MeadowFlower Posted June 18, 2019 Posted June 18, 2019 Writing always helps my friend. If you have a notebook, just dedicate it to your thoughts. Don't worry about grammar or spelling. Just write anything that comes to mind. 5-10 minutes each day, maybe 2 or 3 times a day if you want. Your mind will eventually relax and begin to release right into that pen, but it may take time. Once you get good at letting thoughts onto paper, focus them towards any direction you want, and when you get good at that, you can become more concise with your writing. I used to do this and it certainly helped me. Thank you Beech.
MeadowFlower Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 Well I can always have an imaginary special someone.
Limiya Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 How am I coping today? I'm not. Not really. It's all just too painful. I can't go through this again.
Optimystic Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 Some days are better than others. What helps is to keep reminding myself of the ways we aren't good for each other.. and especially why he isn't good for ME. I really was unhappy about 80% or more of the time. I held on to sweet moments or fun times and magnified them thinking they could carry it.. and I was wrong. Maybe I projected some fantasies onto the relationship.. idk. It's still hard to get over though. It's amazing how easy it is to get used to someone. But I guess it just takes longer to get used to their absence. I will though.. more and more. Maybe one day I won't miss him.. but right now it's hard to believe. I just want what's best.
Rayce Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 I just got fired from my new job. They didn't like me. Said I didn't fit in with the co-workers. I'm so bummed out.
MeadowFlower Posted June 21, 2019 Posted June 21, 2019 @Rayce, that totally sucks. Don't let the b*tches get to you. Their opinion doesn't determine your worth.
Beachead Posted June 21, 2019 Posted June 21, 2019 I just got fired from my new job. They didn't like me. Said I didn't fit in with the co-workers. I'm so bummed out. Oh geez, I know how that feels. I was fired from a job 2 years back myself so I know the feeling. And like Meadow said, screw them. Is "Not fitting in" even a legitimate reason for them to fire you? Is there an organization you could speak to about labour relations to help you figure it out? Sometimes, these work places do some shady things.
Rayce Posted June 21, 2019 Posted June 21, 2019 tks guys... I appreciate the support. The recruiter said he would find something better! Finding a job... finding love at the same time... whew what work!
Cora Posted June 22, 2019 Posted June 22, 2019 I’m an idiot...don’t know what I was thinking or why I thought this time would be any different. Figured I’d get back out there and start dating again. Well I got burned again....surprise surprise. That didn’t take long. I told myself i never wanted to feel this feeling again and yet here it is. I just don’t think it’s meant to be for me to ever share my life with someone. It sucks because all I ever wanted was to be a mother someday. That’s always been my dream, but that will never happen and I need to accept that and learn to be happy single. I’ll never understand how relationships come so effortlessly to some people like my younger brother who has never had a problem finding love and now has found the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. For me though, love will always be a fairytale....a happily ever after that will be for others to experience, but will forever be just out of my grasp...
Rayce Posted June 22, 2019 Posted June 22, 2019 Depending on where you live in some parts of the world you don't have to have a man to have kids if being a mother is something you really want to do. I raised my kids on my own since my youngest was 2 years old. If for that reason alone... I love my country... I do know how blessed I am to be a citizen here.
Beachead Posted June 22, 2019 Posted June 22, 2019 (edited) I’m an idiot...don’t know what I was thinking or why I thought this time would be any different. Figured I’d get back out there and start dating again. Well I got burned again....surprise surprise. That didn’t take long. I told myself i never wanted to feel this feeling again and yet here it is. I just don’t think it’s meant to be for me to ever share my life with someone. It sucks because all I ever wanted was to be a mother someday. That’s always been my dream, but that will never happen and I need to accept that and learn to be happy single. I’ll never understand how relationships come so effortlessly to some people like my younger brother who has never had a problem finding love and now has found the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. For me though, love will always be a fairytale....a happily ever after that will be for others to experience, but will forever be just out of my grasp... I'm glad you went for it. Something in you made you want to give it a try again and I think that's something worth considering for you. I would say continue with it but just be very logical and careful about the process. Stay open to possibilities but protect your heart. We all know on here how the dating world is so go in expecting people to do crappy, heartless things. Out of 10 tries, maybe 1 might be good. Just take it day by day and remember, they're going to have to prove themselves and earn your trust and loyalty over time. Don't hand that over to them, freely. If day 1 with the person was great, then great..but that doesn't mean day 2 will be. Tomorrow isn't promised and anything could happen. So treat the next day as entirely new one. ..and stay away from texting too much or anything that has to do with social media and messaging. Only use it for a few back and forth exchanges with the goal of setting up plans. Conversations should happen on the phone or in person. Don't give up..yet. If you go through another bad experience..come on here and let it out. You've got support. This is coming from me, who pretty much feels as hopeless as you do about love. If I felt I was in a place in my life to date again, I'd give it a try again just like you, and what I tell you is how I'd approach it. Also, I think Rayce's idea is worth considering if possible for you, given that it means a lot to you to be a mother. - Beach Edited June 22, 2019 by Beachead
Rayce Posted June 22, 2019 Posted June 22, 2019 Beachead I've been thinking about something you wrote about trying something new... something that maybe I've always wanted to do but didn't get to for various reason. Well there is something that.... Today I am going to buy myself a digital keyboard and learn how to play. I was teaching myself how to play when I was kid but my parents discouraged me so much that I never advance pass the toy I had gotten for Christmas one year. I think I will even sign up for an actual class this time. Thank you for the idea.
Beachead Posted June 22, 2019 Posted June 22, 2019 (edited) You won't regret that. I play the keys myself. One of my students, a man in his 60's actually, started doing music lessons with me over a year ago and he's just blown away at his progress. Sure, he struggles and makes mistakes and feels low about it sometimes, but he practices hard and asks questions and listens. That interest, willpower, and consistency is all there. And that's all you need. And the thing is, he's grown as a player, so much. I love showing him how much he's progressed because just seeing the joy on his face when he's learning and making breakthroughs is worth it. Make sure you shop around. Try different teachers to see how they teach. Many have different teaching styles. If you come across one bad teacher, it won't mean all teachers are bad. There's a lot of good ones out there as well. It'll give you something more to look forward to and to work at. Sign yourself up and go for it! Edited June 22, 2019 by Beachead
Cora Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 Thanks guys. I think I just got my hopes up too fast. Thought we made a connection. Had a great first date, but he told me I’m a completely different person over text than I am face to face. Said he didn’t think I was a good match for him because I am too closed off.....too introverted. Sigh... I’m not sure if I even want to keep dating. I mean yes, I’d love to find someone, but it’s just one disappointment after another. Yeah, I know there are definitely options out there for having kids, but other options can be very expensive and something I don’t think I’d be able to afford on my own. At this point in my life I guess I just thought things would be different. I’m 36 and realizing that it may just be easier to give up instead of continuing to try. I’m just exhausted from chasing this dream after all these years.
smellysocksuni Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 Wow, I think this may take longer to get over than I thought. I feel quite safe being open here; on other forums you can really get shot down and told/made to feel as if you should have moved on. I guess it takes as long as it takes.
Cora Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 Wow, I think this may take longer to get over than I thought. I feel quite safe being open here; on other forums you can really get shot down and told/made to feel as if you should have moved on. I guess it takes as long as it takes. No judgement here. I definitely don’t have room to judge people as it can take me an eternity to get over people. Everyone is different so give yourself all the time you need. Sorry you are in this position. Hope it gets better for you.
Beachead Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 Wow, I think this may take longer to get over than I thought. I feel quite safe being open here; on other forums you can really get shot down and told/made to feel as if you should have moved on. I guess it takes as long as it takes. That's why they say there's no timeline for these things my friend. We don't know exactly how long it takes, because that depends on us, our situation and other external/internal factors we may or may not be aware of. The only thing we know for sure is the process and that we progress through in a similar way. I found LS years ago and stuck with it for the same reasons. Found other forums to be rather aggressive, judgemental and unrealistic whereas LS had the kind of softer yet pragmatic touch, I required and appreciated. It's why I take care to never berate another person when they come on here, down and out.
smellysocksuni Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 No judgement here. I definitely don’t have room to judge people as it can take me an eternity to get over people. Everyone is different so give yourself all the time you need. Sorry you are in this position. Hope it gets better for you. Hey, thanks I hope it gets better for you, too. Same with me, it can take a while... which is frustrating but I guess like you say everyone is different
smellysocksuni Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 I think she may be involved with someone else, at this stage. I don't know if she is, but she's not a nun, lol. To be honest, I don't know what it is about that relationship but it feels like it's 'broken' me. I can't seem to climb out of this state of depression and emptiness. I KNOW people fall out of love with each other, but this situation seems to be that she ended it because she was feeling things for me and became scared so she sabotaged it, and that just makes things worse. I could deal better with someone falling out of love. This is probably one of the worst situations I've ever been in.
Beachead Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 (edited) @smellysocksuni but this situation seems to be that she ended it because she was feeling things for me and became scared so she sabotaged it, and that just makes things worse. Seems like your heart still sees her for who you wished she would have been, which was this perfect girl for you, who simply had some flaws that you and her could have fixed, but couldn't because she ran away. So, in your eyes, she's the one that got away which means a part of you feels like you had control over the situation and you somehow blew it. Edited June 25, 2019 by Beachead
smellysocksuni Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 @smellysocksuni Seems like your heart still sees her for who you wished she would have been, which was this perfect girl for you, who simply had some flaws that you and her could have fixed, but couldn't because she ran away. So, in your eyes, she's the one that got away which means a part of you feels like you had control over the situation and you somehow blew it. Hmm. I think you're right. The more I learn about her personality, though, the more I see that it would never have worked. She was only becoming more abusive with time, and when I think back to how I was acting/thinking during that time, I just didn't feel like myself. And the impact that all of this has had on me despite only knowing her for a short period of time? I wouldn't like to think how that would have manifested if we were together for longer. Sometimes I do blame myself; she'd talk about me triggering her, being rude to her family, etc (none of which was true, her mother used to say "love you" whenever I'd say goodbye so I can't have been that rude!) - and I'm not perfect, maybe I did do things that annoyed her. But her anger was incredibly disproportionate to anything that happened. She knew it too, she'd say that she didn't want to "be this angry person" and that's why she couldn't be involved with me, "or anybody". So she does know it's within her, I guess. Rare moments of self-awareness there, lol
Beachead Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 (edited) @smellysocksuni You might be seeing her for who she is but your heart hasn't come to accept that yet which is why you still blame yourself. What you wrote about who she is what she did to you is something you will have to keep on reinforcing into your mind everyday. Especially when you start to feel that regret/guilt. Otherwise, it overpowers your thoughts and you begin to blame yourself for things. That blame can keep you stuck on a relationship for the rest of your life, which can also explain why you feel you are taking longer than you should. That's where journaling or writing in general comes into play. It helps you focus your thoughts in the direction they need to be in. We have to remind ourselves that we are not the only reason that comes into play, when an ex decides to leave us...even if they go ahead and blame us. There are other factors. Who they are and how they feel about themselves, the baggage they bring from the past, the people they are friends etc. which are all out of your control. In the end, we can only do the best we can do and that will always include mistakes and shortcomings in it, because we're human. Edited June 25, 2019 by Beachead
Rayce Posted June 27, 2019 Posted June 27, 2019 You won't regret that. …..It'll give you something more to look forward to and to work at. Sign yourself up and go for it! Beachead… I did buy myself a casio keyboard a few days ago. I can't really commit to lessons right now but I there are lots of websites I can utilized. I've been using this site: https://www.true-piano-lessons.com/free-piano-lessons.html These are the 2 songs that I am working on learning now. CEFGCEFG CEFGECED EEDCCEGGGF EFGECDC and GCDEEEd-sharpECC CDEFAAGFE CDEFAAGFEC CDEFDDEC
Limiya Posted June 28, 2019 Posted June 28, 2019 Not coping so well today. Maybe i'm a bit tired? I don't know. He's on my mind constantly today, from the moment I woke up to now. I keep checking his WhatsApp status to see when he was last online. The last time was 08:10 this morning. Why hasn't he been online since? I know his routine. Maybe he's off on a nice day out with her??? That should be me he's with. He's probably not missing me at all. Enjoying his new relationship while I sit here obsessing over him. I know I have to delete him off there. Otherwise I will drive myself crazy. For some reason, I can't quite bring myself to do it. So i'm torturing myself. I hate this. Deep breaths!! One minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time.
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