Xemyd Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Well, valentines day is done, but I still feel like crap. Valentines day has never meant much to me or him, but I had a stupid feeling all day that he'd call me. He never did, and I didn't contact him either. The only thing holding me back is knowing that he has to make the moves to get me back, he ended it. I know he doesn't want me anymore, it's been 6 months, and there's been nothing. Not even a damn breadcrumb. But knowing this for some reason I still can't let go of this guy. The little piece of hope I have is tearing me apart. I can't get rid of it, I can't go a day without thinking he'll contact me. I post here to vent, but I'm not sure it does me any good.
JDPT Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I think you totally just gave me a new fantasy!! :-p. :-) That sounds awesome. And having a concrete reason that you want to achieve, even if if is improv with the honey, is going to serve you well as motivation to learn and practice! Oh and I'm very rusty lol Good day today, managed to sneak in a few things. I'm not relaxing at home trying to pick something from on demand. How are you doing?
Redhawkk Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I'm not coping well lately. It's been 2 weeks since our 2.7 long year relationship ended. Today, I just have these urges to talk to her an to beg for her back. I know I won't do it. I'm better than that. But I'm aching real bad...I miss her so much lately and even when I try to forget about her, I just can't seem too. She's been constantly on my mind for the past few days. And to make it worse--I saw her in the halls at school on V-Day, and I think she saw me. She was walking with her head down and not really smiling, then again I looked away right away after I saw her, so I don't know if she ignored me. The experience was cold and it hurt. I just wish she'd call me or text me saying she wants to give it another chance. I miss her family and everything about her.
uku383 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I am scared. Very scared. I am alone. I wish that I'd never met her, that we'd never married. The world seems so threatening. 1
JDPT Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I am scared. Very scared. I am alone. I wish that I'd never met her, that we'd never married. The world seems so threatening. Pretty common feeling and as irrational as they may sound, learn to embrace this feeling. It will eventually dissipate but not without a substantial amount of dedication and effort set forth by YOU. Be strong, I understand the world may appear to be a very cold place where everything and everyone is plotting against you. However, learn to view it with an open heart, nothing is perfect. You will in time heal, don't rush the process.
uku383 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Pretty common feeling and as irrational as they may sound, learn to embrace this feeling. It will eventually dissipate but not without a substantial amount of dedication and effort set forth by YOU. Be strong, I understand the world may appear to be a very cold place where everything and everyone is plotting against you. However, learn to view it with an open heart, nothing is perfect. You will in time heal, don't rush the process. Thanks, JDPT. My brain can see that things will get better, it's my heart that's out of control right now. One of the most difficult things about this is that the person who I would normally talk to if I had problems or needed comfort isn't there for me. I'm sure that's normal too. I appreciate your reply very much. 1
John83 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Right back at square one with the cant eat, cant sleep, feeling permanant sick ectsince finding out after 5 or so weeks she has moved someone else in and hasnt even tried to hide it. Feel worthless as if i meant nothing to her, as if 7 years of building a future together and 2 wonderfull kids count for zero. Feel like such a fool and feel so unbeliveably angry which is made worse by the fact its in my best interests to restrain from flipping out. Hadto remove last of my things from the garage of our former home. Reversing onto drive for last time i had flashbacks to summer past when id reverse on and id get out the van and hear the my kids happily playing in the back garden and it brought a lump to my throat. Same thing when clearing out my weight training equipment and remembered how my little girl woul wander in and sit on the step and watch me while doodling in her little book. The blinds were shut but i had a little peek through the letter box and saw the empty yet still inviting hallway and staircase that id love coming home to. Then pulled away for the last time, everything now just precious memories. We only moved to that house in may of last year to give kids the space they need and a better life and i loved our time as a family there despite the bitter end. Can honestly say this weekend is the lowest point of my life. Sorry for long rant i needed to get out those feelings.
realfriends Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Had a little urge to find a picture of her and look. I miss her face and her smile. She used to brighten my day. Its been about 3 months NC. I feel like I NEED to try to date again. I see so many cute girls but just don't know how to approach them. Its not the type of guy I really am. It makes me sad because my ex is very involved and gets a lot of attention. UGH.
brokeNlost Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Just heard some devastating news from my friends about my ex and now I'm so overwhelmed with emotions, I could breakdown at any moment now
kart180 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 I am holding up well but tired all the time. I am also wondering what my future hold, Will get married, will I someone date me.
Inflikted Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 I, myself, am about to hit a massive "rock bottom" very soon... There's a girl I've worked with for a couple years, and I've been crazy about her for almost the entire time. I've never liked anyone as I much as I like her... She never actually wanted to date me, and we had a pretty rough time working together after that for a while. Now she's leaving for a new job, and I'm feeling like my world is coming to an end. I just don't want to never see her again... The thought of that just kills me, inside. Monday is the last day I'll get to see her. Part of me wants to say... something, to her, before she leaves. What, I don't quite know, yet. Something to at least maybe have some kind of friendship with her so that we can still see each other. But part of me is afraid she won't respond well to that. I'm torn between saying something and possibly ending things on a very bad note, or saying nothing and wondering if things would've been better had I said something. Either way, I can't even begin to get used to the idea of not seeing her or getting to talk to her anymore. I just... don't know what to do. I have so much inner turmoil right now that I can barely even take it, at this point.
freebird31 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 It's been a long time now..so long. My heart has been healing. A lot. I'm at a really good place right now:) I'm in a happy place. All those wounds and all that pain, is gone. Well...gone somewhere way far in the depths of my heart, where it comes out to visit me ever so often. Sometimes I watch a sad movie or hear a song and it will make me sad. But overall, I am pleased to say that I got through this long and bumpy road of letting someone go. I do not want to start dating and am just focusing on myself. And for once in a very long time, I am finding contentment in the things I already have. The job I have, people I work with. My class mates. Everything. I love my life, my family. And there is so much more room for improvement and for even better days, I can only imagine. I do miss my ex still, but who knows what will happen between is. Sometimes it feels like I read the last chapter in the first book of a sequel. You know. The way things ended, there was no end. Everything was just left hanging..... I still don't know where me and my ex stand to this day. It's been 5 months since contact. I don't plan on speaking w him. I'm very happy I am starting to see light. My heart is healing 1
Tripz Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 I decided to put a picture of my wife, that is taped to one of my computer monitors, in the window in my wallet. I'm doing this so every time I open the wallet, it will remind me to never take something precious for granted. It will remind me that I quit taking the important things seriously. It will remind me that once a really great woman loved me. It will remind me that I've learned a great lesson and to never forget it. This is actually helping me move on, believe it or not. I just did this today and already, I no longer have the urge to check her cell records for texts and phone numbers. I also didn't feel compelled to drive by her place to see if "he" was staying there. Was a really good day actually.
Itspointless Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 I decided to put a picture of my wife, that is taped to one of my computer monitors, in the window in my wallet. I'm doing this so every time I open the wallet, it will remind me to never take something precious for granted. It will remind me that I quit taking the important things seriously. It will remind me that once a really great woman loved me. It will remind me that I've learned a great lesson and to never forget it. This is actually helping me move on, believe it or not. I just did this today and already, I no longer have the urge to check her cell records for texts and phone numbers. I also didn't feel compelled to drive by her place to see if "he" was staying there. Was a really good day actually. Sounds like torture to me. Isn't there a more implicit way to remember you of this lesson?
AnyaNova Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Oh and I'm very rusty lol Good day today, managed to sneak in a few things. I'm not relaxing at home trying to pick something from on demand. How are you doing? That's ok. We all start from somewhere and we work to get better. As my trainer loves to remind me. :-) I'm glad you had a good day. I've had a great couple of days. I'd write more, but my laptop which I just picked up from the repair shop is repairing the disk and I always make a trillion typos on my phone.
Hoosfoos Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Almost 3 months after getting dumped and barely surviving.
LostConfused123 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Right back at square one with the cant eat, cant sleep, feeling permanant sick ectsince finding out after 5 or so weeks she has moved someone else in and hasnt even tried to hide it. Feel worthless as if i meant nothing to her, as if 7 years of building a future together and 2 wonderfull kids count for zero. Feel like such a fool and feel so unbeliveably angry which is made worse by the fact its in my best interests to restrain from flipping out. Hadto remove last of my things from the garage of our former home. Reversing onto drive for last time i had flashbacks to summer past when id reverse on and id get out the van and hear the my kids happily playing in the back garden and it brought a lump to my throat. Same thing when clearing out my weight training equipment and remembered how my little girl woul wander in and sit on the step and watch me while doodling in her little book. The blinds were shut but i had a little peek through the letter box and saw the empty yet still inviting hallway and staircase that id love coming home to. Then pulled away for the last time, everything now just precious memories. We only moved to that house in may of last year to give kids the space they need and a better life and i loved our time as a family there despite the bitter end. Can honestly say this weekend is the lowest point of my life. Sorry for long rant i needed to get out those feelings. Reading this actually made me cry. I am so sorry for your pain and I'm praying you feel better soon. Take care!!! ((hugs!!)) 1
LuvsTrucks2 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Not coping too well. Saw the STBXH at the tax preparer's office, he was wearing a hoodie that wasn't part of his wardrobe when we were married. Tax lady said that she was glad we were still amicable because she has seen too many situations across from her desk that weren't. It's been 5 months since we separated. Walking back into the house brought back a flood of memories. I was doing so well until today.
Xemyd Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 So after Valentines Day, I figured I could finally start letting him go. He proved he never cared. But now his birthday is soon, I want to text him, but I know nothing will come of it. It would be nice if my birthday was first, see if maybe he'd text me. I guarantee he doesn't even remember mine. I've been good with NC for the past 4 months, I'm sure it'll come to his birthday and I won't send anything.
LostConfused123 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 So after Valentines Day, I figured I could finally start letting him go. He proved he never cared. But now his birthday is soon, I want to text him, but I know nothing will come of it. It would be nice if my birthday was first, see if maybe he'd text me. I guarantee he doesn't even remember mine. I've been good with NC for the past 4 months, I'm sure it'll come to his birthday and I won't send anything. I swear, every time I read one of your posts, it's so eerily similar to my situation. My exes birthday is coming up too. Were we dating the same guy?? just kidding!! Hey, it's either laugh (or in ny case, a weak giggle) or curl up in a ball and die. I think we should choose the first option. My thoughts are with you more and more every day. Stay strong!!! ((hugs!!))
John83 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Reading this actually made me cry. I am so sorry for your pain and I'm praying you feel better soon. Take care!!! ((hugs!!)) thank you. Emotions must have been quite high as usually i cant describe how i feel very well. I get choked up re reading that as it brings it all back. I hope we all can feel better soon as we all share the same pain. Thanks again for reply,Take care 1
lakerman34 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 (edited) Today is my first day of NC. The girl was gracious enough and we had a LONG conversation last night about compatibility, our life philosophies, what we want out of a relationship, all that stuff. BUT, problem with that sort of conversation is that it ended with me thinking "and you think we AREN'T romantically compatible?" I don't like this "chemistry" thing. I think "chemistry" can be built if you allow it to build. There are SO many things that go into being "the perfect couple," and she and I had MOST of that. Hell, we even HAVE seen each other naked before. I think, down the line, we both would have broke and "chemistry" would have been through the roof. This morning, I woke up to her writing me one last novel about how she can't force herself to have feelings for me, she just doesn't, and she apologized. She said that one day, we'll both find the perfect people for each other, it's just not us. She's 21, and I think it's an age mistake. I just replied "you're absolutely right," and shortly thereafter, I said, "just so you know, no hard feelings. This is actually a good thing," which she responded "cool cool." She mentioned in the conversation how she "understands if I need some time of not talking to her." I don't care what the girl thinks, I'm definitely the guy that is closest to her, the ONLY guy she has shared EVERYTHING to. In the past when she described to me the guy she had her best relationship with, her description was, "I could tell him everything and anything, and I just knew he understood." She says the SAME EXACT THING about me, but no romantic connection. I don't get it. NC starts NOW. Last night, I got high with friends, today I slept all day, am about to eat, am going to watch A LOT of breakup movies, and tomorrow I begin the rest of my life. I want to reinvent myself. I have applied to a place in New Orleans (I live in PA), and, just to get away, I might take it. I need new people, a new life. A small part of me still thinks that this girl is not done in my life, but I'm moving forward as if she is. If she comes back in my life, it'll be on MY terms, and it won't be within the next year, and maybe not even the next 2 years. I'm also going to stay off of social networking sites. I made it so that she can't ever see when I'm online, and I can't access her pages. This way, she won't see it as my "weakness" because I've kept the pages up and have kept her as a friend. When you believe that the Universe is putting you through something for a reason, it becomes so much more bearable to go through, even if you truly believe the girl is burning diamonds because she only sees coal. Edited February 16, 2014 by lakerman34
Inflikted Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 I'm absolutely dreading tomorrow. I just can't figure out what the right thing to do is... I've never liked someone as much as I like this girl, and I honestly believe I'll never feel that way about someone again, so I'm desperate to hold on to her any way I can, even if as only friends. I want so badly to say something tomorrow before she's gone, and I think I have an idea of what I'd say, but whether or not I'll get the opportunity, I don't know. I feel like either way, I'm going to end up regretting it. Either I say something to her and it doesn't go over well and I end up making an ass out of myself to her before she leaves, or I say nothing and I spend the next however-long wondering if things would've been different had I said something. It's like a lose-lose scenario... I just wish tomorrow would come and go, already, so that whatever is going to happen can just happen already. v_v
AnyaNova Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 I am scared. Very scared. I am alone. I wish that I'd never met her, that we'd never married. The world seems so threatening. Your post really struck a chord with me! I remember how right after that last night in September, everything seemed so alien and so as you so aptly put it, threatening. Like I was this very sensitive screaming mass of pain having to face the world with all my naked vulnerability revealed to everyone and it just really did seem so horrific. Hang in there. It gets better. The sooner you can start doing things for you that you enjoy (and no, at first, you won't enjoy them, but do them anyway, because eventually you will have moments in which you will, and later on they will grow into much longer stretches of time where you lose yourself and your pain in flow), the sooner you will begin to heal. One of the lessons of a really bad breakup that you learn, is how to be your own self-parent. Your own self-soother. Your own confidante, and your own consoler. It is actually a remarkably healthy skill to develop. Unfortunately, most of us don't truly develop it until we are forced to by really severe pain. But repeat these things to yourself, especially if any of them seem to really help you. --You are not alone! --Thousands of us from thousands of breakup "classes" since this site opened have recovered and healed. And discovered we are happy alone. And/ or found someone even better for us than our ex, or at least, found someone we liked better than our ex and are really hoping they like us too, or are deciding to make our careers or our arts or people as a whole and in general, or ourselves our new lovers. --There is so much light in the darkness. I know you can't see it now, but whatever your spiritual tradition. Whether for you the light is Christ, or inside, or nature, or beauty, or love (more agape than romantic here) or a soft kitty cat or whatever it is for you. There is light in the darkness. Try to find little bits of it where you can as you can. --You deserve self-nurture in whatever form that looks like for you! --You need a new primary contact/confidante now. This should be your first task. --You deserve to take care of your body. Good sleep (if you need some medical aid with that for a little while, there is nothing wrong with that!), good nutrition, and good exercise. --There are many people on here at various stages in the recovery process. When you can't see light, let us be some for you in any way we can. --This happened because two people had too much difficulty to be able to work things out. This did not happen because there is anything intrinsically wrong with you. --When the world feels evil and threatening without her, think of whatever place feels truly good, safe, and wholesome for you. Go there if you can. If not, imagine it in as vivid detail as possible for as long as possible. --We know. You feel like you are drowning in the ocean tide over your head and too far away from shore to be saved. We were there too. It slowly gets better. It doesn't feel like it will and you won't really believe it will for quite a while. But healing will sneak up on you. *hugs* I really hope something in here helped you sweetie. I really hope that I could give you something to latch onto. I remember how desperate and horrible I felt when I first came here. My situation was particularly mind-bending and atypical and probably involved severe attachment issues. That made it harder in many ways. But there are many ways in which yours is probably much harder. I wasn't married to him. We were only together for a short time. The best advice I can give you is to become fiercely adamant in protecting and nurturing yourself right now. Your ex does not and will never again have your psychological and physical best interest in mind. Don't worry right now about making anyone other than yourself happy (as long as you don't hurt anyone else in the process!!!). -- 1
AnyaNova Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Valentine's day was great for me. -Discovered that hope maybe wasn't the cruel beast I thought it was. -Didn't get to the free concert my friend and I planned to go to because he needed some sleep, but -Went to an Indian place and both got free roses from the restaurant. -Went to a movie. The movie really wasn't good, though there were a couple sweet spots. But I still had fun. -Came back and crashed really late. Yesterday -Spent some time cleaning. My room is organized. I am about to go work on some kitchen and living room. -Went to the bookstore downtown with my friend. -started to crash a little in the afternoon (managed to forestall it nearly completely, YAY, BUT the good news is, instead of feeling sad about my ex, I actually ended up getting blue about the issue of feminine submission, the way that Augustine and his cronies manhandled the Greek and the punctuation to manipulate the meaning into something that seemed much more in favor of feminine submission than Paul really was, but NOT blue about my ex!) Today -Got back to the church for the first time in a few weeks. It was good to go back and sing in the choir. -Had lunch out with my friend. -Friend left and went back to my home state. -I had started to crash a little, so I decided to stay home and clean instead of going to my student association meeting (there is always next month and I really don't want to risk ending up crashing badly in public. They don't need to see or have to deal with that!). -Back to class and the normal routine tomorrow. I'm doing well. Hoping my NP gets back in so I can keep up with the treatment and get my next shot! And it is supposed to climb to 60 degrees where I live both Tuesday and Wednesday. This time, it will be warm enough, there will be sandals, sundress, and reading in the park! :-) (Why do I get so darn long winded when I'm crashing a little?)
Recommended Posts