How are you coping today?

[simpycurious]

It has been a reflective time while enjoying the sun and sand....knowing it is quickly coming to an end with the game beckoning......these are times that memories were designed for

 

[Cora]

I did something today I haven’t done in so long.  I took a peek at his girlfriends fb and saw a picture of the two of them and a long post with her wishing her amazing boyfriend (her words) a happy birthday and how she could not believe they have been together for 5 years now.  How did I not know today was his birthday?  I guess it’s just been so long that I truly forgot.  Her post went on about how the pic of the two of them was taken on their first date, but that they had been talking for several months before.....Just didn’t get to meet in person sooner due to their schedules.  Reading all of this makes me realize that the timing all makes sense now.  Around the time that they met was when he started becoming very distant with me until he just finally ghosted altogether.  Funny after all these years I finally get confirmation on his birthday of all days.  
 

I won’t lie, it stung a little seeing this.  But I’m in a good place now.  If I would have seen this years ago I’d probably be shattered.  Eh life goes on...

[Realitysux]

I'm doing really well. I feel great. I'm talking to a professor but it'll take a few to connect I think. I'm heading to London this morning for a rough day at work but a rough day at work is a work out so I'm up for the challenge. I've got some decks and fences to do this summer with a guy from work. Looking at cars this weekend. Picking up my fire pit this weekend and installing patio stone. Playing golf on Sunday if I can get a tee time. The courses are really busy right now. I am tanning outside naturally. I don't have bpd and I don't feel like everyone hates me. I believe I had an obsession and it was that it was fed. Ordered a couple books off Amazon and one is emotional intelligence. I don't think I was doing well emotionally at all and I think it affected my brain.  Proud of myself for sticking to my guns about it all. I think because I was so obsessed with him and the more he rejected me, the worse I felt and the reaction came from that pain.

Edited June 5, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

I think when someone has an impression of you then it's hard to change that impression so I don't post pictures, not that I did much before either. I think now is a good time to start connecting since I'm decent. I think I will take some English and math courses and improve my presentation. I need math for work tbh. I think now is a good time to start dating because when you are attractive and successful then a lot of people will want to be around you. It's a good opportunity now to learn who your true friends are. I did believe in myself when no one else did. When everyone else wouldn't even look twice at me. When I sat alone for years curdled in a fetus position too depressed to do anything else. I did believe in myself enough to keep trying everyday and now I'm walking again. 

Edited June 5, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

That's pretty much how I spent the past five years .. getting up and going to work and then coming home an lying in bed on a fetal position with only enough strength to be online. I don't feel sorry for myself but who are you to tell me I am not significant. 

Edited June 5, 2020 by Realitysux

[The Outlaw]

Empty. Alone. Sometimes almost hollow. I'm seriously starting to miss someone. 

[K.K.]

4 hours ago, The Outlaw said:

Empty. Alone. Sometimes almost hollow. I'm seriously starting to miss someone. 

  

[MeadowFlower]

Most times getting to know people is a waste of time, in the sense that the friendship either doesn't last, or, the interest levels aren't evenly sided. 

[Beachead]

@Cora

On 6/4/2020 at 11:41 PM, Cora said:

I did something today I haven’t done in so long.  I took a peek at his girlfriends fb and saw a picture of the two of them and a long post with her wishing her amazing boyfriend (her words) a happy birthday and how she could not believe they have been together for 5 years now.  How did I not know today was his birthday?  I guess it’s just been so long that I truly forgot.  Her post went on about how the pic of the two of them was taken on their first date, but that they had been talking for several months before.....Just didn’t get to meet in person sooner due to their schedules.  Reading all of this makes me realize that the timing all makes sense now.  Around the time that they met was when he started becoming very distant with me until he just finally ghosted altogether.  Funny after all these years I finally get confirmation on his birthday of all days.  
 

I won’t lie, it stung a little seeing this.  But I’m in a good place now.  If I would have seen this years ago I’d probably be shattered.  Eh life goes on...

Time passed on, you continued to live and both things allowed you to slowly heal up to the point where you forgot.  It's progress.   Also, adding another piece to the puzzle that was your breakup helps paint the overall reality of what happened and will also help you carry forward, so this is a good thing that happened to you.  Although, reading your Ex-boyfriend's girl's posts on FB isn't exactly the ideal things to do..it did ultimately give you some information to help you overcome an emotional plateau.  Sometimes, that's needed.  

Edited June 7, 2020 by Beachead

[Realitysux]

55 minutes ago, Beachead said:

@Cora

Time passed on, you continued to live and both things allowed you to slowly heal up to the point where you forgot.  It's progress.   Also, adding another piece to the puzzle that was your breakup helps paint the overall reality of what happened and will also help you carry forward, so this is a good thing that happened to you.  Although, reading your Ex-boyfriend's girl's posts on FB isn't exactly the ideal things to do..it did ultimately give you some information to help you overcome an emotional plateau.  Sometimes, that's needed.  

I'm struggling tonight. I went out and bought a new BBQ .. ordered the paint for the bedrooms in a few weeks when my mom moves out.. I picked up the fire pit .. I outlined the dig and started but since I'm leveling with an excavating shovel and a pick, it's going to take labor that I didn't have today. I went for a walk. I logged on to POF and have been talking to a guy which normally would be great except for he is involved. I figure ill just cave and talk to his friends until they decide to leave me alone .. that was my day 

[Beachead]

@Realitysux

If he's taken,  talking to him will only be a drain on your mental energy as well as your time, being it won't lead to the outcome you're hoping for.

Remember, the goal is to always guide yourself back to things that enrich you and generally bring you joy.  It can be something as simple as cleaning up the house and organizing.  Clear space often translates to a clear mind.  I see you've already established some plans for the coming weeks and that's good.  That's what you want to focus on because those are the things that'll give you something to look forward to, something to work towards, and a feeling of control over your own life.  In that process, your mind becomes occupied with the trivialities of those projects and you find having less and less time to think about all those other things that get to you.  Takes time and practice and work and its an everyday thing. 

If you fill your mind up with people or things that present to you circumstances that you don't have much control over, you're going to start feeling hopeless, lost or down.  What you put into your mind affects you so make sure you monitor that.

- Beach

[Realitysux]

I guess he gave me more the he could have so I should be thankful and just accept it 

[miranda561]

19 hours ago, MeadowFlower said:

Most times getting to know people is a waste of time, in the sense that the friendship either doesn't last, or, the interest levels aren't evenly sided. 

 A truer word couldn't  be spoken!. 

But people still end up in long term commitments and marriage. So its not impossible. You just gotta carry on and not let those slights effect you. 

[Realitysux]

17 hours ago, Beachead said:

@Realitysux

If he's taken,  talking to him will only be a drain on your mental energy as well as your time, being it won't lead to the outcome you're hoping for.

Remember, the goal is to always guide yourself back to things that enrich you and generally bring you joy.  It can be something as simple as cleaning up the house and organizing.  Clear space often translates to a clear mind.  I see you've already established some plans for the coming weeks and that's good.  That's what you want to focus on because those are the things that'll give you something to look forward to, something to work towards, and a feeling of control over your own life.  In that process, your mind becomes occupied with the trivialities of those projects and you find having less and less time to think about all those other things that get to you.  Takes time and practice and work and its an everyday thing. 

If you fill your mind up with people or things that present to you circumstances that you don't have much control over, you're going to start feeling hopeless, lost or down.  What you put into your mind affects you so make sure you monitor that.

- Beach

I needed that. I've accepted that I can't make him happy and he needs to be with someone who can. I've accepted that my person is out there and I'll need to find him. I'll need to move on and heal and learn from my past mistakes. I definitely miss having someone and I would want to meet someone soon but I don't have the opportunity. I'm keeping busy right now as best I can and planning my future. I've accepted what happened and I've distanced myself as much as I can through quarantine. 

Edited June 7, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

5 hours ago, miranda561 said:

 A truer word couldn't  be spoken!. 

But people still end up in long term commitments and marriage. So its not impossible. You just gotta carry on and not let those slights effect you. 

I don't have any connections what so ever and when I'm with someone I don't feel connected to then I am back online killing time when they are everywhere online reminding me that this guy rejected me. I was suffering mentally but now that I'm not, I do see the importance in finding someone on a romantic level. I am going to work towards finding that. 

[miranda561]

5 hours ago, Realitysux said:

I don't have any connections what so ever and when I'm with someone I don't feel connected to then I am back online killing time when they are everywhere online reminding me that this guy rejected me. I was suffering mentally but now that I'm not, I do see the importance in finding someone on a romantic level. I am going to work towards finding that. 

Its gonna take a bit of

 time to find someone you feel a connection with. .so dont worry!

[Miss Spider]

xxxxx

Edited June 8, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[MeadowFlower]

I'm not really interested in having interest in someone and them having interest in me, dating them. And then having them cool off and lose interest. 

Edited June 9, 2020 by MeadowFlower

[Realitysux]

It was a painful experience. It hurt to read everything he wrote. It was a very slow and agonizing process and it hurt so much because he represented so much of what I wanted to be and I'm not. It was like constant reminders of everything I've become. 

 

I'm doing so well mentally but I feel humiliated. I connected with people online, I sent them my photos only to be sent to this guy and constantly rejected by him. I felt so unlovable constantly. 

 

Processing it is that much worse since I am reminded of the fact he is with someone else and I've wasted all these years on him. It was like constant teasing. Connecting with real people and getting excited that we would have that connection again only to have the rug constantly ripped from under me.

 

It's gonna be hard to get over this and connect with anyone again. 

 

Actually it won't be that hard since I am starting to get out there again. It takes a bit of time! The more I have going for me, more to talk about, and it starts from there. 

 

I felt pretty bad the entire time but now I feel worse. I feel the worst I have felt reading and doing anything in 7 years. I want to stay home from work but I can't. I have made a few f*** ups due to the mental impact being here has on me but I think I can move past it and try to continue to work on my life. I am not going to read anymore or write to the guy. I think I was suppose to physically block him so that mentally I move on since he knew the obsession was Infact taking over my life. It's just game over. Looking back, I wish I just did that from the beginning. I worry a bit about connecting with people associated to this because it just fed the obsession all these years. I don't even feel obsessed with the actual man. I dismantled the pedestool but I have too many memories in this and that's what therapy is for. I'm going to try to find a good therapist. 

 

I made a mistake and I paid for that mistake. I found comfort and attached to a man who I should never have attached myself too. I should have found a way to block him. I did not end up better because of it. I am going to move past this .. I'm going to start connecting with healthy people. I'm doing alright today but I feel a little drained and abused. I don't regret my reaction at all because I don't regret the outcome. I honestly wish it ended sooner. I'll be alone for a bit working on myself. The gyms in my city are starting to open up again at the end of the month. I'm starting to fix my house now. 

 

I'm also not really in a position to connect. My confidence is gone and I feel pretty dead to be honest. I will be right and currently I have no contact. My co-workers will get me through this. They are incredible to me.

[MeadowFlower]

Sigh... It was kinda nice having someone message me and like me.. Talking about the ex.

[Realitysux]

My therapist thinks I have ADHD. I booked a telephone consult for a new psych and I'm going to get assessed for ADHD with no meds. I think my inability to focus makes it impossible for me to achieve anything and the lack of achievement keeps me stuck in a depression. If they prescribed me ADHD meds then I'll take them. 

Edited June 14, 2020 by Realitysux

[K.K.]

Well, I’m coping pretty well today. There’s no ‘protests’ outside of my apartment tonight so maybe I can sleep without hearing “fk tha police” every 5 seconds. I’ve also laid to rest old friendships built on one sided agenda and selfishness. And... I’ve also discovered that one friend of mine very clearly had my back and always has. That was the high point of my day.  

[The Outlaw]

I think I'm far better than I have been in a long time. I almost feel what you could say is free. Finally. I've got a few people that have helped me along the way on this board but there's just one friend in particular that's done a hell of a job with it. And I'm more than thankful for that. 

[Sarah_Smiles]

In waking hours think about them almost nothing, here and there but for some reason always popping up in my dreams.

Never good dreams either. Someone hiding something or someone. Covid worry kinda cancelled them out for abit.

[Realitysux]

I forgive you and accept that I was holding on because of an obsession. You moved on and I should have given myself better a long time ago and found someone who valued me. I will now and I wish you the best. When I get angry I wi remind myself that I have forgiven you all. 

Edited June 18, 2020 by Realitysux