andytuotuo Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 1 hour ago, scooby-philly said: I feel you. Just had a moment of thinking about my ex as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep. I realize that I was my best self in the relationship and that while I got some affection...I deserve better and she would not be the one for the long term. Yeah man. I think I will always think about her and I am okay with it now. It doesn't affect my mood to a degree like it did before. Thanks for tagging long on this road of recovery haha.
The Outlaw Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 I don't know. I honestly don't know. Another set back. I still have a LONG way to go. 1
Beachead Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 @The Outlaw Remember not to bottle, vent freely, and continue with the other strategies that helped you get to that good place, the first time.
Beachead Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 11 hours ago, andytuotuo said: Thanks beach! Really appreciate you continuously to checking on me. I have been feeling a lot better this past few days; no more intense anxiety or depression. I just finished a shower when I was thinking about her a lot and now feel better. I can't wait to regain my confidence. Cheers, Good man. I think you're alright. Just watch out for hope. It's dangerous because its seductive and its exactly what we want. And when we are vulnerable, which we are in the early stages, our minds will be constantly looking it, because it wants to get away from the pain and reality and back to a fantasy. It wants to re-establish that connection with our ex, no matter how unhealthy or non-existent it may be. Our addicted minds are always looking for a way and hope is a progress killer when getting over people..especially in those early stages. So keep an eye and make sure you're constantly keeping yourself grounded. - Beach
scooby-philly Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 3 hours ago, Beachead said: Good man. I think you're alright. Just watch out for hope. It's dangerous because its seductive and its exactly what we want. And when we are vulnerable, which we are in the early stages, our minds will be constantly looking it, because it wants to get away from the pain and reality and back to a fantasy. It wants to re-establish that connection with our ex, no matter how unhealthy or non-existent it may be. Our addicted minds are always looking for a way and hope is a progress killer when getting over people..especially in those early stages. So keep an eye and make sure you're constantly keeping yourself grounded. - Beach Hey friend @Beachead - Just wanted to clarify for others who may read and not understand - I think hope of "getting back together" need to be called out here. Because eventually, in time, that hope will be replaced with healthy hope for a "good, fun, joyful, and happy future" - and that hope is not dangerous. (It is, not great if you don't act to enable those hopes to come true lol) but just wanted to clarified for the uninitiated.
Beachead Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, scooby-philly said: Hey friend @Beachead - Just wanted to clarify for others who may read and not understand - I think hope of "getting back together" need to be called out here. Because eventually, in time, that hope will be replaced with healthy hope for a "good, fun, joyful, and happy future" - and that hope is not dangerous. (It is, not great if you don't act to enable those hopes to come true lol) but just wanted to clarified for the uninitiated. Thanks Scoobs. Yep, that statement only applies to those relatively fresh out of a breakup with their exes. Due to their vulnerabilities and weaknesses, they are susceptible to using that hope in counterproductive ways. Its not so much that hope is a dangerous thing or negative in anyway, but more so, in this context, can be used poorly, when we are emotionally weak. Example: Ex breaks up with person who is now a dumpee. The dumpee convinces themselves that their ex was ultimately confused and will figure things out for themselves if they give them space and distance. With time, their ex will return to them. This narrative allows the person to hold on to this idea of their ex potentially returning which puts themselves in limerence and emotional limbo. They begin to feel "better" not because they've embraced their reality, grieved it and have begun to move forward with clarity..but because they have hoped for an outcome that may or may not happen and have attached their well-being to it. Some may not realize they're doing this. Depending on how stubborn and how unwilling they are to face their reality, they may hold onto this thought for a very long time, despite the ever-increasing evidence that their ex has moved on. So this is an instance of how hope can be used in a self-destructive way..or a dangerous way for oneself. That's all I mean. Edited February 28, 2020 by Beachead 2
scooby-philly Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 @Beachead - Completely, 115% agree with you. 1
Realitysux Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 On 2/26/2020 at 1:01 AM, MeadowFlower said: I don't know why the above is up there. It's like once you select reply then you can't delete your reply. I liked a post but didn't meant to reply.
Realitysux Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 I'm depressed today and it could be the weather. I'm resting as much as possible!
scooby-philly Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 Feeling lonely tonight. Going to get out and cry and grab a coffee 1
Realitysux Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 13 minutes ago, scooby-philly said: Feeling lonely tonight. Going to get out and cry and grab a coffee I wanted to go out for a coffee tonight but we are in the middle of a snow storm and the weather is too bad for me to do that. Enjoy!
scooby-philly Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 10 minutes ago, Realitysux said: I wanted to go out for a coffee tonight but we are in the middle of a snow storm and the weather is too bad for me to do that. Enjoy! Yeah. Not sure how much its going to help lol. Just trying to imagine and live for me. It's not easy when you've settled for the wrong people for so long. Praying the universe grants me self love first and then someone truly amazing and worth my investment
scooby-philly Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 Anyone want or need to chat dm me. Could use a friend tonight 1
Realitysux Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 27 minutes ago, scooby-philly said: Yeah. Not sure how much its going to help lol. Just trying to imagine and live for me. It's not easy when you've settled for the wrong people for so long. Praying the universe grants me self love first and then someone truly amazing and worth my investment A lot of people are in the same boat as you. I'm not really looking for someone perfect or someone to spend my life with right away, but after I do some more work on myself (gym especially) then I'm going to go on a few dates and have some fun! That is just me personally though.
scooby-philly Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 12 minutes ago, Realitysux said: A lot of people are in the same boat as you. I'm not really looking for someone perfect or someone to spend my life with right away, but after I do some more work on myself (gym especially) then I'm going to go on a few dates and have some fun! That is just me personally though. I understand. Not looking for someone perfect. That's doesn't exist. Agree..just want to be able to enjoy life and dream and plan for myself without feeling empty. And when the time comes find someone who's ready and equipped for something serious.
Realitysux Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 22 minutes ago, scooby-philly said: I understand. Not looking for someone perfect. That's doesn't exist. Agree..just want to be able to enjoy life and dream and plan for myself without feeling empty. And when the time comes find someone who's ready and equipped for something serious. You will. You just have to sit through the discomfort and let time run its course. It does get easier.
scooby-philly Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 4 minutes ago, Realitysux said: You will. You just have to sit through the discomfort and let time run its course. It does get easier. I know. The darkness now is just about me and my life and my choices and believing in myself....my career and my personal life and my love life 1
Beachead Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 (edited) 15 minutes ago, scooby-philly said: I know. The darkness now is just about me and my life and my choices and believing in myself....my career and my personal life and my love life It'll pass. That's what I tell myself when I go through it. Sometimes its done in a night. Sometimes it lasts for a few days. And tbh, sometimes it can be a stage that lasts for a months as well. But it does pass. But you got to work through it. Everytime you hit a low mood, don't run from it. Don't feel scared. Let it in. Its an opportunity to exercise your mind out of it and the more practice you get, the better you get at doing it. These are the moments when you're most open to really seeing things the clearest and being in a emotionally stressed enough to make changes. You won't feel that close to your soul when everything is going well and hence not as motivated, not as hungry, not as in touch with yourself..because you're too busy riding the high. But moments like these..this is a time to feel and think. Focus on what you can control. Focus on the tangibles. Focus on what you have that you appreciate and that gets you through the day. Focus on what you can do right now (In the coming months). What do you hope to accomplish out your life so that when you're old man, you look back with a smile, and with satisfaction? Its gotta be something meaningful and important to you. How do you plan to get it done? What are the steps, the goals? This plan is your constant when everything around you is spinning and hazy and it get you out of this funk. Its hope...as we talked about early today. Just like how you reinforce negative thoughts to counter that feeling of wanting to run back to an ex..you have to reinforce your plan to yourself. - Beach Edited February 29, 2020 by Beachead 2
scooby-philly Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 16 minutes ago, Beachead said: It'll pass. That's what I tell myself when I go through it. Sometimes its done in a night. Sometimes it lasts for a few days. And tbh, sometimes it can be a stage that lasts for a months as well. But it does pass. But you got to work through it. Everytime you hit a low mood, don't run from it. Don't feel scared. Let it in. Its an opportunity to exercise your mind out of it and the more practice you get, the better you get at doing it. These are the moments when you're most open to really seeing things the clearest and being in a emotionally stressed enough to make changes. You won't feel that close to your soul when everything is going well and hence not as motivated, not as hungry, not as in touch with yourself..because you're too busy riding the high. But moments like these..this is a time to feel and think. Focus on what you can control. Focus on the tangibles. Focus on what you have that you appreciate and that gets you through the day. Focus on what you can do right now (In the coming months). What do you hope to accomplish out your life so that when you're old man, you look back with a smile, and with satisfaction? Its gotta be something meaningful and important to you. How do you plan to get it done? What are the steps, the goals? This plan is your constant when everything around you is spinning and hazy and it get you out of this funk. Its hope...as we talked about early today. Just like how you reinforce negative thoughts to counter that feeling of wanting to run back to an ex..you have to reinforce your plan to yourself. - Beach Agree with you my friend. I have never ran from the darkness in the past 10 and half years. I embrace it. Just hope I staythe course this time and not settle just because i get some breadcrumbs of affection from someone. 1
The Outlaw Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 Still alive. And I'll simply leave it at that. 1
Realitysux Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 You ever sit and ask yourself, how did this happen? We should be living life and enjoying every second of it. We should be out building relationships and excuse my bluntness but having sex. I hate to stroke any fresh cuts and believe me by my statement, I don't want to hurt anyone, but they are probably out having sex while we are sitting here talking about how we are coping. I say that but I'm torn if I want to go out and find someone and feel worse about myself in the long run. I'm praying about it.
simpycurious Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 Life is meant to be LIVED. I hope that you will choose to LIVE as opposed to being depressed and watching life pass you by. Just make up your mind to get moving a little at a time and soon you will be up and going. I am pulling for you RS. 1
Realitysux Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 1 hour ago, simpycurious said: Life is meant to be LIVED. I hope that you will choose to LIVE as opposed to being depressed and watching life pass you by. Just make up your mind to get moving a little at a time and soon you will be up and going. I am pulling for you RS. Thanks, small baby steps!
MeadowFlower Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 3 hours ago, simpycurious said: I hope that you will choose to LIVE as opposed to being depressed and watching life pass you by. I know you weren't speaking to me, but this is good. 1
AIJ Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 Definitely coming to terms with fully moving on now. I've concluded my ex has an avoidant attachment style and as a result, intimacy was incredibly limited. With it being an LDR, this was never really clear until I actually spent time with her in person. It's truly amazing just how much you can be fooled by the image someone paints of themselves over a screen. This was not the relationship for me, nor was she the girl for me. I still feel the occasional bouts of sadness throughout my days but I can feel myself detaching more and more as the days pass. I hope she's doing well, I know I am.
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