Realitysux Posted March 8, 2020 Posted March 8, 2020 Having said that, I've heard it all. "It takes time to loose weight, it's could take years , it's what's on the inside that matters" to which I respond "it will be gone by summer "
scooby-philly Posted March 8, 2020 Posted March 8, 2020 1 hour ago, Realitysux said: Uncomfortable because I am embarrassed to have them. I'm in the gym, and I have lost more than 10 pounds so far. I've got work established for the summer. I'm going to be okay and I will get there but until I do, I don't think I am supposed to be feeling this way. I should be happy and grateful and humble not this emotional mess who seeks closure from a man. A man that told me to move on and then connected with women in my city to be friend me? It's not a good situation to be in at all. It's very difficult to explain! I sound pathetic on this site and don't really get much responses. I just write and it's annoying. @Realitysux - I can understand your point of view very well. Do not confuse your feelings or any shame related to them with societal expectations or norms. A high percentage of people would identify as "struggling" at any random point of time. They may not admit it freely and to avoid that societal shame they may bury those emotions, but they feel the same way. Not necessarily relationship related, but still, they feel the same way you do. And while we should remind ourselves that a grateful, content, and humble attitude (I do not say happy because we use that word incorrectly and gratuitously in our culture) proves effective in so many ways, other emotions - anger, sadness, frustration, even a little bit of shame, serve very specific and useful purposes in our lives and in our inner psychology. If you find yourself wanting better and/or more responses to posts - try tagging people using the @ symbol - which the site now allows. And in a moment of frankness - if you do not feel like you can post more details and/or post AFTER the emotional outpouring finishes, try some private messages. In using the site on and off for six to seven years, I would argue that the best way to get quality and quantity in responses lies in our ability to post after the initial emotional hurricane hits us (and I mean the daily or multiple times a day wave of bad feelings not the weeks or months long whole journey) because when the emotions lay in their raw state we tend to ramble on while as after that wave passes - but when the thoughts and feelings still carry that freshness, we can post more eloquently and organized.
Realitysux Posted March 8, 2020 Posted March 8, 2020 1 minute ago, scooby-philly said: @Realitysux - I can understand your point of view very well. Do not confuse your feelings or any shame related to them with societal expectations or norms. A high percentage of people would identify as "struggling" at any random point of time. They may not admit it freely and to avoid that societal shame they may bury those emotions, but they feel the same way. Not necessarily relationship related, but still, they feel the same way you do. And while we should remind ourselves that a grateful, content, and humble attitude (I do not say happy because we use that word incorrectly and gratuitously in our culture) proves effective in so many ways, other emotions - anger, sadness, frustration, even a little bit of shame, serve very specific and useful purposes in our lives and in our inner psychology. If you find yourself wanting better and/or more responses to posts - try tagging people using the @ symbol - which the site now allows. And in a moment of frankness - if you do not feel like you can post more details and/or post AFTER the emotional outpouring finishes, try some private messages. In using the site on and off for six to seven years, I would argue that the best way to get quality and quantity in responses lies in our ability to post after the initial emotional hurricane hits us (and I mean the daily or multiple times a day wave of bad feelings not the weeks or months long whole journey) because when the emotions lay in their raw state we tend to ramble on while as after that wave passes - but when the thoughts and feelings still carry that freshness, we can post more eloquently and organized. I don't get it. The guy used a dump site to dump me! He posted a picture of me in my weakest moment on Facebook and said everyone else would have cared more about their life. He said I was the last women on Earth he would choose. I remember connecting with other people involved just because I wanted to connect with him and they looked at me like I was nuts. So here I am and there is another women involved and why? I can do this. I'm in the gym, I'm on the nutrition program, I'm following it, I'm working and have plans to work and for what? So he can come back and say well you are better now so let's connect. And if I do find a man will he say "she is happy now, we are free to go". I can't do this with this guy anymore yet he doesn't have the decency to let me be. I end up alone! Mind you I also started this by emailing him so he could have just been trying to be nice which misled me and is also not very fair. You tell me to move on then leave and allow me that opportunity. He also told me I need to find a guy who makes me his choice, not an option. Great advice for someone who is obsessing over you!
Realitysux Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 I will never forget a few years ago, when he sent this old man. I was an idiot and met this guy and he tried to hug me and take a picture of me or something. He said to get a job that pays me 18 an hour. The guy didn't even know me! And he said you need to move on. Great! Gotcha so again, why is there someone else involved and if anyone wants to comment. Feel free!
Realitysux Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 OMG! And on the website "you didn't love Jose enough". I haven't spoken to Jose himself in 7 years and I'm really tired of these games. I'm 37, I'm going on a date this week (I really am) and I'm going to let this go for once and for all and move on! Freedom
Realitysux Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 I feel like a psyco when I freak out and send him emails and texts and fly off the handle! I need therapy. I'm going to see a therapist I feel bad about myself now when what he did was wrong. I may have started it but him and more than a dozen people finished it.
AIJ Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 Had a slight setback but already well aware healing isn't linear. The setbacks aren't as damaging now as they had been in the early days. Made my debut on Saturday and of course I ended up getting injured, hamstring injury so I'm looking at a few weeks out which really sucks because I had been spending a lot of my free time in the gym or playing football. Suppose it gives me more time to really focus on my University assignments as I come into the final stretch of my Masters degree. 1
scooby-philly Posted March 10, 2020 Posted March 10, 2020 You can love someone with all of your heart. If they cannot love themselves first, if they cannot make the choices required to make it work, and if they cant face the ups and downs of life by drawing on your relationship then they dont love you like you love them 1
scooby-philly Posted March 11, 2020 Posted March 11, 2020 Feeling better today. Hoping the mood swings are over - but I understand and accept that they could continue for a while. The heartbreak was my fault in the end - I tried loving someone too you, too immature, too inexperienced, and too broken herself. All important lessons learned for the future. Just want to find that place of equilibrium where I can sleep good at night, sleep because I'm exhausted and have worked my butt off, lose the weight I want to lose and stay active and fitter, and just do me. I still think about her a lot. Maybe because of the way it ended. Maybe because I was conditioned to blame myself when things go bad. Maybe because I was finally able to be myself fully - and while she scaled back the affection slowly - I was still getting something. And maybe because I finally "dated" the right way - letting her become my best friend in the process. I guess while the pain still lingers somewhat, the last point will hopefully be the most important one moving forward. I know I can be myself and receive love and affection. 2
Realitysux Posted March 11, 2020 Posted March 11, 2020 (edited) I started work today and it went well. I did have some moments of depression but because the job keeps my mind busy with measurements and math, it was easy for me to be in the moment. I did connect with someone at work. At first, I was insecure and thought omg my personality is terrible and she is going to hate me but as the day went on, we got a long great. I quite like her and the guys too. It's a learning curve and I'm nervous but I'm making a new comfort zone. I've been here before. I have done all of this before. Maybe it didn't take 7 freaking years but I did get back on track. I'll be able to attend the gym 5 days a week still although, due to an obligation I have, I can't tonight. I am going to bring my gym bag to work tomorrow. After a few months, I'll be better at my job and I will be in shape. The paychecks don't hurt at all. Edited March 11, 2020 by Realitysux Typos
Realitysux Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 (edited) How stupid was I to even like you in the first place. I had no idea that you would hack me. You did it before I mentioned the altered emails too! You hacked my facebook then made fun of me while I end up alone. You said I can't affect your life and your lesson was more important then my well being Edited March 12, 2020 by Realitysux
Realitysux Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 I'm doing a lot better. Work is going great! I'm home by 5, made decent money, enjoy what I do and who I work with, am in training tomorrow and on the weekend. I'm heading to the gym. I don't feel depressed at all! I feel very hopeful. 1
Beachead Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 (edited) @Realitysux 22 hours ago, Realitysux said: I'm doing a lot better. Work is going great! I'm home by 5, made decent money, enjoy what I do and who I work with, am in training tomorrow and on the weekend. I'm heading to the gym. I don't feel depressed at all! I feel very hopeful. What you want to do right here is use this good day as an opportunity to learn about yourself. Delve into what made you feel good. What made it a good day? 1.Was it the feeling of having a routine and something to do? 2. Was it the feeling being good at what it was you were doing? When you figure out the what, then push further down and get into the why. Why did it make you feel good? 1. Does routine take your mind off of your troubles? 2. Does it make you feel useful..needed? If so, why do you feel you need that? 3. You mentioned feeling hopeful. What are you hoping for and why are you hoping for it? Getting into the why helps you unravel your own truth, and you get to know yourself more and more. This is the time to do it. Not when life is amazing and its all sunshine and rainbows. At that point you won't care about any of this. Right now, on the climb back to the top is when all your senses are heightened. The journey is where all the wisdom comes from. Fair warning, you may not like the answers you find but the goal is to figure out what is it that you need from this life such that you can continue to bring more of those good days in. More good days, means your overall well-being will start getting better. You'll feel more positive, more energetic. You can use that energy to continue build a life that services you and makes you feel good and those subsequent things will continue to give back to you in good ways. The best part is, it is self-generated. It won't come from someone else. That's the most powerful thing you can do for yourself. All in all, I'm happy to hear you had a good day. That's something to be grateful for. Keep rolling - Beach Edited March 13, 2020 by Beachead
Realitysux Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 (edited) @Beachead I'll think about it some more but shall I be honest? About 7 years ago, I worked at a job that I loved. I thought I did anyways but I wanted to find a job, I can work and retire from. There was a man at this job who was an engineer. A 6 foot Spanish engineer and he was so hot! He showed interest and at first I was going to go for it until I got really nervous. I felt really embarrassed because of how nervous I was. I quit the job and then tried to get a normal response that I would get from a man assuring me that he didn't like me which would Ultimately help me to move on. Kind of like, get the guy to dump you. It was sick because I was sick and basically I didn't get the response from the guy. I applied for a job and I thought I was going to get it but I didn't get it. I no longer had a career or a job or a plan that was realistic and then I went down like a lead balloon. I was depressed. I began my search for a new career and this response from this person to which I got neither. If I were to write everything that happened in 7 years then this post would not end. I finally found a job that I can make something out of. It's challenging but still attainable. I'm learning which makes it interesting. I also feel like I am useful and more appealing to myself since that job helps me learn new skills but it also gives me enough money to afford the life I want to live as well as the opportunity and I'll be able to buy things as I want them too! I'll get more money as I get better at it. In seven years of not getting the response, I never got over the guy. The guy wrote so much to me over the years and I felt like I should never have ran from him in the first place. I could learn from it but will I find someone like that again? That's a whole other issue but now that I have a job then I can look at that a bit more realistic. I love working at and staying active. I am finally going to pick up some hobbies and the more I do this, the better my mind will get too. I'm tired from the 4 hour sleep but I'm also not depressed at all and I'll have things to do. I have goals with this job and in my personal life. Edited March 13, 2020 by Realitysux
Realitysux Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 (edited) It's a control thing for me too! I also really just want to have fun with it. Depression is draining and when you can get out of the hole, it's so refreshing that you just want to embrace life. I'm going to watch for triggers of depression so when I feel myself falling, I'm going to pick myself up with the gym or a hobby. Edited March 13, 2020 by Realitysux
Realitysux Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 When I write about it and read it then I feel like an idiot but I'm sitting here having a coffee before my work out and I'm trying to see things a little differently then I'm a big weirdo. I'm trying to give myself some self compassion because I really don't want to dwell on the past 7 years anymore! That is a long time and the more I think about it then the more it triggers me to feel worthless and depressed. I'm also reminding myself of how far I came in just a short time so how I'm going to be consistent. I work with some great people! I met one today who's been in the trade since 1997. He was very nice and even went out and got me a coffee (was in a course today). As I was leaving he's like we will probably be working with you soon and have a great weekend. These are the types of interactions and connections I need again.
Realitysux Posted March 14, 2020 Posted March 14, 2020 (edited) All my triggers are at home. I'm finished for the day and it's the weekend. I had a productive day. Tomorrow I am cleaning up, meeting a friend for lunch, and in the gym. I am sitting here and I received my working at heights certificate today, set up skid steer training on Monday night, went to the gym. It's 8:30 pm and I'm thinking it's Friday night, he's out with someone, there is nothing from him today, what was he doing to me? what was this all about? why do I need closure? should I go dancing with a mutual friend? (I am) it's just dancing, I want to see him again and if I don't then I made a friend, am I wrong for not moving on? to name a few!!! Would he do all of this if I was suppose to just ignore it and move on? It's too many questions for one person to have. I am just starting to let it go so I'm processing all of these thoughts. I'm not paralyzed at all today which is nice. I haven't slept well in a few days but I think I will today. Edited March 14, 2020 by Realitysux
Realitysux Posted March 14, 2020 Posted March 14, 2020 Also I don't feel bad about the previous rejection. I am confident in myself and my capabilities and I also have faith in God. I am going to attend church again. I haven't been doing much of religion or faith based things during the week. The odd prayor but I attend church and just give it all to him. I should start doing it more daily but I'm just starting to get out of a depression where I went to a job I hated, just skimmed through the day bare minimum and came home and slept. I put on weight and I already, just a month later, feel incredible. I just have a lot to get out .. I'm so glad they made this forum.
Beachead Posted March 14, 2020 Posted March 14, 2020 (edited) @Realitysux That's alright. I know 7 years is a lot to write about. Quote About 7 years ago, I worked at a job that I loved. I thought I did anyways but I wanted to find a job, I can work and retire from. There was a man at this job who was an engineer. A 6 foot Spanish engineer and he was so hot! He showed interest and at first I was going to go for it until I got really nervous. I felt really embarrassed because of how nervous I was. I quit the job and then tried to get a normal response that I would get from a man assuring me that he didn't like me which would Ultimately help me to move on. Kind of like, get the guy to dump you. It was sick because I was sick Fear. You were scared to be rejected, so you rejected him before he could reject you; a defence mechanism, to protect yourself. Quote I never got over the guy. The guy wrote so much to me over the years and I felt like I should never have ran from him in the first place. Regret. You regret some of the choices you made. Fear and regret; two very powerful drivers of our life. Both can affect our thoughts which affect our choices which affect our actions and that affects our life. They can stem from deeper reasons pertaining to what's going on within us. Addressing your regret, if you had given it a shot, it might have worked out. Or.. maybe it wouldn't have. As hard as you think about it, does it matter? The scenario was a scenario that was never meant to materialize in this universe, because you were not that person who could make that other choice. We ultimately decide to do what we do because it is what we wanted, it was in our best interest, it is the result of who we are..even if in hindsight, if it seems illogical or unreasonable. We simply maybe unwilling and/or not capable of making the other choice for many reasons. - Beach Edited March 14, 2020 by Beachead 1
Realitysux Posted March 14, 2020 Posted March 14, 2020 (edited) 29 minutes ago, Beachead said: @Realitysux Fear. You were scared to be rejected, so you rejected him before he could reject you; a defence mechanism, to protect yourself. Regret. You regret some of the choices you made. Fear and regret; two very powerful drivers of our life. Both can affect our thoughts which affect our choices which affect our actions and that affects our life. They can stem from deeper reasons pertaining to what's going on within us. You are bang on. I just realized my trigger comes on Friday nights when I know he's not alone and I send emails saying stay away from me, I don't like you, I'm moving on and it is so pathetic. I do that because this women is involved and it feels like I'll get rejected or hurt again so I'm just ending it first. I really wanted this to materialize in real life but I also know that he wants someone more mature and goal driven then I am. I'm somewhat ambitious but I'm not as ambitious as he wants his gf to be or I wouldn't be in this situation today. He really doesn't care about how hard this is for me, or I wouldn't be struggling with this today. That's what I'm realizing and so I'm very confused as to what to do with the women involved even though she is going to come dancing with me so I still get something out of it. I am also not allowing myself to be humiliated by my honesty. I am never being dishonest to anyone again. Heartache is painful s***. My friend and I were talking over lunch and everyone gets obsessed with someone at some point in their life and they are tempted to stalk them but you can't do it. You have to accept that it happens once in our life and let it go! I forgive myself. I didn't stalk him by the way but I googled him enough that I'm pretty sure he made the list of how many times he was googled Edited March 14, 2020 by Realitysux
AIJ Posted March 14, 2020 Posted March 14, 2020 This whole coronavirus thing is really starting to impact my healing. My university is moving to online only, I don't really want to go to the gym out of fear of catching it, I can't play football because I'm still injured and to top it off I broke my nose last night whilst heavily intoxicated. Sitting at home with nothing to do just leads to me ruminating again, it's so frustrating because I was doing so well. Now I'm just sat here thinking how its been two months and she hasn't even given me a single breadcrumb, like I'm not even worth a tiny, measly breadcrumb? I know it is definitely for the best that she hasn't, logically it is probably benefiting me in getting over it however it still hurts my ego a little bit 1
Realitysux Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 17 hours ago, AIJ said: Now I'm just sat here thinking how its been two months and she hasn't even given me a single breadcrumb, like I'm not even worth a tiny, measly breadcrumb? I know it is definitely for the best that she hasn't, logically it is probably benefiting me in getting over it however it still hurts my ego a little bit Bread crumbs hurt your ego much more tbh. You get a bread crumbs and you mistake that for caring and then Friday night comes, you get nothing and realize it was a crumb! Your ego will recover. Having said that, I'm cleaning my house today. I dropped everything else and I'm not making any plans to do anything else but clean my house spotless. I'm setting up a cleaner to come in once a week to help me since I realize my mental health does better when the house is cleaned and organized and i need a bit of help temporary to stay on top of this. I can't wait until my closet is organized, I can pick out my clothes and go at any time of the day to any place !
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