Beachead Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, Realitysux said: You ever sit and ask yourself, how did this happen? We should be living life and enjoying every second of it. I do. Question for you is what is living life to you? 8 hours ago, Realitysux said: We should be out building relationships and excuse my bluntness but having sex. I think many of us are societally conditioned to think and feel this way..not to undermine how you feel as I certainly feel this myself sometimes..more so in the past. But..everyday, we're hit with 1000's and 1000's of subliminal messages by movies, shows, social media, vlogs and videos online, articles, music and every single person we have interacted with (Whether they are family, friends, acquaintances or strangers) of what happiness and success should look like. Many people out there feel those pressures, succumb to it by dating and burning themselves out because that's what they think they should be doing, and in process perpetuate that idea. So then you or me or someone feeling low on themselves, in our absolute vulnerability, might perceive our environment in a way that affirms are personal biases, rooted from our insecurities and our general feelings about ourself and our life. What we may perceive may not be what actually is. People aren't necessarily happy or in love when they are having sex or in a lasting relationship. Some can stay in relationships or marriages they are generally unhappy in to show everyone else around them that they're "lovable" and "accomplished" because that's how they define their worth. Some stay in those relationships because they are afraid to be alone. Some because of kids or financial reasons etc. Some do it because of family pressures. Out of all those relationships you see out there..I don't think very many of them started because of genuine reasons. I don't think very many of them last and/or are healthy. Regarding sex..its attainable with a little bit of effort and risk but without the emotional intimacy behind it, its just physical thing. Temporary euphoria. You can go out someplace, meet someone, have a quick night with them, feel elated in that moment, and by next week feel empty again. In this case, it functions no differently than a drug. So all in all, I ultimately think we should be out doing what we want to be doing, because it means something to us. It's just many people make that thing, attaining people because of those above pressures. That's where they fail. People is the one thing you cannot make a goal. Since people have free-will, lives of their own, and we have no control over how they are affected by their lives or the choices they make because of it..they are risky. Liable to change, liable to leave. In this day and age..more so than ever. If we have nothing else going for ourself and we end up with someone, we feel better than ever..if they leave, we crash and burn. To dilute to that effect, we need to find something that has nothing to do with anybody, but drives us, makes us focus, makes us light up when we talk about it, and gives us purpose. You find that, then your life is aligned with your soul, and your best self will come out and the right people for you, will be attracted to that. But, never make it about people. It has to be for you. Anyone here can challenge me on that and I'll gladly welcome other opinions and perspectives to my own, but based on my years..this is what I've come to. Edited February 29, 2020 by Beachead 2
Realitysux Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 10 minutes ago, Beachead said: I do. Question for you is what is living life to you? I think many of us are societally conditioned to think and feel this way..not to undermine how you feel as I certainly feel this myself sometimes..more so in the past. But..everyday, we're hit with 1000's and 1000's of subliminal messages by movies, shows, social media, vlogs and videos online, articles, music and every single person we have interacted with (Whether they are family, friends, acquaintances or strangers) of what happiness and success should look like. Many people out there feel those pressures, succumb to it by dating and burning themselves out because that's what they think they should be doing, and in process perpetuate that idea. So then you or me or someone feeling low on themselves, in our absolute vulnerability, might perceive our environment in a way that affirms are personal biases, rooted from our insecurities and our general feelings about ourself and our life. What we may perceive may not be what actually is. People aren't necessarily happy or in love when they are having sex or in a lasting relationship. Some can stay in relationships or marriages they are generally unhappy in to show everyone else around them that they're "lovable" and "accomplished" because that's how they define their worth. Some stay in those relationships because they are afraid to be alone. Some because of kids or financial reasons etc. Some do it because of family pressures. Out of all those relationships you see out there..I don't think very many of them started because of genuine reasons. I don't think very many of them last and/or are healthy. Regarding sex..its attainable with a little bit of effort and risk but without the emotional intimacy behind it, its just physical thing. Temporary euphoria. You can go out someplace, meet someone, have a quick night with them, feel elated in that moment, and by next week feel empty again. In this case, it functions no differently than a drug. So all in all, I ultimately think we should be out doing what we want to be doing, because it means something to us. It's just many people make that thing, attaining people because of those above pressures. That's where they fail. People is the one thing you cannot make a goal. Since people have free-will, lives of their own, and we have no control over how they are affected by their lives or the choices they make because of it..they are risky. Liable to change, liable to leave. In this day and age..more so than ever. If we have nothing else going for ourself and we end up with someone, we feel better than ever..if they leave, we crash and burn. To dilute to that effect, we need to find something that has nothing to do with anybody, but drives us, makes us focus, makes us light up when we talk about it, and gives us purpose. You find that, then your life is aligned with your soul, and your best self will come out and the right people for you, will be attracted to that. But, never make it about people. It has to be for you. Anyone here can challenge me on that and I'll gladly welcome other opinions and perspectives to my own, but based on my years..this is what I've come to. @Beachead No pressure but everytime I post, I hope you respond because your posts are always uplifting and you ask questions that allow me to go into more depth if I want too which I do. I'm taking care of myself again and people are noticing (they typically do), but that's not why I'm doing this and I am not going to jump into a one night stand with anyone for that exact reason. I know I'll end up feeling worse about myself. Sex is a desire right now but it isn't a solution for any of this. I clearly still have a crush on a man and I only fool myself into thinking I am over it. Success to me is being happy and living a life you are passionate about. Its hard to navigate through all the world's pressures but deep down I think you know the path to self fulfillment and you have to follow that. I've never been a good writer so forgive me but this is still new to me. I watch and suffer in silence most of the time!
Realitysux Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 @Beachead I am living life. There are challenges because bills have to be paid and chores have to be done. I get up everyday and I'm excited! I'm a self starter and self motivated so I make my own schedule. I'm disciplined and taking some risks so that I can enjoy life to the fullest. Take vacations. Shop. Meet friends and socialize. Have a romantic relationship that gives your body quiver's. I won't accomplish everything in one day but I will eventually and then I'll set new goals and achieve them. I actually have a lot going on right now! 1
Realitysux Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 I need patience which is why I'm using this forum. I was talking to my friend and if I talk to much then he says he has to go .. I'm hoping as my plan moves forward I will be more humble and less anxious about it. 1
MeadowFlower Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 2 hours ago, Beachead said: People is the one thing you cannot make a goal. This here
simpycurious Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 18 minutes ago, MeadowFlower said: This here and People MATTER THE MOST never get very far past the fact that people are what's important not material things or anything of the sort
Realitysux Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 9 minutes ago, simpycurious said: and People MATTER THE MOST never get very far past the fact that people are what's important not material things or anything of the sort @simpycurious What's your story? What brought you to LS? I looked through your profile but you haven't said much.
MeadowFlower Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 Our hearts hurt when we aren't wanted by the person we want to be wanted by. 4
Realitysux Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 I'm doing okay today. I was talking to someone last night and it really helped me. My posts are going to confuse a lot of people but what I'm struggling with is obsessive thoughts due to my mental health. I'm not paralyzed by them today at all. I'm going to church this morning and I'm proud to say that because you can absolutely show God off. I am also picking up some groceries I need to send samples over for my food business and I'm in a course next Friday for business. I don't feel consumed or jealous or anything at all today that discourages me. I'm very optimistic and focused about my future and I'm really going to let God guide me! Yes my posts are so confusing but I have 8 years worth of drama and I don't know how to explain any of it! 1
scooby-philly Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 I'm feeling - better. I know the shame, the anger, the tears - they're there. Waiting. Silently in the back. Just trying to stay focused and motivated for work and for the non-profit I founded and run on the side. I think that's part of rediscovering I put so much of my life on hold with the past relationship, and generally, have stopped following my dreams and my passions to fit in with someone in a relationship. So...while I'm finding the OLD scene even worse than before and I haven't had an opportunities to pursue something irl yet, I know the future is bright and I just have to stay motivated and stay strong. Definitely have turned the corner the past 2 weeks and am not looking back. Had a quick day dream about the most recent ex earlier after I posted a response to someone on here and it's like, yup, I deserve better and I know that the problem has not be me. Well, it's been me in sticking around with the wrong people. But...I know I'm a good man and can eventually find someone. In the meantime, just going to have FUN, work my butt off, and just kick it! 1
andytuotuo Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 1 hour ago, scooby-philly said: I'm feeling - better. I know the shame, the anger, the tears - they're there. Waiting. Silently in the back. Just trying to stay focused and motivated for work and for the non-profit I founded and run on the side. I think that's part of rediscovering I put so much of my life on hold with the past relationship, and generally, have stopped following my dreams and my passions to fit in with someone in a relationship. So...while I'm finding the OLD scene even worse than before and I haven't had an opportunities to pursue something irl yet, I know the future is bright and I just have to stay motivated and stay strong. Definitely have turned the corner the past 2 weeks and am not looking back. Had a quick day dream about the most recent ex earlier after I posted a response to someone on here and it's like, yup, I deserve better and I know that the problem has not be me. Well, it's been me in sticking around with the wrong people. But...I know I'm a good man and can eventually find someone. In the meantime, just going to have FUN, work my butt off, and just kick it! Hey man. Hope you are doing well! Honestly, there are so much are waiting. Meeting someone, having a family, having children. These are enough to be excited about the future. I recommend a series on Youtube called <kids try>, its different kids try eat different stuff and its hilarious!! I can't stop laughing and kids are so cute. It got me excited about my future and having my own. So no need to be sad about the wrong person man. It's all gonna be great!!! 1
scooby-philly Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 8 minutes ago, andytuotuo said: Hey man. Hope you are doing well! Honestly, there are so much are waiting. Meeting someone, having a family, having children. These are enough to be excited about the future. I recommend a series on Youtube called <kids try>, its different kids try eat different stuff and its hilarious!! I can't stop laughing and kids are so cute. It got me excited about my future and having my own. So no need to be sad about the wrong person man. It's all gonna be great!!! I love the series on music where they listen to music from 20 to 50 years ago. Its hilarious to see how even by 10 some people are closed off in taste already lol
Realitysux Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 I'm not doing so good today. I was at work and trying to stay focused but I went back and forth from feeling like myself to feeling unrecognizable and lost. I was at church twice yesterday and I've been praying to see the situation through God's eyes but so far still feel like s***. The length of time it took to get over it, being ignored, being rejected, I mean it did hurt but what hurts more is all the noise in my head. I am so desperately trying to hear God's voice and my own so I can finally stand on my own in one piece. I'm taking the steps to avoid triggers and heal. I'm okay with the coping forum but I find triggers in most of the others, especially the dating! I can't play music or that's a trigger. I can't communicate with anyone online anymore. I can't wait until I start to feel better
Piddy Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 (edited) Not bad considering. Not thinking of taking the gas pipe and still breathing, so again not bad. Shot a 79 today in golf. Could be worse. Edited March 3, 2020 by Piddy
simpycurious Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 2 hours ago, Piddy said: Not bad considering. Not thinking of taking the gas pipe and still breathing, so again not bad. Shot a 79 today in golf. Could be worse. It’s early Piddy by Masters time that 79 will be 72 from the Championship Tees no less 1
Realitysux Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 (edited) I'm feeling over all okay with little waves of oh yea this happened. I tried to connect with positive people but they were all associated with him. There is one person I'm going to continue to speak to because he helped me out a lot last night. I took today off work because when I woke up, I wasn't physically able to work today. I went and paid some bills and ran some errands. I began problem solving which feels good. They always say "stay off line" but I'm going to take a friends advice and do things that make me feel more positive. Writing about my feelings does on this coping forum. Right now I feel content. I'm going to lie down and take a nap until I have to take my cat to the vets. Finish some paper work and do a workout video at home today. Edited March 3, 2020 by Realitysux Typo 1
scooby-philly Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 On 3/1/2020 at 10:23 PM, andytuotuo said: Hey man. Hope you are doing well! Honestly, there are so much are waiting. Meeting someone, having a family, having children. These are enough to be excited about the future. I recommend a series on Youtube called <kids try>, its different kids try eat different stuff and its hilarious!! I can't stop laughing and kids are so cute. It got me excited about my future and having my own. So no need to be sad about the wrong person man. It's all gonna be great!!! Needed to re read this today because I'm feeling down. Dont know why. Lonely...yes. need to lose weight and stop smoking...yes. but life is good. I just need to quit judging my life against others and remember that I am lovable and smexy and one day someone right for me....for the long term...will see it too 2
The Outlaw Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 I'm mostly OK. Just don't want to go to work tomorrow. 1
AIJ Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 Doing really, really well. I've typically had a pretty tough time making new friends in the past few years and I think of myself as quite unapproachable, mainly because I naturally look rather angry all the time and I can't help it I hadn't really bothered to put myself out there because I was quite comfortable with the small social circle I had, and with the situationship thingy I had with my now 'ex'. Since that all went very pearshaped, I've been putting myself out there a lot more and my social circle is growing rapidly. Throwing myself into my University assignments, doing really well at keeping on track with my gym routine, I'm making my debut for my football team on Saturday and overall I'm just doing really well. I don't really think of my ex obsessively anymore. Day by day she is drifting further from my thoughts, and although I do still get the occasional trigger where I'll see or hear something that will remind me of her, I no longer get that sharp horrible pain, it's more of a 'oh yeah, remember her/that moment? Good times'. I can appreciate the memories as just memories, I'm not longing for her anymore nor do I want her to come back in any capacity. 3
Realitysux Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 My mind has tons of energy but my body is physically weak. I am so tired today and I'm pushing myself to the dentist for a cavity they found in last week's cleaning and then to the gym. When I get home I'm going to start with one room in my house and clean. I've got a really good set up starting in April and all my paperwork is submitted for my food business. I don't know if I'm approved because of the pictures I took but I am totally and completely winging this so I'm not sure what to expect. I have to work tomorrow and then the gym again and then in a course on Friday. I know pulling myself out of a depression will be difficult but the physical exhaustion is brutal! 2
smellysocksuni Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) Ugh. I am getting tired of being in this position. I'm still blocked by my ex. She's successfully gone a whole 'year' at uni avoiding me completely, and shows no signs of even saying "hi". I had two weeks off and was actually beginning to feel better. The ruminations had died down considerably, I was going to the uni library and being productive, I was even finding other women attractive for the first time in a year (or more). Then on Tuesday, I had to give a presentation with some other people in class. I thought she wasn't going to come in, but she arrived late, and I was so nervous throughout the entire presentation. I accidentally looked at her at one point, and she was looking at me, and that has honestly triggered me so much. She had a completely neutral facial expression on her face, as if I am just some stranger that she wasn't involved with. She's due to give hers on Tuesday next week, and I had seriously considered not going, but there's a full lecture then, too. I'm just sick of all of this. Sick of being blocked. She obviously hates me, why else would she keep me blocked for so long? I know people block and go NC, and maybe she's doing that, but I just feel so annoyed at this all. I don't even know why. Not that she isn't entitled to move on, but the blocking. All I said was "hey, how are you" and blocked. I guess it wouldn't have felt any better if she'd said she didn't want to talk. I don't know why this is making me feel this way, but it is. So annoyed and frustrated. And I can't even go up to her, because that's going past someone's boundaries etc - which is fair enough - but I just feel like I didn't ask for any of this. I tried to be a good partner, and she just treated me like cr@p. Now I'm blocked. Lol. Wow. Edited March 5, 2020 by smellysocksuni
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