/triggered you feeling this way?
Itspointless Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I am doing ok, feeling more neutral each day. Last week she checked in, asked how I was and gave me an really short update on her medical situation: one sentence. I hoped she showed some of her non-emotional cutoff behaviour like I knew her before her situation stressed her out. The enthusiastic and fragile person I was starting to know. The person who had trouble to open up emotionally and trust. The person who shared so much with me. The person I fell hard for. She didn't. Just as here I said I was doing ok. After the few sentences she just wished me a great time and turned silent again. There was so much that I would have liked to tell. It does not make me more sad, I am just sad with it.
Xemyd Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Rough night, hopefully today I can keep my thoughts away from him.
freebird31 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Just feel really guilty. Becuase today is my ex birthday. And the last time we talked, 5 months ago it ended pretty badly. And idk why but for some reason i am the one that feels guilty, especially today. I am scared to reach out to him . I am afraid he might act vindictivly. But today, on his special day, maybe he should feel really good about himself. And im sad because I cannot give him that. I cannot reach out to him and mend fences bc i am scared. And i feel bad bc i know a part of him, might feel bad for how he treated me. And i also know like me, he might feel scared to reach out to me as well. Maybe for the same reasons. he is scared I will act vindictive. There are too many emotions here. And i just dont know if i even want to reach out and say happy birthday. I am afraid it will hurt too much. I am more afraid of his reply. If he says something harsh, I am afraid it will break me. And i cant afford to break right now. I have too much to lose. I cant lose focus on school and my life. I cant lose myself to being broken and depressed again. So instead, on my ex birthday. I will not say anything, but instead keep it all to myself. But i will say it on here. I hope you have a happy birthday. Im sorry that I could not be your friend. Wish things could have work out differently. what a sad day. just want this day to be over
Tripz Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Went running for the first time in a long, long time. It is still as boring as I thought it would be, but I'm motivated to try and stick with it for a while And music helps! Music has been a big help throughout my healing. I now skip most sad songs. In the two months after the BU I would go look for them, now I don't need them anymore i do still listen to the Smiths and that has quite depressing lyrics, but I pull strength out of them now instead of more sadness. Wishing all of you lots of strength today.I've noticed there are certain songs and whole groups that I need to simply forget about. My ex and I always liked the same music. So now I just listen to dubstep or techno, which doesn't have ANY lyrics, plus she hates that kind of music. Sortof makes me feel better knowing that, too. Knowing that she won't stumble upon something that I can make all mine and just mine.
Isadora Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I'm ok, I've been super busy today. But now that I've had an hour to myself I find myself browsing the forums again, just to reassure myself that other people are in similar situations and I'm not alone in my emotions. Love to you all, I wish I could hug you all and tell you that in the end it will be ok. 3
AnyaNova Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Still doing great on the breakup, no desire to go back to the ex or anything. Unfortunately though, that stupid thing that I got my hopes up on, and then thought that they were fruitless, I ended up getting my hopes back up again based on the dude's cues, and well, hope really is a female dog of the cruelest sort. Although to be fair, since this wasn't anything at any point, it will be much easier to get over than Tim. 1
MajorOak Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I find myself browsing the forums again, just to reassure myself that other people are in similar situations and I'm not alone in my emotions. Love to you all, I wish I could hug you all and tell you that in the end it will be ok. Yes that dark place I have been in for some time now......
disclosure Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Past couple weeks have been overwhelmingly rough. Emotionally drained.
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 What the fudge!?! Thought I had turned a corner over the weekend and then today my head just started having all these thoughts and I felt like I needed to get them out. I'm lucky I can't bring my cell phone to work or I would have probably sent a text and thrown away 10 days of nc. As soon as I got home, I went for a walk to the main office of my condo and tried to collect my thoughts. Didn't even want to pick up my phone when I walked in the door. It was a good walk because it helped to clear my mind and everything I wanted to say to her eventually subsided.
STM206 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Haven't cried in 2 days, so that's a step forward but I've still been feeling down. Yesterday I checked our mutual friends facebook to find that she's been hanging out with him a lot. She always said she wouldn't take sides but I feel like she already has. She's been "I'm free this day, or that day to hang out" as if she has to pencil me into her "busy" schedule, she's never done this before. Whatever though, guess people show their true colors in the end. I can live without her. The thing that still weighs me down is I realize I never had tons of real close friends, like my best friends are my parents at this point. They have been so supportive through all of this. I think about how much the 4 of us did together during the holidays, thank god they're months away, I couldn't imagine dealing with a breakup during then. Other wise, I might get laid tonight... I think it's time. I can't keep holding onto him and can't keep feeling guilty about messing around with someone else. He made his decision to leave, and well at this point in time I'm not going to feel bad about this. He doesn't get dibs on this anymore. 1
monsoon281 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Day 32 after BU... 2 weeks NC (she messaged me breadcrumbs at 2 weeks, which I am proud to say I didn't jump on). Shock and rage stages are over, beginning to accept even though the loss still makes me sick.. the girl was telling me she was gonna marry me for the past six months of our relationship then dumped me unemotionally. Maintaining NC even though its hard.
potestatum Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I don't know what is going on with me the last few days! I am thinking of her all the time. I want her mine. I want her to be thinking of me and be sad that we are not together anymore. But I am not able to know that. I want her not to be able to love/like another man.
lakerman34 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I'm coping well. I keep having dreams of her with other men. In my last night's dream, I literally picked her up from laying down on some guy, brought her to what looked like a restaurant kitchen, and had sex with her. Then the dream moved on to her sort of avoiding me, walking amongst her friends. I tried looking for her, and then my ENTIRE family came out of nowhere, and it looked like she just disappeared. I find a lot of symbolism in that. I feel as if my family is kind of smothering me, and in regards to the girl, how she is so open and lovely towards me 1-on-1, but she always had to hide me and was kind of flustered around me when I saw her with friends. I'd say I'm about 90% over her. I don't even care a whole lot of having thoughts of her possibly sleeping with other men. What I DO hate is the fact that, one day, she'll date another guy and be happy with him. I feel as if she NEVER gave me that chance. She has told me things that she hasn't told anyone else, and I have told her things that I haven't told anyone else. It wasn't meant to be. I have a girl that I'm talking to now. Quite different than the other. She's intelligent, but not a genius, she's cute, but not AS cute, and she sort of talks to me all day long. HOWEVER, she is SEXIER than the other girl. I'm not really looking for a relationship right now, just physical. I think she's on board.
Mondmellonw Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Yesterday was the 3rd month mark after the break up and I didn't remembered this just after I thought about him this morning. I remember now, about how 3 months ago he was drunk. Maybe that was the reason he insulted me when I broke it off. I'll never know, he used to say that being drunk shouldn't be an excuse for acting like an idiot, and he used to say he "knew how to be drunk and don't make stupid things". so... he said many things and he doesn't follows any of them. None. Actually, no, that doesn't matters. When I saw him after that he still blamed me for all, but I gotta admit he was just defensive and not as insulting as the first time. But still insulting, anyways... "Crazy", he said to me. Getting upset is maybe a little better than getting sad, but I will start my homework now..
AnyaNova Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I should have seen it. Should have known. My reactions to things are always so much more exaggerated than usual when I'm crashing. One dude being a jerk all of a sudden and refusing to make eye contact and looking bored out of his skin to even be there shouldn't have bothered me all that much. It did a little the last time it happened, but not like this. Am about to go try another dose of oral b12. Don't know what else I can do. The problem is, I get the b12 symptoms if my b12 is actually low (which it has been) and I get them if some other part of the metabolic puzzle is knocking the whole process off. But it does piss me off that my brain is trying to tell me that it is said and messed up and strange because of some dude who I quickly was able to recover from when he started acting this way before. This just blows. I'm sick of it and I'm sick of my reaction to things being made worse than they typically are. So he's probably a player who likes to flirt with someone and whatnot until the next hot blonde who he really wants come along? No big deal, I'm getting plenty of male attention (now if I can just overcome the shyness to be able to do something with it!). So it bugs me that this is hitting me so much harder than it should. I'll be curious to see what happens with the added dose of b12. And kind of pissed, but relieved in a way, if this is more gravy than grave, so to speak. 1
JoelBarish Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I should have seen it. Should have known. My reactions to things are always so much more exaggerated than usual when I'm crashing. One dude being a jerk all of a sudden and refusing to make eye contact and looking bored out of his skin to even be there shouldn't have bothered me all that much. It did a little the last time it happened, but not like this. Am about to go try another dose of oral b12. Don't know what else I can do. The problem is, I get the b12 symptoms if my b12 is actually low (which it has been) and I get them if some other part of the metabolic puzzle is knocking the whole process off. But it does piss me off that my brain is trying to tell me that it is said and messed up and strange because of some dude who I quickly was able to recover from when he started acting this way before. This just blows. I'm sick of it and I'm sick of my reaction to things being made worse than they typically are. So he's probably a player who likes to flirt with someone and whatnot until the next hot blonde who he really wants come along? No big deal, I'm getting plenty of male attention (now if I can just overcome the shyness to be able to do something with it!). So it bugs me that this is hitting me so much harder than it should. I'll be curious to see what happens with the added dose of b12. And kind of pissed, but relieved in a way, if this is more gravy than grave, so to speak. A Christmas Carol? Really? +1 Anya 1
AnyaNova Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 A Christmas Carol? Really? +1 Anya Wow. Between the b12 dose, you, and another friend I am laughing so much right now! It is good. 1
JDPT Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I should have seen it. Should have known. My reactions to things are always so much more exaggerated than usual when I'm crashing. One dude being a jerk all of a sudden and refusing to make eye contact and looking bored out of his skin to even be there shouldn't have bothered me all that much. It did a little the last time it happened, but not like this. Am about to go try another dose of oral b12. Don't know what else I can do. The problem is, I get the b12 symptoms if my b12 is actually low (which it has been) and I get them if some other part of the metabolic puzzle is knocking the whole process off. But it does piss me off that my brain is trying to tell me that it is said and messed up and strange because of some dude who I quickly was able to recover from when he started acting this way before. This just blows. I'm sick of it and I'm sick of my reaction to things being made worse than they typically are. So he's probably a player who likes to flirt with someone and whatnot until the next hot blonde who he really wants come along? No big deal, I'm getting plenty of male attention (now if I can just overcome the shyness to be able to do something with it!). So it bugs me that this is hitting me so much harder than it should. I'll be curious to see what happens with the added dose of b12. And kind of pissed, but relieved in a way, if this is more gravy than grave, so to speak. Time to drop it like a bad habit. You are more than self sufficient. This stand alone unit that can propel yourself.
AnyaNova Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Time to drop it like a bad habit. You are more than self sufficient. This stand alone unit that can propel yourself. Yes. I actually nearly succeeded in doing that once before for the same behavior, but then he drew me back in by being all well, you know, again. Fool me once. Yada yada. But I agree. How are you doing? You haven't posted in awhile about yourself that I have seen.
STM206 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 (edited) I met with a guy last night that was supposed to just be a random hook up. We ended up just talking for a couple hours and he seemed so down to earth an sweet. I told him about my situation and he told me about his experiences. He proceeded to tell me he thought I was beautiful inside and out. We've been texting today and now I'm in a bind. I can tell he is interested, but he knows it's only been 2 months since my breakup. I felt a connection with him on a level, that I had met a nice person who seems to be sincere and real. Thing is I need advice. I know deep down I'm fresh out of this breakup... My thoughts are all over the place. Is this a rebound? Should I try and tell him that I'd like to take things REALLY slow before we start trying to "date" Or do I take my chances? I wish I could answer this for myself considering in somewhat torn. What if I wee passing on a great person because I'm still processing things yet I found today his guy was a great distraction. I was actually looking forward to his texts! It's nice having someone to talk with, someone that is showing interest (even as a friend). I totally didn't expect this, I swore I was not going to appeal to others, and that It would be a LONG time before I dated anyone else. especially when I explained my ex story... Usually that would turn someone off right away as "you have too much baggage". The only part that says "give it a chance" is the fact that my ex is moving to another state, why should I pass up potential because I'm still thinking about him? He sure as hell isn't passing anything up. The timing just seems a little sudden and a little soon. Advice anyone? :/ Edited February 26, 2014 by STM206
lovebirds Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Follow your instinct, I'd say, and the signs of your body and mind. Are you still crying over you ex, do you still think about him all the time? Do you miss him, or do you you just miss having someone? The second option is better than the first, but being completely cool with yourself in being alone is even better.
L1ght Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I'm coping good. I have built up a network of female friends/(potential lovers) who I engage with on a daily basis and the more I interact with them the less I think about my ex. I think this is pretty much the best way to move on. Giving attention to other people in a positive way and building new relationships. Feels good and there is no way in hell I'm turning back now. Looking forward to what the future brings.
Shaine Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Checked his fb 4 months after BU. His profile pic is him with his gf. So yeah. Just confirmed today that he does have a gf now and the reason of our BU is because of this girl. It hurts now. I hope it goes away after i sleep it off. I prayed to God to please punish my ex and kill him ... I hope this is just an initial reaction to this new info. I hope i fotget eventually
JDPT Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Yes. I actually nearly succeeded in doing that once before for the same behavior, but then he drew me back in by being all well, you know, again. Fool me once. Yada yada. But I agree. How are you doing? You haven't posted in awhile about yourself that I have seen. I've been on the go, staying productive with so many tasks and I love it. I missed being busy, I needed it. Great news yesterday. I had a follow up MRI last week and appointment with Doc who expressed how amazed he is at the substantial amount of progress I've made in only two months. Apparently the fractures are hardly visible in addition to edema being nonexistent. It was certainly a breath of fresh air. And felt amazing to know that there is hope. I haven't had much time to think about the past, yeah thoughts linger here and there but nothing that I can effortlessly brush off. I feel calm, boarder line happy, moving on with MY life. I hope you are doing great. How are your workouts, getting all nutrients in? Have a great day.
Recommended Posts