andytuotuo Posted February 7, 2020 Posted February 7, 2020 2 hours ago, scooby-philly said: Tired and beat today - but feeling better. Still getting depressed on and off throughout the day - but it's all centered on me wondering what I've been doing with my life and realizing how much I gave to other people (friends, family, SOs) and not getting my own needs and wants met. Foolish. But that's how we learn and I won't change who I am. Just have to be smarter. I feel you. I woke up missing here like crazy and get this heartache throughout the day. Feeling depressed and anxious has been a new norm or my life. It’s probably okay to wear our heart on our sleeves but it just have to be the right person.
The Outlaw Posted February 7, 2020 Posted February 7, 2020 Much better after my 'techie' headache this morning. I hate software upgrades/changes. 1
scooby-philly Posted February 8, 2020 Posted February 8, 2020 1 hour ago, andytuotuo said: I feel you. I woke up missing here like crazy and get this heartache throughout the day. Feeling depressed and anxious has been a new norm or my life. It’s probably okay to wear our heart on our sleeves but it just have to be the right person. True. The hardest lesson for decent guys is that most women arent really that nice.
MeadowFlower Posted February 8, 2020 Posted February 8, 2020 5 hours ago, scooby-philly said: True. The hardest lesson for decent guys is that most women arent really that nice. Ahem... *cough* *cough* 1
andytuotuo Posted February 8, 2020 Posted February 8, 2020 I miss her so much tonight, like always. It has been almost 4 weeks since we talked last time. The last time was also the last time we will probably ever speak again. I wonder where she is, what she is doing, what is on her mind, is she talking to any new guy. How good it will feel to just talk to her again. I sound so pathetic right now I know. but That is what's on my mind. Hope she doing well.
AIJ Posted February 8, 2020 Posted February 8, 2020 Exactly one month on from the breakup. The good days are definitely starting to outweigh the bad. Keeping myself very busy with University, work, gym, football etc. and a colleague mentioned today how I've had a big fat grin on my face the entire day. I'm sleeping well, I'm eating well, and overall I'm just doing very well. I still find time in my good days to miss her but I can feel it transitioning from missing her to missing 'someone'. Hopefully the bad days turn into bad hours to bad minutes and then to complete indifference.
scooby-philly Posted February 8, 2020 Posted February 8, 2020 10 hours ago, MeadowFlower said: Ahem... *cough* *cough* Exaggerating for effect...and I know how many bad guys are out there. And to put it another way....a big problem for decent and warm guys is that a lot of women try and pretend they're affectionate or they start off liking it but their upbringing and experience push them to eventually pull away or get turned off by it after the initial infatuation wears off. Especially when they're younger and haven't had their bad boy phase yet.
MeadowFlower Posted February 8, 2020 Posted February 8, 2020 2 hours ago, scooby-philly said: Exaggerating for effect...and I know how many bad guys are out there. Lol I wasn't being super serious
The Outlaw Posted February 8, 2020 Posted February 8, 2020 I'm a little tired but otherwise I'm still chill. Haven't felt this good in a LONG time. 3
K.K. Posted February 8, 2020 Posted February 8, 2020 4 minutes ago, The Outlaw said: I'm a little tired but otherwise I'm still chill. Haven't felt this good in a LONG time. Details!
The Outlaw Posted February 8, 2020 Posted February 8, 2020 Just now, K.K. said: Details! Can I PM you?
mark clemson Posted February 8, 2020 Posted February 8, 2020 7 hours ago, scooby-philly said: Exaggerating for effect...and I know how many bad guys are out there. And to put it another way....a big problem for decent and warm guys is that a lot of women try and pretend they're affectionate or they start off liking it but their upbringing and experience push them to eventually pull away or get turned off by it after the initial infatuation wears off. Especially when they're younger and haven't had their bad boy phase yet. Thought for you (for next time around/new gal): Every woman's unique, but "(many) women don't want a nice guy, they want an alpha male who learns to be nice to them." That said, there are many ways to be "alpha" enough for many women. If you are a decent looking energetic "go-getter" with a probable bright future, that can often be enough. You don't have to be at the top of the heap or a ruthless competitor. Dentists can be alpha enough for many women. Women have killed over dentists (true), particularly decent looking ones with good social skills. Also, many if not most women want you to be nice to her. Even the girls who genuinely go for bad boy types often wish and hope they will nice to them at least much of the time. "(Some) women want to tame, heal, or soften the alpha's wild heart." Every woman's different, though and whatever qualities you may or may not cultivate can't get you the specific woman you want's interest if your qualities just don't "work" for her. But you can be a good catch in general, if you work on it, and have the options of many women being interested in you.
K.K. Posted February 9, 2020 Posted February 9, 2020 4 hours ago, mark clemson said: Thought for you (for next time around/new gal): Every woman's unique, but "(many) women don't want a nice guy, they want an alpha male who learns to be nice to them." That said, there are many ways to be "alpha" enough for many women. If you are a decent looking energetic "go-getter" with a probable bright future, that can often be enough. You don't have to be at the top of the heap or a ruthless competitor. Dentists can be alpha enough for many women. Women have killed over dentists (true), particularly decent looking ones with good social skills. Also, many if not most women want you to be nice to her. Even the girls who genuinely go for bad boy types often wish and hope they will nice to them at least much of the time. "(Some) women want to tame, heal, or soften the alpha's wild heart." Every woman's different, though and whatever qualities you may or may not cultivate can't get you the specific woman you want's interest if your qualities just don't "work" for her. But you can be a good catch in general, if you work on it, and have the options of many women being interested in you. 1
The Outlaw Posted February 9, 2020 Posted February 9, 2020 Still awesome but not looking forward to tomorrow. Forecast calls for more rain until Thursday.
scooby-philly Posted February 9, 2020 Posted February 9, 2020 19 hours ago, mark clemson said: Thought for you (for next time around/new gal): Every woman's unique, but "(many) women don't want a nice guy, they want an alpha male who learns to be nice to them." That said, there are many ways to be "alpha" enough for many women. If you are a decent looking energetic "go-getter" with a probable bright future, that can often be enough. You don't have to be at the top of the heap or a ruthless competitor. Dentists can be alpha enough for many women. Women have killed over dentists (true), particularly decent looking ones with good social skills. Also, many if not most women want you to be nice to her. Even the girls who genuinely go for bad boy types often wish and hope they will nice to them at least much of the time. "(Some) women want to tame, heal, or soften the alpha's wild heart." Every woman's different, though and whatever qualities you may or may not cultivate can't get you the specific woman you want's interest if your qualities just don't "work" for her. But you can be a good catch in general, if you work on it, and have the options of many women being interested in you. Yeah - that's been my problem. I've been "too nice". Now, I'm not saying I'm going to change who I am. I like being a considerate, thoughtful, emotional, and caring and sweet guy. But to your point, it's about not letting them walk over me, not staying when it's clear they don't value or cherish me as much as I do them, and to leave the second time something bad happens instead of giving multiple shots. As my friend @lonelyplanetmoon has helped me understand - we give people permission to treat us a certain way. With my last ex - which was the most heartbreaking split I've had even though it wasn't the longest and we weren't engaged yet...I let her act immature, I let her act out her emotional fantasies of abandonment and attitude with me instead of her parents, and I let her continue to play her "good girl persona" and stuck around when it was clear she was years away from being comfortable with herself and expressing her needs and wants. And I put a lot of my life on the back burner for her. All mistakes and all can be avoided in the future. I'm just not a fan of the phrase "alpha male" because there are too many douche-bag, frat-boy, soulless, f***tard males in our society today. 1
scooby-philly Posted February 9, 2020 Posted February 9, 2020 22 hours ago, The Outlaw said: I'm a little tired but otherwise I'm still chill. Haven't felt this good in a LONG time. Details mo-fo!
Beachead Posted February 9, 2020 Posted February 9, 2020 On 2/8/2020 at 7:09 AM, andytuotuo said: I miss her so much tonight, like always. It has been almost 4 weeks since we talked last time. The last time was also the last time we will probably ever speak again. I wonder where she is, what she is doing, what is on her mind, is she talking to any new guy. How good it will feel to just talk to her again. I sound so pathetic right now I know. but That is what's on my mind. Hope she doing well. It's not pathetic. It's how you feel. You have to let yourself feel it to heal it. Express it as it comes so that you can release it. I went through the same kinds of emotions. I mean, my ex dropped me and went back to her ex 2 days later. She later married the guy. She didn't even come back to torture me with breadcrumbs. She left and never came back. For a long time, I had dreams of her, cried over her, missed her, even though my brain understood the bigger picture. But really, what I missed was who I thought she was. Whom I needed her to be. I missed this version of her that was never really her because it satisfied all my insecurities. My missing her was really about me. If she came back, it'd mean I mattered. It'd me all my efforts amounted to something. It'd mean I wouldn't be alone doing things in my life alone. It'd mean I didn't have to say goodbye to a another person and go through yet another, relationship that failed. So that I could feel loved and cherished as well. So that I too, could show her off and have a relationship life that I thought everyone else had. I wasn't grieving her so much as I was grieving myself. The reality for me and her was we found eachother attractive and things just got out of hand, because they were going through problems at the time. In the end, everything worked out as it was supposed to. That may or may not be you but point is, most often, through this grieving process, we can discover many things about ourself and the way we perceive and deal with our life. Just let it be and try to keep an open mind about it. - Beaach 1
The Outlaw Posted February 9, 2020 Posted February 9, 2020 1 minute ago, scooby-philly said: Details mo-fo! It just felt good to vent everything. Air it out. It's all still very much there, but I've noticed somewhat of a change. Less of a hard*ss. Well, I'm still one but less. But I'm still stubborn with a few things. 3
Beachead Posted February 9, 2020 Posted February 9, 2020 1 minute ago, The Outlaw said: It just felt good to vent everything. Air it out. It's all still very much there, but I've noticed somewhat of a change. Good to hear.
The Outlaw Posted February 9, 2020 Posted February 9, 2020 I wasn't used to it anymore because I held it in for long enough and didn't have anyone more to turn to. Obviously as it built up, it started to cause serious problems. I'm the polar opposite of what I used to be. 1
Beachead Posted February 9, 2020 Posted February 9, 2020 (edited) 4 minutes ago, The Outlaw said: I wasn't used to it anymore because I held it in for long enough and didn't have anyone more to turn to. Obviously as it built up, it started to cause serious problems. I'm the polar opposite of what I used to be. Yep I know. I could tell from your posts here, that you wanted to speak on it but were extremely guarded...probably due to so much pain and disappointment. But even those who help others need help as well. We're all human. I myself have become far more stubborn and private about my own dealings due to repetitive trauma and am working through it as well. Tbh, there's a seething rage inside that I try to channel into as many constructive outlets as possible. Edited February 9, 2020 by Beachead
preraph Posted February 9, 2020 Posted February 9, 2020 Outlaw, sometimes it's hard to get it all out. Desire is hard to want to talk about something that you yourself haven't I've been able to fully process, and you have had some brutal experiences, as have I. Just remember who you were before those happened and how you got there. And meanwhile yes, get it all out. It does lighten your load to talk about it. You have to purge it out of you. Hope you continue to feel lighter. 1
The Outlaw Posted February 9, 2020 Posted February 9, 2020 2 minutes ago, Beachead said: Yep I know. I could tell from your posts here, that you wanted to speak on it but were extremely guarded...probably due to so much pain and disappointment. But even those who help others need help as well. We're all human. I myself have become far more stubborn and private about my own dealings due to repetitive trauma and am working through it as well. Tbh, there's a seething rage inside that I try to channel into as many constructive outlets as possible. I'm sure you aren't the only one on LS figured out that I was guarded. And I have felt every last imaginable emotion in the past two and a half years and I was ready to self destruct but that's just the price I paid for trying to handle it on my own.
The Outlaw Posted February 9, 2020 Posted February 9, 2020 Just now, preraph said: Outlaw, sometimes it's hard to get it all out. Desire is hard to want to talk about something that you yourself haven't I've been able to fully process, and you have had some brutal experiences, as have I. Just remember who you were before those happened and how you got there. And meanwhile yes, get it all out. It does lighten your load to talk about it. You have to purge it out of you. Hope you continue to feel lighter. I'm not trying to sound horrible, but I have no desire to be who I was again. I was so trusting and I'd help out just about anyone and I did. At the cost of my own happiness more often than not until I just couldn't take it-no, wouldn't take it anymore. My heart was just too big for my own good.
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