Lostinlife4now Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Well It's Valentines Day and yes I am alone. Oh well...it could be worse..... Going to the market to buy fresh flowers for myself and making chocolate chip cookies. And yes I am trying to shovel my car out as we speak...Now this is the time where I wish I had a strong man to help me. But...............
Itspointless Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Just a bit depressed. It was pointless at day one and well it still is. Thank you for saying that we perhaps could be together again in the future, but just not now. No problem than, I just wait around the corner I have to learn to life with it. It is not the first time I managed to overcome things. I just have to stop wondering how she is doing medically and forget how we matched
somedude81 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Playing Monster Hunter on my 3DS and I just got killed by a monster I should not have. I was extremely close to throwing the system at a wall and completely destroying it. This is the second 3DS I've owned. The first one was destroyed when I threw it at a wall one week after my ex dumped me. Ever since she's left me, my fuse has extremely short and I can't deal with any sort of disappointment. It's ridiculous how quick to anger I am now. Ha! I ended up breaking it anyways. And then I smashed it with a hammer cursing my ex's name. That felt good. Of course that means I essentially threw away $350, for the cost of the two system plus the games on it. Oh well. Fu*k you Sophia!
Tripz Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Ha! I ended up breaking it anyways. And then I smashed it with a hammer cursing my ex's name. That felt good. Of course that means I essentially threw away $350, for the cost of the two system plus the games on it. Oh well. Fu*k you Sophia!Wow, the phone call to my mom was free and she talked me off the cliff. Glad I didn't bust up any of my gaming consoles... 1
somedude81 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Wow, the phone call to my mom was free and she talked me off the cliff. Glad I didn't bust up any of my gaming consoles... Heh, it all happened in less than a minute. Got mad when I died, and just instantly threw it at a wall. It was broken at that point. Then I just let my rage out. Speaking of mothers. My mom and grandmothers were the only women to ever wish me a happy valentines day and tell me that the loved me, in my entire life. I had a feeling I shouldn't have gotten out of bed today. Oh well.
Tripz Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Heh, it all happened in less than a minute. Got mad when I died, and just instantly threw it at a wall. It was broken at that point. Then I just let my rage out. Speaking of mothers. My mom and grandmothers were the only women to ever wish me a happy valentines day and tell me that the loved me, in my entire life. I had a feeling I shouldn't have gotten out of bed today. Oh well.Well, not that it will make YOU feel better, but I discovered some evidence that my wife's affair has been going on with my friend a LOT longer than I first thought. Like almost 2 years, when I was thinking only the last 6 months. But I still haven't broken anything. Aside from feeling like I've been made an even bigger fool, the day is going pretty well. Still have the gym to look forward to and it IS Friday...
JDPT Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I so love those (I know, what a surprise, right)! Next week when I begin my new gym regime, the pec deck flies will be on my Wednesday work out. AND I'm going to add in those darn tricep exercises where they have to stabilize the elbows while you take the weights down to your shoulders (if I can ever actually get them down to my shoulders and back up ). I'm having my own HGTV moment (not with watching, but I went out and bought a bunch of cleaning supplies again, and a ton of new candles and deco stuff to change up the apartment again. Make it new after all the ill health from the deficiency and my friend's death and of course, Tim. It is funny in a way. To those that know me, I can sum up a whole period of extreme pain and nastiness in my life with one word. Tim. But also, a whole ton of victory and resurrection, in its own way, too. Happy Valentines Day! Meh it's Friday the 14th, what's new? And yes I had HGTV overdose yesterday. I really enjoy watching Nicole Curtis, she's such a little hard word worker. I wasn't much of a weight lifter like these guys that frequent my gym. I like the "swimmer's body" for ME that is, just lean and cut. It appears that you are ready to turn it up at the gym. I'm not certain what your goals are but at this rate I'm confident that you will achieve them in no time. And as they say, the magic occurs in the kitchen and not so much at the gym lol. It's time to throw Tim in the bin. I'll like to reach a point where I feel absolutely nothing when I think of her, indifference is where I want to be. They are old news. We have a promising and prosperous life ahead of us. We are IT, we are the stand alone unit that will thrive. I like being single, I enjoy my time alone. I feel like I've neglected myself for too long and it's time to nurture myself. 1
JDPT Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Another fantastic day. Still haven't heard back from my NP and I am a little nervous. The one who was filling in for her saw my test results and was sure that my treatment would be continuing. I am hoping that if they are backed off to once a week with the new missing links added in and a little extra supplementation where needed, I can still be fantastic and NOT crash any little bit at all. I really want to be myself tomorrow. And yes, for a stupid reason that is very selfish of me. And really very stupid. But I don't want to be less tomorrow. But I spent this extra time that I have getting even more reacquainted with my guitar (which had been pretty much neglected since the deficiency really got bad). I have this terrible problem though. I love guitar. I love piano. I love each so much. But when I play guitar, I always feel like I'm cheating on the piano! Anyway, tonight I was reworking up Wagon Wheel, and coming up with some great musically valid ideas that really make it mine (and really good). But the words were really striking me. Obviously, for me, "Mama" would refer more to the metaphorical/fate type interpretation, and all the stuff in my life. "Rock me mama like a wagon wheel, rock me mama any way you feel." etc. I have also decided to sing, "I hear my baby calling my name and I know that he's the only one." Hopefully, soon, there really is one to sing that too. But the last couple of days with the new info/missing links filled in have been wonderful. In other news, the fingers of my left hand are strangely sore, for some funny reason. I've contemplating the thought of taking piano lessons. I find myself looking up youtube videos of songs that I enjoy and look up the piano version of them. I enjoy listening to Miri Ben Ari, she is so talented aside from the fact that she is a cutie. 2
Mondmellonw Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I've contemplating the thought of taking piano lessons. I find myself looking up youtube videos of songs that I enjoy and look up the piano version of them. I enjoy listening to Miri Ben Ari, she is so talented aside from the fact that she is a cutie. I play piano. I can say that making music is highly recommendable to "get yourself together". 1
Mondmellonw Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I saw him,. Unfortunately, I still find him attractive. But at the same time, I feel scared about him, I feel hurt. His face was grumpy, and when he saw me he took off his eyes from me. His mom was with him and she kept on watching me. This was just a terrible coincidence. 1
JDPT Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I play piano. I can say that making music is highly recommendable to "get yourself together". You know what I probably should. I've been meaning to call an instructor who was recommended to me. I've looked up music therapy. Sounds like a jamming session to me, wouldn't hurt to look into it.
JDPT Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I saw him,. Unfortunately, I still find him attractive. But at the same time, I feel scared about him, I feel hurt. His face was grumpy, and when he saw me he took off his eyes from me. His mom was with him and she kept on watching me. This was just a terrible coincidence. Block it and don't take the effort to read into it. Continue to work on your recovery.
xUnknown Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 So She came back and we are working on things. Talking, a date here or there. At first it was "whatever", now I can tell that I am starting to miss you more and more. Its good. It means I like what I'm seeing. The changes you've made and are currently working on. But, I find myself wanting to talk to you more. Again, a good thing, but, I don't want to be the one to give in to easily and give up that "chase". I don't want to contact you too often that you feel like I'm being clingy, making it seem like I'm the one running back to you, giving you the easy way in and the "power". At the same time, I don't want you to feel like I'm blowing you off, ignoring you, or not wanting to talk to you. This is a whole new ballgame for me. Its been 2 years since I've dated someone, so I'm sort of out of the game...and yet, this is a completely different scenario than normally. 2
Never Again Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 So She came back and we are working on things. Talking, a date here or there. At first it was "whatever", now I can tell that I am starting to miss you more and more. Its good. It means I like what I'm seeing. The changes you've made and are currently working on. But, I find myself wanting to talk to you more. Again, a good thing, but, I don't want to be the one to give in to easily and give up that "chase". I don't want to contact you too often that you feel like I'm being clingy, making it seem like I'm the one running back to you, giving you the easy way in and the "power". At the same time, I don't want you to feel like I'm blowing you off, ignoring you, or not wanting to talk to you. This is a whole new ballgame for me. Its been 2 years since I've dated someone, so I'm sort of out of the game...and yet, this is a completely different scenario than normally. I'm glad things are working out for you! I'm a little jelly, I'll admit it. If I could make a suggestion - don't fake it and don't play games. I'd hate for you to come so far only to find yourself in "paralysis by analysis". Just keep yourself occupied, keep working on yourself and keep yourself busy just like you were after the BU. If you have a full life, you'll find time for her...but it won't be ALL your time. You won't be smothering her or giving her all the power, but you won't have to stress or be tactical about it. Keep your dates to one a week or so for the first month or two while you continue focusing on yourself, and let her slowly work herself back into your life. I'm rooting for you, kid. 1
AnyaNova Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 You know what I probably should. I've been meaning to call an instructor who was recommended to me. I've looked up music therapy. Sounds like a jamming session to me, wouldn't hurt to look into it. If I could make a recommendation, make sure that she has completed some sort of piano Pedagogy program, and even better is certified with MTNA (music teachers national association). It is more likely that she will be good (since I'm not sure who made the recommendation under what circumstances). :-) But definitely. I remember after my friend's death the first couple days were terrible, and I had no sense of the passing of time and my brain was so scattered (probably partially B vitamin related, but still), once I could get to a piano and drill this difficult section of Beethoven's Opus 90 in E minor with sixteenth notes and a metronome, literally, my sense of time came back, and my brain was less scattered. And I am sure from some of the things we are learning, that there is a physiological reason for this. But we don't get that class until near the end of our program. Which is why I am going to see if I can find out what the books are for it and read them over the summer. I want to understand the science now since it will obviously make me more effective sooner! But yes, I echo the sentiment that playing an instrument can really help get oneself back together and be good self-nurturing. 1
Heartbroken Eagle Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Today, is exactly one year since D day. Can't help remembering everything clearly that happened that night when I found the text from her AP and confronted her about it. Just the worst night of my life ever. .Also found other texts about me which was personal and nasty. Still angry about it. However I have decided that a year is way too long to waste on a piece of crap like her. She is simply not worth it. I'm going to fully move on tomorrow. Unfortunately I have to have a LC relationship as we have a 8 year old boy, I really can't stand seeing her. Why do we hold these people on such a pedestal? They are nasty, worthless and quite frankly don't deserve another moment of our time!!! When you strip these people down they are simply the lowest form of scum!!! Happy Valentine's day everyone!!! It must surely get better in the future... 1
xUnknown Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I'm glad things are working out for you! I'm a little jelly, I'll admit it. If I could make a suggestion - don't fake it and don't play games. I'd hate for you to come so far only to find yourself in "paralysis by analysis". Just keep yourself occupied, keep working on yourself and keep yourself busy just like you were after the BU. If you have a full life, you'll find time for her...but it won't be ALL your time. You won't be smothering her or giving her all the power, but you won't have to stress or be tactical about it. Keep your dates to one a week or so for the first month or two while you continue focusing on yourself, and let her slowly work herself back into your life. I'm rooting for you, kid. Thanks for the kind words. Believe me, I'm done with the mind games. I'm not trying to play any games here at all -believe me, games are NOT what I want, that only screws it up more. I'm just trying to be as laid back and casual about everything as possible (not being needy/clingy). I just find myself thinking about her more so its difficult NOT to text her, when I know I want to.
JDPT Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 If I could make a recommendation, make sure that she has completed some sort of piano Pedagogy program, and even better is certified with MTNA (music teachers national association). It is more likely that she will be good (since I'm not sure who made the recommendation under what circumstances). :-) But definitely. I remember after my friend's death the first couple days were terrible, and I had no sense of the passing of time and my brain was so scattered (probably partially B vitamin related, but still), once I could get to a piano and drill this difficult section of Beethoven's Opus 90 in E minor with sixteenth notes and a metronome, literally, my sense of time came back, and my brain was less scattered. And I am sure from some of the things we are learning, that there is a physiological reason for this. But we don't get that class until near the end of our program. Which is why I am going to see if I can find out what the books are for it and read them over the summer. I want to understand the science now since it will obviously make me more effective sooner! But yes, I echo the sentiment that playing an instrument can really help get oneself back together and be good self-nurturing. Absolutely- I'm always happy to hear from those with more experience in a particular arena where I may not be well versed. I'm not certain why I've always had this vision of me playing the piano in a room with the lights dimmed, candles around and a significant other leaning her head on my shoulder enjoying the moment and just allowing the melodies to defy the laws of gravity as we close our eyes and just trust that where we are headed to our souls will be in good hands. But for now, I'll like to learn to simply zone out in addition to having the capability to take songs and "morph" them into a piano version.
JDPT Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 This is beyond hilarious. I'm watching HGTV and they filmed at the town where my ex and I used to live, she still lives there. So many memories in that town. All in the past as I pave a better future.
uku383 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 I was doing okay earlier today. Now, I'm feeling very lonely. My body is tense and I want my wife more than I can say. I desperately want to speak with her, and I want to be lying in bed with her while our son has his afternoon nap. It's not that I want sex - I just want us to be holding each other. I just can't think of anything to make myself happy right now. I hate this break up. I absolutely hate it. I would do anything to make up for my past behaviours, but there is nothing that she'll accept. Yes, I've thought about self harm, even suicide.I can't do any of that because of my son, but I do think of it and that does scare me. I want my family back so much, so very much. If only she'd accept me back!
brokeNlost Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Not sure if I'm coping. Even now, is it normal for me to still think about her every single day or is it a symptom of an obsessive ex that can't let go of a failed relationship?
AnyaNova Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Absolutely- I'm always happy to hear from those with more experience in a particular arena where I may not be well versed. I'm not certain why I've always had this vision of me playing the piano in a room with the lights dimmed, candles around and a significant other leaning her head on my shoulder enjoying the moment and just allowing the melodies to defy the laws of gravity as we close our eyes and just trust that where we are headed to our souls will be in good hands. But for now, I'll like to learn to simply zone out in addition to having the capability to take songs and "morph" them into a piano version. I think you totally just gave me a new fantasy!! :-p. :-) That sounds awesome. And having a concrete reason that you want to achieve, even if if is improv with the honey, is going to serve you well as motivation to learn and practice! 1
matt_1987 Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 (edited) day 2 after BU...no tears yet today, still a lot of confusion in my head, but I get some brief moments where I can actually think about something else, which is good I guess. then the thought of her creeps back in and still makes me miss her like crazy. I am also starting to be somewhat angry at her for the way she deceived me, even though I am sure it was unintentinal, but still, she did hurt me badly (she was the one to initiate contact to get back together but then she withdrew, after I drove 6 hrs just to see her...). I know she doesn't deserve one more tear or one more minute of my thoughts...still, obviously my feelings are still strong but I did started wiping her out of my life (erased her Facebook, her skype, her phone number) and personally, I am very good at not breaking NC. don't know what will happen tomorrow, but trying to stay positive so far. Let's move on people. life is great. Edited February 15, 2014 by matt_1987
notthathard Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Had a bit of a kickback when the ex contacted me the other day via email. I decided to ignore it as it's not worth it. 6 months ago I would have never thought I'd be in a forum like this, but life is full of all kinds surprises.
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