freebird31 Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I cant believe it is going to be 10 months since we have been broken up. 10 MONTHS! thats nearly a YEAR. one whole year. I have not had my best days this past year, in fact, this past year was probably one of my hardest trying to crawl out of this hole that i was in. I have been having better days. Im finding things that truly make me happy. i have found a love for things i didnt know i could love before. such as hiking and exploring nautre, i never knew how much of an outsider i really was! ive also taken a liking in reading a lot. On top of that, i just got accepted into a volunteer program at a hospital. My darkest days are gone. In fact, i have almost, (and yes, i said ALMOST) found a peace within myself. Im not quite there yet. But I can see life without my ex...i can imagine it and picture it. I'm still not quite ready to fully let go, to make that final move and date other people. I actually dont think Im ready to yet to start dating at all. But Im not really ready, in more specific, to move on to someone new and let go of my ex. I know that will be the last and final bit to fully moving on. I cant really imagine that part yet........ Im trying to fill the void in my heart with things i love, hobbies and adventures, as opposed to a significant other. .... I know eventually there will come a time when i have to face that. Dating others. Moving On For Good. But I know it is not the right time. And so, I will just continue to keep filling myself up and exploring myself and new things. I am never more proud of the dignity I have held and the person that I have become. I am proud I stayed strong and I never, never once gave into contacting him. It has been 5 months since we have last had contact and it should stay like this until the time comes when we both have to face what we left behind, becuase there will be a time. Im actually really FULL. I am at a better place in my life, the days are getting brighter and brighter. 1
JDPT Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I'm currently at 9 months and in no rush of dating, dating is possibly the last thing on my last. I know I'm not ready, I feel it, almost as if I have no interest. However, I know I will eventually need to face it, and when I do, I will be in much better shape emotionally. I'll be ready to be emotionally available once again to start a new adventure with someone who is better suitable for me. We a times amaze ourselves at the substantial amount of progress we have accomplished. We deserve this, we have gone trough the wringer and back, it's only right. 2
JDPT Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I hope for tonight to be an extension of last night. And of course can't neglect to mention the storm coming up in a few hours. Storm coming up! 1
freebird31 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I'm currently at 9 months and in no rush of dating, dating is possibly the last thing on my last. I know I'm not ready, I feel it, almost as if I have no interest. However, I know I will eventually need to face it, and when I do, I will be in much better shape emotionally. I'll be ready to be emotionally available once again to start a new adventure with someone who is better suitable for me. We a times amaze ourselves at the substantial amount of progress we have accomplished. We deserve this, we have gone trough the wringer and back, it's only right. You're dang right, we deserve this. 1
AnyaNova Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Fantastically! Will write more tomorrow. Too busy enjoying feeling fantastic! 1
MajorOak Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 How are you coping today?....................erm not very well at all.
JDPT Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 How are you coping today?....................erm not very well at all. Hang in there, with time and effort it'll definitely get better. 1
potestatum Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 26 days since we broke up. 10 days of NC. I am not coping well. I feel so sad. The last few days I thought that I was getting better. But yesterday and today I feel a rag. (Maybe it is because I have an illness these days.) I am continuously thinking that I will never find someone like her again. I am thinking I will be alone. I am thinking that she is having a great time and I am miserable. I am thinking that she may change her mind and come back... but she won't. I want her to be sad! To think of me and what we had and cry... To feel pain that she decided not to be in my life. I want her life to be worse without me. And everyone she is going to try to be with, to be far more inferior than me in every aspect so she will be thinking of me and understand what she lost.. I want to have a happier, better life than her. I want her to come back and beg me. But no longer feel anything for her. I want to tell her I feel nothing about her and mean it! Make her sad and miserable!
uku383 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Tonight is the first night that my son has stayed with me in the three and a half months since I left home. I'm so excited to be able to wake up in the morning with him sneaking into my room to give me a rasberry! Unfortunately I still can't comprehend that she's asked me to leave. I know where I've gone wrong, and I want to make it all better so much, but I can't unless she'll let me. She won't. I also need to find work. There's none around here for someone with my background. I'll most likely have to commute about 2 hours each way to the city. If we were together I could take a lower paying job and help around the house more. It's not a great situation, but at least tonight my boy is with me. I'm happy about that. I choose to be happy now and not think of anything else. Just for tonight. 1
Welsh Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 (edited) I was doing so well today, retail therapy. Then my mum was driving us home and low and behold, he crosses the road to go to the shop for his lunch next to his work. I miss him and want to text him, it's only been 4 days since we broke up and 2 days since I got most of my stuff and 24 hours ago he text me. EDIT: how weird, he just text me asking if I wanted a bargain tv stand from his work place £200 down to £11 Edited February 13, 2014 by Welsh
flightplan Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I was doing pretty good for a while, then BAM... the last couple of days suck. I'm at three months NC, but it feels like day one. Man... this sucks. This too shall pass.
jphcbpa Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 putting the final touches on the new place I will be moving into tomorrow. had packers at the place today and movers coming tomorrow. the sun is out and a great day to be alive. 3
Itspointless Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 putting the final touches on the new place I will be moving into tomorrow. had packers at the place today and movers coming tomorrow. the sun is out and a great day to be alive. A new beginning, sounds good man!
matt_1987 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 26 days since we broke up. 10 days of NC. I am not coping well. I feel so sad. The last few days I thought that I was getting better. But yesterday and today I feel a rag. (Maybe it is because I have an illness these days.) I am continuously thinking that I will never find someone like her again. I am thinking I will be alone. I am thinking that she is having a great time and I am miserable. I am thinking that she may change her mind and come back... but she won't. I want her to be sad! To think of me and what we had and cry... To feel pain that she decided not to be in my life. I want her life to be worse without me. And everyone she is going to try to be with, to be far more inferior than me in every aspect so she will be thinking of me and understand what she lost.. I want to have a happier, better life than her. I want her to come back and beg me. But no longer feel anything for her. I want to tell her I feel nothing about her and mean it! Make her sad and miserable! god man I feel exactly the same...let's be strong brother...we are badasses and we will make it 2
AnyaNova Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Another fantastic day. Still haven't heard back from my NP and I am a little nervous. The one who was filling in for her saw my test results and was sure that my treatment would be continuing. I am hoping that if they are backed off to once a week with the new missing links added in and a little extra supplementation where needed, I can still be fantastic and NOT crash any little bit at all. I really want to be myself tomorrow. And yes, for a stupid reason that is very selfish of me. And really very stupid. But I don't want to be less tomorrow. But I spent this extra time that I have getting even more reacquainted with my guitar (which had been pretty much neglected since the deficiency really got bad). I have this terrible problem though. I love guitar. I love piano. I love each so much. But when I play guitar, I always feel like I'm cheating on the piano! Anyway, tonight I was reworking up Wagon Wheel, and coming up with some great musically valid ideas that really make it mine (and really good). But the words were really striking me. Obviously, for me, "Mama" would refer more to the metaphorical/fate type interpretation, and all the stuff in my life. "Rock me mama like a wagon wheel, rock me mama any way you feel." etc. I have also decided to sing, "I hear my baby calling my name and I know that he's the only one." Hopefully, soon, there really is one to sing that too. But the last couple of days with the new info/missing links filled in have been wonderful. In other news, the fingers of my left hand are strangely sore, for some funny reason. 2
AnyaNova Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Such a passionate and intense night last night. No, not that type of "passionate" but my bed and I were one last night lol. I just didn't want to let her go. So far so good. I ran a few errands earlier, coordinated another MRI and follow up appointment, and went to the gym to meet the usual cronies at the sauna. I'm taking advantage of a somewhat positive momentum that I've been indulging for the past few days. Jamming to Sonique-it feels so good (haven't heard that song since I was in HS), your love, it feels so good! pup by my side, HGTV on, tibias resting. I've been building a "broken bones support group" which is working out beautifully. Life isn't so bad. Anya- I did some pec deck flies. The pecs were burning for sure lol. I so love those (I know, what a surprise, right)! Next week when I begin my new gym regime, the pec deck flies will be on my Wednesday work out. AND I'm going to add in those darn tricep exercises where they have to stabilize the elbows while you take the weights down to your shoulders (if I can ever actually get them down to my shoulders and back up ). I'm having my own HGTV moment (not with watching, but I went out and bought a bunch of cleaning supplies again, and a ton of new candles and deco stuff to change up the apartment again. Make it new after all the ill health from the deficiency and my friend's death and of course, Tim. It is funny in a way. To those that know me, I can sum up a whole period of extreme pain and nastiness in my life with one word. Tim. But also, a whole ton of victory and resurrection, in its own way, too. 1
Mondmellonw Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Today has been the best day since the BU: I finally accepted things as they are. I must keep working on my self esteem... To "Let go" is a good step.
LostConfused123 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Not well at all. Had a lump in my throat and cried off and on all day. I don't get it??? When, for God sake will this pain end. Almost 4 months NC. I thought I was doing so much better. Even getting over him. Then BAM!!! The last two days feel like I did in the beginning. I'm ready for this nightmare to end. I'm so sick of this!!!
LostConfused123 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I was doing pretty good for a while, then BAM... the last couple of days suck. I'm at three months NC, but it feels like day one. Man... this sucks. This too shall pass. I know exactly how you feel! I'm so very sorry for your pain but I'm a little relieved to see I'm not the only one. Best of luck to you!! ((hugs!!))
uku383 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I'm feeling pretty bad. I miss my wife. I've realised that she's not coming back. I'm scared.
somedude81 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Playing Monster Hunter on my 3DS and I just got killed by a monster I should not have. I was extremely close to throwing the system at a wall and completely destroying it. This is the second 3DS I've owned. The first one was destroyed when I threw it at a wall one week after my ex dumped me. Ever since she's left me, my fuse has extremely short and I can't deal with any sort of disappointment. It's ridiculous how quick to anger I am now.
StringsAttached Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 It's Valentines day and honestly idgaf. lol I have a girl...I don't love her like I loved her but at least she's sane. Cheer up people. Your happiness is in your hands. Valentines Day is just a marketing ploy created by greedy, corporate iguanas to increase procreation so that they may have a sustainable food source for the future. 1
potestatum Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 27 days BU. 11 days NC. I can't cope with it. F@ck I'm in pain!! I am broken!!
radiodarcy Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Much much MUCH better. I woke up this morning realizing this is the first V-day where I'm not pining over someone who could care less if I existed. No crushes, no FWB, no guy I'm talking to who I'm hoping will turn into something else only to have it fizzle out. Let's just say I've had zero luck in the love/relationship dept. But at any rate, that's what I'll focus on appreciating today. Well that and the chocolate 3
Tripz Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I swear, I'm never going to involve myself into another relationship again. This grieving/coping crap is just too hard. Just when you have a few really good days, you get this false sense that perhaps....yes, maybe perhaps, the worst is actually over and there's light at the end of the tunnel. Then, you see something (like his car parked at her place overnight or them walking together into the grocery store) and in an INSTANT, you are right back to square one. Only this time, instead of feeling like there's still something you can do to fix it and get your ex back, you start to think of ways to get back at them. I'm actually shocked at the raw evil that raced through my head about 15 minutes ago. So glad I'm actually a pretty rational, responsible person. The OM should feel pretty lucky I actually am running on all cylinders and I have my son to think about for stability. It was all I could do to not text him to be watching over his shoulder or send her a "Happy Whore's Day" text. Wish I had some happy pills. At least I could quickly run to this forum, vent and be around others who understand. So how are you coping today???
Recommended Posts