Realitysux Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 Not that anyone's listening but I cleaned my house and went to the gym in the same day! 1
scooby-philly Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 I'm listening. But if you think no one is, try not using self-effacing lines like that because you turn people off, thus creating a negative spiral that becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. 1
Realitysux Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 Just now, scooby-philly said: I'm listening. But if you think no one is, try not using self-effacing lines like that because you turn people off, thus creating a negative spiral that becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Thanks, you are right and I'm sorry! I'm looking for validation on the forum now
Realitysux Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 I don't know why weekends hit the hardest since couples generally spend time together during the week. I realize, it's because I have more down time! During the week, I'm busy at work. 1
Realitysux Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 I was just thinking that I am no more heartbroken then when I started that job 7 years ago because I just did the same thing to another guy at another job (I shouldn't be admitting this) so what I need is to just start getting out and doing things again and meeting people. I won't be here long but I'll be here for a few weeks (on this forum). I'm in the gym, I've got a busy week, I'm going to get myself better and I will meet people. I think why I'm so disappointed is because I really felt like I can l do all of this but it doesn't matter if someone is here or not, I can still do it. I did not plan this for my career at all. I did not wake up one day and say I want to be a carpenter or I want to work in construction. I needed a job, office work didn't work out for me, so here I am.
Realitysux Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 (edited) And he told me he was fine and I could never affect his life. He told me he had a women he pined over so I needed to stop pining over him and I did. Then this women came and confused me. I mean, I can't be mad that I am in a different job in it's entirety or that I now live in a province with highest rate of the coronavirus. If I get the virus, is it his fault. I really have to work on forgiveness and letting it go but again this women is involved so do I stop contacting her and find another women to be friends with? I'm sure in a few months, I can go out and make friends again. I can go dance alone. I can go and take lessons and dance alone! I do really like her but he did put me through a lot and ultimately left me alone while he attended to another women emotionally. He didn't care too much about me on Friday! I don't know what to do. I'm going to keep using this forum to vent. It'll hurt less. And if I did get the virus, would he care. Probably not and if he is quarantined from the virus, he will probably be with his girlfriend well I'm in my house alone just waiting for the day to come when we can leave the house again and do I really need to be friends with someone like that. Edited March 15, 2020 by Realitysux
Realitysux Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 (edited) What's the point in having a friend if you can't call her or text her and say "hey do you want to go for coffee" or I found this salsa and bachata Meetup" Jose said I was needy and if I message her then isn't it like I'm messaging him? Even though I messaged him and distinguished the difference? If I'm blocking him then shouldn't I block her since she's probably just playing his game anyways. What if I don't look good. The point in connecting with females is that I didn't have to look beautiful of dress to impress. If I don't look good then is he going to say I don't want to do this anymore, it feels like a chore and then what's that going to end like? I'm processing this. This is good! Edited March 15, 2020 by Realitysux
Realitysux Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 (edited) What if I text her because they shut the schools down where he lived, what if I text her and said something along the lines of I hope our fellow (his province) aren't affected from the virus. He has friends and people go through this with. Am I selfish for not wishing him well .. I could email him and say "hey , still confused about this way of connecting but I hope you guys stay safe from the virus" then he ignores me and I'm back at square one. What's the point in sending the women? That's a lot of venting but I didn't contact him! Edited March 15, 2020 by Realitysux
Realitysux Posted March 16, 2020 Posted March 16, 2020 Okay, I feel a bit worse. The guy wrote to me and told me that men typically don't ghost or ignore you for a year. Then I texted the women who is involved and she ignored me and now I'm right back at square 1. I am venting and processing my feelings and moving on. If anyone read my post, I am making lots of changes! I'm not going to stop either. When I read the post, I felt a wave of pain but then it went away and I'm sure I'll date men when I'm ready. There is nothing wrong with being single and using loveshack to cope! I'm in the same boat as this women.
Legatus Posted March 16, 2020 Posted March 16, 2020 @Realitysux that's all we can do at those times. Battle through the pain, take all the lessons we can, and come out on top with more knowledge and skills than before. Ups and downs for all of us...
Realitysux Posted March 16, 2020 Posted March 16, 2020 (edited) @Legatus. I've got to find out why I'm so jealous that he's with someone else. Could it be because he keeps writing about it? I feel jealous but not as intense as before so definite improvement. Any ideas? It's been a long time and I should be over it by now. Edited March 16, 2020 by Realitysux
Realitysux Posted March 16, 2020 Posted March 16, 2020 I have anxiety because I should be leaving but am waiting for my ride. Its an 8 minute ride and I have half an hour so I'll make it. No one who cares about you would put you through this and the more I meet people, I will find people who care about me. I'll have to care about myself and give myself what I was looking for from this. I read it, it was harsh but I'm up and going to work, and to my training. Probably the gym too if I can get back in time. It will take time but I'll get there and I will find happiness again. If I'm working this hard, something has to give. I have to convince myself this is my job now.
Beachead Posted March 16, 2020 Posted March 16, 2020 On 3/14/2020 at 4:37 PM, Realitysux said: You are bang on. I just realized my trigger comes on Friday nights when I know he's not alone and I send emails saying stay away from me, I don't like you, I'm moving on and it is so pathetic. I do that because this women is involved and it feels like I'll get rejected or hurt again so I'm just ending it first. I think you did the right thing. I'm not entirely sure about the specifics of your situation but from my experience, if someone else is involved in the picture and they are together, step away. And if he's not letting you step away because he's talking to you, then you do what you need to do to get out of that mess, because you will be the one who'll get hurt. I am 99% sure of that. Why? Well, you have feelings. With feelings, comes expectation and hope for an outcome. Maybe that outcome is you and him being together. And even if you can logically process why that outcome won't happen and why you need to carry on, those feelings will make you wait on it. Try as you might to squash that side of you, you can't, because you're exposed to the source of your heartache which is him. When the mind is stuck in this rut, it takes 200% effort to get out of it because the habit of engaging with them daily, in our life has become deeply-rooted into our programming. So, when we try to detach, it feels foreign. We start to wonder about them. We miss them. We feel like we made a mistake. Doubts/insecurities/guilt plague us and the moment they send a message our way, we cave and return back to what feels familiar. If enough time passes, you completely get lost it and forget that life was any other way. I'm sure you know this feeling. To break cycle, you'd have to disconnect from him (The source of your pain) and fight through the withdrawal symptoms that'll follow, until the withdrawal subsides..kind of like rowing yourself through the violent, crashing waves of the shore, into the deep ocean. You are leaving what is familiar and comfortable, into the unknown, unfamiliar, and uncomfortable..all for a chance at something new and potentially good for you. And its not easy. Who wants to do that? Its easier to stay still and hide in that companionship and attention you get from him, even if its toxic. Everytime I had to let go of someone I cared for that was hurting me, it was like tearing my own arm off. It wasn't easy, it happened in steps, but after years passed and I looked back at it, I was grateful I exerted that 200% strength, to get myself out of that rut, because I ended up better for it. 2
Realitysux Posted March 16, 2020 Posted March 16, 2020 5 hours ago, Beachead said: I think you did the right thing. I'm not entirely sure about the specifics of your situation but from my experience, if someone else is involved in the picture and they are together, step away. And if he's not letting you step away because he's talking to you, then you do what you need to do to get out of that mess, because you will be the one who'll get hurt. I am 99% sure of that. Why? Well, you have feelings. With feelings, comes expectation and hope for an outcome. Maybe that outcome is you and him being together. And even if you can logically process why that outcome won't happen and why you need to carry on, those feelings will make you wait on it. Try as you might to squash that side of you, you can't, because you're exposed to the source of your heartache which is him. When the mind is stuck in this rut, it takes 200% effort to get out of it because the habit of engaging with them daily, in our life has become deeply-rooted into our programming. So, when we try to detach, it feels foreign. We start to wonder about them. We miss them. We feel like we made a mistake. Doubts/insecurities/guilt plague us and the moment they send a message our way, we cave and return back to what feels familiar. If enough time passes, you completely get lost it and forget that life was any other way. I'm sure you know this feeling. To break cycle, you'd have to disconnect from him (The source of your pain) and fight through the withdrawal symptoms that'll follow, until the withdrawal subsides..kind of like rowing yourself through the violent, crashing waves of the shore, into the deep ocean. You are leaving what is familiar and comfortable, into the unknown, unfamiliar, and uncomfortable..all for a chance at something new and potentially good for you. And its not easy. Who wants to do that? Its easier to stay still and hide in that companionship and attention you get from him, even if its toxic. Everytime I had to let go of someone I cared for that was hurting me, it was like tearing my own arm off. It wasn't easy, it happened in steps, but after years passed and I looked back at it, I was grateful I exerted that 200% strength, to get myself out of that rut, because I ended up better for it. Can I pm you sometime? I feel incredible. I got a higher wage because I knew how to operate a skid steer but I hadn't used one in 7 years. I just got off one and I completely remember so I have that confidence. I am doing good today! I feel like I'm going to be able to pull myself out of this.
Realitysux Posted March 16, 2020 Posted March 16, 2020 (edited) Really need advice about this mutual friend. She's not my friend. I feel needy, judged, I'm just trying to get through life like anyone else and I feel judged. I don't like the feeling I had today so I could use anyone to pm me and talk about a person that I'm associated with that knows him! I still talk to her. And if you are going to pm me then no new users! Just my preference. Edited March 16, 2020 by Realitysux
AIJ Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 Okay so I'll come clean. I've been consistently checking my ex's Spotify playlists since the break up. She still follows me on Spotify, it is literally the only thing we are connected on now. I've managed to go cold turkey on everything else, I don't check her Twitter, her Facebook etc. but for whatever reason, I just cannot resist checking her Spotify playlists. I get a weird buzz when I see she has added a new song, particularly when it's to do with being hurt or something. I'm basically looking for any sign she is hurting too. I've decided that HAS to stop. I've removed Spotify from my laptop and from this point onwards I am refusing to check. I HAVE to move on. 2
Beachead Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 3 hours ago, Realitysux said: Can I pm you sometime? Sure thing. I'm not online as much as I used to be but I will read your messages and reply.
2BGoodAgain Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 15 hours ago, AIJ said: Okay so I'll come clean. I've been consistently checking my ex's Spotify playlists since the break up. She still follows me on Spotify, it is literally the only thing we are connected on now. I've managed to go cold turkey on everything else, I don't check her Twitter, her Facebook etc. but for whatever reason, I just cannot resist checking her Spotify playlists. I get a weird buzz when I see she has added a new song, particularly when it's to do with being hurt or something. I'm basically looking for any sign she is hurting too. I've decided that HAS to stop. I've removed Spotify from my laptop and from this point onwards I am refusing to check. I HAVE to move on. good for you. some people excuse tiny behavior like this saying it's small... but honestly, all big great/horrible things... start small. hang in there, and do the right thing.. your next love of your life... will appreciate this...especially the future you with that next love of your life.
AIJ Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 28 minutes ago, 2BGoodAgain said: good for you. some people excuse tiny behavior like this saying it's small... but honestly, all big great/horrible things... start small. hang in there, and do the right thing.. your next love of your life... will appreciate this...especially the future you with that next love of your life. It's unfortunate Spotify doesn't give you the option to block/remove a follower. I was doing fine the first ~2 weeks of NC going cold turkey on everything, opened up Spotify on my laptop and remembered she followed me and had all her playlists public and it all just spiralled from there. But I guess the first step to recovering is recognising the issues, hopefully it'll all be smooth sailing from here.
2BGoodAgain Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 50 minutes ago, AIJ said: It's unfortunate Spotify doesn't give you the option to block/remove a follower. I was doing fine the first ~2 weeks of NC going cold turkey on everything, opened up Spotify on my laptop and remembered she followed me and had all her playlists public and it all just spiralled from there. But I guess the first step to recovering is recognising the issues, hopefully it'll all be smooth sailing from here. ah, i see. don't have spotify. it depends on you, but anyway you can make a completely diff account?
AIJ Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 17 minutes ago, 2BGoodAgain said: ah, i see. don't have spotify. it depends on you, but anyway you can make a completely diff account? I mean there is probably a way to transfer my subscription over to a new account, if I find myself drawn into snooping on hers again then I will consider it. Would just mean having to recreate my playlists etc. which might be quite time consuming but hey, anything to get over a heartbreak
2BGoodAgain Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 25 minutes ago, AIJ said: I mean there is probably a way to transfer my subscription over to a new account, if I find myself drawn into snooping on hers again then I will consider it. Would just mean having to recreate my playlists etc. which might be quite time consuming but hey, anything to get over a heartbreak true... think of her like a drug addict.. you've gone thru the step program, you are in a good place, but you will always have some preference to it... best to remove it completely? up to you.
scooby-philly Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 3 hours ago, The Outlaw said: Feeling just a little blue today. I hear you. Almost feeling like I'm turning the second corner right now. I'm getting tired of feeling down and sad and worthless because of someone who threatened to abandon me, threatened self-harm, ruined 2 vacations, one of my birthdays, and acted like I was inconveniencing her when I came to her all the time. And tired of feeling bad because I wasted so much time and energy (and money) on the wrong friends, family members, and romantic partners over the years. I'm a good man who's recovering from being the "nice guy". If that's the worse thing with me, I"ll f***ing take it. Plenty of women out there who want a good man and I've made the right friends over the past 7 years so I know I can keep that up. And @The Outlaw - Stay strong. You can do it! HOpefully only 2 more days of work, lol!
The Outlaw Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 1 minute ago, scooby-philly said: I hear you. Almost feeling like I'm turning the second corner right now. I'm getting tired of feeling down and sad and worthless because of someone who threatened to abandon me, threatened self-harm, ruined 2 vacations, one of my birthdays, and acted like I was inconveniencing her when I came to her all the time. And tired of feeling bad because I wasted so much time and energy (and money) on the wrong friends, family members, and romantic partners over the years. I'm a good man who's recovering from being the "nice guy". If that's the worse thing with me, I"ll f***ing take it. Plenty of women out there who want a good man and I've made the right friends over the past 7 years so I know I can keep that up. I still think that you're better off, man. But it's more and more likely that there won't be a three day weekend this go around. Not because of COVID-19. And I'm a higher risk being around a good number of people day to day.
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