How are you coping today?

[scooby-philly]

32 minutes ago, smellysocksuni said:

Ugh. I am getting tired of being in this position. I'm still blocked by my ex. She's successfully gone a whole 'year' at uni avoiding me completely, and shows no signs of even saying "hi". 

I had two weeks off and was actually beginning to feel better. The ruminations had died down considerably, I was going to the uni library and being productive, I was even finding other women attractive for the first time in a year (or more). Then on Tuesday, I had to give a presentation with some other people in class. I thought she wasn't going to come in, but she arrived late, and I was so nervous throughout the entire presentation. I accidentally looked at her at one point, and she was looking at me, and that has honestly triggered me so much. She had a completely neutral facial expression on her face, as if I am just some stranger that she wasn't involved with. She's due to give hers on Tuesday next week, and I had seriously considered not going, but there's a full lecture then, too. I'm just sick of all of this. Sick of being blocked. She obviously hates me, why else would she keep me blocked for so long? I know people block and go NC, and maybe she's doing that, but I just feel so annoyed at this all. I don't even know why. Not that she isn't entitled to move on, but the blocking. All I said was "hey, how are you" and blocked. I guess it wouldn't have felt any better if she'd said she didn't want to talk. I don't know why this is making me feel this way, but it is. So annoyed and frustrated. And I can't even go up to her, because that's going past someone's boundaries etc - which is fair enough - but I just feel like I didn't ask for any of this. I tried to be a good partner, and she just treated me like cr@p. Now I'm blocked. Lol. Wow.

Hey buddy. I'm sorry you're still suffering because of the situation.  As we mature and look back on life we discover things that arent clear at the moment. No I dont say this to bash all women or all young women. But a lot of them are stuck up at that age. They're full of themselves,  they think they know everything,  and they also have a hard time admitting or even recognizing that they can say and do stupid or mean or bitchy things. It's like their the center of the universe. Some women grow out of that when they leave h.s. or college and become fully functional adults. But some dont. How6in your case just know that shes emotionally immature and she will visit that pain on another nice guy or she'll end up with a jerk who causes her pain. Regardless...live your life and know shes not the one for you and that even at your age, you already know and deserve better  

[smellysocksuni]

Thanks man @scooby-philly - I was really starting to feel OK for the first time, during that two weeks off. Felt good about myself for once but yeah. I think once uni is over things will be able to level out, and as for her... she is just a mess. The more I remember about her, the more I realise how unhealthy it all was. It's weird, I don't think I want to be with her, and wouldn't even say I have feelings for her. She doesn't even look that attractive to me anymore, tbh. It's more just a reminder, a trigger - like I don't wanna keep seeing her everywhere, ugh. Bored of it. Lol. Saw some of your posts up there also - how you getting on today?

[scooby-philly]

@smellysocksuni

 

I understand my friend. But while you can focus on leaving university and starting fresh...there will be times like this in your future. Maybe it's a romantic partner. Might be a coworker. Might be a friend or a family memeber. The relationship goes south and yet you still see them around. Learning how to let go now, to get back to equilibrium now, to go through the darkness now and emerge on the other side to the point where she csnt do anything to trigger you will help you so much in the future. Have you been going to therapy at school? Remember, the only person who should own your happiness is you. Talk when you get triggered. Hope also you're still journaling every day. 

 

As for me...up and down with depression. I kwo it wont last forever and k ow its healthy part of reexamining my life and my choices and my future. So I am embracing it and letting it teach me what it wants to teach me. But I cant complaint too loudly. Interviewing for a position with snow company that could bring a new job with 30 percent or more raise and finally have a team of people to lead. And with spring coming...more time outdoors. And I'll be on vacation the week of the 23rdthis month! Yay!

 

[smellysocksuni]

@scooby-philly 

Great news on the potential new job, that seems like the perfect opportunity to channel your energy into something productive and new, with that team of people to lead - and not bad amount of pay either! Let us know how it all goes, I'll be waiting for an update!! Ah yeah, spring will definitely make a change, better weather and more time outdoors always helps the mood, I find. Sorry to hear about your depression, too. Pretty much the same here so get what a struggle it is - just gotta get through each day, right?

Still journalling, and still getting therapy... You're right. This is definitely something that will help me in the future, I can see that I've made progress, really have made it through the worst, I think. I had a mild anxiety attack earlier relating to a thought about her, but they used to be much worse than that - where I'd call helplines just to calm myself down, etc. Didn't do that this time, just rode it out with a hot drink lol. So it's getting there. And so will you! We're in this together

[Realitysux]

Things haven't been going well but instead of looking at it as rejection or failure, I look at it God saying to get off the path and change it. I don't want to need this forum but it feels really good to talk about all of this and I held all of it in. I'm not perfect and I have to take responsibility for my actions and reactions. My reactions are quite frankly worse then my actions. 

I'm going to connect with a mutual friend and I'm a little nervous. I went through this before and it was a push, pull, push, pull and I really don't know what to expect. I know if I don't go, I'll wonder what would have happened if I went. I also need to connect with people and I need to connect with healthy and mature, honest people. You wouldn't believe how many people wear masks but I still think good people are the majority! You really have to be careful of the ones who will throw you under a bus! 

[scooby-philly]

@smellysocksuni - I appreciate the kind words. Yeah - I also founded and run a non-profit organization in my spare time, so it's not like I don't have outlets. Part of the last two months - once I got past the last relationship and all that was associated with healing directly from that, has been really giving myself time to think, pray, meditate, and reflect on my life. Not that I'm old. I'm only 38. But I'm not one to be wanting to wake up in 12 or 20 years and realize I wasted even more time doing the wrong things, dating the wrong people, etc. Not saying I'm perfect. Far from it. But I believe I am a good man, make a good partner, and that I can help add to someone's happiness (trying to avoid the cliche and bad psychological line of "make someone happy", as we all know on here, happiness starts from the inside. But you get my point). In the process of going through the darkness I've learned I have some, but not heavy, co-dependency issues....particularly as I stay with the wrong people for me. And I also have learned that I never went through a true rebellion stage as a teen/young adult. So combine that with abandonment issues from childhood, self-esteem issues that still occasionally hit me, and not having parents who let me express emotions growing up, while I've done so much work and improved and changed things the past 10 years, there are still a few things I need to change and address and I'm working on those but also practicing some self-love in the short-term and learning to dream again for myself and learning how to get back to being myself and being happy living the life I want to live. It will all come with time and hard work and dedication. Not necessarily 100% how I want it or how I may imagine it, but it will come. 

 

I'm glad to hear you're still journaling and doing to therapy. If it's been a year already I would say that you should be beyond the triggers, but I never dated in college so I don't know what it's like and also, your triggers may be bound up in other issues you need to confront and understand from your upbringing. So don't sweat it - just keep putting in the honest and hard work. 

[Beachead]

@Realitysux

On 2/29/2020 at 5:30 PM, Realitysux said:

@Beachead No pressure but everytime I post, I hope you respond because your posts are always uplifting and you ask questions that allow me to go into more depth if I want too which I do. 

I appreciate that.  Thank you.  I'm happy that I am able to help a little.

The questions are for you to think about.  I wouldn't ask you anything or preach anything I haven't done myself so these are questions I thought about myself. 

To get over heartbreak and people, it really is about diving into ourselves and learning who we are.  It's about figuring out what we want and need, setting boundaries, facing fears we've suppressed.  It's about being real with our weaknesses and our strengths.  When we get honest with ourself, we can then create the right game-plan for us to get us to where we need to be.  That doesn't that plan will be perfect.  It will need readjustments along the way.  But the closer we come to understanding ourself, the more in-sync our life will be with who we are, provided we have the courage to do what needs to be done for ourself to get there.

Your writing is just fine.  Continue to express yourself freely.  We all need to know we're not alone in our struggles and we'll all get to see that if we all share.

- Beach

 

 

 

Edited March 6, 2020 by Beachead

[smellysocksuni]

10 hours ago, scooby-philly said:

If it's been a year already I would say that you should be beyond the triggers, but I never dated in college so I don't know what it's like

Yeah, when I had the two weeks off I was beginning to feel better. CPTSD from a traumatic breakup and abusive relationship with someone who is personality disordered, and being around the person - to the point that they're sitting two seats behind me - is going to trigger me. It's not just a normal break up, and I've never felt this way about any other ex. So I would say regardless of my own issues, being around the person doesn't help, as was proved by the feeling better when I wasn't having to go in. Not long until I finish, so hopefully things will start looking up then. 

Edited March 6, 2020 by smellysocksuni
Punctuation

[scooby-philly]

1 hour ago, smellysocksuni said:

Yeah, when I had the two weeks off I was beginning to feel better. CPTSD from a traumatic breakup and abusive relationship with someone who is personality disordered, and being around the person - to the point that they're sitting two seats behind me - is going to trigger me. It's not just a normal break up, and I've never felt this way about any other ex. So I would say regardless of my own issues, being around the person doesn't help, as was proved by the feeling better when I wasn't having to go in. Not long until I finish, so hopefully things will start looking up then. 

Understood about the triggers. Didnt ever realize it was abusive. Hopefully you will continue to build up a defense and even before you graduate...find yourself not spending hours spiraling and recovering from her mere presence. 

[2BGoodAgain]

same ole story like most of you....

for weeks i'm fine... life seems to be getting better, life resetting, better choices, no matter the temptations that come along...

then suddenly i see my ex AP's social post and i'm blown away.... and all those feelings rush back in... 

this time, she's holding a child who's not her own...  i recall she had a friend who had a child like that.. so it could be that... or it could be a new guy's daughter... 

in the end... none of it matters...  it's frustrating b/c the mind knows it doesn't matter... it's a part of my life that is in the past.. there is no return to it... yet, my heart surprises the mind with how strongly it feels towards her...  but it isn't that lovey dovey feeling... it's just a strong reaction.... occupied my mind for hours...

eventually, i was able to push it past... and let it fade...somewhat... it'll prob take a few more days of random thoughts, before i can get back on track with my life... but the strong reaction felt like a punch to the gut...  

[2BGoodAgain]

13 hours ago, Realitysux said:

Things haven't been going well but instead of looking at it as rejection or failure, I look at it God saying to get off the path and change it. I don't want to need this forum but it feels really good to talk about all of this and I held all of it in. I'm not perfect and I have to take responsibility for my actions and reactions. My reactions are quite frankly worse then my actions. 

I'm going to connect with a mutual friend and I'm a little nervous. I went through this before and it was a push, pull, push, pull and I really don't know what to expect. I know if I don't go, I'll wonder what would have happened if I went. I also need to connect with people and I need to connect with healthy and mature, honest people. You wouldn't believe how many people wear masks but I still think good people are the majority! You really have to be careful of the ones who will throw you under a bus! 

it's good to voice things outloud... but don't do it alone too often.. it may release the frustration, but it can also make you crazy...

bounce off ideas/vents with a trusted friend/therapist... they can bounce you back honest ideas that may curve your path down a crazy, lonely, manic one.

good luck to you!

[scooby-philly]

Feeling down, sad, depressed, and tired today. But....it's okay. I'm accepting the darkness and not letting it define me. I came out of it once already recently and I'll emerge from it again.

[Realitysux]

17 minutes ago, scooby-philly said:

Feeling down, sad, depressed, and tired today. But....it's okay. I'm accepting the darkness and not letting it define me. I came out of it once already recently and I'll emerge from it again.

Everyone feels like that sometimes. This is a good opportunity to plan your life and make goals that would be hard to be depressed about. @Beachead made a good point, you have to learn about yourself through your heartbreak. It does get easier. I have mental health and when I was in the hole, I was in deep. I didn't have much help getting out of it because everyone viewed me as nuts. I was told a few years ago "you're ugly, no man would ever want you" and "no body wants crazy". I moved on from all of that and looking back at it, I don't feel affected by it. I've got some good contacts and I'm using them and I'm going to change my life! I don't know if my advice is any good but you can do it despite that someone rejected you. Everyone rejected me and I'm still doing it. I feel fantastic and when I don't, I will write about it on this coping forum too. 

 

Yes my behavior was absurd and my mind was terrible. Rejection does hurt but my point is you will get over it in time! You really really will. 

Edited March 6, 2020 by Realitysux
Type

[scooby-philly]

1 hour ago, Realitysux said:

Everyone feels like that sometimes. This is a good opportunity to plan your life and make goals that would be hard to be depressed about. @Beachead made a good point, you have to learn about yourself through your heartbreak. It does get easier. I have mental health and when I was in the hole, I was in deep. I didn't have much help getting out of it because everyone viewed me as nuts. I was told a few years ago "you're ugly, no man would ever want you" and "no body wants crazy". I moved on from all of that and looking back at it, I don't feel affected by it. I've got some good contacts and I'm using them and I'm going to change my life! I don't know if my advice is any good but you can do it despite that someone rejected you. Everyone rejected me and I'm still doing it. I feel fantastic and when I don't, I will write about it on this coping forum too. 

 

Yes my behavior was absurd and my mind was terrible. Rejection does hurt but my point is you will get over it in time! You really really will. 

I completely understand. As I've shared here and with people directly, not my first heartbreak and I've already come through the darkness once recently, so I'm not afraid of nor inexperienced with it. Kinda glad about it too - it's helping me address some things and will, once I get free/clear of it - help propel me forward to the future I want to have.

[scooby-philly]

Hello darkness my old friend. I've come to speak with you again. Almost feel like I need to post in the No-Contact thread. I know I'm lonely. Not sure now after a few weeks of feeling I moved on I feel like crying and reaching out. I know it won't do any good. Nor will it bring her back. Nor do I want the real her back. I built up a fictitious image in my mind. I really want to cry and scream - and I will in a bit. Was using dating apps the past 3 months - and I guess i was desperate for affection, a friend, etc. But now, now that I have a potential date on Sunday - just coffee/lunch - I feel like I need to be alone for while. Ugh.

 

[scooby-philly]

10 hours ago, Realitysux said:

Everyone feels like that sometimes. This is a good opportunity to plan your life and make goals that would be hard to be depressed about. @Beachead made a good point, you have to learn about yourself through your heartbreak. It does get easier. I have mental health and when I was in the hole, I was in deep. I didn't have much help getting out of it because everyone viewed me as nuts. I was told a few years ago "you're ugly, no man would ever want you" and "no body wants crazy". I moved on from all of that and looking back at it, I don't feel affected by it. I've got some good contacts and I'm using them and I'm going to change my life! I don't know if my advice is any good but you can do it despite that someone rejected you. Everyone rejected me and I'm still doing it. I feel fantastic and when I don't, I will write about it on this coping forum too. 

 

Yes my behavior was absurd and my mind was terrible. Rejection does hurt but my point is you will get over it in time! You really really will. 

Yeah - re-read the one and only post I made after the relationship ended. What a fool I was. I confused her lack of friends and a social life with being "mature" and "quiet". She's judgmental, afraid of being seen for who she is, and afraid of not being perceived as the "good girl". I confused her affection in the beginning (she loved bombed me) and moments of her opening up to me when she would cry as emotional maturity and health and actual affection. She's got low self-esteem, feels ashamed of her socioeconomic status and family, and she's not at the point where she realizes or understands that the only person who can change her life - is her. I confused her talk about the future with me and what she wanted in life as actual steps to making it happen and happen WITH ME. She's an adult and afraid of her parents, she's an adult with no hobbies or skills or interests, and she hides things from people. I confused her instances of threatening me with abandonment, threatening self-harm, and ruining vacations, days spent together (since it was a LDR) with her just needing love and time and patience and I confused being loving, kind, and patient myself with being foolish, undervaluing my wants, needs, and what I bring to the table in a relationship. All for what? For some cheap affection, for some routine and quite often boring sex, for her to just quit and leave for no reason, and because I didn't want to admit I failed at another relationship, picked another person who wasn't loving, kind, affectionate, healthy, or from a good (i.e. loving) family. WTF!!!!!!!!!! Seriously - f*** fixing schools, f*** fixing healthcare, f*** fixing anything else. Can we fix our species and get rid of all of the cold, selfish, frigid, emotionally unhealthy, unavailable, and unloving pricks?!!!!!

[Realitysux]

1 hour ago, scooby-philly said:

Yeah - re-read the one and only post I made after the relationship ended. What a fool I was. I confused her lack of friends and a social life with being "mature" and "quiet". She's judgmental, afraid of being seen for who she is, and afraid of not being perceived as the "good girl". I confused her affection in the beginning (she loved bombed me) and moments of her opening up to me when she would cry as emotional maturity and health and actual affection. She's got low self-esteem, feels ashamed of her socioeconomic status and family, and she's not at the point where she realizes or understands that the only person who can change her life - is her. I confused her talk about the future with me and what she wanted in life as actual steps to making it happen and happen WITH ME. She's an adult and afraid of her parents, she's an adult with no hobbies or skills or interests, and she hides things from people. I confused her instances of threatening me with abandonment, threatening self-harm, and ruining vacations, days spent together (since it was a LDR) with her just needing love and time and patience and I confused being loving, kind, and patient myself with being foolish, undervaluing my wants, needs, and what I bring to the table in a relationship. All for what? For some cheap affection, for some routine and quite often boring sex, for her to just quit and leave for no reason, and because I didn't want to admit I failed at another relationship, picked another person who wasn't loving, kind, affectionate, healthy, or from a good (i.e. loving) family. WTF!!!!!!!!!! Seriously - f*** fixing schools, f*** fixing healthcare, f*** fixing anything else. Can we fix our species and get rid of all of the cold, selfish, frigid, emotionally unhealthy, unavailable, and unloving pricks?!!!!!

I'm also going through a difficult time today. I forced myself to the movies but I rarely watched it. I spent all day in bed depressed and going through all of these uncomfortable and hurtful emotions. I'm starting to hate Fridays again and dread the weekends. I connected with this women because I was making steps to be a more happier and healthier person. There were too many coincidences and it occured to me she is associated in his mess. I'm tired of being the minority in his game. I end up all alone yet he wants more! I'm feeling very weak and tired and I just know tomorrow's going to be worse because I emailed him and tried to release all my frustrations. It sounds like you have some uncomfortable emotions too! 

Edited March 7, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

41 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

I'm also going through a difficult time today. I forced myself to the movies but I rarely watched it. I spent all day in bed depressed and going through all of these uncomfortable and hurtful emotions. I'm starting to hate Fridays again and dread the weekends. I connected with this women because I was making steps to be a more happier and healthier person. There were too many coincidences and it occured to me she is associated in his mess. I'm tired of being the minority in his game. I end up all alone yet he wants more! I'm feeling very weak and tired and I just know tomorrow's going to be worse because I emailed him and tried to release all my frustrations. It sounds like you have some uncomfortable emotions too! 

I have to get up and work tomorrow and I can't sleep. It's midnight now. This guy has ruined my life yet it's not enough for him. He's fine. He's carrying on with his life and he doesn't have the decency to leave me alone. You got a s*** ton of people on your side and I end up alone and you still keep coming at me and wonder why I'm not over this yet. 

Edited March 7, 2020 by Realitysux

[Beachead]

@Realitysux

Quote

I was told a few years ago "you're ugly, no man would ever want you" and "no body wants crazy".

You know what the irony is behind that statement?  Someone who can say such a thing to someone else, is actually the ugly one.   

And I am not sure if he/she realized when they were saying it that a person can be as good looking as they want, but if they're rotten on the inside, their relationships won't go beyond their looks and probably won't last.  Most likely, the best relationship they could ever have with anyone would be a dysfunctional one.   The reason people say such ridiculous things from my experiences are because they're judging themselves by those harsh standards and are unknowingly projecting onto you, their own insecurities and perceptions of life and people.  That comes from their own experiences.  They will struggle to meet those standards they place on themselves and eventually will burn out.  In the end, they suffer tremendously.    So going forward,  I hope you know, if someone runs you down like that..just feel sorry for them.   

I thought I'd address that even though I realize you're passed it.

Edited March 8, 2020 by Beachead

[Realitysux]

8 hours ago, Beachead said:

@Realitysux

You know what the irony is behind that statement?  Someone who can say such a thing to someone else, is actually the ugly one.   

And I am not sure if he/she realized when they were saying it that a person can be as good looking as they want, but if they're rotten on the inside, their relationships won't go beyond their looks and probably won't last.  Most likely, the best relationship they could ever have with anyone would be a dysfunctional one.   The reason people say such ridiculous things from my experiences are because they're judging themselves by those harsh standards and are unknowingly projecting onto you, their own insecurities and perceptions of life and people.  That comes from their own experiences.  They will struggle to meet those standards they place on themselves and eventually will burn out.  In the end, they suffer tremendously.    So going forward,  I hope you know, if someone runs you down like that..just feel sorry for them.   

I thought I'd address that even though I realize you're passed it.

Thank you! It never hurts to hear that. I kind of feel embarrassed for writing on this forum so much but I also think it's good to get it all out. There is about 7 or 8 years of s*** that happened and the bottom line is I end up in a s***ty city depressed. I can not wake up and go to work and come home and live that life here because I just end up more depressed with this feeling that I am wasting the one and only life God gave me. And then when I don't do that and i make other plans for myself, I get excited. 

I guess because I know both sides of depression and happiness, I would never choose to be depressed. A lot of people don't know me and do judge me but I don't care. I know what I am capable of and I know I'm a really strong person and that I can actually do this once I make a realistic plan for myself. 

I logged onto a dating site and met a guy. I'm not so much looking to date right now but the fact I could pick one up gave me the confidence I needed to know I've got options. I do have more options then a lot of people and I'm fortunate enough that way. I don't take that for granted but if I keep bouncing then I'll end up nowhere. I've got some choices to make over the next couple of days and then I have to keep moving. 

I've got to at some point communicate with a client because there is some misunderstandings happening right now but there hasn't been an opportunity. I am waiting for that opportunity and then the next month at work may be easier since I do work just not one job 9-5 type deal.

The guy situation is really complicated too. It's a situation that has also happened over the course of 7 or 8 years and I'm suppose to close this and walk away but they sent this women to reply to an ad I had posted to make some female friends with and go do girl stuff with. I like her a lot and I feel great when I speak to her and the guys not bad at all. Tremendous human being and an incredible soul but I have some "personal challenges". 

I'm almost paralyzed and can't get to where I need to be in life to connect with this individual. They say move on and then do things that confuse me. Meanwhile, I'm trying to get myself better and I really don't know how to explain this. 

[Realitysux]

5 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

I guess because I know both sides of depression and happiness, I would never choose to be depressed.

What if I did do it? What if my plan actually worked. Imagine what living that life would feel like? 

[Realitysux]

9 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

What if I did do it? What if my plan actually worked. Imagine what living that life would feel like? 

And the worst part about depression is that I have to go to church, clean my house, and go to the gym and it's going to take every bit of focus today to get that all done. I'm suppose to go meet a friend but I can't throw that into the loop today or that's overwhelming. I'm going to start by making breakfast, then start the laundry, go to church, come home, clean some more and then go to the gym! 

[Realitysux]

Just thought I'd share with you a lighter conversation here with you. I completely forgot about the time change and walked into church an hour late! It happens every year to somebody and this was my year. I walked in right when they were talking about the responsibility of working and righteousness. Okay God, that's a clear enough sign for me. I come home and find a few jobs I can apply for but I can't open my resume? My son did a factory reset so I don't have word to redo this, I have to wait until tomorrow and go use a computer to apply for a job. I'm going away for work but I don't actually leave until April or May but I can find another job until then! It's just funny how this happened. Probably wants more silence from me so he can give me more direction? Remember, God does have a plan for you and a really great way of getting you there. 

[scooby-philly]

On 3/6/2020 at 11:23 PM, Realitysux said:

I'm also going through a difficult time today. I forced myself to the movies but I rarely watched it. I spent all day in bed depressed and going through all of these uncomfortable and hurtful emotions. I'm starting to hate Fridays again and dread the weekends. I connected with this women because I was making steps to be a more happier and healthier person. There were too many coincidences and it occured to me she is associated in his mess. I'm tired of being the minority in his game. I end up all alone yet he wants more! I'm feeling very weak and tired and I just know tomorrow's going to be worse because I emailed him and tried to release all my frustrations. It sounds like you have some uncomfortable emotions too! 

Not sure what you meant by "uncomfortable emotions". I have learned to embrace the darkness and accept my emotions. They are what they are for a reason. If they feel "uncomfortable" to you there's a reason for it. Your ego, the universe, your inner child - whatever you want to name it - is trying to get you to respond to it, to realize something about yourself, your inner psychology, your choices, etc. - whatever "it" is, and to learn, grow, and heal.

[Realitysux]

2 hours ago, scooby-philly said:

Not sure what you meant by "uncomfortable emotions". I have learned to embrace the darkness and accept my emotions. They are what they are for a reason. If they feel "uncomfortable" to you there's a reason for it. Your ego, the universe, your inner child - whatever you want to name it - is trying to get you to respond to it, to realize something about yourself, your inner psychology, your choices, etc. - whatever "it" is, and to learn, grow, and heal.

Uncomfortable because I am embarrassed to have them. I'm in the gym, and I have lost more than 10 pounds so far. I've got work established for the summer. I'm going to be okay and I will get there but until I do, I don't think I am supposed to be feeling this way. I should be happy and grateful and humble not this emotional mess who seeks closure from a man. A man that told me to move on and then connected with women in my city to be friend me? It's not a good situation to be in at all. It's very difficult to explain! I sound pathetic on this site and don't really get much responses. I just write and it's annoying.