wtm78 Posted December 26, 2019 Posted December 26, 2019 Not good... Called the helpline on Xmas Eve.. Didn't feel any better after the talk...
smellysocksuni Posted December 27, 2019 Posted December 27, 2019 Getting closer to my counselling - 15 sessions, I hope that will be enough. I don't think I've had many sessions of counselling since the whole thing happened, so hopefully it's going to help.
scooby-philly Posted December 28, 2019 Posted December 28, 2019 10 hours ago, smellysocksuni said: Getting closer to my counselling - 15 sessions, I hope that will be enough. I don't think I've had many sessions of counselling since the whole thing happened, so hopefully it's going to help. Don't focus on the number of sessions. That will only distract you. Instead - come prepared to the first one with a list - what are some things you want to talk about, what are some secrets you need to tell someone, what are some fears you want to confront, what are some hurts you need closure on, what are some problems you want to address, what are some things you do well, some strengths you want to learn to use to your advantage, etc. Be open, honest, and transparent and don't run from the feelings. Even if you only solve ONE thing - think of how much better you will be for it. 2
MeadowFlower Posted December 28, 2019 Posted December 28, 2019 It could be pointless to have this expectation
Beachead Posted December 28, 2019 Posted December 28, 2019 (edited) @smellysocksuni I second what Scooby said. Start addressing all the topics he mentioned and get it down on paper. What you get out of it will largely be up to you so go in prepared. As good as your therapist may be, they are ultimately limited by how much you will be willing to tell them as well as how much you may know or understand about yourself. And while its not expected that anybody should know themselves entirely, I do know that the more you understand yourself, the more you can get down to the real issues much more quickly and have quality therapy sessions that will get you where you need to be. Edited December 28, 2019 by Beachead 1
smellysocksuni Posted December 30, 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 On 12/28/2019 at 2:19 AM, scooby-philly said: Don't focus on the number of sessions. That will only distract you. Instead - come prepared to the first one with a list - what are some things you want to talk about, what are some secrets you need to tell someone, what are some fears you want to confront, what are some hurts you need closure on, what are some problems you want to address, what are some things you do well, some strengths you want to learn to use to your advantage, etc. Be open, honest, and transparent and don't run from the feelings. Even if you only solve ONE thing - think of how much better you will be for it. Thank you!! This is so important. I would never have thought of this otherwise. How you doing? Apologies for not keeping up to date with everyone, holidays have been hectic, lol.
scooby-philly Posted December 30, 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 (edited) 13 minutes ago, smellysocksuni said: Thank you!! This is so important. I would never have thought of this otherwise. How you doing? Apologies for not keeping up to date with everyone, holidays have been hectic, lol. No thanks necessary. Went through therapy 10 years ago myself. While it didn't "solve" any of my problems - it did help me identify and accept most of them. And no worries - holidays have been hectic for me as well. I'm hanging in there. I still have the daily or every other day bout of sadness/depression. Comes from loving someone totally and completely and have them just walk away like nothing mattered. But that's the risk of loving someone. Beachead and Lonely Planet Moon along with friends and family have been very helpful. I just have to stop ignoring my gut when "red flags" or signs pop up that something isn't meant to be or the other person isn't committed like I am. There's no reason to stay just to be the "good guy". And while it's tough staying happy and cheery - I am looking forward to 2020. New opportunities for love, my career, travel, and making new or strengthening existing friendships. Plus I hope to be buying or at least shopping for a house by the start of September which will be intimidating but awesome. But it's important for me to remember to try to stay balanced and to continue to listen to my gut whenever I decide to jump back into the dating scene and also important to continue to remind myself it's okay to be myself, to be vulnerable, and to also just get out there and live "my best life" as they say. Edited December 30, 2019 by scooby-philly Hit save too quickly.
MeadowFlower Posted December 31, 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 The people we have interest in, aren't interested in us. The people we don't have interest in, are interested in us.
Steve40th396 Posted January 4, 2020 Posted January 4, 2020 Feeling isolated, I know we are going to file for separation in two weeks. Not knowing if this will lead to reconciliation ? or straight up divorce.. And what boundries to set during separation. Very tough, very tough..
MeadowFlower Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 Saw something on IG that said, "That was pointless, we could've stayed as strangers."
Battlescarred Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 No idea if posting here will help but if you don't try........ Recently broken up after LTR (9 years) and initially struggled to decide whether I was in denial or acceptance. Moving out slowly and had to visit his home the last couple as of days to get some more stuff. I feel wiped out and thoroughly depressed. Have been trying to keep busy and meet friends for coffee etc but the whole situation just seems like a mountain. I go back to work tomorrow and don't know how I am going to cope. Still have at least 4 more weekends of moving stuff before finally being done and don't know how I'm going to get through. I feel empty and the more stuff I take from his house the more upset I get as it just looks so empty now. Have been initiating LC just to co-ordinate access times. Can't understand my feelings, I think I just miss 'us' and am upset as I am taking apart the home we had built. Don't really want to see him but am upset when he is not at home when I go to pick up stuff. I feel upset for him that he needs to stay there with the emotional attachment of us and feel upset for me having to start again in a place I don't love. I don't really want any more contact than we have but part of me wants to know that he is thinking about me. I have anxiety going to his home in case he has put away evidence of 'us' but in the same respect understand that he may need to do this for him to move forward. I feel torn and like I am going insane but I can't understand why or explain my feelings!!! It just sucks!!!! 1
The Outlaw Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 I’m tired, hungry and depressed. don’t want to go to work tomorrow. I’m sick of of it. And I wonder how I’ve managed to hold absolutely everything together for as long as I have. 1
scooby-philly Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 @The Outlaw - Sorry to hear you're down. Maybe a mental health day or two might be of use. And it's okay to let things drop to take care of yourself. Remember - you can't fill a cup from an empty well. Do some things that refill your energy, love, and happiness.
scooby-philly Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 As for me, hit a wave of depression and sadness of late. Trying to rebuild my life and imagine my future - just with me in it, just for me. Not easy, but I have to do it. The cold and darkness doesn't help but I'm managing and trying to find the joy in life again and remind my inner child, the deepest part of my soul, the spark of my love and care - she was too immature, too inexperienced, and too afraid of real love and I deserve better. @smellysocksuni @Beachead - how are you guys holding up?
The Outlaw Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 I don't know @scooby-philly, I just don't know. All I've been doing for the past few years is hanging in there and have kept everything bottled up because I just don't feel it's anyone's business. And honestly, it isn't. 'Oh! What's wrong? Are you OK? Is there anything I can do for you?' And that's because I think that they have an ulterior motive or an agenda because I've been in those shoes before during the worst time of my life.
Foxhall Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 sometimes its good to talk about feelings and stuff women probably better at that than us blokes. 1
Cora Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 Tired of trying. The result is always the same. Hope has faded now. The heart can only take so much...
scooby-philly Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 On 1/8/2020 at 6:07 PM, The Outlaw said: I don't know @scooby-philly, I just don't know. All I've been doing for the past few years is hanging in there and have kept everything bottled up because I just don't feel it's anyone's business. And honestly, it isn't. 'Oh! What's wrong? Are you OK? Is there anything I can do for you?' And that's because I think that they have an ulterior motive or an agenda because I've been in those shoes before during the worst time of my life. @The Outlaw - It's not anyone's "business". But the true meaning of "family" and "friendship" is letting people help with our business and them letting us help them. If you can't open up to people - why and how would others open up to you.
The Outlaw Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 5 hours ago, scooby-philly said: @The Outlaw - It's not anyone's "business". But the true meaning of "family" and "friendship" is letting people help with our business and them letting us help them. If you can't open up to people - why and how would others open up to you. Most don't anymore. The last person that did wasn't exactly an genuine person but more of a two-faced con looking for moral and emotional support during the worst time of my life when I let my guard down. I can go on and on about why I don't open up to anyone nor really trust people, but I've also got the best reasons not to.
preraph Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 Is there anything at all you can do about your work situation, Outlaw? You've got to find some way of getting a balance between work and fun at the very least. You know, there's more jobs available than ever right now, so you might be able to make a change. 1
The Outlaw Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 (edited) 21 minutes ago, preraph said: Is there anything at all you can do about your work situation, Outlaw? You've got to find some way of getting a balance between work and fun at the very least. You know, there's more jobs available than ever right now, so you might be able to make a change. I'm my dad's business partner and I work for the McKee Foods Corporation and we have a family owned business (and a headache) that I'll inherit when he retires. Since I'm in good standing with the company, I could put in for a transfer elsewhere but I'd have to leave him behind so I can't. But I could probably still cut out if I wanted and just leave the state. That's what I really want to do but currently lack the financial backing because I've been hard hit in the wallet as of late. Edited January 13, 2020 by The Outlaw
preraph Posted January 14, 2020 Posted January 14, 2020 Well you've got a bunch of experience, what you might end up in the same business. However that type of experience might transfer to something you'd find more stimulating. You also might consider cutting your hours back there and seeing if you could work on another part-time job just to get some more experience and a break from it. Part time jobs don't pay anything usually.
The Outlaw Posted January 14, 2020 Posted January 14, 2020 3 minutes ago, preraph said: Well you've got a bunch of experience, what you might end up in the same business. However that type of experience might transfer to something you'd find more stimulating. You also might consider cutting your hours back there and seeing if you could work on another part-time job just to get some more experience and a break from it. Part time jobs don't pay anything usually. I can usually run my route in four days and have a three day weekend nearly every week but cutting my hours wouldn't really be possible at this point. And I've thought about a second job for the sake of curing boredom of all things. I have a love/hate relationship with what I do, but I'll tell you that this wasn't my chosen profession. I majored in psychology in college and was a natural at it and came out of it with a straight A. But my goals of pursuing my chosen profession were cut short when I was suspended for six months because my GPA dropped and I just never went back. 1
preraph Posted January 14, 2020 Posted January 14, 2020 Maybe you could use some of that to mentor kids and teens. 1
The Outlaw Posted January 14, 2020 Posted January 14, 2020 I have on several occasions. I had become somewhat of a go-to-guy on my previous forum before I came to LS. I had spent many months trying to mentor and help at least one young woman who didn't have much self esteem and despite my efforts, I just couldn't really help because she seemed like she really didn't want to do anything I suggested. Others were at least, more receptive but I haven't really gone to bat and given anyone much emotional or moral support in a few years. We've all been there, but I was badly burned by the last person I tried to help and she was someone that I'd known ever since we were both really children. She just caught me at a really bad time and took advantage of the situation.
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