MeadowFlower Posted June 28, 2019 Posted June 28, 2019 @Limiya, do it. Delete his thread. Don't wait until you feel like doing it, just physically do it.
smellysocksuni Posted June 29, 2019 Posted June 29, 2019 I suppose I'm just missing the company of her, today. I've never really had many friends or been very sociable. I miss hanging out and going to places with her. I do feel better overall but time passing is difficult. Still three months until I see her at uni. By that time (or even now) she may have moved on to someone else. That's difficult really. Three months on top of the already however many months it's been - I'm sure I'm not even on her mind. Saying that though I had suspicions that she was looking at my Spotify account and I think it's been proved that she was/is. She's added two songs - very obscure songs - that I've had in my playlist and have been listening to for months to her playlist. Added them together at the same time. That just made me think that she IS looking at my account. Pfft. I keep thinking about the times that I contacted her and she didn't respond. With most people that means they don't want to talk, but I know with her it means she's feeling too much - because that's what she always told me, about how much her feelings overwhelm her. I don't know. I'm writing all this and it's just spilling out, really.
smellysocksuni Posted June 29, 2019 Posted June 29, 2019 I feel completely invisible to the entire world. I really have no-one in my life and I'm at the point that I don't (and feel as if I can't) make any more connections with people, because I don't want to feel any more loss. The one person I connected with had intimacy issues and was abusive towards me and left me, and doesn't appear to want anything to do with me. I'm at a complete dead end, in a rut that I have no idea how to get out of. And I don't think there is a way to get out of it, this time. I've been through many difficult break ups and losses, but this one seems to have tipped me over the edge. I am just exasperated with everything, and I have no real interest in anything, anymore.`
Realitysux Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 I'm painting my house which is interesting for me.It's healing for me to paint but it's also stressful since I'm a perfectionist and end up worrying about it until its finished and looks good. I'm using this time to remind myself to enjoy the process! I've only got the hallway done and I'm already doubting my color choices and wanting to change it but I'm reminding myself that I can fix things after and it will be fine when I'm done so to enjoy the process, not to rush it, and take my time doing it.
MeadowFlower Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 Maybe this week, I can burn the letter he gave me. Rip it up first, then burn it. And the paper thing he made me.
lonelyplanetmoon Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 I’m having such a hard time letting go today! I miss him so much! Argggghhhh.
Realitysux Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 (edited) Went out for dinner with you and our son today. You brought one of your 4 other children with you and it was funny hearing him call you my dad, even when he spoke to our son. It's so funny how our son was born first. I would never say this out loud because it's not your sons fault and he doesn't know that for 15 years my son grew up without a fat he father and rather then help him, you had 1 child with another women and then 3 children with someone else. Then when we talk about child support you tell me she said to apply for your cpp. You immigrate to canada, then you bring your wife here too and instead of being responsible for our son, you refer me to our government. Don't even get me started on cpp Then there is the Spanish dudes who did what they did and I hate them too I guess that's why I'm not afraid to eat Doritos at night ... I can gain all the weight I want since I don't need to attract a man anymore. I'm so glad to be single! And screw you university obsessed men, I'll make it with out education too I'll paint my house and possibly that will include the ceiling but I'll keep myself busy and use this forum to write without paragraphs obviously. Who has time for the space key anyways Edited July 1, 2019 by Realitysux 1
smellysocksuni Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 I hate thinking about how long ago it all was. It just reminds me of the growing distance between us, and the likelihood that she has someone else in her life. Also the possibility that I'll be forgotten, or that she'll think her new partner is "better" than me, and that she just won't speak to me again at university. I feel like I'm not entitled to think about her, or to be upset, that I should just find someone else even though I don't want to.
Beachead Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 Beachead… I did buy myself a casio keyboard a few days ago. I can't really commit to lessons right now but I there are lots of websites I can utilized. I've been using this site: https://www.true-piano-lessons.com/free-piano-lessons.html These are the 2 songs that I am working on learning now. CEFGCEFG CEFGECED EEDCCEGGGF EFGECDC and GCDEEEd-sharpECC CDEFAAGFE CDEFAAGFEC CDEFDDEC Nice work . Happy to hear it. Also, there are some nice beginner tutorials for more visual learning on youtube or similar sites. They'll teach you how to read the keys. 1
Mrk70 Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 It's been two and a half weeks since my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me. Total surprise. In the middle of some abstract argument, not about us. I still can't bring myself to tell anyone I don't have to tell. I'm struggling with NC. He'll send me emails about little things going on for him. I can't bring myself to tell him to stop. I've been crazy busy since it happened and now that the holiday is here I want to cancel my plans to visit family and stay home and nurse my wounds for four days. Please please please can I please stay home? I know I'm supposed to keep up with friends / family etc, but I'm so tired. I'm so broken. I don't want to.
smellysocksuni Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 It's really weird; whenever I have a very bad day, the next day is always better. It's as if my body is releasing these strong emotions in bits and pieces. Hopefully the good parts will become more frequent.
MeadowFlower Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 Getting attached to the wrong person is a waste. 1
Beachead Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 (edited) It's really weird; whenever I have a very bad day, the next day is always better. It's as if my body is releasing these strong emotions in bits and pieces. Hopefully the good parts will become more frequent. Yea, that's how it is. It's a cycle of emotions. You'll feel depressed for awhile, then you'll get angry, then you become numb. Then you get sad again, then angry and then you become numb. Rinse and repeat until one day you have a good moment. It might last for 5 minutes. Then you'll go back to your misery, until you find another goo moment, and this time it might last for an hour. Then you go back to your misery. But little by little, that good moments starts to take over. You start having a good morning and then half the day is good, and then the whole day. Then out of the week, you might have 2-3 good days. Eventually, you may even have a good week etc. All those emotions rotating in a cycle is a sign your mind is working through your pain and healing you and over time you'll find both the frequency those changes occur along with the intensity of each emotion lessen. Your state of mind will eventually balance and level off. Feeling good without your ex is a good sign that you're on the right track. Edited July 3, 2019 by Beachead 1
lonelyplanetmoon Posted July 9, 2019 Posted July 9, 2019 ‘Go back to your misery” Had to chuckle at the way you say it. So true always back to my misery. Interesting thing for me today was that I started remembering all the bad things he did in the relationship. These were things that I had forgotten about by burying them because they hurt so much. But little by little they need to be brought out and processed so the misery can begin to fade away.
Beachead Posted July 11, 2019 Posted July 11, 2019 (edited) @lonelyplanetmoon That's definitely the process. The reality just resurfaces when we're ready for it. Most of the time in the beginning, we dive into denial about our reality to cope with it because it's overwhelming all at once. Those lies we tell ourselves are never meant to last forever. They're just there to help us numb the pain until we regain enough emotional strength to come back and face that reality we numbed out from. Up and down, left and right we go for awhile, processing..processing..processing..until one day we just wake up and have no choice but to admit we're actually feeling a bit better. You'll realize it when you catch yourself smiling at something or having a good time or not being able to get that new person you met out of your head and your ex partner is not a part of those moments. It'll happen. Slow and steady though. Edited July 11, 2019 by Beachead 1
smellysocksuni Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 Yea, that's how it is. It's a cycle of emotions. You'll feel depressed for awhile, then you'll get angry, then you become numb. Then you get sad again, then angry and then you become numb. Rinse and repeat until one day you have a good moment. It might last for 5 minutes. Then you'll go back to your misery, until you find another goo moment, and this time it might last for an hour. Then you go back to your misery. But little by little, that good moments starts to take over. You start having a good morning and then half the day is good, and then the whole day. Then out of the week, you might have 2-3 good days. Eventually, you may even have a good week etc. All those emotions rotating in a cycle is a sign your mind is working through your pain and healing you and over time you'll find both the frequency those changes occur along with the intensity of each emotion lessen. Your state of mind will eventually balance and level off. Feeling good without your ex is a good sign that you're on the right track. Thank you Beach, you're always here with some kind words and insight, I really appreciate it. 1
smellysocksuni Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 I had a session with a life coach/counsellor today - it's my second with her. She is expensive, and I might allocate myself two more sessions with her as I found her really helpful and encouraging. It really is worth the money, in my opinion. She has encouraged me today to try and let go more of my ex, and helped me to see that I am of value and deserve more in a relationship than what my ex was giving me. I am more than the constant push/pull, the random bursts of anger, etc. I feel very emotional tonight. It's been so long and I haven't spoken to or know anything of my ex, and I'm just dreading seeing her at university. It seems to be taking an age to come around. I just want to get it over and done with. I hate the fact that I've got to go and sit in a room with this person for months. I hate also that she just threw me away and will probably act like I don't exist. I hate that I will probably want to talk to her. I hate the whole ******* situation.
MINAKO Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 Yea, that's how it is. It's a cycle of emotions. You'll feel depressed for awhile, then you'll get angry, then you become numb. Then you get sad again, then angry and then you become numb. Rinse and repeat until one day you have a good moment. It might last for 5 minutes. Then you'll go back to your misery, until you find another goo moment, and this time it might last for an hour. Then you go back to your misery. But little by little, that good moments starts to take over. You start having a good morning and then half the day is good, and then the whole day. Then out of the week, you might have 2-3 good days. Eventually, you may even have a good week etc. All those emotions rotating in a cycle is a sign your mind is working through your pain and healing you and over time you'll find both the frequency those changes occur along with the intensity of each emotion lessen. Your state of mind will eventually balance and level off. Feeling good without your ex is a good sign that you're on the right track. I just want to say that this is one of the best things I have ever read. You explained it so beautifully. Thank you for that. The human experience sure is a wild ride. 1
Beachead Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 @MINAKO Glad it has some value to you. Stay strong. - Beach 1
Beachead Posted July 12, 2019 Posted July 12, 2019 @smellysocksuni No problem friend. Glad you seeked out some help. Shows that you're trying to get out of your rut. Deep down, you don't want her back. There's no way you could ever be okay with her. Regarding your classes, are there multiple sections for same class? Could you switch to a different section at a different time on a different day where you don't have to be in the same class as her?
MeadowFlower Posted July 14, 2019 Posted July 14, 2019 I saw this quote on Instagram, "If life can remove someone you never dreamed of losing, it can replace them with someone you never dreamt of having." 2
MeadowFlower Posted July 14, 2019 Posted July 14, 2019 When my life partner shows up (if he hasn't already), I'm gonna ring his neck for taking so long. Lol 1
Rayce Posted July 14, 2019 Posted July 14, 2019 I woke up crying again. When will this stop? It shouldn't be this hard to find someone to spend my life with. I feel so alone. 1
smellysocksuni Posted July 15, 2019 Posted July 15, 2019 I find that my healing seems to go through very distinct stages. I feel quite sad, thinking about the fact that she has lived her life without me - made new friends, perhaps been romantically involved with someone else, heard new songs, bought new clothes, etc. I know nothing about her, anymore. I haven't seen or spoken to her for many months, and it seems as if this knowledge isn't really helping me(?) I don't know. I still remember everything about our dynamic, whereas maybe she doesn't. Maybe she has a whole new set of inside jokes/songs with other people/someone else, or likes a show I know nothing about. All the smaller things. Seeing her at university will be strange, it feels like I barely know her, now. I feel at times stupid for remaining upset for so long, when it feels like she has just moved on and away from me without a second thought. And the worst part of it all, as always, is that there isn't an actual REASON she ended things or became angry at me. It was all a mixture of thoughts/feelings inside her, projected on to me. I'm used to people losing interest, falling out of love, etc. I don't think I'll ever get used to the fact of what happened and why it happened. It feels weird. I don't think she will speak to me. I feel as if I'm fixated on whether she'll talk to me or not, and really living in the future. But really, I would feel disrespected if she attempted to talk to me. And hurt. I feel as if I never really get the true 'her', just the time at uni. Just bits and pieces of her life. It's unlikely I'll see her again after uni ends, either. I feel very strange. The urge to tell her how I feel sometimes dies off; why would I contact some old ex, for one. Two, she won't care. What's the point? She's lived a full life without me, this is what she wanted. I still feel very hurt. I feel as if I've been labelled as some sort of criminal, negative, etc. Unfairly convicted, innocent. Someone messaged me on Facebook, someone that has been into me for years. And I couldn't even reply, I burst out crying and shut the conversation. I realised that I can't even date or even talk to anyone else. I feel abandoned and stuck.
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