How are you coping today?

[K.K.]

Oh yuck it’s gonna be Monday already again. I forgot. 

[The Outlaw]

Most unfortunate. 

[K.K.]

15 minutes ago, The Outlaw said:

Most unfortunate. 

Not for me I’m on leave. 

Don’t kill me. Lolll !!! 

If it’s any consolation, I always feel bad for you though when it’s Monday.  

[The Outlaw]

1 minute ago, K.K. said:

Not for me I’m on leave. 

Don’t kill me. Lolll !!! 

If it’s any consolation, I always feel bad for you though when it’s Monday.  

I wish I could say I was but we don't get vacations and I haven't had one in six years this past November. 

[K.K.]

Daaaaaaaamn. 

[andytuotuo]

How am I coping today? Honestly not so great.

We haven't talked for 3 weeks. I want to move forward, but I feel like I am stuck. Part of me still think she might come back, even just as a friend. I know that is not gonna happen. Part of me still think about the memories we had.

I am feeling I am not good enough. I wasn't funny enough, confident enough, good looking enough, attractive enough, fit enough. My self esteem really diminished. 

I want to feel like that the whole thing is not a big deal. I want to think that I didn't fall for her. I want to be chill about things just pretend everything is okay and I never had feelings for her. That wouldn't be true. I did fall for her.

I wonder what she is doing, where she is, who she is talking to. It doesn't matter, it is none of my business.

I look at happy times, I want to feel that again.

[2BGoodAgain]

4 hours ago, andytuotuo said:

How am I coping today? Honestly not so great.

We haven't talked for 3 weeks. I want to move forward, but I feel like I am stuck. Part of me still think she might come back, even just as a friend. I know that is not gonna happen. Part of me still think about the memories we had.

I am feeling I am not good enough. I wasn't funny enough, confident enough, good looking enough, attractive enough, fit enough. My self esteem really diminished. 

I want to feel like that the whole thing is not a big deal. I want to think that I didn't fall for her. I want to be chill about things just pretend everything is okay and I never had feelings for her. That wouldn't be true. I did fall for her.

I wonder what she is doing, where she is, who she is talking to. It doesn't matter, it is none of my business.

I look at happy times, I want to feel that again.

believe it or not, most relationship hurts/death-like pain... numbs out around 1-3 months.... it depends on how much we're attached and what that relationship meant to them and whether the person who is hurt is letting go/mourning the relationship or just hanging on to all the "good" stuff...

then from 1 to 1-2yrs... depending if you let go and move on.. and not just bury it or hop in bed into another relationship... avg time... obviously, it can be shorter or longer.

best thing to do is distract yourself with working out/gym, friends, family, your work, etc... just so you can have breathing room to see the relationship for what it truly was and to figure out if the longing is for the actual person or how that person made you feel...  people tend to mix those into a singular thing, and many times, it really isn't. We THINK we want that person back, but it's really how that person may have made you feel... which, honestly, isn't unique. Perhaps rare? What does that mean? There are others like that person out there... 

hang in there... also... ask yourself a deeper question... why did your self esteem depend on whether she did/did not approve of you? Why did it matter so much to you? From what various therapists tell me... self esteem should be from within you, not from someone... b/c if it's based on others, than your happiness comes and goes with the mood/situation of the person you're dependent on.

consider it.

[The Outlaw]

Mostly good despite Monday. I'm still stirred up over everything, but that's the price I've paid for keeping it bottled up for the length of time that I have. 

[scooby-philly]

Feeling - relieved. Like years of bottling things up, settling, letting others say they love me or are my friends or want a relationship with me - and all just lies or convenience - everything has lifted. Will take a long time - months, maybe a year or two to rediscover my wants, needs, goals, and dream my life for myself - but life is good. To my friends on here struggling in some way shape or form - keep the faith. And keep working.

[andytuotuo]

12 hours ago, 2BGoodAgain said:

believe it or not, most relationship hurts/death-like pain... numbs out around 1-3 months.... it depends on how much we're attached and what that relationship meant to them and whether the person who is hurt is letting go/mourning the relationship or just hanging on to all the "good" stuff...

then from 1 to 1-2yrs... depending if you let go and move on.. and not just bury it or hop in bed into another relationship... avg time... obviously, it can be shorter or longer.

best thing to do is distract yourself with working out/gym, friends, family, your work, etc... just so you can have breathing room to see the relationship for what it truly was and to figure out if the longing is for the actual person or how that person made you feel...  people tend to mix those into a singular thing, and many times, it really isn't. We THINK we want that person back, but it's really how that person may have made you feel... which, honestly, isn't unique. Perhaps rare? What does that mean? There are others like that person out there... 

hang in there... also... ask yourself a deeper question... why did your self esteem depend on whether she did/did not approve of you? Why did it matter so much to you? From what various therapists tell me... self esteem should be from within you, not from someone... b/c if it's based on others, than your happiness comes and goes with the mood/situation of the person you're dependent on.

consider it.

Hey man,

thanks for your reply. Because of my experience and childhood, I developed possible codependency. I always fall for someone so hard so early on. Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic, maybe I’m just a sucker for love, maybe it’s normal for me to feel what happened. After all it has been 3 weeks since we stopped talking; but the falling apart goes further back than that. 

I feel like I’m in this deep spiral of depression and anxiety. I know I will be okay one day. I know I will meet someone else that’s more compatible. 

I wanted to feel okay right now like she is. Truth being told. I fell for her. I think I’m still trying to make peace with that. 

[2BGoodAgain]

15 hours ago, andytuotuo said:

Hey man,

thanks for your reply. Because of my experience and childhood, I developed possible codependency. I always fall for someone so hard so early on. Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic, maybe I’m just a sucker for love, maybe it’s normal for me to feel what happened. After all it has been 3 weeks since we stopped talking; but the falling apart goes further back than that. 

I feel like I’m in this deep spiral of depression and anxiety. I know I will be okay one day. I know I will meet someone else that’s more compatible. 

I wanted to feel okay right now like she is. Truth being told. I fell for her. I think I’m still trying to make peace with that. 

you should try to look deeper within yourself... many times, we see a spot of light on the wall and think... i like light spots on the wall... but when you really think about it, where does that spot of light come from? we tend to focus on the spot, and not what that spot is. or where it's coming from...

i know you feel you fell for her... i'm not going to refute that.. but many times, it's how they make you feel... not necessarily who they are... so ask yourself.... what did she do/say/etc that made you feel that way? instead of focusing on her, why not instead focus on how she made you feel... identify it to the base core... and then go from there... 

falling for her or how she made you feel... is more about YOU than her. 

[The Outlaw]

I'm doing much better than my dad is right now. It's a long story for another time perhaps but he recently filed for divorce from his second wife that he married six months after my mom died. He just had his second court date with her today and he's been ordered to pay her $600 a month in alimony plus $1500 in lawyer fees. And he fell in the court room. And my brother and I are at a total loss on what to do to help him. It's just been a downward spiral for him since my mom died. 

[Beachead]

@andytuotuo

Hey man,

I'm glad you're using this thread to help express yourself.  Its a good sign of wanting to improve.  

20 hours ago, andytuotuo said:

Hey man,

thanks for your reply. Because of my experience and childhood, I developed possible codependency. I always fall for someone so hard so early on. Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic, maybe I’m just a sucker for love, maybe it’s normal for me to feel what happened. After all it has been 3 weeks since we stopped talking; but the falling apart goes further back than that. 

I feel like I’m in this deep spiral of depression and anxiety. I know I will be okay one day. I know I will meet someone else that’s more compatible. 

I wanted to feel okay right now like she is. Truth being told. I fell for her. I think I’m still trying to make peace with that. 

Something you should remember is when your ex broke up with you, she was over it but don't think you were easy to get over.  Often times when we're dumped, our ex seems so heartless and emotionless in our eyes and our ego constructs this narrative that she never felt anything or cared at all.  It's not really true.  She did..she just did her "Getting over you"  in the relationship, unsuspectedly.  While you were sitting there with her,  thinking you two were having a great time,  thinking everything was alright, she was likely evaluating the pros and cons of the relationship and coming to realize, it wasn't what she was looking for. Slowly but surely, she built a case for herself, to walk away.  When she ended it, she was 90% finished and you hadn't even started.  This gives her an incredible head start on the healing process, plus the added advantage of her leading the breaking, knowing why she wanted to do it.   Because this was sudden to you, you did what any normal person would do and you began to searching for solutions on how to mend this and keep going...because you had feelings, cared for her, and saw a future and wanted it.  But she already knew at that point why she wanted to end it and there was no future in her eyes. 

So what you miss and mourn actually, is this version of her that you thought she was.  This filtered version.  It wasn't the real her.  The real her was feeling something else.  The real her decided to leave.  There was nothing you could do about this because she wasn't willing to really tell you whatever it was, that was dissatisfying her which should tell you, she didn't want to work on it and find a solution because she wasn't committed.   Why?  Because she wasn't invested in a future.   She did this relationship with one foot out the door., ultimately sabotaging it.  

Don't blame yourself for it.  The blame is not yours to accept.  You are not solely responsible for securing this woman and ensuring the success of this relationship, because you are competing with several other factors in her life that contribute to the choices she makes and the actions she takes.  Factors that are out of your control.  Factors like her past and the way it affected her.  It changes the way she feels about herself and the way she perceives her world including relationships and intimacy.  Her family, friends and social life as well as career are other factors.

Regarding your struggles with Co-dependancy.  That is an individual journey that only you will be able to overcome.  It is something I would encourage you to really work on, in order to secure a healthy relationship that is right for you.   If you haven't done so already, you've to find out what you like and dislike in all aspects of your life including relationships.  You've got find out what you're willing to tolerate and not tolerate so that you can set up boundaries and learn how to say no and not feel that pressure to please others, for fear of losing them.  You've got to figure out what you want out of your life for you and how you're going to get there.  Purpose.  What makes Andytuotuo happy?   You need something for you that drives you, that brings out the best in you, that coincides with what is in your heart.  When you do that, you will find your best self and your true-self.  When you're happy and at peace with yourself and your life, people will feel that, and they're like it.  

I struggled with co-dependancy as well.  This need to seek validation and worth through the acceptance of others.  It ended in disaster for me.  Took me until about 30 years of age to understand what it was I was doing to myself.  Never make someone solely responsible for your worth and dont't ever hand them your heart entirely.  They have to earn it little by little because people are not very reliable.  As I mentioned above, there are so many reasons for why people behave the way they do.  Many exogenous circumstances out of your control and that have nothing to do with you, can trigger their moods and emotions.  One day, someone may really want you around them.  The next day, they may want you to f*ck off justbecause something may have crossed their mind or may have happened to them, that had nothing to do with you.  If you based your happiness solely on them, it'll shatter your world, because they are your world.  You have nothing else going for you, to cushion the volatility.  Their ups and downs, become yours, which in turn bleeds in your life and affects the way you feel about everything.   You become lost in someone.   To counter, we need something going on for ourselves.  Something we are striving for, that is just for us.  Not for anyone else. 

- Beach

 

Edited February 5, 2020 by Beachead

[andytuotuo]

9 hours ago, Beachead said:

There was nothing you could do about this because she wasn't willing to really tell you whatever it was, that was dissatisfying her which should tell you, she didn't want to work on it and find a solution because she wasn't committed.   Why?  Because she wasn't invested in a future.   She did this relationship with one foot out the door., ultimately sabotaging it.  

Hi Beach, Thanks for spend your time writing to me. You are right on with this point. It was more of fast & furious when it comes to our connection. there were time she was 100% in with me and I sensed that. I never worried or doubted anything. I was 100% confident and secure. Ultimately I know she just wasn't in love with me when I started to ask for a good level of commitment. There was red flags and stuff happened, which I choose to love pass because I liked her a lot.

 

9 hours ago, Beachead said:

Factors like her past and the way it affected her.  It changes the way she feels about herself and the way she perceives her world including relationships and intimacy.  Her family, friends and social life as well as career are other factors.

I am not gonna go into details but what you said makes a lot sense. It had a lot of complication factors to begin with when it comes to our backgrounds, careers, family environment and others. We just felt this instant connection when we first met, so that we did not even care for those factors. We had a very similar experience and a lot in common. That's what brought us together. Some good aspects were never going to be enough, because I am not what she was looking for. Maybe some quality and attributes of me, but not all of me. Time spend together, she gets to know me more and more. I think she was confused towards the end as whether I am what she wanted, ultimately she weighted pro and cons and continued her search.

 

9 hours ago, Beachead said:

ou've to find out what you like and dislike in all aspects of your life including relationships.  You've got find out what you're willing to tolerate and not tolerate so that you can set up boundaries and learn how to say no and not feel that pressure to please others, for fear of losing them.  You've got to figure out what you want out of your life for you and how you're going to get there.  Purpose.  What makes Andytuotuo happy?   You need something for you that drives you, that brings out the best in you, that coincides with what is in your heart.  When you do that, you will find your best self and your true-self.  When you're happy and at peace with yourself and your life, people will feel that, and they're like it.  

This is very well said. I am a new graduate as I finished school 2 years ago. For a short while I enjoyed my job, at peace with myself, living my life. I was singled for 2.5 years then, until I met this girl. I had confidences and meeting her made me feel like I was loved and desired, which I didn't feel from my family/friends because they lived on other side of the world. It was probably the reason it is taking me this long to move on, because she was my source of validation and she made other bad stuff in life that much easier to deal with and I feel supported. I wasn't truly happy when I was on my own but I was doing okay. I feel lonely time to time because I moved around for work but I was coping with it. Meeting her and to experience being loved & cared for brought me so much joy & happiness. I don't never want that to go away. When we were trying to be friends, I tried to play it cool but always wanted more deep down. That probably explains why I was very emotional, immature and wasn't myself. When she checked out, she took all that with her. I will need to find that all over again. My confidence, my self esteem and myself.

 

 

[scooby-philly]

Ultimately I know she just wasn't in love with me when I started to ask for a good level of commitment. There was red flags and stuff happened, which I choose to love pass because I liked her a lot.

• That's an important insight. Relationships (meaning, healthy and long-term) are based on increasing the "blend" of two lives. That doesn't mean you don't maintain any autonomy or can't have your own interests, hobbies, friends. But....and it's a big butt....if you hit 6 months and haven't met their friends...if you hit 12 months and haven't met their family...if you talk about a label and they nix the conversation....all those types of things are signs that they're not feeling it enough, they're not being honest with you about what they want, or that have issues that aren't yours to deal with and will block a real relationship from forming
• And while I advocate not blaming yourself - not only because you were the dumpee but because this seems like a common thing for good men - we get tangled up with emotionally immature women - and she didn't have the maturity to tell you what was wrong and didn't have the courage to then help you address it....it's also important to learn to stop every so often and say - what am I doing? And share your feelings with your partner. I'm not saying it's easy, nor have I done it well myself. Okay, I've been terrible at it. But in reality, our feelings/guts/intuition - whatever you want to call it - it can point to something being off that our conscious mind either can't see or won't allow us to see. 
• And I'm sure Beachead would tell you, you can't blame yourself for trying - cause real love doesn't happen unless you become vulnerable. And I think and believe he's 100% on point there. BUT....as he pointed out to you - the more you try and the more you learn, the more you set boundaries and the easier it becomes to be both vulnerable and also firm.

Some good aspects were never going to be enough, because I am not what she was looking for. Maybe some quality and attributes of me, but not all of me. Time spend together, she gets to know me more and more. I think she was confused towards the end as whether I am what she wanted, ultimately she weighted pro and cons and continued her search.

• No person will ever have 100% of what you are looking for nor you will have 100% of what they might be looking for as it turns out. Don't wait for perfection. I say that not really because it sounds like you are, but to help you understand that a lot of young women (without or with little dating experience) (and they all don't "grow up" so there are biologically mature women with the same issue) have the "prince" or "knight in shining armor" fantasy or they simply, like you as a young man, don't know what they want, don't completely know who they are yet, and they don't know how to deal with emotions and how to share - hence why so many good guys get burned without knowing anything was wrong in the relationship. And...why it's important to remember that actions speak louder than words in any situation. Don't let any failure, especially in this sort of situation, ding your ego. It's not a reflection on you as a person. Well, it is, but it speaks of your quality not of anything negative. As with the statement above - time and experience teaches us - what's really essential. What do we really want and need in a partner and in a relationship. And then when we boil it down to like 5 to 10 key categories, we learn how to accept that if we can't get our need filled in #4, we can do it ourselves by doing x,y,z, or maybe by getting more from them in #3 and #7. She probably fell for the way you treated her. A lot of young women will fall at some point for the first guy who treats them nicely (or the first guy to do so when they start to value being treated nicely). She probably ignored a lot of initial red flags on her side because of the way you acted and the way you made her feel. Those are great things for you to understand. But in 5-10 years she would hopefully be able to look back and explain exactly why it wouldn't work out with you. Or you would be able to explain it to yourself had you a crystal ball and could continue to see her actions, choices, experiences, etc. So don't discount your time together but don't also blame yourself. Heal and move on.

For a short while I enjoyed my job, at peace with myself, living my life. I was singled for 2.5 years then, until I met this girl. meeting her made me feel like I was loved and desired, which I didn't feel from my family/friends because they lived on other side of the world. It was probably the reason it is taking me this long to move on, because she was my source of validation and she made other bad stuff in life that much easier to deal with and I feel supported. I wasn't truly happy when I was on my own but I was doing okay. I feel lonely time to time because I moved around for work but I was coping with it. 

• Working for big corporate America I can say with 100% clarity - a lot of people towards the top are incompetent, a lot are psychopaths, most are selfish, and most are emotionally stunted in some way. So - use your age to learn skills - skills you need for your profession, skills you will need as a manager, learn about other industries, learn about personal finance, learn about career management, etc. And remember - companies will you use if you let them....I'm not saying don't work hard - but if you're busting your butt and the money isn't coming, the promotion isn't coming, then either dial it down and work 40 hours a week and spend time after work learning and networking, or move on from the company.
• And that's why jobs that require a lot of travel or constant relocation pay more - and the careers where constant relocation is required for promotion - they're not worth it to your personal life and development. Again, not saying don't work hard or stop learning. But at some point most people want to lay down roots somewhere. Don't let soulless companies force you into a vagabond lifestyle.
• And based on what you share - seems like you're already processing what she meant to you. Why you fell for and stayed with her. And if you were co-dependent, why and how it happened. So chin up - that's really amazing progress for such a short time.

[2BGoodAgain]

14 hours ago, The Outlaw said:

I'm doing much better than my dad is right now. It's a long story for another time perhaps but he recently filed for divorce from his second wife that he married six months after my mom died. He just had his second court date with her today and he's been ordered to pay her $600 a month in alimony plus $1500 in lawyer fees. And he fell in the court room. And my brother and I are at a total loss on what to do to help him. It's just been a downward spiral for him since my mom died. 

many many people jump into another relationship to relieve a long term pain with a short term solution.... this is a path, you father needs to figure out, though you might suggest he get therapy/counseling to overcome/mourn the loss of his relationship with his 1st wife.

as for the alimony/attorney fees... i don't know what to tell you... i don't think that's the main issue here, though it's a thorny one... the problem with within your dad.

[AIJ]

So I'm definitely not out of the woods by a long way just yet. I thought I was making a lot of progress but last night and today has just been absolutely awful. I cannot get my mind off of her and I really think I at least deserve an apology for the way she treated me but I'm not even getting as much as a tiny breadcrumb. I just want to know she's hurting the way I'm hurting, it isn't fair. 

[scooby-philly]

41 minutes ago, AIJ said:

So I'm definitely not out of the woods by a long way just yet. I thought I was making a lot of progress but last night and today has just been absolutely awful. I cannot get my mind off of her and I really think I at least deserve an apology for the way she treated me but I'm not even getting as much as a tiny breadcrumb. I just want to know she's hurting the way I'm hurting, it isn't fair. 

Life is not fair. And the more you can convince your ego and subconscious to not worry about her being in pain - the better off you will be. You have no idea what she's going through right now. If things don't work out the way she planned and you get better, heal, and move on, in 2,3,6 months she could be down, come across you in real life or hit up your social media and see you and realize she made a huge mistake. Your emotions are natural and healthy. It's a question of what you allow them to convince you to do and how your conscious self reacts that determine your progress and your character. And as others probably pointed out to you - if you were the dumpee - she's had  head start on you - days, weeks, more...so she could have been miserable and you didn't get to see her go through it. Which sucks for your ego. And it also speaks to her not wanting to be with you forever and not being mature enough to share her feelings with you as they were happening. So...

[The Outlaw]

7 hours ago, 2BGoodAgain said:

many many people jump into another relationship to relieve a long term pain with a short term solution.... this is a path, you father needs to figure out, though you might suggest he get therapy/counseling to overcome/mourn the loss of his relationship with his 1st wife.

as for the alimony/attorney fees... i don't know what to tell you... i don't think that's the main issue here, though it's a thorny one... the problem with within your dad.

I signed him up for an account here but he just won't use it. When he jumped the gun and started dating again five months after her death it raised multiple red flags. They dated for three weeks and got engaged and married in less than a week. She was in her early/mid 50's and he was 62. He was trying to fill a void at the time but to him she just seemed like my mother. Little did he or any of us know it was nothing short of an act. He came to find out in time that not only was she an alcoholic, but an addict. And he grew up in that environment and so did I. 

She contributed absolutely nothing, save face for cooking and helping him to clean the house before she just quit entirely and slipped deeper into drug use. She lost weight. A lot of weight. And she'd spend his money. He tried everything he could to help her but she wouldn't have it and he didn't need that at his age. None of us do. There's more to it obviously, but she was fried yesterday in court and was asked the same question (whatever they were) more than once and slowly so she could understand it. And she lied. In court. There's so much more to it obviously, but I'll stop it at that for now. 

[andytuotuo]

12 hours ago, scooby-philly said:

it's also important to learn to stop every so often and say - what am I doing? And share your feelings with your partner.

Thanks for the reply scooby. This is right on point. I often lose myself when I get involved with someone. I often put the other person's needs before my own and having trouble expressing my own needs and wants because I worried I might upset her. This created problems. Some time I make tough decisions without talking to her because I don't want to stress her. As result, she felt like she's not included or respected when making a decisions involves both of us. I first discovered that what's codependency when I listened to Whitney Cummings interviews. Again, this is something I need to work on and do better.

13 hours ago, scooby-philly said:

So don't discount your time together but don't also blame yourself. Heal and move on.

I needed to hear that. Sometime I just fell into the negative mental state, feel horrible, not good enough and discount what we had. Some time I wish that she is still around.

 

13 hours ago, scooby-philly said:

but if you're busting your butt and the money isn't coming, the promotion isn't coming, then either dial it down and work 40 hours a week and spend time after work learning and networking, or move on from the company

Thanks for sharing your insight. I quit my job shortly after the rejection from her. I knew I wasn't happy and I was hoping by quitting a job I don't enjoy anymore and move cities will give me a fresh start and maybe I will be happier. Now I got caught in the process as I came back to my home country and haven't been able to secure a job yet. Spending time with family and friends has been nice, but I found myself extremely anxious to looking for a job, finding a new apartment, make new friends. I have not done that yet. That's probably why I have been spending a lot time missing her.

I am at this point of my life that I need to establish on my own in term of career and personal life. I also feel incredibly lost when I think about what I want to do in my life or where to go. No clearly defined  career path, no 5 year 10 year or even 1 year life plan. Don't feel motivated to do much. I know this is not true, but I feel even more lost without her. I think I had hope and wanting to do so much more with her in life. 

[scooby-philly]

12 hours ago, andytuotuo said:

Thanks for the reply scooby. This is right on point. I often lose myself when I get involved with someone. I often put the other person's needs before my own and having trouble expressing my own needs and wants because I worried I might upset her. Some time I make tough decisions without talking to her because I don't want to stress her. As result, she felt like she's not included or respected when making a decisions involves both of us. I first discovered that what's codependency when I listened to Whitney Cummings interviews. Again, this is something I need to work on and do better.

I am at this point of my life that I need to establish on my own in term of career and personal life. I also feel incredibly lost when I think about what I want to do in my life or where to go. No clearly defined  career path, no 5 year 10 year or even 1 year life plan. Don't feel motivated to do much. I know this is not true, but I feel even more lost without her. I think I had hope and wanting to do so much more with her in life. 

It's okay to get infatuated in the first 3 months - that's part of "falling in love". The struggle for many good men is that at 3 months, 6 months, there comes a point where if the relationship is to grow and deepend, both parties need to equally contribute. And that's where both parties need to be mature, know what they want, feel the same way, have emotionally maturity, and possess great communication skills. If they don't have one or more of those things, problems can arise that lead to a bad relationship and eventually a split. And yeah - good couples know what the other person is better at and let them take the lead on those things, but in certain cases you need to come to a decision together - otherwise it may create resentment for a number of reasons. My recent ex was the exact opposite - she couldn't make a decision and no matter how many times I asked her what she wanted or wanted to do, she couldn't be herself - or her shaming, selfish, and mean parents conditioned her to never speak her wants and needs. Looking back, it's really sad to see. 

It's okay to be lost. That means you have a good sense of who you are. Now you can just take baby steps! Try a little bit of this, reflect, learn, grow, go and try a little bit of that. And it's okay to hit a part of your life where you feel you like can't put a plan together. It's natural and while it's scary - it's also a good time to then force yourself to just go and try things in your personal life, dating life, and career. And in the end, don't blame yourself too much. Relationships are equality. If she wasn't asserting herself that you needed to include her more in certain decisions, that's on her. If you tried your best and gave her the chance to commit and she balked, then it wasn't ever going to be, at least at this point in your lives. Move on, heal, learn, and grow.

[The Outlaw]

I'm just glad my work week is...……….. OVER. Three days off for me! 

[K.K.]

21 minutes ago, The Outlaw said:

I'm just glad my work week is...……….. OVER. Three days off for me! 

Woo!! 

[scooby-philly]

19 hours ago, The Outlaw said:

I'm just glad my work week is...……….. OVER. Three days off for me! 

Plans for the weekend?

[scooby-philly]

Tired and beat today - but feeling better. Still getting depressed on and off throughout the day - but it's all centered on me wondering what I've been doing with my life and realizing how much I gave to other people (friends, family, SOs) and not getting my own needs and wants met. Foolish. But that's how we learn and I won't change who I am. Just have to be smarter.