How are you coping today?

[Realitysux]

I'm freaking out a little bit about my new friend 

[Realitysux]

Between my job, my life coach, and my new skin care provide aka former general hospital soap star who I have his phone number and text, I'm going to get through this and pull myself together .. cause he gave me his phone number. He actually emailed me his cell phone number and we text! I'll see what I can get out of this connection at a later date but maybe Sonny corinthos, it can happen and by that time I'll be a good catch but today isn't pretty at all. I actually feel sick. Nothing like a game of hack and trolls 

Edited April 12, 2020 by Realitysux

[The Outlaw]

I wish to god I'd worked ahead the other day so I could lay low tomorrow. I'm still tuckered. This is way beyond ridiculous now. Too little sleep. No wonder I'm somewhat irritated. 

[Realitysux]

Tomorrow is going to hurt! I just bought a bunch of skin care off the soap Oprah actor just so I could talk to him! But the entire experience was horrible. The women was telling me to stay strong and hope and faith and she didn't even know me to his ads. It was a complete violating mind f***. Plus the hacking and I went down again. The guy gets pleasure out if seeing me crumble that's why he can't leave me alone! I'm a bit suicidal again but I'm going to get better. Meeting life coach tomorrow. Two months ago I had the gym and a friend and now I have a life coach and skin care and I'm well aware that I'm not mature or smart enough to date an educated guy. 

[The Outlaw]

I'd feel even better if tomorrow wasn't Monday. 

[Realitysux]

My life coach is going to cost me a bit of coin but I bet he will be worth it. I can't wait for my session with him tonight and then maybe one day, I can fly to Bali and meet him. That's the dream! The soap actor never charged my card thankfully so I'm going to hit a store after work to buy products and hopefully pick myself up at work. I feel so sick and I don't like being here at all. It was so humiliating not to be able to crumble in private! Now the guys trying to make me feel old. The thing that keeps me going is how capable I am at work. I'm able to do good work and I might not be book smart but I can think on the job. That got me up this morning and now I'm going to work! It's a new day .. to hell with the men and women who dumped you! I know all the men I am working with but I can't show I'm weak. Have to be strong for 9-10 hours today. 

Edited April 13, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

And just what he did was enough to suck you up and spit you out. The fact he called me stupid, said I had a learning disability, told me I could never make him happy, made fun of my essence, made fun ofy entire life and threw in he was a better person and parent then I am. Then he tells me how unattractive it is for him to say something and I crumble. He actually takes credit for my depression too. A little cocky and arrogant! You think?

[Cornholio12]

Exhausted. Beyond that, I'm mostly OK. 

[The Outlaw]

I feel like a fool. That's how I'm coping. 

[K.K.]

1 minute ago, The American Outlaw said:

I feel like a fool. That's how I'm coping. 

What’s wrong. 

[Realitysux]

I have been acting like a child lately. I'm going to be posting less now since I realize my behavior was wrong on so many levels. I do, however, feel like I have matured in the last 12 hours.

[The Outlaw]

Still mostly feel the same. And slowly reverting back to my old self. Sometimes the feel good moments just never stick for long. 

[Realitysux]

Anxiety has taken over me. Thank God the saw blade needed changing and we didn't have one, I don't think I could have pushed myself any further. I want to crawl in bed for days but I know I can't do that. I tried to get some therapy going but so far nothing. I have no one to talk to but it's better then the people I have been. I have a session with my life coach in two hours and I'm going to take a walk in a bit. It doesn't matter what I say or do, they will never listen or accept any responsibility. The fact these people did what they did, they were never interested in me. I hate where I am today but I can't let myself stay here. I have to keep moving and eventually things will be different. My new motivation is bids. I have this vision of me in a really good place, bidding on projects but I don't know what I'm doing yet. I'm hoping to work on that with my life coach! Spent a lot of money like it grows on trees lately but that's the depression. I can't let this guy take anymore from me! I wish he wasn't in a loving relationship but he is and I need to accept that. He can have it and I'll work on something else for a bit. I really hope something bad happens to them but again, I have to let them have that and find something else.

Edited April 16, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

Ok so I'm leaving the forum and this is my last post. I'm working with a life coach and he said I have to get off the forum because it's an anchor that sucks me down. Before I left , I wanted to share with those who are really suffering some of the tips ill be using. I pay him and I don't want to waste my money.

I am creating a new existence with routine and hobbies and goals. I'm blocking the guy and changing all my information so he can't get a hold of me or hurt me any further. I'm telling myself he doesn't want you so you don't want him. You need people in your life that make you feel good. Any thought will be pushed out with he doesn't want you and therefore you don't want him. You are allowing him to hurt you and you have to stop. Unlearn depression and sadness. I'm including in my hobbies books and a dictionary so I can learn new words. Big books with words I need to use the dictionary to understand. I'm changing my network and making sure I remove the hackers too. I'm also going to workout at home. I wish I could share more with you all but I have to stop this now and move on. He doesn't want you and you don't want him. Embrace the pain and tell yourself you can and will get through this. Bye ls .. I can't check in later on either or I'll reopen this door. 

Edited April 17, 2020 by Realitysux

[The Outlaw]

Goodluck, @Realitysux. Hope it works out for you. 

[scooby-philly]

Spent the past hour crying. Been too good to too many people in my life and have not been good to myself or to the inner child inside of me. Guess that's my life's greatest lesson.

 

[andytuotuo]

2 hours ago, scooby-philly said:

Spent the past hour crying. Been too good to too many people in my life and have not been good to myself or to the inner child inside of me. Guess that's my life's greatest lesson.

 

Hey bro. hope you are feeling better now. I am here to talk if you need it man.

[Realitysux]

Alright. This is how I will leave this. I met this guy a long time ago but I wasn't really prepared or ready for it. It didn't work out. I have to get myself and my life together and then maybe I will catch the next one. I don't know what I would have done if they didn't come back into my life to tell me all of this stuff and to try to motivate me to still fix my life without them in it. The guy is obviously a really good person and I didn't really have the opportunity to thank him because I was trying not to see the rejection since my gut already knew all this. I had to face the pain in order to move on and I will not contact him again, instead I will thank him and wish him well. I should send that one last email just thanking him and wishing him well and letting this go. I'm not that selfish that I can't wish him well and thank him and let him know I will make better choices. I'm going to work to pick up on my slack yesterday. 

[scooby-philly]

5 hours ago, andytuotuo said:

Hey bro. hope you are feeling better now. I am here to talk if you need it man.

Hey my friend. I appreciate that. Not much really to talk about. Was just feeling sorry for myself last evening moved with some loneliness.  I've known for a long while...even when I was with my last gf what "the problem" of my life has been. Just need some opportunities to make the choices I want to make as I continue to focus on myself and my wants and needs. Bit of course...that will happen on a time table i cant control so i need to exercise some patience and love with myself. Thanks for checking in though

[Beachead]

On 4/16/2020 at 8:54 PM, Realitysux said:

Ok so I'm leaving the forum and this is my last post. I'm working with a life coach and he said I have to get off the forum because it's an anchor that sucks me down. Before I left , I wanted to share with those who are really suffering some of the tips ill be using. I pay him and I don't want to waste my money.

I am creating a new existence with routine and hobbies and goals. I'm blocking the guy and changing all my information so he can't get a hold of me or hurt me any further. I'm telling myself he doesn't want you so you don't want him. You need people in your life that make you feel good. Any thought will be pushed out with he doesn't want you and therefore you don't want him. You are allowing him to hurt you and you have to stop. Unlearn depression and sadness. I'm including in my hobbies books and a dictionary so I can learn new words. Big books with words I need to use the dictionary to understand. I'm changing my network and making sure I remove the hackers too. I'm also going to workout at home. I wish I could share more with you all but I have to stop this now and move on. He doesn't want you and you don't want him. Embrace the pain and tell yourself you can and will get through this. Bye ls .. I can't check in later on either or I'll reopen this door. 

Stay strong and take care of you RealitySux!

[Beachead]

@scooby-philly

9 hours ago, scooby-philly said:

Spent the past hour crying. Been too good to too many people in my life and have not been good to myself or to the inner child inside of me. Guess that's my life's greatest lesson.

 

Its alright man.  We all have to have a good cry now and then.  

That place that brings you to tears is very likely the place where the opportunity is.  That's the place where your deepest, darkest, demons come out to play. 

If you haven't done this already, what you want to do in these moments are, describe them in writing, while you are in this state of mind.   No edits.  No grammar.  We're talking free-writing.  We're talking f-words.  We're talking what you feel, that you wouldn't dare utter to anyone.   I assure you, your writing will be the most accurate in these times because your self-awareness dial will be turned up to 10.    Once you see what's what in that writing, then you want to address the root causes of those demons.  How did they come to be?  How are they continuing to survive and thrive?  What are you doing right now that's enabling them?  What, in your environment, is enabling them?   How much of these things are out of your control and how much is in your control?   A few days later after you've calmed down, compare how you felt back then to your current state of mind.   Observe how your mind changes and what triggers those changes.  What brings you down into that state of mind?  What gets you out of it?  

Get to know your demons well.  The better you know them, the more accurate of a plan you'll be able to construct to dismantle them.  

 

[scooby-philly]

6 hours ago, Beachead said:

@scooby-philly

Its alright man.  We all have to have a good cry now and then.  

That place that brings you to tears is very likely the place where the opportunity is.  That's the place where your deepest, darkest, demons come out to play. 

If you haven't done this already, what you want to do in these moments are, describe them in writing, while you are in this state of mind.   No edits.  No grammar.  We're talking free-writing.  We're talking f-words.  We're talking what you feel, that you wouldn't dare utter to anyone.   I assure you, your writing will be the most accurate in these times because your self-awareness dial will be turned up to 10.    Once you see what's what in that writing, then you want to address the root causes of those demons.  How did they come to be?  How are they continuing to survive and thrive?  What are you doing right now that's enabling them?  What, in your environment, is enabling them?   How much of these things are out of your control and how much is in your control?   A few days later after you've calmed down, compare how you felt back then to your current state of mind.   Observe how your mind changes and what triggers those changes.  What brings you down into that state of mind?  What gets you out of it?  

Get to know your demons well.  The better you know them, the more accurate of a plan you'll be able to construct to dismantle them.  

 

Oh yeah - don't get me wrong, I have no problem crying as a man and I realize, especially when we're still healing and coming to terms with things, how cathardic and helpful releasing those emotions are. And yeah - I don't necessarily write during them, one cause their intense and second because they don't generally happen when I'm in a spot to write. But I do keep my thoughts in mind and don't have a problem remembering what feelings came up. And despite the pain I do know my demons well - and I try my best to confront them - but just as they built up over time they cannot be solved at the drop of a hat either, so I'm also giving myself time and room to hurt and grow and feel so that when I can make decisions that help them get solved or addressed one opportunity at a time, I can. Overall, as I said, it's just the sadness of knowing I gave so much to so many people and abandoned what I wanted, disregarded my wants/needs and a bit of loneliness since I had to rebuild my life several times and spent so many years not pursuing things because I was afraid of losing people along the way - only to learn in my maturity that most people come and go from our lives and that while my heart aches/yearns for someone to share my life with, until I meet that person I don't have to give up on things. 

[scooby-philly]

And thanks for checking in on me

[Realitysux]

I don't know what happened but I feel happy. No meds, no friends, no new things but I just feel happy. I did log onto a dating site but did not find any one who interests me. The guy did reject me and dump me. He also had friends befriend me to dump me. I'm still bored but it's like I just got over it. I read a few things about moving on, one particular thing I read was about them being with someone else. The new partner isn't the enemy at all. They fit into the guys life at a time when I didn't and they are a women in love like we were .. when you see it that way then they aren't really holding him hostage, he chose her. It makes it easier to me when I look at it that way. I tried to talk to a few guys today but I haven't found anyone. I will give it a little longer. 

Edited April 18, 2020 by Realitysux

[Beachead]

@scooby-philly

No problem.