Weallwalkthelongroad Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 I started the day off by deleting her from FB. I went out with a bunch of friends and having a really fun time. When I got home, I realized I no longer wanted her in my life in any capacity. Still been NC for 8 days but the temptation is still there.
Musing Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Bitter. Oh so bitter. Wasted my precious time for over a year, am tired of caring about him. Sadly, going to school rips open my wound every day I am there. I cannot wait until this semester is done and I fully close this chapter of my life and begin working. I can put "school" Musing behind me, and keep my ex back there with it all. But at this moment? He should go play in traffic. On a very busy freeway preferably.
Hoaks Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Feeling terrible today. Seeing and speaking to the ex is killing me. We decided to not see each other for 2 weeks (but still text and talk) and then go out to dinner to have a final talk and see if anything is still there. We also decided not to see anyone else during this time. But, my trust is not there after me finding flirty texts to one of her exes a couple months back. She went out last night all night. I called her today and she said she was at the beach alone. Then she said she got a lift home from a friends brother and was at her house. I said I can't trust what you tell me anymore. It's gone, there's no hope for us. So feeling pretty crappy and depressed realising now that we just don't work. And we have said hurtful things to each other
lovebirds Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I feel like now that I've learned to cope with being broken up, I have to learn how to cope with being single for the first time since I was 17. I am torn between being excited, confident, insecure, desperate, horny, ...
hearttopieces Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Not doing well today. I started seeing someone a few weeks ago. We have had four dates. They were good. But all this dating made me think about my ex again! I literally think about him all the time. I really tried to like the new guy but the more time I spend with him the more I miss my ex. And I haven't seen him for more than a year! So messed up.
jameslonn Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 in NC. minute to minute hour to hour goes by. biggest fear is the idea of nevr speaking or hearing or seeing her again ever. after so much love and time together i cant imagine that. devastating idea.
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Day 9 of NC and its killing me this morning. I wrote a letter to her but decided against sending it. I know this will only set me back. I'd also probably get verbally assaulted again by her. I don't want that so I'm holding off on sending anything to her. Need to find something to do today so I can take my mind off of her.
brokeNlost Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Not coping at all today. I'm reaching the 2 months NC mark and had trouble sleeping last night. This is the first time I had problem sleeping since the BU 5 months ago. Didn't realize why until I saw the date on the calendar.. the 23rd ... our would be anniversary
lakerman34 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I'd say I'm 85% over her. What will probably get me over that hump is getting laid, honestly. I'm just really pissed that I never meant anything more to her than "just a friend." Sometimes, I think I'm overreacting calling this a "breakup" because we never really dated. I feel as if I'm crazy and made something so small to be SO much larger than it actually was. She told me "it never felt right with you," which I responded, "that's because you never gave me a chance. We hung out 4 friggin' times and NONE of those times there wasn't some sort of deadline, there wasn't something in the background, we never got to hang out with just you, me, and nothing else." Her loss.
STM206 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 So I went out last night and the one person I never thought I'd run into was there, my exes "best friend" who claimed that he was actually his partner and was left to be with me. We chatted a bit and are going to meet for coffee soon, I'm 50/50 what if this opens Pandora's box, or what if he decides to fabricate lies about him. He did say that my ex really did love me, he saw him do things for me that he never saw him do before. Then to top it off my mom says "I know in my heart you'll be together again one day" Argh! Lol
somedude81 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Cleaning my apartment today and I decided to clean behind my microwave. Oddly enough there was glass there from when she dropped a cup in the sink and it basically exploded. I can still vividly remember that day three months ago. Every now and then I find a hair of hers. God I miss her
STM206 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Cleaning my apartment today and I decided to clean behind my microwave. Oddly enough there was glass there from when she dropped a cup in the sink and it basically exploded. I can still vividly remember that day three months ago. Every now and then I find a hair of hers. God I miss her Burn her hairs with a lighter and the smell will be repulsive. Hope that made you giggle! Seriously though, one day at a time! 1
somedude81 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Burn her hairs with a lighter and the smell will be repulsive. Hope that made you giggle! Seriously though, one day at a time! Eh, I don't hate her but that is a funny thought. Yes, one day at a time.
jameslonn Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Cleaning my apartment today and I decided to clean behind my microwave. Oddly enough there was glass there from when she dropped a cup in the sink and it basically exploded. I can still vividly remember that day three months ago. Every now and then I find a hair of hers. God I miss her im dreading similar happening - can jst see it flawing me
Isadora Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I honestly don't know what I'd do without my friends. I'm back at Uni today, and my housemates have been amazing, they noticed I was up in my room for a long time, so they dragged me away from my over and irrational thinking to distract me with laughter and jokes. I have so much to thank them for, and I know I'm healing faster from this break up because of them. Surrounding myself with such strong, wise and inspirational people (some single, some dating, some in relationships) has helped me to start to see the beauty in people again. I know I won't feel the same away about another guy for a long time, but I know I don't need to. I need time to rediscover myself and feel inspired by the little things in life. I want to build a mind that is mine and doesn't need a man to complete it. I want to fill my time with friends and hobbies and dancing! I want to feel alive again. And this time I know I'm on my way
JDPT Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Cleaning my apartment today and I decided to clean behind my microwave. Oddly enough there was glass there from when she dropped a cup in the sink and it basically exploded. I can still vividly remember that day three months ago. Every now and then I find a hair of hers. God I miss her In the garbage it goes! I found yet another picture of my ex's son in my laptop. I looked at it for two seconds and clicked delete.
realfriends Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Coming up to around 100 days of NC. Don't know exactly when and don't feel the bother to count. I still miss her. In a week, spring break is here. A time where we MIGHT of been going on a cruise for want WOULD of been our 5 years. Although I might have some plans for spring break, I know its going to be hard with what WOULD be our anniversary passing. At times I still struggle. At times, I wish I knew how she felt. What she thinks about me. If she still loves me. If she feels sorry. I miss the warmth I had and the comfort. The only things I have found to help me is change. Changing everything about me. Drastically new hair cut, new friends, in about 5 months a new college scene. I know I will be here on our anniversary for support. It'll be just another day in the book, but my head plays the what it could of been games.
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I just had a really crappy day and just shut down altogether. Didn't really feel like eating any dinner, folding laundry, getting stuff ready for work tomorrow, etc. Tried to stay busy but I am just so exhausted from trying to over-analyze everything and think about the what-ifs. Its going to be an early night for me. Sleeping is the easiest cure right now.
somedude81 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Something about long bike rides really get me angry. I love riding on the bike path along the beach, but it's just me and my thoughts for an hour. Unfortunately when I don't anything to focus my thoughts on, they turn to her. I call it the "angry ride."
freebird31 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 It hurts.. Tomorrow is his birthday. And it just really hurts. It's been 10 months. I sometimes don't know how I'm going to get past all this. I just feel tired.. I've spent these last 10 months filling myself up, trying to be content. And most of the time, I am okay. I am content. But I've never once felt as full or happy as I did when I was with him and it kills me. And it hurts still. Because how could you really care about someone and not want to be with them. There's so much left unsaid. And maybe he should have said what he really felt. He left me hanging. He gave me the impression he still likes me. And sometimes it's all too much. Everything. It's too much!!! And I'm trying to be patient. But damn it I have been fighting this battle for almost a year now. And how log will it be until I'm happy again I feel really alone and broken sometimes. I'll never forget how my best friend was NEVER there for me. And even after I expressed myself to her..it's never been the same. I just..this whole year has been hell. I thank god for at least giving me the opportunity it's to start fresh at college. Other than that, I feel so empty inside. No , more like broken. My friend let me down, my best friend. Who I've known for almost 8 years. And gosh! It's painful sometimes. I'm remaining strong but it still hurts like hell. And I'm allowed to cry sometimes right. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm just letting it out because IT hurts.
AnyaNova Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I remember being totally messed up and feeling hopeless, like if could never get better. I think it is why I still come here and post when I'm doing so well and am recovered from the breakup/relational end. Because I remember how much it was like someone let a little crack of light in the darkness when they posted that they were doing well! It does get better!!! I am proof and my heavens people, go and read some of my old old posts from when I first joined and what a positive shopwreck I was. If I can get better and be fully recovered, so too, can you!!!! 4
Xemyd Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Just finished crying for an hour. That should say how well I'm coping today. It's getting worse.
battlehard Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Really struggling at the moment. It's been 5 months and I really thought I was getting better but I'm back to feeling how I did in the first few weeks. Not sure what to do, I've followed all the advice I've been given. Just have to hope things improve.
lovebirds Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Went running for the first time in a long, long time. It is still as boring as I thought it would be, but I'm motivated to try and stick with it for a while And music helps! Music has been a big help throughout my healing. I now skip most sad songs. In the two months after the BU I would go look for them, now I don't need them anymore i do still listen to the Smiths and that has quite depressing lyrics, but I pull strength out of them now instead of more sadness. Wishing all of you lots of strength today.
potestatum Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I don't know what to say. I just want to speak to somebody, but I don't know who. Not to my friends. I don't want them to know that I am so sad because of her. I want them to think that I am strong. I am not coping well. I am sad, depressed. I miss her so much!!
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